Rage_Cleric

the idea of shane having a separate small fridge in the garage where he keeps frozen mice for spaghetti, but this means when ilya asks about it in passing while shane is looking for water shoes, he's distracted and just goes, "oh, drinks and spaghetti" and ilya just ??? you have?? freezer just for pasta????? actually no this sounds like a Rule you would make yeah sure why not.

Spaghetti is all curled up and a little stressed out, since Shane so rudely removed him from his favorite piece of bark. But hey, this is nice and warm, and oooh, wow, that's a cave! Spaghetti likes caves.

In less than three seconds Spaghetti has slithered inside Ilya's sleeve. He is standing very still. There is a snake slowly wriggling over his armpit and he is not going to scream because he is So Incredibly Manly. The snake has flickered its tongue over Ilya's chest. He can feel its tiny snake nose poking around his nipple. If this snake bites his nipple he will make Shane sleep on the couch.

The snake climbs up to Ilya's neck and settles in a squiggly-shape on his shoulder, with its head peeking out of his collar. Shane turns around to put the disinfectant bottle away and pauses.

"Awww!" he coos. "You look so cozy!"

"Yes, he is very cozy." Ilya says. His voice is a little high-pitched. "Maybe he should go back now. We interrupted his nap."

"Oh, it's fine for him to be out a little longer," Shane says. "You're warm, he likes you."

"Well, it was rude to disturb him. Probably we should let him rest." Ilya says, trying to dislodge the invader from his shirt. Fucker. It's a good shirt and now he's stretching it out trying to evict a reptile. The things he does for love.

Shane takes pity on him and scoops Spaghetti out of Ilya's collar, then drapes him over a plant and shuts the enclosure door.

"You were very brave, babe." he tells Ilya, and kisses his cheek.

"I was not scared. I am very strong, very cool hockey player. It takes more than a little animal to scare me." Ilya lies.

The entire Boston roster piling behind Marly as he types, trying to decide what to say that could save them because their captain has been possessed by the spirit or a soviet military trainer with knife shoes and if they are forced to make double bagskates again they will either puke or die or both.

He is Freaking Out bc he doesn't actually know what Ilya's phone number is. His SIM card got crushed underneath a pair skates, so there's no recovering "Lily's" contact card.

On top of that, his old Ottowa number won't transfer to his Montreal provider. So "Lily's" texts will now be delivered into the ether. Or to some random person's phone if his old Ottowa number gets given out again.

Ilya of course has literally no idea this has happened and is sending his usual flirtatious messages to...silence. No response. He's not even getting left on read. Because the messages aren't even getting read. He goes through the five stages of grief. Fuck Shane Hollander, he doesn't need this shit. They're supposed to play against each other Tomorrow for fucks sake. His resolve lasts for about....two hours? And then he's on social media. What's this fucking asshole up to that he can't even read Ilya's texts?

He pulls up the first interview, the one right after Buffalo. Shane looks....really stressed out. Which is confusing given that they've just won.

"Yes of course I am super happy to win. Unfortunately the locker room celebration did get a little out of hand though."

He holds up his mangled phone.

"So if you're trying to contact me, sorry about that!"

He's blushing and smiling and seems so flustered and embarrassed. He's looking at a camera, millions of people can hear him, but he's speaking directly to Ilya. Ilya's face breaks out into his "you have a stylist?" smile. He feels....a little embarrassed about his crashout, but also super fucking relieved. Ilya swipes through a couple more videos and watches the most recent interview.

"We are absolutely looking forward to facing off against the Raiders. Also I brought this up last time but, turns out I can't keep my old phone number. So if you're texting me and I'm not responding, it's because I can't!"

He laughs, but it seemd a bit forced. Like he might tear up if he gets pushed the wrong way. Ilya goes back and watches through all the interviews since the Buffalo game. Shane has found a way to bring up his broken phone in every single interview for the past two weeks. It's so sweet...and also a little heartbreaking. He knew exactly what was gonna happen, and was terrified of Ilya thinking that he didn't want to talk to him. He didn't want Ilya to feel alone and confused and upset. He's so fucking ernest and endearing.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Ilya is a menace

ten out of ten

- 10k words, oneshot, texting, social media

- a man posted about him topping Shane which activated a jealous freak Ilya

United We Stand

- 21k words, oneshot, texting, social media

- Ilya made a mission to make a season of hell for Voyageurs for being homophobic towards Shane

Ilya’s Guide to Menacingly Soft Launching Your Relationship (and One Extremely Effective Hard Launch)

- 6k words, 6 chapters completed, social media

- Ilya’s 3 steps of soft launch before doing hard launch

Luca is Hollanov’s Child

Ottawa Centaurs Vs Instagram Live

- 6k words, oneshot, texting, social media

- Instagram live went wrong because of their own mouth

What You Deserve

- 5k words, oneshot, social medias

- The Cens are very protective of Shane and cuteness aggression towards him

Stitched Back Up

- 4k words, oneshot

- Luca needs stitches but he’s scared and Hollanov come to help him

ilyuca81 (otherwise known as lucarozanov)

- 8k words, oneshot, social media, texting

- luca had a secret tumblr blog that post hollanov’s arts

Omegaverse

Love in the Dark (E)

- 250k words, 21 chapters completed, Alpha Shane & Alpha Ilya, angst

- Shane have a special condition which lead him to be able to get pregnant.

24hrs (E)

- 6k words, oneshot, Alpha Ilya & Omega Shane

- Shane found out he’s pregnant and had breakdown without Ilya

Scent Drunk With Love (E)

- 4k words, Alpha Ilya & Omega Shane

He's helping Shane, right, because Shane is engaging in the herculean task of cleaning the last decade out of his Montreal condo. So that he can put it on the market, yes, but also so that he can move every single crumb of his life, the one he lived separate from Ilya, into Ilya's house because they are married now--they are a family now--they are starting their lives together in the place where Shane came into the world and it's--

It's been a hard day. Ilya has been doing a lot of lifting and moving, a lot of going up and down stairs. Also a lot of remembering. Here is the couch, which is coming with them to Ottawa but won't ever again be in this exact position where the sun hits it in just this way at three o'clock in the afternoon, and Ilya knows that because he's seen the angle of it on Shane's forehead a million times. Here are the stairs to the lofted second floor, the glass divider against which a younger Ilya Rozanov pressed a younger Shane Hollander and pretended that the words I Love You weren't trying to burst out of his mouth with every feverish kiss. They slid against the divider as they'd clumsily stumbled up the stairs and Shane's bare skin had squeaked against the glass and they'd laughed.

