caitlin didnât know that there was any true version of herself that would value anyone above cisco. though she loved barry, iris and all the other members of team flash, their relationship was and always had been on a different level. they were closer than the others, a kind of family that was different. she thought that no matter how much love people were capable of, there was always someone in your life who was your ultimate priority. someone in your life who, ultimately, you would do anything for. whatever you had to do to keep them safe. for caitlin, that person was and always would be cisco. ever since they had started the job together at star labs, their relationship had only gradually grown closer. when she had begun to get her powers, begun to realise she was becoming the villainous version of herself they had known from other worlds. while she regretted pushing her friends away, she still knew why she had done it. she had done it because she had been afraid of what she was becoming yes, but she had also done it for two other reasons. the first was a fear that she would wind up hurting her friends if she stayed around them once she knew. the second, admittedly, was the fear that they would not want to be around her once they knew. that she would stay with them she would not only be hurting them physically, but would inevitably be pushing them away from herself. maybe losing them because of the personality changes that she was expecting to come alongside finding frost. there were things she regretted, yes, but coming back wasnât one of them. not only because theyâd helped her get a handle on frost, but because she loved them more than she could put into words. because these people were family and she would risk anything else above losing them. she high fived him when he offered it, admittedly feeling a little rush of something she couldnât name in her stomach at the term of endearment heâd called her. âit wasnât your fault,â caitlin began quickly, âi donât want you to think it reflects on you that i didnât tell you guys when i did becauseâŚâ she trailed off, âbecause i thought bad of either of you. it was never that, it was⌠myself. it was me thinking i wasnât worth it.â she paused, looking down. âi didnât think either of you would want to be friends with that version of me. all the things frost had done by that point⌠the other frost, but still⌠her,â she looked down, but nodded. âno more secrets.â she didnât entirely know how to handle that. was she carrying one right now? was it a secret how she felt or something she was still trying to figure out? she paused for a moment, sticking in place. if she was going to promise that, she had to really promise it. she didnât mean to do it, it was like she couldnât help herself. like a decision was made without her really intending to make it. she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his quickly, nothing more than a peck, before pulling back. âiâm sorry,â she immediately said, not knowing what had gone into this decision, not knowing if it had been the right one to make.
Cisco hadnât intended to the night to go the way it was unfolding. He had spent his time trying to keep it cool around Caitlin, remain himself to the best of his ability, his silly, self-proclaimed funny, nerdy self but tonight something different was happening. He found himself feeling closer to her than before . He found Caitlin to be everything she thought she wasnât. He remembered how scared she was when she would confide in him about Killer Frost and admittedly, he found himself to be scared of her too. Scared because that side of Caitlin was unpredictable. She was such a kind-hearted, gentle person that someone like that could have a dark side, he imagined it wasnât going to be a very friendly one. Cisco always had faith in Caitlin, he always knew she had the power to fight whatever evil was inside of her. He never trusted there ever was an evil side. Caitlin and evil never belonged in the same sentence. He never doubted she was anything less than a good person. He found her to be the epitome of a good person and it hurt his heart every time Caitlin would confess to feeling as if she was going to turn into Killer Frost. She would never ever be her, little did he know sheâd manage to work through the best of both worlds. He gently stroked at her arm as he listened to her explain how and why she felt the way she did, he frowned, continuing to run his fingers comfortingly along her arm, letting her talk but wanting to shoot down every word she was saying with everything he had.Â
âHow could you ever think you arenât worth it?â He asked curiously, âyouâre worth everything, Cait, everything, especially to me.â It frustrated him that she didnât realize nor acknowledge just how great she was, how special. He found himself wanting to prove it to her so badly. âThere is never a time when I wouldn't NOT be there for you, you know that.â He knew she knew that, she had to know it. He lived to make sure she knew that. Caitlin was amongst one of the most important people to him if not the most important. His heart was starting to pound at the mention of no more secrets, offering her a fake smile as his stomach began to tie in knots. He had found himself wanting to kiss her easily about 5 times just in the last several minutes little did he know sheâd do just that as she leaned forward, the small peck meeting his lips, his eyes closed for a brief moment before springing open as he simply stared at her in shock, the shock turning into a grin as a small blush spread across his face. He licked his lips, using his hand to pull her face towards his, he shook his head, âDonât apologize,â he whispered, âIâve been wanting to do that. I am just sorry I didnât do it first.â He took in another breath before leaning in to press his lips softly against hers only this time it wasnât just a peck, he savored the feeling of his lips against hers, purposefully letting it linger for a few moments, his eyes falling closed. As they pulled away, he felt his body start to quiver slightly. The last thing he was was a good kisser and even worse boyfriend material as he smiled at her nervously, âoh man, did I just do that? did we just?â he questioned pointing between them covering his mouth with his hands. He was ruining the moment in the worst way but that was the way of his life. He looked back at her, âI am sorry, can we try that again?â He asked with a smug smirk, resting his hand against her cheek , offering her a small smile as he pulled her closer to him enclosing the gap to press another gentle kiss against her lips.