It's A Runderful Life

October hasn’t been the best month.  Just when I thought I was getting my fitness journey on the right track, a huge curveball was thrown in.  Okay, maybe not a curveball.  More like a collision.  My gym closed, giving us three days to finish out our workouts.  I was given the option to either follow my trainer or stick with the franchise at the STL locations.  Surprisingly, it was a difficult decision.  While I love everything my trainer has done for me ever since I started working out with her in May, the long drawn out discussions with my husband (aka Mr. Doesn’t Ever Leave the House) about consistency, social distancing, and what is going to keep me sane, I made the decision to follow the franchise.  It wasn’t easy, because of the friends I had made.  I’ve always been one to work out alone, but I need “mom friends” now and I need someone I can look to for inspiration.  Someone who I can say, “If she can do it, then I can do it too.”

Granted, at the moment, I do still exercise after work, most days when possible.  And I still see my trainer once a week, usually on Saturdays.  it was the only way I could feel okay with the decision.   To do both.  And I’m okay with it, I made the husband okay with it because well, he preordered the Playstation 5.  

But back to October.  I fell off the nutrition wagon, HARD.  And I’m doing full time COVID screenings wearing a plastic isolation type gown where I look and feel like a three day old gas station hot dog.  Since I’m commuting to a gym that’s closer to work and my husband is on kiddo taxi duty at night, I grab something out of the drive thru most nights to eat warmed over after I feed my kiddo her dinner.  I ultimately joined WW as a way to hold myself accountable, and one of my cousins uses it and it’s worked for her.

But ultimately, I’ve still lost weight.  My scrubs are too big.  I’ve lost a little bit of my edge when it comes to what I was able to do in the gym, but I’m slowly starting to get that back.  I’m suffering from a wrist/elbow/shoulder injury due to my kiddo’s old car seat and having to carry her around. But that will hopefully change once she starts walking.  Then the rest of my weight will just melt off cause I will never sit down again.

I’ve spent the past two days at home sick.  Front line health care workers for my company get an automatic 48 hours at home if we’re sick (I think my issue is I hate my job so much that it physically makes me sick.  But that’s another story for another post).  So I’ve been at home.  

Yesterday my child went to the babysitter per usual because I went to work just to be sent home and I had things I needed to take care of after I was supposed to finish my shift.  But today....oh today.

I had her for the morning.  She woke up all smiles and rainbows, but that only lasted about an hour.  Then, she turned into Princess Fussypants and there was no looking back until she was dropped off with her grandparents.  

She cried because she was in her jumper too long.  She fussed the entire time I was attempting my boot camp workout.  She knocked her spoon full of bananas on me twice during breakfast.  Then I suffered a Code Brown.  She screamed while my husband was in a Zoom meeting until she wore herself out.  Finally, nap time for an hour.  Then again with the throwing food at me, this time it was apple-avocado and carrots.  Then two wardrobe changes she screamed through.  I told her she needed Jesus multiple times.

And when I dropped her off.....she was all smiles and cute.  I felt defeated.  Hell, I was defeated.  To the point where I went home, ate a PB sandwich and promptly took a two hour nap.  

I was triggered to write this post after an incident I had yesterday at the office.  Kept me awake though most of last night.  I had to put my thoughts somewhere.

Throughout my entire life, I have struggled with weight.  I was the chubby baby, and it eventually lead to me being the obese girl in fifth and sixth grade (not to mention I had to move to a new school and those kids were BRUTAL to the new fat kid).  I went through a depression after my mom passed away as I was beginning to start 7th grade.  That depression was me listening to boy band music and doing the choreography from the videos from hours (I’m pretty sure with a brief refresher, I can do the entire “Bye Bye Bye” dance)

But, I digress.  So all through high school, I maintained my weight through sports and dance.  No biggie.  Well, until a high school “friend” (that’s me putting it nicely, well as nice as I want to be I guess).  I was made to feel everything was my fault, why he treated me like the garbage I was forced to think I was (one of his entourage once told me to-and I quote-”never run again” when my backpack was essentially a weighted vest).  I put up with that abuse for almost four years, and it lead me to bingeing and purging.  After I got out of that toxic situation altogether, I regained all my weight but I was also in nursing school, so who had time for anything else?