And here is the kitchen, first place aside from the cottage where they'd cooked together. And here is the front closet, where Shane had hidden Ilya's birthday present three years ago only to have it fall on Ilya's head some time in April. And here is the bedroom, where on a night many Octobers ago Shane had looked at Ilya from across the room with a smirk and said No you come here and then he'd let Ilya--

It's been an emotional day.

"Okay," Shane said, standing in the middle of the bedroom with his arms akimbo and his eyes wet. They've been wet off and on for hours now. Ilya has been carting a box of tissues around for the last little while, mostly for himself as he keeps looking up and realizing that his cheeks are wet. His eyelids feel like sandpaper. Shane, as usual, doesn't have wet cheeks--but his voice is soft and nasally, shuddery at times, words slurring very gently on certain syllables. He's saying a lot of okays and yeses in Ilya's accent, which Ilya doesn't even know if Shane realizes he does when words are hard for him to produce and he needs to reach for the comfort of some familiar, easy verbal stim. Ilya has never pointed it out for fear he'll stop.

"Okay," Shane says again, in his fake Russian accent. "Um. Last room tonight, I guess. I'll do the closet. Will you--baby?"

"Huh?" Ilya realizes a moment too late that he's just staring at the empty, made bed. Tonight will be the last night they sleep in it together. There are already enough beds in Ilya's house. Their house. "What?"

Shane pokes his own cheek. "You're...crying again."

Ilya points to the bed. "I fucked you there, Shane Hollander."

"Yeah, you did." Shane looks at the bed, grins, and then wobbles.

"The first time."

"Fuck," Shane sighs. "Jesus Christ. Okay." He closes his eyes and breaths and waves his hands in front of himself and for a minute, he is utterly possessed by Yuna Hollander. "Okay, enough."

Ilya flaps his arms once, briefly, hard at his sides. Shane echoes the movement.

"We're good," Shane says firmly. "Can you go through the nightstands? Just throw it all into a box, we'll look through it in Ottawa. At this point I just want everything empty for the movers in the morning."

Ilya goes into the hall, where a stack of folded boxes and a roll of tape are ready for the last push of the day. He puts one together, which is something he'll probably dream about tonight with how many times he's done it today, and then he puts together a few more before carting them all back into the bedroom. He stacks them against the wall outside the closet, where Shane is rummaging, and takes one to the bedside.

The nightstands have two drawers each, and a compartment directly below the table top that is intended to house books or remotes, things that a person might want easy access to but might not want to leave on the table top if they are, for instance, a Shane Hollander type who doesn't like to let people know he does human things like watch television in bed or read the occasional true crime book.

Shane's nightstand is full of little insights into his life. His spare phone charger, a copy of the key to the safe in the closet, his glasses case, a foil blister pack containing a pair of his single-use contacts, a half-empty bottle of ibuprofen. Odd little knick knacks like a slide puzzle that Ilya knows he used to take on flights just to fidget the tiles back and forth (when complete, it's a picture of the Montreal skyline) and a stress ball with the Metros logo on it. There are condoms here--an almost full box that, if Ilya had to guess, is probably reaching its expiration date soon. Two different kinds of lube, one of which was bought because it does, in fact, taste significantly better than their preferred brand. A bottle of linen spray that Shane uses if he's worried the bed smells like sex even after it's been remade.

Ilya sits on the bed with the box between his feet and systematically loads everything from the drawer into it, resisting the urge to pause and reminisce about every single item. When the drawer is empty--and there go the tears again, a pair of them racing down Ilya's face; this drawer probably hasn't been empty since Shane was nineteen--he hunches down and opens the second drawer.

This is a more eclectic collection of things. It doesn't get opened nearly as much and Ilya thinks it's possible that most of these things got put here on accident. A pair of tiny stud earrings that Ilya wore one singular time and then never saw again--when he finds them, he has the weirdest sense of deja vu and a very very vague memory of tipsily removing them and putting them in Shane's outstretched palm. They are atop the manual for the PlayStation. Here is the remote that Ilya thinks belonged to the television that used to be in the living room back in 2014ish. Here is the dimmer for the overhead light in the kitchen, which every single person in the world is forbidden from even thinking about turning on because even at its lowest setting it makes Shane feel like he's being interrogated. Here is a very small plush bear filled with tiny beads that, for reasons only Ilya and Shane know, has the words I Love Vermont embroidered onto its belly.

Here, in the very back, is a little notebook closed with a piece of elastic.

Ilya has seen these notebooks before. Yuna buys them a half dozen at a time from some Japanese stationary company and divides them between herself and Shane, sliding the stack of them across the kitchen island at the cottage or the house in Ottawa. Yuna and Shane are both prolific note-takers and habitually maintain a collection of these little notebooks to track various aspects of life. Shane has one that serves as a journal of sorts, which Ilya has seen and will sometimes watch Shane write in but doesn't go out of his way to read, because Shane is allowed his private thoughts. There is another where he tracks his workouts and diet (and part of the negotiations with Shane's new therapist is that Ilya is allowed to ask to see that one, but Shane gets to explain) and still another where he keeps track of his own game stats. When he fills one of these notebooks, he always replaces it with the same color.

This one is a different color, looks older. Ilya imagines that it's some version of the workout notebook that has been laying forgotten in this drawer for several years. He doesn't think much of flipping it open, because whatever is in there is several years old at least and it's unlikely that Shane will care about Ilya seeing the record of a workout Shane did on October sixteenth of 2013--

But that is not a workout. It quickly becomes clear that it's not a workout when Ilya sees the word 'anal' and then double-triple takes at the top of the page.

October 16th 2013 Montreal Post-game 2-3 Metros Hollander one goal, one assist Rozanov one assist Sex: Mouth stuff (Look up: ass job? Is that a thing? Google this?) 8/10 Anal 10/10 (Wow.) - On my back 8/10 (Liked seeing his face. Liked kissing.) - On my knees 10/10 (More comfortable. Wow.) Orgasms - Hollander 1 Rozanov 1 Things to remember: Doggy style goes deeper than missionary (Still called missionary if anal? Missionaries don't have anal sex. Google this?) Came untouched. Neck kisses, shoulder kisses 10/10 He stayed inside me after 10/10 (Is this normal? Google?) Feels important to note that Ilya Rozanov took my virginity. Mixed feelings. Mostly good. "Are you okay" so many times. Liked this but also why?

