Debaser

Quinn hated all of this. He hated dressing up and going anywhere that wasn’t work or heading back home. In all honesty, he had no idea how he had found his way here, but he knew it was something Aalis probably would have wanted and he would pretty much steal the moon for her if it was something she wanted. It was why he was currently standing in a place he didn’t even understand. 

“Why do people need so many rooms” Quinn grumbled as he looked for a way to get some air. If it wasn’t the suit that was stifling the fact interacting with other people seemed to turn his mood a little more sour over the course of the night. The werewolf quickly looked for an exit only to see the balcony as the closest source to get some air. He walked out grabbing a cigarette from his pocket only to realize his lighter was gone. He probably left it in his car or something. He grumbled again at the thought of having to walk through people again. 

Quinn turned though as soon as he heard a voice and had no idea what the other man was talking about for a moment. “ Wait what?” He asked, still checking his pockets. “ Yeah it’s too much in there. You got a light?” He asked realizing it was pointless to keep trying to look. 

“Oh, um...” Rafi muttered, but apparently his talking about food made most of the seated balcony members get up and edge toward the bar. If there wasn’t free food, at least they could get alcohol for cheap. “Fuck it,” the lamia muttered, and nodded. When the man put the cigarette to his lips, Rafi snapped his fingers and lit it for the other, then quickly pulled out one for himself to take a long drag. After a moment of silence, he sighed. “No one laughed at my joke,” he whined, then looked at the other and started giggling. “For someone who doesn’t watch TV, I was damn proud of myself. It feels like every time there’s an event, people go all out for it even though they have years worth of clothes from previous gatherings. I’ve been here half a decade, but at least the economy does well. When I cater, the money really helps.” He positioned himself to look away from inside the ballroom, so he couldn’t catch eyes with anyone that might see him smoking and narc. “You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself, though. Is that why you--?” he shook his left hand that held the cigarette, smiling softly. 

Nikolai flinches in sleep and wakes up covered in sweat. He instinctively reaches beneath his pillow, only to be met with searing pain that shocks his right shoulder– he lurches forward, swallowing a scream. His consciousness settles back in and he remembers that he is in a hospital bed, no longer chained in a cell. He groans as he sits back on the bed, and stares at his right arm. He wills his right hand to clench it to a fist… but nothing. He feverishly thinks to himself, that’s inconvenient. According to Yuri and the doctors, it was a miracle that he was even breathing when he got to the hospital. He lost too much blood and his arm had to be reattached with microsurgery. Apparently he was in the ICU for few days. The doctors were surprised that he has already stabilized enough to walk around the room. Something about the lycan vigor.

Nikolai has been in and out of sleep from the painkiller and sedative, but he is lucid enough to hear a rushed footstep outside– definitely not high enough to forget that skipping fleet of foot. As the door opens, his chest tightens as his own breath chokes him up. He stares at Rafael, clearly dumbfound, as if he couldn’t believe what he’s seeing. He’s had too many dreams that ended in him waking up and finding himself back at the cell. 

“Supposedly….” He murmurs, his voice cracking up. He swallows dryly, his eyes following Rafael’s hand. He flinches when the fingers touch his skin, and he knows that he is not dreaming or imagining this. He lets out an awkward laughter. His impassive mask breaks into a smile. “I was gonna come home and see you… but then I wasn’t in a shape to, well, do anything, apparently. They just moved me out of the ICU.” He says, sitting straight up in the bed. He looks at his injured arm, and looks back at his boyfriend. “We… uh, finished it, I reckon. The family that was after us, we… killed their leader.” He says, before vaguely gesturing at his right side. “She did a number on me but… it’s a cheap price to pay.” Nikolai then stares at Rafael, studying the face in the shadow. A goofy grin creeps up on his face. “You’re… really here, right? I’m not dreaming this?”

He bit his lip to keep an aggressive smile from forming on his face. ‘Come home,’ Nikolai had said. Come home... to Rafael. Come home to me, he urged, squeezing the blankets with his hand so he wouldn’t pounce on the other. He had to be careful, for who knew how many days or weeks it would take for the werewolf to fully recover. It was bad, very bad. 

Rafi was frozen in fear of hurting the other. Had he ever worried about hurting Nik? Not really, only sometimes with his lamia fire abilities, but that was so rare it didn’t come to his mind in this instant. He didn’t think he ever had to be soft around Nik, that was why they were so good together, one of the many reasons: Rafi had been afraid for years of what he was capable of, of hurting people in one form or another, but with Nik he could just be, exist, and breathe. Nik’s demeanor and especially his werewolf healing abilities made Rafi feel safe to be himself, because he was more likely to get hurt than Nik, and that’s all he cared about. No one can be hurt under my watch, I’d rather die than harm another, he had chanted after leaving the gang all those years ago, a fucking lifetime.

Location: Balcony off of the ballroom

Time: ~6:45-7PM

The balcony had a much needed breeze that the lamia had been craving thanks to the heat from the stuffy jacket he’d worn tonight. It was funny, he could work all night in layers any month out of the year but not be bothered by sweat pouring down his face, arms wicking it away, but now that he was on a date he was paranoid about anything out of the ordinary. Nik had tried to remove the white jacket but if Rafi gave in this late in the game, he would have to admit defeat to the werewolf, so instead he just unbuttoned the top two buttons of his sleek navy button-down. 

Once left alone, shoulder leaning against the wall, he hated to admit he needed to smoke, but it was prohibited where he currently stood. His fingers thrummed on the jacket pocket where his cigarettes were secured, but other than that Rafael seemed rather calm and emotionless. 

One of his ex co-workers waltzed up to the lamia and started chatting his ear off, a man with long, straight black hair. When approached by someone who must’ve recognized one of the two men, for they asked about refreshments, Rafi quickly shook his head. “I am not working tonight, you’ve got to order at the bar, and it’s not complimentary this year. Besides, I’m sure many of the townsfolk are grateful the calories are a little harder to consume at this event,” he joked drily, not quite smiling. “With everyone getting tailor-made suits and dresses, I hear it’s been like Bridezilla the last few weeks.” Nikolai, thankfully, had gotten Rafi’s clothes for him as he worked his usual shift. 

Date: Wednesday, April 14 2021

Time: 8:54PM

Location: Lethe’s General Hospital

The past few months had been a blur, work and sleep and gym and feed the cats. That was one thing of having his boyfriend out of town for awhile, extra time with his two favorite girls. Favorite fluffballs would probably be false, but with the mood Rafi was in Nik was nowhere near his favorite. He had heard approximately half an hour ago from Luke that Nik was in town. Rafi was in his gym clothes with a thin, gray jacket covering his torso when he ran up the stairs a few floors and breathlessly pushed himself into the werewolf’s room.

The werewolf was sitting in the bed, arms crossed over his chest, with his eyes focused on the door as if he were waiting for Rafael to barge in. Yeah, he could probably hear him as soon as he entered the hospital and started muttering curses, before he pounded up the echoing staircase.

“So you... you’re alive,” he began flatly, a quirk in his brow and his chest heaving quietly. He bit his lower lip, taking in the grisly sight of his boyfriend. It had been a few days for Nik to heal, and he still looked like he’d been in hell. Slowly, Rafi made his way to the edge of the bed and sat down, petting Nik’s shins under the pants he wore. “You were going to call me, right? I get to see it all... the good, the bad, and...” he nodded towards how Nikolai was right now. “I know what shit you’re in. I’ve agreed to this part of your life. You don’t get to sugarcoat it for me, yeah? Now please... what happened?”

Nikolai had a long day– mostly planning and coordinating the infiltration of Anastasiya’s pack. it was a risky move, something Lukyan dubbed as a suicide mission. He hasn’t even told Yuri… or Rafael. They have been in a good place since the parade, and honestly, Nikolai couldn’t bring himself to burst that happy bubble. Today, though, he will tell Nova.

That plan walks out of the window and falls flat on the ground when Rafael opens the door. His eyes dart around, surprised by the dazzling colors of various decorations. It was as if a pinata threw up all over in the apartment. “Uhm, all right?” Nikolai plants a small peck on Rafael’s cheek, smiling because Rafael seems happy, grinning and all. He decides to just roll with it. He meekly takes the pill and swallows it dry– the kind of behavior that would shock anyone who remotely knows Nikolai Sokolov. He doesn’t even receive food or drink from others, let alone pills. Nikolai nods slowly at the mention of Chinese take-out, reaching down to Cat A to pat her awkwardly. “As much as I appreciate it, you don’t always have to cook for me, mate. I can cook, and take-out’s fine by me. I’ll just… grab something quick.” Although he is fine with skipping meals, it seemed to bother Rafael in the past, and then one time he faked eating, Rafael was… moderately upset. So he settled with eating something when they order in. “So, uh, what’s the occasion?” He gestures vaguely at the decorations. 

“Don’t act dumb, the occasion is you. I told you, texted you, we’re celebrating your birthday today.” He got a homemade cake out of the fridge (vanilla bean with raspberry filling and vanilla frosting, only thing that was store bought was raspberry jelly). “It’s kinda a tex-mex of you and me, I won’t lie. Some tacos and cacti, I couldn’t help myself. Shall we have dessert first?” It had barely been able to fit in the fridge (damn this small apartment) but once they started eating it, the cake would fit better and better. “Do you want to bring some to your brother or cousin?” he asked nonchalantly, cutting a few pieces onto paper plates. 

Luke flashed him a smile. If there was anyone he believed wouldn’t spread shit, he supposed it would be someone that managed to turn Nikolai Sokolov into a lover. “Well, I don’t want to advertise that, and not many people know I’m related to Nikolai. i don’t know how, we are both dashing,” he commented, not entirely joking. The cousins didn’t look too much alike, and it worked in their favor in Lethe so far. He much preferred only a handful of people knowing. “Being underestimated is a fantastic weapon. And its a little peaceful not having people trying to size you up, this place is great even with all its messes.” Luke narrowed his eyes, contemplating an answer, unoffended by the comment against his mother. “She is, but I like to think I’m not like her. You’ll have to let me know if that changes. Don’t worry about her though, she’ll be a non issue someday.” Someday was undetermined, but he didn’t mention this, not wanting to ruin one of the few good relationships Nikolai had.

“Yeah, Lethe has its quirks, I will give it that,” he agreed. “I didn’t mean to offend. I didn’t think of you as similar to her. Not at all. I’ve just heard... horror stories. Legit. That whole side of the family. She must be Nik’s dad’s sister--I don’t know the names? Whew, its a wonder you three got out alive, and ended up so decent.” He knew many people would not consider Nik as ‘decent,’ but he was good around Rafi, and that was all he worried about. And Nik promised not to hurt others if he didn’t need to. And again, thats all that mattered to him. 

Birthdays had always been a big celebration in the Nova household. It was a celebration of life, of you, of love. Rafi had brought that ideology with him into Lethe, even so far as celebrating his cats’ birthdays with special treats and extra lovin’. Therefore, Rafael had decorated his house with colorful garlands and banners and candles. All for Nik. When he heard the rap at the door, he opened it and hugged his newly-returned boyfriend, grinning ear to ear. “Surprise! Here, here, before we forget.” He’d put Nik’s allergy medication on the table (whose tablecloth was riddled with tacos and sombreros and cacti, which was an inside joke between the two about Rafi’s heritage and obvious stereotypes) so he plopped the white pill into Nik’s palm and watched him dry swallow it. It was perfect timing too because Antonella started rubbing up on Nik’s calves, purring audibly, as Sabina sat at her cat tower near the window. “Don’t hate me, but I was too busy decorating that I didn’t have time to cook the tamales I promised you. I ordered Chinese food instead. It’ll be here shortly.” He grinned widely, that cute smile that he got when he knew he did something wrong but wanted to be forgiven. 

“I did call him an oaf, but that’s because he is one and I say that with the greatest amount of fondness possible,” he said with a shrug, eyes narrowed as he studied Rafael’s face. The facade of Lucas Jones was fading away from his eyes, a sharpness returning to them that hadn’t been present there a moment before. If Nikolai was being open with this man, then the least Luke could do was some semblance of the same. For the sake of friendship and all, even if Luke hadn’t been entirely the real Luke during all of it. He shrugged, and the sharpness receded at the ease on Rafael’s face. “Luke is fine, people fuck up the other one somehow. Try not to spread that around, I’ve done very well convincing people I’m just an idiot who gets his ass kicked on a daily basis because he’s a weakling.” His cover story for being beat up a couple weeks prior had been that he was jumped, and he was content to keep it that way. Luke, surprised by his answer, let out a bark of laughter. “He likes sweet? Oh, boy, I didn’t think he liked anything actually. What’s he told you about our family then?” It was a subject jump, and he was a little blase about it, but it was necessary to know how much Nikolai had let him in.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t...” he started, not surprised Luke had to ensure that his real name was kept secret. By now Rafi understood the secrecy surrounding to Sokolovs. Yuri seemed to be the only one who didn’t care much for it, who didn’t use fake names (that he knew of, of course), but he also knew Yuri the least of the three. “Pfft, how can you be a weakling related to the Sokolovs?! Nik is a beast,” he enunciated. “Yeah, his sweet tooth is massive... um, just the bad stuff, really.” He shrugged, not wanting to necessarily talk about the Sokolov family. But maybe he should pry and get some truth out of Luke, something that Nik wouldn’t talk about. “Is your mom the crazy bitch?”

Nikolai presses his lips into a thin line. “…more of a border guard, but sure.” He adds. He visibly flinches when Nova gets up from the seat and embraces him from behind. It would be easy, just to give in to the warmth once again and keep his silence. But Nova deserved the truth before making any decision. Yes, he wanted Nova, more than anything, anybody else in the world, nothing complicated about that. But his life is a big bloody mess of complications. 

“No, I didn’t tell you about… what I do. What I did.” He says as he took a step away from Nova, fighting his every instinct telling him to stay, hold that body in his arms and never let go. He takes a deep breath, bracing himself for the moment of truth. “My brother and I, we come from a… twisted family.” Family is not his favorite subject, if it has not been obvious during the time they spent together. He never really talked about them in details. “And my father, he hurt my brother, so… I killed him, to fight our way out.” This is perhaps the first time he is admitting the fact that he killed Anatoliy to anyone other than Yuri. He doesn’t regret what he did. He never did. But… he fears that it may be too much. He fears that he has taken too many lives, buried too many sins under his name, that he may be unworthy. That would be a fitting punishment. “If that is… too much, if you want to leave, mate, I understand. I just reckoned, y’know, if we were to do this again,” he gestures vaguely between them, “you needed to know, regardless of how fucking much I want to be with you. I want you but… not like that. Not with lies by omission.” He can’t meet his eyes with Nova. “I want you to be happy, and I… well, I may not be your best bet for that. So, I understand, if you can’t… you can leave if you want to, is what I’m saying.”

Silence was the only answer Nikolai received for a long time. Rafi gave him his space, physical and emotional, as he listened intently with brows creased and a slight frown upon his face. “As you’ve said before, as long as it is in self-defense, to save someone, the greater good... it’s okay.” His voice cracked at the end. Not because it was a lie, but because it was difficult to wrap his brain around. He was accepting Nik for who he was, a killing machine. Well once upon a time Rafi had killed a handful of people, not happily but dutifully. And Nik had said he didn’t like violence, it was just... what did he say? Inevitable? A necessity. 

