I silently laugh at my own cenotaph

LORENZO ZURZOLO

‘  and i’m done. adios, bitches!  ’

‘  be nice or i’ll push you off the ladder.  ’

‘  butterflies are not your friend.  ’

‘  did you also know that bad people do bad things sometimes?  ’

‘  did you know that sometimes vin diesel can come into your work and shoot up the place with a machine gun?  ’

‘  did you seriously just leave to go look at a bug outside?  ’

‘  dinosaurs and penguins are the same thing, right?  ’

‘  don’t come in the bathroom, i’m currently dying.  ’

‘  emo sing-along time!  ’

‘  i didn’t find my courage, but i found john winchester faster than sam and dean did so that’s an accomplishment.  ’

‘  i didn’t push you, you willingly went in!  ’

‘  i don’t like it when someone comes in the bathroom when i’m pooping and poop bombs me.  ’

‘  i fucking suck at math. you should know this by now.  ’

‘  i had a dream i was gay and it was great so i bought this rainbow lighter this morning.  ’

‘  i left my brain at home today.  ’

‘  i threw away your banana and i’m stealing your donut.  ’

‘  if i die eating this vending machine breakfast burrito just know that i think you’re awesome and i will miss you.  ’

‘  in here, your imagination’s your best friend.  ’

‘  is this how the world ends? rainfall? ouch.  ’

‘  it’s that good 2006 emo shit.  ’

‘  i’m always heavily, heavily medicated.  ’

‘  i’m currently having the time of my damn life if you must know.  ’

‘  i’m cute as fuck, but i’m dumber than rocks.  ’

‘  i’m not a fucking baby so stop saying i am!  ’

‘  i’m pissed off because she got pissed at me for no reason.  ’

‘  i’m running behind. my plant got decapitated when i was cooking breakfast.  ’

‘  i’m scared of heights and i want to die.  ’

‘  i’m watching tv, everybody shut up!  ’

‘  i’ve almost died about twenty times total today.  ’

‘  i’ve almost had 39 heart attacks today alone.  ’

‘  let’s get emo up in this bitch.  ’

‘  mad at me? i didn’t fucking do anything.  ’

‘  now i’ve had the time of my life and i owe it all to… this dumb ass job that’s gotta get done.  ’

‘  oh great, i’ll die knowing that the worst worker here loves me.  ’

‘  oh yay… there’s a video…  ’

‘  okay, so you need to be in a bubble today.  ’

‘  she has an octopus tattoo on her asshole and i think that’s beautiful.  ’

‘  she saved my life. i thought there was a spider on my back and she was gonna move it, but it was actually just my hair. she’s a life saver.  ’

‘  she thinks i should be scared of her? i’m not scared of anybody. it’s me they should be scared of.  ’

‘  shove a cigarette in there for the wasps to smoke while they die.  ’

‘  shut the fuck up, you’re always cold.  ’

‘  shut up, i’m making dinosaurs!  ’

‘  someone’s gotta be thrown under the bus and it’s not gonna be me.  ’

‘  someone’s having a hissy fit!  ’

‘  stop stealing my fucking chair!  ’

‘  stop trying to hold my hand, i need to poop!  ’

‘  there are no rules in this place.  ’

‘  there’s no smiling allowed here.  ’

‘  this is actually the day from hell.  ’

‘  this is lawless land.  ’

‘  those noises were coming from you?!  ’

‘  until you get past the first three months, you’re just another cute face to me.  ’

‘  we broke her.  ’

‘  we don’t associate with people named linda. it’s just a rule.  ’

‘  we don’t even know how to function now.  ’

‘  welcome to the island of misfits.  ’

‘  well, i woke up wanting to cry and now i’m here. how’s your day?  ’

‘  what do you need? you’re interrupting my serial killer podcast!  ’

‘  what, you’re not having fun?  ’

‘  what. the. actual. fuck.  ’

‘  when you leave, your cat’s just sluttin’ it up with other people. she probably has a tinder and everything.  ’

‘  you didn’t hire me to be good at math.  ’

‘  you guys, this is a great day.  ’

‘  you pushed me into a box and tried to kill me!  ’

‘  you’re gay too? you’re gonna fit in great here.  ’

‘  you’re gonna die and i’ll laugh when it happens.  ’

“you’ve been fighting again.”  

“now will you get some rest?”

“help me overcome my anger.”

“you’ve had a bad fever, but i’ve taken care of it.”

“not everyone is meant to be a warrior.” 

“you’re a tough one.”

“not until i know you’re okay.”

“it’s a brutal world.”

“promise me that you won’t let yourself die here.”

“there are greater battles to be won – battles of the heart.”

“look, you’re wounded.”