Ilya snaps the notebook reflexively closed, glances into the closet where Shane is loading pre-folded armfuls of clothes into boxes, and then looks back down at the notebook. He opens it, reads the first page again, breathes through his mouth for a second like an asthmatic dog and flips, randomly, to another page.

April 24th 2015 Boston (Rozanov penthouse) Post-game 1-0 Boston Rozanov one goal Bad game Sex: Round 1: Mutual blowjobs Round 2: Anal sex Round 3?: Rozanov fingered me in the shower - Didn't cum but it felt really good Orgasms - Hollander 2 Rozanov 1 Things to remember: Rozanov doesn't like to cum before fucking but he likes it when I do. Asked about equity/fairness regarding number of orgasms. He laughed? He's fucking rude. Why is this hot? Google? Rozanov stood at the end of the bed with one foot up like Captain Morgan. Very hot. Called me his slut. Came right after. How to make him do this again? Fingering in the shower worth mentioning again. Intimate. Russian words (Known): Slut, pretty, bunny (Worth mentioning I know this one? Maybe he'll stop? Do I want him to stop?) Russian words (Unkown): Idiallen (If this means idiot I will end him), youbimy, tibia (Need to figure out how these are spelled. Typing tibia into Google is useless.) "Oh, you found that."

Ilya reflexively drops the notebook into the box at his feet. Shane is standing in the closet doorway, looking flushed but not in any way that couldn't be caused by bending over several dozen times over the course of the last twenty minutes. His hair is a lost cause, sweeping down around his ears and cheeks and completely free of the product he put in it this morning.

"Sorry," Ilya says. "Didn't know what it was. I was just--"

"It's fine," Shane says. He leans against the doorway and Ilya wants him to come over here, wants him to bring himself closer so that he can touch him a little, wants him--wants him. "I knew that it was somewhere around here, I figured it would turn up."

Ilya looks back down at it, innocuously sitting on top of Vermont Beany-Baby. "How long were you...?"

"Writing it all down?" Shane chuckles. "Um, I mean, I sort of never stopped? But it goes in the calendar now, the--"

"Yes, yes." Ilya waves a hand. "I know." The calendar is a synced app in both of their phones. It keeps track of appointments and, until recently, meet-ups. Mutual days off. The stolen moments of time they carved out and into which they attempted to shove entire weeks' worth of kisses, touches, rough sex and lounging together naked and lovemaking and sleeping together and counting freckles and laughter and Shane's sweet begging and say it say it and I love you ya tebya lyublyu je t'aime.

Never enough time. Never again.

Ilya gestures to the notebook. "Most of this doesn't go in the calendar. Those notes are, um. When you write everything...?"

"Thorough?"

"No, I know thorough. It is that, but it's also, eh, dotoshnyy."

Shane pulls out his phone, types, smirks. "Meticulous, pedantic, fussy."

"Meticulous, yes. You wrote down--everything." He laughs. "You wrote down the game scores."

Ilya enjoys one of his favorite sights--Shane's pink blush creeping across his freckles--as Shane says, "I think at some point I was trying to figure out if sex felt better after winning, but then I realized that it wasn't about whether it felt better."

"Oh?" Ilya mumbles, feeling like he's staring over the edge of a cliff and the only thing keeping him there is Shane Hollander's hand. Which is big and strong and iron-like in its grasp and Ilya feels safe. He knows, now, that Shane won't let him fall.

"No, it was..." Shane sighs, choosing his words as he finally comes close. He sits beside Ilya on the bed and butts their feet together. "I was trying to wrap my mind around why I felt what I did when I was with you. And I thought it was sex because--I mean, we were always having sex when we were together back then. So I was writing it all down because I couldn't let myself think that I loved you, so I was just...circling. Like, oh, maybe I feel this way because...I don't know, this position was really hot. Or because you slammed me into the boards that night. Or because--"

"Because I put my fingers in your open hole after I fucked you." Ilya raises an eyebrow. "You really liked that. Maybe I do this tonight."

Shane tilts his head. "Yeah, that'd be nice."

Ilya kisses his neck.

"I used to like things like that because it was the only time--" Shane sighs, and mutters fuck under his breath (because fuck will always, always be his favorite vocal stim) and says, "The only time it felt like i wasn't crazy. Like you were going through it too."

Ilya picks up the notebook, finds the page from April 2015 again and pokes a particular word in Shane's chicken-scratch fucking penmanship. Idiallen, Shane had written, because he'd been leading himself blindly through a language he'd only heard gasped into the side of his own neck. Youbimy. Tibia.

"Lyubimyy," he says. "Tebya. Ideal'nyy. Beloved. You are perfect."

"Oh," Shane whispers. He puts his forehead against Ilya's shoulder, puts his mouth against his bicep, says, "Even then?"

I am home after traveling a few weeks and the comfort of my house rituals made me think of this moment. If he could've, Ilya would have moved heaven and earth for Shane to meet his mother. The Long Game gave Ilya a silent Mom in his dreams. I wanted his acceptance of his feelings for Shane to reach all the way to those dreams and give her voice.

I hope you enjoy "Catching Up."

__________________________

“ … wasn’t sure we could be in same place for days. And, I was so terrified, like baby. I kept thinking, what if he hated me after first day? You won’t believe it, but I sometimes rub people wrong. I know! Sounds impossible to me too.”

A hand snaked around Ilya’s bare midriff as his rapid-fire Russian ended and he resumed brushing his teeth. Someone was finally awake.

“I'm almost afraid to ask who you’re talking to,” Shane murmured, his adorable, disheveled head appearing over his shoulder. He barely cleared it. There’s no way he wasn’t on his tip toes. He drew himself up to his full height and Shane’s forehead was the only thing still visible.

“Say that again with your feet flat on floor.”

Shane’s head disappeared and he chuckled, pulling him around to stand in front of him. He kissed Shane’s cheek, getting toothpaste on it. A rumpled, morning Shane was in his top three favorite versions of the man. 

“Gross.” Shane wiped away the toothpaste then kissed him on the mouth anyway. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“You didn’t ask one.” 

Shane huffed and poked him between his pecs. 

“Were you talking to someone or reciting some weird Slavic poem?”

