Random words from nowhere

It’s funny when you know you’re ill, you’ve accepted you’ve got anxiety and depression and have accepted that you’ve been dealing with both for years, but you’ve learnt to cope with it.

You want to harm yourself again but a year and a half clean you can’t break that. Panic attacks are dealt with because you’ve been doing it for so long. Even if they are worse than ever. Depersonalisation passes you by practically periodically, and it doesn’t matter any more because it’s a constant state and you’ve accepted it. You can’t get out of bed each day but you’ve been doing it so long you manage every time, even if it is a bit later than other people. You still feel like there’s no one, but you know you can talk to people.the line so many people say about “not bothering anyone” becomes untrue, and you know you have people but you just can’t be bothered explaining it because it’s so exhausting.

I’ve tried counciling, nothing. I don’t want to try the medication as that’s a last resort. I’ve been through much worse so there’s no point in starting now.