me, still in bed: i can’t wait to get back to bed

i love people who are incredibly book smart but otherwise stupid as shit. i have a friend who got a 4.0 in college but had to ask me if there were calories in soap

ok i apparently wasn’t clear enough with how stupid this question was. they didn’t mean if you ate it. they asked if you rubbed soap on your body, like in the shower, if there was nutritional value to that. we’re talking peak dumbass here not natural curiosity

My favourite part of bird box is that it validates the whole “uh-oh i heard a scary noise i’ll hide from the monster under my blanket” logic that I’ve always had

A block of cheese is basically a loaf of milk.

What is a thesaurus’ favorite dessert? Synonym buns.

him?

people who carry their groceries home on public transportation are stronger than any marine

Being horny is gross. Sign my petition against horniness

Y’all too old to be saying you don’t like vegetables and/or water.

Only rational thing to do

Freddie singing “I don’t wanna die” during live aid literally ruined my life