in 2010, I found myself partaking in my old bingeing and purging ways and became anorexic due to being in two weddings within three months.  While I was the lightest I had been since I was a kid, I wasn’t healthy looking.  I looked sick when I look back on those pictures.  But indeed, I was sick and i just didn’t realize it.  In 2013, I decided to participate in  my first 5k run.  While I had never ran for fun before, I worked for the Y and would be able to train for free.  So I did.  And I followed a high protein diet.  I gained weight, but I looked and felt so much better.   By the beginning of 2014, I was in the gym for 3 plus hours at a time and spent my free time there.  I was super fit, my weight was at a comfortable level and I felt strong.  But, that before mentioned depression set in, I got comfortable in my relationship with my now husband, and i gained all the weight I lost all over again.  Even though I was still running actively, my mile pace slowed down tremendously, and what I was fueling my body with was absolute garbage.  While I cycled with my weight on and off, the heaviest I weighed was when I was nine months pregnant with a ten pound baby.  i never want to see the scale get that high ever again.

If I’m honest here, I’m one that’s never been up for challenges in the fitness sense.  I follow them for about a week or two and then I fall off the wagon and then have to start all over again.

Alright, let’s talk something I know a LOT about....MUSIC!  I was predestined to be an avid music junkie because of who my parents and grandparents are.  But my taste for a little bit of everything comes from my mom.  One of my earliest (and few) memories I have of her is driving around town while she blasted No Doubt’s “Tragic Kingdom”  and “Cracked Rear View” by Hootie and the Blowfish from her crappy Escort.  

So for a while, I have been meaning to put in writing a list of my favorite albums.  No particular ranking on my list.  Just albums I have come to love over the years.  Also, don’t judge me!

“Appetite for Destruction”-GnR

“Beautiful Loser”-Bob Segar

“Leftoverture”-Kansas

“A Night at the Opera”-Queen

“All American Nightmare”-Hinder

“Paramour Sessions”-Papa Roach

“Tragic Kingdom”-No Doubt

“Animosity”-Sevendust

“Backstreet’s Back”-BSB

“Master of Puppets”-Metallica

“We Are Not Alone”-Breaking Benjamin

“Hybrid Theory”-Linkin Park

“The Fallout”-Default

“No Name Face”-Lifehouse

“Little Queen”-Heart

“Pearl”-Janis Joplin

“Physical Graffiti”-Led Zeppelin

“Rumors”-Fleetwood Mac

“Greatest Hits”-Elton John

“Simply The Best”-Tina Turner

“Crazysexycool”-TLC

I saw this picture of me from six (holy cow SIX YEARS) ago today.  It’s my constant reminder that what I was had, I can achieve again.  Remember previously when I said I was in the best shape of my life and then I met my husband?  Yep, here’s the proof.  I could run a 10 minute mile without feeling like I would be hit by a truck.  

I digress.  It’s my own fault that I fell off the wagon.  Hell, I had to stop running when I was seven and a half months pregnant with my daughter because I just couldn’t do it anymore.  But, today was the first time I felt strong while running in a long time (flirting with an 11:30 mile felt wonderful).  While I have quite a while to get back into long distance shape, I feel like that version of me from 2014 is starting to come back.  And I can not wait!

In the health and fitness world, one of the popular mantras is “never miss a Monday”.  Today, I couldn’t agree more.  Tonight while at Boot Camp, I was able to “mod up” for the first time and feel okay while doing so (even got encouragement from my trainer for doing so! <3) While the weight is slowly starting to come off, me being able to push myself, getting out of my comfort zone is getting stronger.  I’m setting goals for the week and trying to be successful with those goals.  

I’m not new to weight loss/getting fit.  Back in 2013-2014, I would spend at least 2 hours in the gym most days of the week.  It started with just running on a treadmill, then it progressed into a hip hop exercise class and then lifting weights.  I was in the best shape of my life.  

Then, life is what happened.  I was stuck in a rut I couldn’t seem to get out of and by the time I realized it, I had put all the weight I had lost all back on, and then some.  Once again, I started to lose the weight and get back to how I was in 2014 when I met my husband.  Then I found out I was pregnant.