“First one.”  

Shane looked around the empty bathroom and sighed. 

“Alright, how long have you been concussed and why didn’t you tell me?” 

He laughed and leaned over to rinse out his mouth in the second sink. His little worrywart.

“Head is okay. You’d know if I took a hit that hard.” 

“I would know that, how? You hide all your injuries so you can keep playing.”

He shrugged, busted.

“You’d still know if I was concussed. You watch every second of my games, even the highlights. Don’t deny.” He kissed Shane with his peppermint fresh tongue. “I would expect you to know if I had a bug bite at this point, Captain Hollander.” It still stung that Shane had been chosen as the All-Star team captain again for the games next month. 

Shane rolled his eyes, smiling. 

“Maybe. Now, who were you talking to because I don’t see your phone.” 

His face heated from the bathroom steam and definitely not for any other reason. He hadn’t thought about Shane asleep in the next room when he was doing his morning routine. This habit, one he’d been embarrassed for anyone to know, had just thoughtlessly kicked in.   

“Is my Mama.”

Shane’s heavy eyebrows rose in points. 

“Does she … answer you back?”

He laughed and kissed Shane’s nose. 

“No. Not really. Mostly, it’s me talking. I can … I can hear her voice in my head sometimes. Her laugh too.”

Shane’s curious expression softened into naked affection.

“Do you do that a lot? Talk to her, I mean.” 

He rubbed Shane’s hips through his t-shirt, which fell to the tops of his naked thighs.

“Yes. When I am home or in hotel alone.” 

Shane tilted his head. 

“But, you’re not alone in this hotel.” 

He smiled, heart indignant that Shane sometimes couldn’t see what was most obvious to him. 

“Then I must be home.” 

Confused, Shane’s eyebrows knitted. 

“But-,” 

He kissed him softly. 

“Shane, you’re here. I am home.” 

The love of his life melted into a Shane shaped pile of goo. He was still astounded by how casually and how often he admitted his utter investment in this relationship. It was like his mouth was a broken, emotional faucet that dripped endless, mortifying declarations of love. This is what it means to be in love? Constant romantic leaking from the mouth?

“I know you’ll call me soft if I say that’s sweet.” Shane peppered his chest with kisses. “So, I’ll just say c’est doux.” 

He squinted his eyes. 

“Did you say something mean?”

“The meanest.” Shane caressed his cheek. “What were you telling your Mom?”

He straightened the towel around his waist so he wouldn’t have to look into the devastating pools of love also masquerading as Shane’s eyes. 

“I catch her up on games, my traveling. I tell her about Canada and how there is nothing to do here but stare at bonfires. Stuff like that.”

“You mean boring stuff like that.” 

He pulled Shane close and kissed both of his devastating pools of love. 

“Boring is sexy now. Super sexy.”

Shane beamed and his heart staggered weakly. That smile will end him one day.

“Did you tell her anything important?”

“Nope.” 

Disaster. Shane’s smile died and it was like the sun was a hole in the sky someone covered over.  

“I did not get to important stuff yet, sweetheart,” he murmured against Shane’s mouth. “I was interrupted by this short hockey player wearing my t-shirt.”

Shane smirked. “Sorry I interrupted the important stuff-telling.”

“Apology accepted.” He spun Shane around to face the mirror and kissed his neck. “Now, that important stuff-telling? It was about summer at cottage.”

Shane smiled brightly, leaning back against him. Ah, the sun was uncovered once more.

“Summer of Ilya.” 

He chuckled and put his chin on top of Shane’s head. “Summer of Shane is better.” 

“Agree to disagree. I bet you weren’t going to tell her about being afraid of a harmless bird.”

“Shut up before I make you pay for having that information,” he laughed. “Russians are good at making people pay. Especially beautiful, half Japanese, half Canadian hockey players.”

“Ooo, you promise?” 

He smiled and gave Shane’s ass a light tap. “Be good. I was going to tell her that summers in Canada are glorious, as hard as that is to believe.”

“No one believes me when I tell them that too.”

“Good, we have more of Canada to ourselves then. But, back to stuff-telling. I was going to tell her about swimming in lake, riding jet skis, stuff like that.”

Shane looked down, a bit crestfallen. “That’s all?”

“No. I left out most important part.”

“Which is?” 

He pressed his cheek into Shane’s temple and kissed his hair. 

“I didn’t get to tell her about this man who has driven roots of himself into my life and I am not unhappy about it.” 

In the mirror, Shane’s cheeks pinked under his freckles.

“Sounds like pretty important stuff to me.” 

“Oh, is most important stuff,” he said gravely as he stroked Shane’s belly under his shirt. “Most important stuff ever.”

Shy, Shane looked down again and spun a brush on the counter. 

“You tell her anything else?” 

“Not much. Just that I am happier than I’ve ever been in life,” he said, tilting Shane’s head up to look at him in the mirror. “And, for the first time, I want to be no more than five inches from someone’s side.” Oh look, his mouth was leaking romantic nonsense again. 

“Five inches is a lot of space, if you think about it,” Shane said with a teasing smile.

He made a comically apologetic face, mouth downturned and eyes blinking rapidly. 

“Ah, you are right. Is too much space. Less than inch is better. Only thing that will work.” He nuzzled into Shane's neck. 

“Big Russian baby,” Shane murmured while cupping the back of his head.

“Your big Russian baby.”

“Yes you are.” Shane kissed his temple and whispered, “Wish I could thank her for having you.”

He stilled at that and this time his eyes filled with real tears. When he lifted his head, Shane gave him the softest look he’d ever seen. 

“Oh, baby,” Shane said gently, reaching back to wipe tears off his cheeks. 

“Big Russian baby, remember?” he sniffed. 

Shane rubbed Ilya’s hands where they rested on his belly and awkwardly turned his head for a kiss. He obliged, leaning Shane into a weird, sideways dip. After he’d kissed Shane senseless, he righted him and pressed him into the counter with his body. There was being lucky and then there was what he had with Shane. It was miraculous.

“Irina. That was her name, right?” Shane asked, smiling. 

“Irina,” he said, holding Shane close. 

“Great name for a girl.” 

He stilled and raised his eyebrows.

“A girl what?”

Shane laughed at his panicked look. 

“Easy, it’s just an observation. Although, after what we did last night, I might be knocked up.” 

He grinned, spinning Shane to face him and picked him up. 

“Might be? Let’s make sure, okay?”

Shane quickly wrapped his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist, breathing a throaty little giggle into his ear. Shane didn’t have anything on under his t-shirt. Maybe the bed was too far.

“You might have to do a really good job to make sure it sticks,” Shane murmured, peppering his face with kisses.

He tossed Shane on the bed.

“Aye, aye, Captain.”

But, before he pounced on Shane he stopped. 

“Just a second. I forgot something,” he said.

Shane, with his T-shirt now tented above his hips, struggled up with a raised eyebrow. 

“What could possibly be so important right now?”

He willed himself not to blush. 

“I left cap off toothpaste.” It was the only excuse that Shane wouldn't protest. 

“Fine. But, you're shaving minutes off the hour-long blowjob you were about to get.”

He sprinted into the bathroom and paused when he caught sight of his face in the mirror. He had ‘glow-face’, a term Yuna dubbed for him. She said when he looked like that, it was like looking into the sun. He rarely looked at himself when he supposedly had this ‘glow-face.’ He was usually looking at Shane. He grinned helplessly and the love that filled him from the bottoms of his feet to his scalp had him speaking again with the most important person not on this earth.

“Mama? You know how I tell you about my wins? I had another one. A big one. Is Shane. Remember, I tell you about him when I was 18 and then I couldn’t shut up about him? Yeah, that’s him. I wanted … I wanted to tell you that he loves me. Me. God. Me?” he whispered wondrously, eyes stinging. “And, and, I love him so much. You would too, I promise. He is what you called ‘good, solid boy’.” He smiled a little. “I have not told many others how I feel about him. English doesn’t have enough words to say how much I love him. But, he is perfect and I wanted to make sure that you knew that. Something else I want you to know too. I'm going to marry him. He doesn't know it yet, but I am going to make him very happy if I do not mess up. Can you help me not mess up? If you can help me to keep him for as long as he'll have me, I will not ask you for anything else. I am very happy, Mama. Is scary to be this happy, but I am. He takes care of me too. So, don’t worry anymore about that. Someone is taking care of me and if you had anything to do with that,” he said, voice quivering, “Thank you. Thank you for sending him to me. Rest now Mama, okay? I love you.”

He splashed water on his face, envisioning his mother in her beloved hammock with her sad smile, silent, like always in his dreams. When he could inhale without a shaky breath, he went back to Shane who waited naked on his belly with beckoning hands and a smile that could light up the world.

“Okay, you said something about making sure I stick?” he asked as he crawled on the bed. 

Shane's soft giggling and his warm body pulled him out of the world for a while. After, while they dozed curled around each other, he dreamed of his mother and for the first time, she wasn't silently waiting for him to talk. She got up from her hammock, took his hands and said:  

[i meant to post this a week ago, and then i had a highly stressful two weeks. februrary, man.]

(one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine)

drink me up, swallow me whole explicit, 5k, oneshot. lactation kink. shane tries to hide the fact that his body is... doing things... during a hookup. he should know ilya always finds these things out.

jealous of your cigarette  explicit, 9k, complete. lactation kink, except this time, it's ilya. shane hollander puts that oral fixiation to WORK.

sandcastles (all the pleasure, none of the burden) explicit, 7k, oneshot. cnc, feminization. shane says he doesn't want to fuck before the game. ilya knows better. HOT.

autoclave explicit, 18k, ongoing. omegaverse, a/o. ilya starts his rut before the party. shane has to deal with the boston raiders, ilya himself, and the complications that come with sharing a rut. the porn hits you so hard you are not ready for the emotional stuff to come back around and knock you out.

unstoppable force, immovable object SERIES, explicit. omegaverse, a/o (omegas have vaginas, here's your warning). both very good porn (shane freeuse and cockwarming! who cheered!!!) and emotional exploration of them getting together.

puzzles teen, 5k, oneshot. ilya does puzzles with david hollander, thinks about ottawa, and doesn't kill himself.

boston's greatest love machine mature, 5k, oneshot. shane is personally offended by people besmirching ilya's name when it comes to sex. he runs a tumblr blog about it. significantly sweeter and also more realistic than you'd think.

something in the static explicit, 4k, oneshot. shane likes ASMR. ilya makes his own forays into the matter. (as someone who personally despises asmr with the fury of a thousand suns (bad noisee), this was almost enough to make me reconsider. almost.)

come to me slowly mature, 5k, oneshot. feminization AND possessiveness for shane. it's porn and it's a character study. and it's also HOT as HELL.

ilya rozanov: baby whisperer gen, 6k, oneshot. what it says on the cover. ilya rozanov just has a way with babies.

rough new prizes mature, 5k, ongoing. ilya smokes, semi-accidentally goes to the kingfisher, and tries to be normal. it's... well, it goes.

see it for myself explicit, 3k, oneshot. shane sends ilya a sex tape. as in, a literal sex tape, because what says internet safety like VHS?

dinner tonight? explicit, 15k, oneshot. they're married, but they've never dated. of course, they decide to roleplay about it. and it turns into a competition. because what else would they do?

saving myself for marriage explicit, 4k, oneshot. post-show, but before TLG, hollanov get drunk and get married in vegas.

captain vs. captain explicit, 16k, ongoing. in an au where they never had that moment in the showers, the rival captains of the bears and voyageurs shoot a series of challenges together. they get closer as it goes.

good luck tonight explicit, 2k, oneshot. the vegas bathroom scene, except shane gets to be even subbier and suck on ilya's fingers. should i even say it? hot, hot, hot.

progression teen, 7k, ongoing. david hollander's pov, struggling to handle the reality that is ilya rozanov. a harder take onto what the realization of who your son is dating than canon, but very good.

dark out and still thirty degrees explicit, 30k, complete. omegaverse. a/b, but shane is a trans beta. shane's doctor needs a mate's signoff for shane to get his hysterectomy. there's only one person to call. my emotions hurt, but it's a very good read.

longer by the day explicit, 6k, oneshot. shane grows his hair out. ilya likes it. maybe a little too much.

twin cinema mature, 5k, oneshot. they decide to start building their public image together- being seen having a coffee is the start. it turns into roleplay pretty soon.

you are my first pick mature, 3k, oneshot. shane gets valentine's day gifts from someone- he's pretty sure who. 5+1 fic.

take me where the light is mature, 11k, ongoing. ilya has temporary amnesia. he thinks he's in 2007. it's 2019. turns out, his life fucking rules. while it still has some angst, it's one of the most joyful amnesia fics i've read.

pierce through me (hit me so physical) explicit, 7k, oneshot. ilya gets his ears pierced. shane can totally, super, really be normal about it.

at pinpoint explicit, 19k, ongoing. ilya wants to mark shane up. scar him. piercings are a perfect method. some mild blood and obviously painplay, but also jesus christ. fucking god. i love piercing fics.

I haven't done one of these in so long, but the heated rivalry fandom just has so many good fics I felt that I needed to share, so here we are! I might make another one if I have enough fics to do so :) this list is kinda all over the place, with no specific au or universe, so brace yourself lmao

──── ★ ────

shane hollander boy kisser confirmed! by chuyasexual

In 2021, Shane Hollander reveals his relationship with former rival Ilya Rozanov to the shock of chronically online people worldwide, who’ve spent the last decade convincing the world he’s secretly in love with his teammate Hayden Pike

Is Ilya Rozanov Really....? (A 5+1 story) by Ubiquitously_Ubiquitous

After Ilya signs with the Ottawa Centaurs, five times Ilya’s new neighbors in Ottawa learned he was nothing like they expected, plus the one time he was.

hot mics and hotter rivalries (or how i learned to stop worrying and let my boyfriend out us on national television) by pucksandpower

Shane Hollander is going to murder his agent. And he means that literally. Because his agent is the reason he’s currently wearing a hot mic during Hockey Night in Canada. Against the Ottawa Centaurs. Against Ilya. Ilya, who has no filter. Ilya, who thinks workplace professionalism is a hilarious suggestion for other people. Ilya, who has spent a decade perfecting the art of saying absolutely unhinged things to Shane on the ice, safe in the knowledge that nobody can hear him. Ilya, who definitely doesn’t know about the microphone. What follows is sixty minutes of Shane’s life flashing before his eyes while his secret boyfriend enthusiastically discusses their sex life, their broken furniture, and exactly what he wants to do to Shane after the game — all broadcast to millions of viewers. The problem? Shane can’t get a word in edgewise to warn him.

Ottawa Centaurs - The Mockumentary by LunarMoonstone

'This is what happens when the social media manager for the Ottawa Centaurs just finished rewatching the entirety of The Office for the 3rd time' “What a fucking nerd,” Ilya laughed, his eyes following Shane across the ice. The camera swung between them before eventually landing back on Ilya. “I want to eat him,” Luca blinked at him, horror slowly etching onto his face. “Like...sexually or...literally? Behind the camera, Harris cleared his throat to remind them of his presence. Ilya’s eyes never left Shane, who was still berating Troy by citing some charts from his clipboard. “Yes,” Haas looked into the camera in utter fear. Alternatively, The Office Fic [NEW CHAPTER ADDED]

@MLHTracker by summerblood

The history of Hollanov, primarily as seen through the MLH Tracker on Twitter.

ShaneHollander_24 has started an Instagram live! by leaveittome

"Holy shit. Hollander. You are on Instagram live.” “No, I don’t want to livestream. Hey— can we not focus on this? I miss you. Thanks for coming. It’s been a while. I just want to—” “Do not put me on camera, no— Shane. Hand me the phone.” Comments → @ilyasplants: ilyas here. thers no fucking way. im being pranked → @holllanderrrr: ILYAS THERE WITH HIM??? OH MY GODDD → @hollazia: SHANE HOLLANDER GAY ILYA ROZANOV GAY HOMOSEXUALS

The Spirit Stick by FestiveFerret

Ilya Rozanov is the thorn in Shane's side. He's rude, cocky, stressfully perceptive, and his stats are the only ones better than Shane's in the whole OUA. Even worse, they play on the same team, and the only person who might beat Shane out for the C next year is Rozanov. Ilya and Shane are so at odds they can't even manage to complete a stupid challenge at Playoff Camp without making fools of themselves and, according to Hazy, getting cursed. It's frustrating and embarrassing, until it becomes clear that the curse is very very real and it becomes horrifying instead. For the next six weeks (at least) Shane is stuck by Ilya's side, unable to go more than a few feet away without unbearable pain. Now, they somehow have to pull off going to class, winning the playoffs, and not killing each other, not to mention keeping their secret from their friends and teammates. Shane is so fucked.

say you'll see me again by jarpadsalecki

Shane Hollander was too far away in the stands for Ilya to see him earlier. Now here he is, up close. Shane Hollander, Canadian boy wonder, who Ilya is just about sick and tired of hearing about.

Shane, the boy he has been dreaming about since he was eight years old.

The MILF Theory (And Why the Internet Got It Wrong) by pucksandpower

The internet has decided that Ilya Rozanov is absolutely, definitely, 100% banging a Hollander. They’ve got photo evidence. Multiple sightings. Instagram stories from the same café. The man stayed OVERNIGHT at the Hollander residence. It’s the most legendary power move in NHL history: seduce your rival’s hot mom to assert dominance. There’s just one tiny problem with this theory. Ilya’s fucking a Hollander, all right. Just … not that one. Or in which Ilya’s boyfriend's mother keeps adopting him, the internet keeps assuming the worst, and Shane Hollander is having the worst month of his entire life. At least until he does something that breaks hockey forever.

All I Want for Christmas by FlameHazel18

Shane and Ilya's relationship is the best kept secret in all of professional hockey. That is, until an ill-fated Christmas party brings it all crashing down.

Eat Your Bread Crusts by aphrodisiatic_cat

t4t hollanov tboys play on the same hockey team in uni - out/early transition shane x stealth ilya

- "This is Ilya Rozanov," Hayden says. "You might have to hospitalise him if you want to play center anytime soon." "Noted," Shane says, sipping his drink to avoid that intense gaze. "You are Shane Hollander, yes? I have heard of you." "Yeah?" Shane feels himself bristle. His acceptance into a men's league last year as a trans man did get some low-level coverage. He stands straighter, ready for some insult about - "Mm, yes. My friend took me to see final of your league last year. You scored big hat-trick to win game." He takes a slow sip of his clear drink. "But backhand is a bit weak." "Weak backhand?" Shane scoffs. "Yes. Is okay, I will teach you. Maybe let you play center once or twice during season." "That's not happening." Shane feels anger running under his skin, but relief as well, that the guy was just chirping his hockey skills. "Thanks for your generous offer, though."

but daddy i love him by rachelrae

What if Shane gave Ilya permission to soft launch their relationship. Ilya is, of course, thrilled and immediately starts telling everyone around him. Problem is, no one believes him!

