See, I think that still works.

You are the guardsman assigned to protect the eight-year-old Prince. You are currently in the middle of the forest because he absolutely had his heart set on "going hunting", and the royal second-grader should definitely not be traipsing around the woods on his own. You let him go a little on ahead and he comes running back talking about how there's a dead girl in the clearing and there's no-one else around and he wants to take her home because she's really pretty, Hans, and she's all alone!

You let him drag you to said clearing and okay, that is one angelic-looking dead child alright, and on the one hand the quality of her clothes and the craftsmanship on the coffin (who builds a see-through coffin?) speak to potential Consequences if you simply carry her off, but also for the amount of vines that have grown on the coffin she looks extraordinarily un-decayed, so you should probably get the court alchemist's opinion on that, and there's no way he's going to come all the way out here in his embroidered velvet curly-shoes. And also this kid is technically assigned by God as your natural superior, or something.

So fine. You hoist the coffin onto your shoulder (it's not like the Prince can do it. He's eight.) and head back toward the castle, Prince chattering blithely all the way. And then you turn your ankle on a rock and suddenly there's a thump and a cough and a lot of shouting from inside the coffin and you have now become a key player in a tense political incident with the next kingdom over.

Damian *insulted*: you never attempted to murder me when I wanted you gone.

Tim: adopted siblings don't count. My bloodline needs to be regulated; the curse ends with me.

Dick is just insanely dexterous in all sense of the word. He’s ambidextrous, and he doesn’t have a dominant eye or foot. But he can also pull off a backflip from any position. He can bend in ways that forced Gotham to update their air systems because teenage Grayson would sneak into the vents for fun. He can pull off a handstand with the smallest surface area imaginable. Tim swears that he’s seen Dick walk up 80 degree angles like a goat and no one believes him.

Jason. Jason “got hit by a truck, flipped off the driver, and sprinted away like nothing happened” Todd. Jason’s both built like a brick wall, and also has unnaturally strong and dense muscle fibers on top of being resurrected with magic water (which counts for something). He can casually break deadlift records, and they’ve had to update their punching bags because he’s broken so many. He once lifted up a car during search and rescue, and still claims to this day he could win an arm wrestling match against Bane.

Tim has arguably the weirdest ‘power’, which is- intuition. He’s an insane detective on his own, don’t get me wrong, but he has a level of intuition to him that’s higher than even Bruce’s. He’s managed to predict the exact bank Penguin was going to rob going off of zero info. He managed to predict the exact moment a speedster would run by so he could trip them. He’s permanently banned from both bat family and justice league poker games

Damien is the grandson of Ra’s and, although very diluted, to some degree his DNA is modified by the pit. He’s not stronger or faster, and doesn’t revive like Ra’s can. But he heals weirdly quickly. Not regeneration, he can’t heal lost limbs or organs, and it’s not instant. But he can heal cuts and bruises in a couple days. He broke a leg and was out fighting like normal 3 weeks later. He could get a cut to the forehead, let it clot on it’s own within minutes, and by the time he’s going to school the next morning it just looks like a bad bruise he can shrug off as bumping his head.

Bruce has a headache trying to deal with all of his kids and their weird pseudo-powers. Fortunately for him, he has help- Alfred, an actual meta human.

The only bats that can decipher his mission reports are Bruce and Barbara. Everyone else gets migraines and thinks Tim’s either on drugs or having a stroke.

Tim is both this:

And this: