@queenstyped said: "Loving -- is the only thing that makes me feel okay." / if that’s the case...
He sits in brief silence when he hears Soma speak, listens to the words that leave them. And it makes part of him wonder if that was really the truth, but taking a single glance at her and knowing who she is is enough to debunk that thought entirely. Still, Claire sits with gloved hands in his lap and fingers twined together, the toe of his shoe tapping against cobblestone. What he thought was brief silence is drawn out. The assassin drowns in his own thoughts.
Loving makes Soma feel okay.
But loving in what sense? Them loving someone? Someone loving them? Mutual sharing of such an emotion? There’s many, many possibilities but Claire is certain that the answer is simply all of the above and he can’t help the quiet noise he makes out of the side of his mouth.
It’s not something that exactly needs contemplation anymore. He’s already figured it out in his mind. But still he sits and thinks, thinks, thinks on it. Love, to him, is a decision. One he will make for himself, one he wishes that others would make for themselves instead of believing something so... counterfeit as love at first sight or any sort of fairy-concept for love. It’s always been a choice– you can love someone or you cannot love someone. There’s no inbetween where you simply love someone but then back out at the last second, run away like a scared animal and say you don’t love them anymore. But choosing to love has never been easy, as much as the assassin wants to believe.
Yet loving Soma definitely came easy.
Choosing to love Soma came easy.
He shifts his seating to rest his elbow upon his knee, chin resting in the palm of his hand for a moment. Rust colored gaze glances to Soma, takes note of their profile and fingers clenched on their knees. How mismatched eyes glance, too, and blink at him followed by the curve of a wide grin on their lips. Their laugh is like honey, sweet when she asks him what he’s looking at and he can’t help but offer a smile back, lopsided as it is.
“You,” He offers for a brief response. Silence comes back for a moment, Claire allowing himself to admire Soma for a few brief seconds. And his mind thinks back to what she has said. ‘Loving is the only thing that makes me feel okay’. In a sense, he understands– tries to the best of his ability. He knows himself as an affectionate person– he doesn’t know the meaning of personal space, never has. Even now as he leans towards Soma, brushes his own shoulder against theirs with a quiet breath and the hand not resting against his cheek is moved to place over their own, thumb gentle as he rubs the back of their hand.
“Y’know, that doesn’t have to be the only thing, right?” A soft laugh, one rust colored eye closing as he speaks, “I understand– ‘bout as much as I can, anyways, but I hear you. And I get it. So let me tell you something, Soma,” And he peeks his closed eye open again, eyelids lowering to a soft gaze accompanied with a gentle smile curving his lips, “If you’re fine with it, I’ll help you feel okay, too.”
A gentle squeeze of their hand is given.
“Loving is a nice feeling, and if loving makes you feel okay, well,” A chuckle is given before Claire leans in, presses a kiss against Soma’s temple, “I sure hope that me loving you has the same effect.”
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