He stepped forward and pushed his nose against Nik’s. “No more lies. I can do that.” He exhaled slowly before stepping back to face the other. “I was so happy with you, and I don’t think I’ll be any less happy this go-around. I want to be with you, too. I want you as my partner, my boyfriend, my mate. If it is mutual, I see no way in prolonging the inevitable. We’re meant to explore this together, and with this fresh start... it’ll be good. I know it.” He finally grinned gently. “You coming over with your allergy medications, me sleeping over and making tamales or tacos, too busy kissing you and ending up burning the food. It’ll be...” Home, he wanted to say, but was that too... eager? “I want to try this again. I heard your story and I still want you. No more second guessing, okay?” He pulled the man towards him and slowly, deliberately, kissed him. “I won’t let you get away a second time,” he mumbled into the other’s lips before continuing. 

Luke was listening to everything Rafael said in a new light. Killing wasn’t something people did casually around here, excluding the woman he was currently dating and her entourage, and he concluded, with a deepening frown on his face, that Rafael could only be talking about one person. “Nikolai Sokolov is your boyfriend?” he repeated, just to be sure, but really, how many people named Nik were in town that would kill for someone they cared about without hesitation? Luke sank back into his seat, dumbfounded, that in their year of friendship, he hadn’t ever said his real last name. Just given an alias, just stuck with Luke. Luke the gym friend, Luke the running buddy, Luke… Shit. “Alright, well, fuck, if that cat’s out of the bag then there’s no point hiding it. I told you my name was Lucas Jones, yeah?” He didn’t wait for a response short of a nod before barreling on, gripping the table. “That was a lie. My name is Lukyan Sokolov, and that big oaf you moon over is my cousin. I had no idea this entire time you were seeing him, I can’t believe neither of us noticed this. Oh, I bet he did and didn’t tell me. Arse.” He settled a look on Rafael. “How did you two even meet again? I need to rehear all these stories now.”

“Nikolai Sokolov,” he repeated slowly, nodding. He was also dumbfounded at the other, wondering what was such a big deal. And then he said it. Lukyan. Sokolov. Rafi’s eyes narrowed as if in disgust, but his mind was racing a mile a minute. At first it inched slower than a snail, but now it raced. “Did you just call my boyfriend an oaf?” he asked, unable to help the shadow of a smile creep upon his lips. “Small fucking world, Lukyan. ‘Luke’ is still acceptable, yeah?” He chuckled at his friend’s surprise, but patted his knee and resituated himself on the couch. “It’s okay. I’m sure he calls you an oaf, too.” That was like Nik, actually. “We met at my shop. He has a thing for sweets.” Rafi smirked in a coy manner. 

Nikolai cocks his head to the side in his attempt to take a glimpse at the other’s face. “Of course.” His answer is effortlessly simple. There is nothing complicated, at least not from where he stands. He wants Rafael, and wants Rafael to want him, use him, own him. The rest is trivial. Insignificant. He nods meekly. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here. I’ll explain… everything, if you’d let me.” He reaches out and wraps his calloused hand around the other’s. Too many prying eyes to ‘communicate’. He begins dragging Rafael by the hand. As the crowd thins out in the street, he speaks up, “I used to. Not anymore.” Rafael has no idea what Nikolai actually does for a living, because well, he never talked about it, and he technically doesn’t have a job. The fight club is more of a hobby, a side gig at best. The contract with Stewart doesn’t pay him. 

They reach the small building the Sokolovs (plus Kjar) use as a base of operation in Lethe. He lets go of the hand to fish out the key and unlocks the door in the back. The interior has changed since Rafael was here last time. There are rows and rows of metal racks and shelves, filled with boxes and cases. In the far back, there is a set of table and folding chairs. He gestures at the chair as in ‘take a seat’. “So, about what I do… There is this group of people outside Lethe, led by… my aunt. She wants me and my brother, dead or something worse, I dunno. It’s complicated. But she is a threat, not just to me and my brother, but to this town as well. So I had a deal with one of the Council members– I handle my aunt’s people and other external threats to the town in exchange of my stay here.” He explains, stealing a glance at Rafael time to time. “I won’t lie. It… does involve violence sometimes– but only because it’s necessary. You need to understand, I don’t enjoy it or anything. I just don’t mind it either.” He stays silent for a moment, to give Rafael some time to process. “Would… that be a problem?”

