Shit My Boyfriend Says

Jesus Fucking Christ, another one??? That chick is easier than a puzzle designed for two year olds.

As far as completely talentless musicians who should never have been famous in the first place go, 2 Chainz is actually pretty considerate. I mean, right before he’s about to take a giant steaming shit on a song he fucking SCREAMS his name. So you know exactly when to change the station.

If you blow all the money the government gives you for doing absolutely fuck all on piss and smokes, then can’t afford food, who’s problem is it? That’s right, yours. Not mine. Now fuck off.

Abbos are proof that Bigfoot got laid at least once.

You know what they should do to those fuckers in the Middle East who think its awesome to throw acid on women because they accidentally went out in public or whatever? Drive around in a big black van and snatch them in the night, V for Vendetta style. Then, give them a sex change operation, and kick them out in the middle of raghead central in a cum stained dress and no burka.

How awesome would it be if Robin Thicke had walked up to her and just straight up shoved her as hard as he could into the crowd and kept going.

That was to sexy what grandparents are to fucking.

It's the first toy I ever had. And it's still my fucking favourite.

You gotta be fucken kidding me. That’s meant to be sexy!? Once I was wanking, and mum barged into my room and told me grandad was about to die. While I was still holding my cock, about to bust a nut. She saw what I was wanking to and everything. That entire experience was still sexier than that piece of shit video you just showed me.

If I had water, and that cunt was on fire, I’d come back in an hour, teabag him for like ten, fifteen minutes, then use the water to wash his ashes off my balls.

Fucking noob! Your dad should have sprayed you across your mum’s face!

Do I wake you up at seven in the morning to tell you about my imaginary friends?? Fuck off.

We should get a Katy Perry sex doll, and a Justin Bieber sex doll. Then later on we can get stoned and make them fuck each other.

Fuck 'em. They should make it that any boats caught trying to sneak in will be used as target practice for the Australian Navy. Maybe it will stop them trying, maybe it won't. Either way, problem solved.