Young and Hopelessly Smitten by jukoist

This year marks thirteen year Shane Hollander's third summer at Coach Marakov's elite hockey training camp. In attendance for the first time: Ilya Rozanov, visiting from Russia. Shane isn't the most sociable, and Ilya's English isn't the greatest, yet the unlikely duo soon become the best of friends. It's just one summer, but it makes a world of difference.

walk him like a dog (or a wolf) by beautifullyblue

alternate universe where it’s ‘i’m coming to the cottage’ but make it feral werewolf shifter Ilya trying to court an oblivious Shane. or Shane trying to enjoy a relaxing time at the cottage only to discover a hot naked man in his living room, instead of the wolf he had previously put there.

First Time WAG by DadMight

Alexis: Considering how he throws Hollander around on the ice, I’m worried about you girl 😂 Jane: Oh, he does love to throw me around. Jane: Haha. Or, Ilya’s decision to fuck with Shane backfires spectacularly. And Shane gets a support system along the way.

It's been a embarrassment of riches the last couple of months, with the Heated Rivalry tags on ao3 so incredibly active, and I find myself wanting to acknowledge some incredible fics and authors. I tagged authors when I know their tumblrs, but please let me know who I'm missing and I will tag them.

here we are and what the hell are we going to doing with it by walkingthroughwindows; 24k; Rated E; Post-Canon TLG

Shane needs to retire after a long suffering injury, and Ilya decides that he will go with him. The level of writing in this fic is insane. The author not only nails Shane and Ilya's voices to a T, this story managed to tug at my heartstrings from beginning to end. I read it once and then scrolled up and just started it again. The intimacy built between them is breathtaking, and the emotional turmoil of retiring is integrated into every aspect of their relationship including the physical. There's so many layers to their individual characters and how they are experiencing the end of their professional careers together. Huge recommend if you like established relationship fic where you get to see couples really work through the long term challenges that come with committing yourself to someone. And there's a sequel! Wonder of wonders.

Free Treasure by BugsLibrary; 7k: Rated E; Canon Missing Scene 2014-2016 Hookup sex fest My Moon My Man montage

Because the show is so good about storytelling through the sex scenes instead of in spite of them, I feel like there's so many fics that go even deeper. Shane and Ilya are building their dynamic, the power and the push and the pull that comes with their physical relationship. This goes really deep (hehe) into Shane's headspace during sex and his relationship to desire. It's also really really hot and expounds on the physical effort of sex without it feeling clinical or mechanical. Go read.

does it make me better by smallestchurch; 7k; Rated T; Post-Cottage Yuna and Shane scene

New to me in this fandom is the desire to read outside POV, this one being from Yuna's POV. This fic is very sweet, but also shows a side of Yuna we don't normally get to see. After Ilya goes home to Boston after two weeks at the cottage, Yuna realizes that Shane is upset and decides he doesn't really need a mother, he needs a friend to talk to. It's so cathartic because Shane has had so few people to about Ilya too, and now his mother is putting aside her awkwardness and the formalities of their relationship and her own hang-ups about the secrecy to just be there for him.

get good by whatimages; 5k; Rated E; Under-negotiated BDSM Porn with Feelings

Hoooooo boy. Read the tags on this one folks but it's a deep exploration of a more sadomasochistic side of our boys. The imagery is explicit and exquisite and violent. This is one of those fics where the hockey is sex and the sex is hockey, and Ilya likes to be the one to give Shane the bruises. Among other injuries. AHEM. Very evocative fic.

limelight and limerence by @idiotsinkdaisies; 7k: Rated M; Post Canon TLG Established Relationship

I really love any kind of well-written post-TLG Shane and Ilya play on the same team fic, but this one really stands out among them. Mostly because of the focus on Shane, and how the story gives him space to breathe and understand some of these things that happened to him, like getting accidentally outed and losing his team. I've informally recc'd this fic before because there is a scene with Shane and Ilya at a party where Shane happens to get a little drunk and handsy and there's something so sweet about them finally having everything they want and being together to do it. It happens to be one of my favorite moments in any HR fic because Shane finally accepts the openness of their relationship, and embraces these new friendships and the positive vibe of his new team. We love to see a good guy happy.

ain't nothing but mammals explicit, 7k, oneshot. exquisitely nasty. sweat kink, couple sex that you can only have with the person you allow yourself to be unfiltered and human with.

blood upon the snow unrated, 13k, complete. have you thought about shane getting into fights? great, here's eight chapters of exactly that.

i like jane for you mature, 17k, complete. hayden and ilya accidentally switch phones. they swear to not intrude on each other's privacy. they break that promise within the hour. it works out pretty okay.

ilya rozanov's 2017 dating wrapped teen, 1k, oneshot. ilya drops hints to his team about his relationship via presentation. they don't really catch on.

au mauvais moment mature, 5k, oneshot. shane gets an abortion while he's dating rose. they're pretty okay at handling it. i support the number of abortion fics in this fandom wholeheartedly. he would Not keep that thing.

shane hollander goes casual (he's so cool and unbothered) explicit, 15k, complete. shane has a hoe phase (with spreadsheets). ilya attempts not to explode from jealousy.

never was much of a romantic explicit, 5k, oneshot. hollanov fight over ilya suggesting shane sleep with other people, fuck, and make up. they are aggressively in love, and jealous, and shane has a speech that made me audibly cackle. i already posted about this one but it deserves another mention.