“Okay,” he said dumbly, trying not to drag his heels as the other pulled him forward. He followed, numb and surprised and thoughts racing a mile a minute. They got to the place and Rafi took in the differences from last year, following Nik slowly as he led the way. “Your own blood? Jesus, Nik. I’m... I’m sorry.” He wanted to step forwards but by now he was already seated and that would be awkward to stand up seconds after sitting down. He wanted to embrace the other all over again, but knew he needed to give each of them time. 

“You’re a bodyguard,” he smiled, and finally stood up to make his way back to Nik. He stood behind the other and wrapped his arms around his chest, pulling him close, close enough to smell his shampoo. “I didn’t... know the context before. And I’m sorry for making such a brash decision. I’m sorry for everything.” He picked up Nik’s what-once-was bruised knuckle and brought it to his lips in a chaste kiss. 

He didn’t make it a habit of hanging out at Rafi’s apartment. It was probably only the second time Luke had ever been there, but his friend was stubborn, more so than people gave him credit, and he hadn’t been able to come up with an excuse to avoid it. Helped, too, that Rafi was the best damn cook that Luke knew. “This the same guy from before? The one you were going heart eyes over last year?” Luke asked with a slight frown, glancing over at his friend. Meddling with people’s hearts was a business that Luke preferred to avoid, but he didn’t much like the way Rafi’s face flickered whenever the man came up. “Figure you two would just stick with the on switch given you’re both crazy about each other from what you’ve told me.” Luke reached for the phone, and then froze dead before his hand even touched it. He hadn’t ever questioned Rafi’s fling turned boyfriend; it was another universe compared to all the other things in Luke’s life and yet… His eyes flickered to Rafi, confused. “Are you having a laugh at my expense? This can’t be the guy.”

“‘Heart eyes’? Yeah, I guess,” he chuckled lightly, more of a scoff. “I don’t know what you mean by crazy. I broke his heart, and he killed in front of me. That changes you, y’know? Oh shit... I didn’t tell you why we broke up. Well that’s it. He told me who he was in the beginning, not a ‘good guy,’ and I didn’t believe him I guess and when he killed ‘for’ me I lost my shit and... yeah. We hurt each other, it wasn’t meant to be. But now, we had a talk at the parade and... it might be able to work out, try again you know?” He hadn’t meant to go on so many tangents but it was what he was known for, so-to-speak. He showed the picture to Luke and definitely didn’t expect his reaction. “What expense? No? Do you know Nik?” he asked, baffled.

Nikolai quietly studies his ex-lover– the only ex-lover he has ever had– wondering if Nova is going to cry again. He doesn’t mind, or hold any opinion against that. Tears are just tears. If anything, he is astounded by how the mist wells up in Nova’s deep, dark eyes. “I know, but we don’t always get what we want, do we?” He shrugs with a defeated smile. Blame it on his apathetic nature or lack of meaningful connections save for few, but Nikolai Sokolov doesn’t get hurt. Yet, this man who tears up at the thought of hurting others, somehow pierced through his armor and left him bleeding. It hurt like hell, but Nikolai learned his lesson: he gave that power to Rafael, to crush his heart with those hands. And that is the price you pay, for letting someone in beyond your ribcage, for letting them wrap their hands around your neck and take your breath away, for letting them gently brand you with their warm kisses and softest of touches. Now he knows, he doesn’t mind the pain; it’s the numbness he fears. “You might hurt me again. I could hurt you in the future. Nobody knows what will happen, but that’s just a part of life, innit? All I know is that… if someone has to hurt me, y’know? If it ever comes to that, I’d rather it be you. There’s nobody else.” 

His head is flushed with ticklish warmth, red coloring his cheeks. Sincerity, it feels raw, like vomiting your innards. But he doesn’t hate the vulnerability. Not with Rafael. The embrace was unexpected. Nikolai is, to the say the least, awkward with hugs in general. Where does he put the arms? He doesn’t even know. But the strange sensation in his stomach guides him. His arms wrap around the back, pulling the other closer. “We don’t have to go back to how it was. And it doesn’t have to be now.” He confesses quietly. “I don’t mind starting from the beginning. I can be patient.” 

