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@rainslept
I wake to the howl of dying dogs filling nowhere but here, the painted sky reflected in the swelling lakes of your eyes, hardening like rock candy and winter ice.
I reach for the soft hollow where once you rested, still the summer sun, glowing like white hot glass. shivering, my fingertips draw forward, eager for warmth
and you, burning cold to the touch. and I wake
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yesterday i was unbearably happy. it imbued me with surprising agony; a robot, overheating with feelings it was not made for. at some point i had become the robot and forgotten the sensation of the sun on my back the views of painted blue skies and my own reflection in the sea. and somehow the reminder of joy, joy i once possessed myself, was far more painful than my own robotic existence, the numbness comforting in its own way. but even so, tomorrow, i hope i can be unbearably happy again.
Wait, my youth! The train nears my destination. The doors begin to close.
seascapes
Sea stars in our hands. Seize the day, you laugh, splashing. Sea scrapes on my knees.
You say, “I don’t know you anymore.” But how could I have stayed the same?
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most people are made to love and be loved.
but you, you were made solely to be loved
and i, i was made solely to love you.
how can i begin to express the horror that greeted me this morn?
give me your eyes for i long to meet the colors you see the world in
there is no reprieve this torrent of torments haunts me even in sleep
— David Foster Wallace
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halloween
halloween again donning masks we are fearless "trick or treat?" we laugh
— Sylvia Plath, from “Parliament Hill Fields”
those limpid eyes they are clear waters cascading slow into my own
— Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous
dream of spring
Spring draws near and so does she; goddess of dreams and all that is green. Her eyes shining with steely resolve, cheeks aflush with the rosiest mauve— I could delve forever into her stare. The wind carries stray tendrils of hair, and I almost reach forward to brush them away. I looked searchingly into her clear gaze hoping to catch a glimpse of my reflection, But found only her final destination. and for this I almost loved her again. She leans close slowly as though she doesn’t know how she glows, and I wonder how she doesn’t hear the erratic ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump static of my hard pearl heart so long forgotten, hidden away in this overgrown rose garden.
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You can’t help that you look like an angel; feathery hair brushing ink-drawn brows, crescent moon smile, sweet with a halo.
As you rest among the high cypress boughs, I follow footprints through endless fields of gold.
Yet when our eyes meet, I dream– O, how I can’t hide my flushing rose cheeks.
Angels soar through porcelain skies on fierce wings, and I, foolish girl, have fallen too deep.
No matter how I dream of you and me, I’ve long accepted we could never be.
phantom masquerade
I have been seeing the ghost of a friend. I glimpse your silhouette in the hallways, in my mirror, everywhere.
Dear savior who reached out and clasped my frozen hand softly, never before you had anyone considered me a friend adored. You entered my life like a blessed angel in a sunshower, and bestowed upon me a love I had never known before. Lowering my mask to see your all-to-bright light, I was blinded until truth stared, no, it glared at I, standing frozen in time like a deer in headlights.
Ever since that day, I’ve been seeing your silhouette everywhere. I keep seeing the ghost of a friend who was never a friend.