KNOCKOUT! series of (currently) two fics, both complete. explicit, 9k total. hollanov fuck around with pain kink in their reliably unsafe, but definitely fun way. a very loving anthem to masochism and sadism that made me smile in demented glee

logged in gen, 3k, oneshot. shane and ilya reconnect after rose via letterboxed.

vibes are not data teen, 18k, complete. wyatt and ilya's bromance, wyatt's adhd, and pattern recognition getting one over hollanov's secret keeping skills. every relationship in this was so loving and refreshing and i adore it

like one of your girls explicit, 5k, oneshot. shane has a lot of feelings about being another one of ilya's many hookups. some of them aren't nice. a strong dash of internalized homophobia in this one, folks

for a split sec, i was a train wreck explicit, 18k, complete. ilya gets injured, stays at home, gets into tarot, and tries not to spiral into madness. it's mostly a successful endeavor.

dust bowl explicit, 8k, incomplete. transfem shane, who's been ilya's girl for longer than she's known she's a girl at all. definitely angsty, but by god, am i having feelings about it.

morality clause gen, 13k, complete. canon through yuna's eyes, also dealing with the more technical aspect of being shane's mom-ager.

one sunday morning mature, 8k, oneshot. ilya gets injured. shane shows up to take care of him. neither of them are sure what feelings they're allowed to be having about this. set early in canon.

connecting the dots mature, 7k, oneshot. hayden thinks lily's a dominatrix. surprisingly, this theory does fit in a lot of ways, except for all those other ones where it definitely doesn't.

fuck the news unrated, 3k, oneshot. hollanov gets outed in episode two. they try to survive. reveal fic

(wild and fluorescent) come home (to my heart) unrated, 3k, oneshot. ilya suggests putting down shane like an old dog, but mostly scott hunter. this is a normal conversation to be having with his boyfriend's newly-met mother, surely.

we'll be afraid of nothing teen, 8k, oneshot. ilya calls shane boring all the time, but he's not sure it means the same thing on the ice than off it. more than that: he's pretty sure it means something pretty bad. misunderstandings and a lot of feelings about shane's autism.

the secret society of stick handlers series, ongoing. the gay nhl players have their own groupchat. it's pretty okay, if you don't mind the chaos.

you get me explicit, 10k, oneshot. shane's pretty good at yoga, and plenty flexible- flexible enough that sucking his own cock is more of a possibility than a fantasy, really. ilya's about to make that into a reality.

little more close explicit, 2k, oneshot. cnc. shane wants ilya to do a scene with him. they have a good time.

drive it like you stole it explicit, 12k, oneshot. ilya gets injured and gets horny about it.

because listen. this show is doing something deranged and intentional with their dynamic and my college-fried brain has latched onto it like a raccoon with a shiny object.

there is a VERY clear D/S dynamic here and what’s destroying me is how easy it is for Shane to fall into subspace around Ilya. not dramatic. not flashy. just quiet, body-first, nervous-system-level giving up control.

Shane doesn’t decide to submit. his body just does it. shoulders drop. voice softens. he stops over-explaining, stops managing the room, stops being sharp around the edges. there are scenes where his eyes go unfocused—not dissociated, just turned inward. like his brain clocks out and leaves his body in Ilya’s hands. which is INSANE.

and it happens SO FAST.

around literally anyone else Shane is coiled tight like a spring. around Ilya? one look, one low voice, one hand near his neck and he’s already halfway under. no resistance. no second guessing. his nervous system recognizes safety before his brain catches up. which is terrifying actually.

and the show is so subtle about it. it’s all physical. Shane’s eye line drops. he leans instead of standing straight. he lets Ilya guide him—not force, not command, just redirect. half the time Ilya doesn’t even have to say anything. he just positions himself and Shane follows. THAT is submission built on trust, not weakness.

and Ilya. oh my god. Ilya is SO normal about it.

not creepy. not possessive. not smug. he clocks Shane’s state immediately and adjusts without calling attention to it. he slows things down. he grounds him. he takes up space for Shane. there’s this recurring thing where the softer Shane gets, the stiller Ilya becomes, like he’s anchoring the entire scene so Shane doesn’t float away.

and the narrative never treats this as a problem!!! Shane isn’t “losing control,” he’s resting. the show allows him that release without punishment or embarrassment and lets Ilya be dominant in a way that’s restrained, gentle, and deeply competent.

it’s D/S without labels. it lives in micro-movements and timing and care. dominance as containment. submission as finally being able to stop holding everything together. I am unwell about it.

AND THEN there is the TIMELINE of Shane learning how to fall and it’s ruining my already shitty GPA.

episode one.

THE WATER BOTTLE SCENE. they have known each other for like an HOUR. Ilya tells Shane to drink and Shane immediately does. no joke. no hesitation. AND he looks at Ilya while doing it, like he’s checking for approval. hello??? they just met???? that’s already bonkers.

and then the good stuff teaching scene where Shane isn’t just learning, he’s yielding. his focus goes soft. his posture changes. his body is listening harder than his brain. this is Shane subconsciously learning: if I let Ilya lead, things feel better.

episode two. the bathroom scene.

this is where my brain fully short-circuits.

months of Ilya not answering. Shane is angry, confused, barely holding it together, clearly close to tears. he needs Ilya. and the second Ilya realizes that, he delivers. immediately. he doesn’t deflect or pull away. he asks Shane to ask—to beg—and Shane just DROPS. head first. no hesitation. eyes unfocus, body drifts, he’s so deep that Ilya has to physically keep his head upright. like Shane is GONE gone.

and Ilya knows. he knew exactly what Shane needed in that moment: connection. grounding. permission to fall apart safely. the competence of that is actually offensive.

episodes four and six are where Shane’s body just fully gives the game away.

he keeps dropping to his knees. almost desperately. like his body has decided this is where it’s okay. where it’s quiet. where it can breathe. he’s so comfortable there that Ilya has to literally hold him in place to keep him standing. like “no, not right now,” and Shane just lets him. because he trusts him that much.

and then episode six with Shane’s father catching them absolutely kills me.

everything is tense. everything hurts. they’re planning what to do. and Shane just crouches against Ilya. doesn’t ask. doesn’t explain. just goes where his body feels safest. and Ilya doesn’t even blink. he just caresses Shane’s head and lets him settle. no correction. no commentary. just I’ve got you.

AND THEN. THE ELEVATOR SCENE. I AM LOSING IT.

after Shane leaves from meeting Ilya and something is off. not wrong-wrong, just unfinished. no kiss. not enough aftercare. which hurts EXTRA because Ilya is usually amazing at meeting Shane’s needs. and Shane feels the lack immediately.

so in the elevator he softly bonks his head against the wall. over and over. not self-harm. grounding. trying to stay present. trying not to drop now that the connection got cut too fast. that is SUCH a real depiction of sub drop it makes my sleep-deprived brain want to scream into a pillow.

anyway. it’s 2am. I have an assignment due this week. hollanov has eaten my brain. this show is doing slow-burn nervous-system D/S storytelling and letting Shane learn that it’s safe to fall, and Ilya will catch him.