“You really would take me back? After the drunken encounter, after the names I called you, after everything?” he muttered into the other’s shirt. “I don’t even know where to begin if we try this out as a trial. I’d want to go back to where we left off, heh.” He meant the sex, the intimacy, it had always been important to Rafi because he’d never enjoyed it with anyone else before. His first actual boyfriend, he wanted him back. “I guess... we need to communicate first. About you... I dunno, hurting others. For a living, is it?” he asked, finally pulling away though he wanted to stay with the other forever. God he was such a sap. Everybody who spoke to him knew it. And yet, he apologized for an hour when he stepped on his cat’s tail accidentally, but he wanted to be with someone who killed without batting an eye. It should matter to Rafi that Nik only hurt those who deserved it, but it didn’t really. It was still a life.

They hung out at Rafi’s apartment, Sabina and Antonella climbing over them both. Rafi had made enchiladas that they finished about twenty minutes ago and were both sitting on the couch waiting for their food to digest. “I um... I’ve been on and off with this guy, I think... I dunno, I think you might like him? I wanted to make it ‘official’ and, you know, show you. You’re probably my closest friend outside of work, so...” He shrugged, trying to play it cool, but it was obviously a big deal to the emotional Rafael. He procured his phone and put up an old photograph from last year onto the screen, from before they broke up. The photograph of Nik showed him with an easy expression and giving a thumbs up gesture. 

Nikolai gestures vaguely toward his hideout. “I’ve got a warehouse.” He doesn’t share this information with others outside of his pack as it is their base of operation. But he didn’t want to lie to Nova. He was going to suggest maybe talking there in private– too many prying eyes here. But then the words begin to gush out of Nova’s mouth, like the red, heart-throbbing and exposed flesh inside a deep cut demands to be mended. But all these people around them don’t matter. Irrelevant, uncaring like the river doesn’t give a shit about the stones underneath. They just pass by. He finds himself stepping closer to Nova, close enough to hold onto each other in the current of crowd. “I’ve been thinking about you, throughout the summer.”He whispers tenderly, as if he was sharing a fragile secret. “You hurt me like nobody ever did. I don’t get hurt, Rafael. I just don’t. But you…” bitterness is nothing but a faint trace in his voice, and Nikolai breathes out a soft chuckle. “If it’s the killing you’ve got a problem with, I can quit. Just tell me what you want, and I’ll do it, ” he shrugs– there are other ways to eliminate threats, and it wasn’t like Nikolai enjoys killing, “There’s nothing to forgive ‘cause I still want you even if you hurt me. I still want you– And I don’t wanna be your goddamn friend, Rafael.” It may defy his self-preservation instinct, or his inability to trust others, but it is the simple truth: “I wanna be yours.” And he just stands there, no passionate kiss, no longing touch– no, he fears that this moment may break if he were to act. Just his bare truth and yearning eyes, are all he has to give.

Rafael nodded at the word ‘warehouse.’ He remembered alright, that night last year that Nik was a werewolf and turned human. He had brought Rafi to the warehouse, but he didn’t necessarily remember where it was so he just followed Nik blindly. As he had done in the past. It took continual effort not to interrupt the other, but Rafi chewed on his lower lip as Nik spoke his peace, and all of a sudden, when it was quiet, they came to a halt. “Nik, don’t...” Rafael lowered his head, frowning so deeply tears almost formed in his eyes. “I don’t wanna hurt you, ever again.” He looked up at Nik and, yep, the tears hadn’t yet trailed down his cheeks, but they would soon. “I don’t know if I can go back to that place. God I want to. I want you.” It took every ounce of power, every fiber in his being not to reach out and touch Nik because he knew, with them, one thing would lead to another. That’s just what happened. They were almost addicted to each other, as was evident from their last encounter of drunken sex. Rafi bit his lip until it bled and thought fuck it and went in for a hug. Just a hug. Just a fucking hug, to smell the other, to touch the other. Something small to satiate his need.