“you weren’t going to say goodbye? you were just going to leave?”

“sometimes, with patience and reason and by setting a good example, i have won more than a fight. i have turned my adversary into a friend.”

“but… you’ve killed before.”

“now, try not to look so sad.”

“you can’t force people to be just and decent.”

“i saw too much death here.”

“what are you humming?”

“you’re lucky i found you when i did.”

“anger is our enemy. greed and fear are also our enemies.”

“well, you survived. that’s something.”

“but once again your courage saved us.”

“let your feelings guide you.”

“our destinies lie along different paths.”

“life tests you! every day it brings you new chances for triumph or defeat.” 

“we sing a song of thanksgiving.”

“who taught you to fight like that?”

“that you survived at all is a credit.”

“is it really you?”

“but it’s not unreasonable to hate a lying, scheming, cowardly murderer.”  

————   SEASON   1   EPISODE   1.   AKA   LADIES   NIGHT.

❛  cheaters are good for business.  ❜ 

❛  knowing it’s real means you gotta make a decision.  ❜ 

❛  tell me i’m getting off on ruining your already shitty life.  ❜ 

❛  people do bad shit.  ❜ 

❛  people do bad shit. i just avoid getting involved with them.  ❜ 

❛  you’re lying, aren’t you?  ❜ 

❛  whoever he is, he’s not as good as me.  ❜ 

❛  is being drunk an excuse?  ❜ 

❛  you’re not protecting me.  ❜ 

❛  i’m not going to beg. i’m going to ask you though, very strongly.  ❜ 

❛  phew. i questioned my whole worldview for a second.  ❜ 

❛  this has gone a long way for me liking and trusting you.  ❜ 

❛  why? why are you whispering?  ❜ 

❛  you gotta know when to walk away.  ❜ 

❛  you use sarcasm to distance people.  ❜ 

❛  she could be in a cult!  ❜

❛  they said there was no evidence of a crime being committed.  ❜

❛  i’m making an experimental time lapse film of a year in my life, so…  ❜

❛  i found him on craigslist.  ❜

❛  it’s called google maps, moron.  ❜

❛  you’re… one of them.  ❜

❛  you’re not normal!  ❜

❛  it’s people like you who give people like you a bad name.  ❜

❛  he claims you and i quote, lifted his car overhead and threatened him with your laser eyes.  ❜

❛  look, if you’re gonna call me volatile or whatever else, i’m really not in the mood.  ❜

❛  was that a compliment?  ❜

❛  you’re local, you’re hot, drinking alone…  ❜

❛  i don’t get asked on a lot of second dates.  ❜

❛  i’m just trying to make a living.  ❜

❛  i don’t flirt. but you do.  ❜

❛  i’ve never seen a dive bar this clean.  ❜

❛  you also like women. temporarily at least.  ❜

❛  i don’t flirt. i just say what i want.  ❜

❛  she’s either an idiot in love, or she’s being conned.  ❜

❛  he’s not coming back, is he?  ❜

❛  pack. go home. get the hell out of here.  ❜

❛  get the hell out of here.  ❜

❛  i don’t have any goddamn friends.  ❜

❛  i stole it.  ❜

❛  you could’ve used the door.  ❜

❛  you’ve been keeping tabs on me?  ❜

❛  i was making sure you weren’t dead, since you never called.  ❜

❛  no, you talk to me! you tell me what the hell is so important!  ❜

❛  you saw him die.  ❜

❛  it’s not my goddamn ptsd!  ❜

❛  are you still having nightmares? flashbacks?  ❜

❛  you need to go back to that therapist.  ❜

❛  i’m calling the police.  ❜

❛  you know what he can do.  ❜

❛  you know what he made me do.  ❜

❛  we? he’s coming for me, not you.  ❜

❛  you are far better equipped to deal with that animal than some innocent girl.  ❜

❛  you’re still the person who tried to do something.  ❜

❛  i was never the hero that you wanted me to be.  ❜

❛  i don’t want to hurt you.  ❜

❛  none of it is your fault.  ❜

❛  i want you to say it: none of it is my fault. say it back to me.  ❜

❛  you saved my life.  ❜

❛  smile.  ❜

❛  keep denying it.  ❜

goodbye :  my  muse  kissing  and/or  hugging  your  muse  goodbye.

secrets :   my  muse  sharing/confiding  their  deepest,  darkest  secret  with  your  muse.

nightmare :   my  muse  coming  to  your  muses  aid  when  they  awake  from  a  nightmare.

push :   my  muse  pushing  your  muse  out  of  the  way  of  danger.

embrace :   my  muse  abruptly  throwing  their  arms  around  your  muse,  hugging  them  tightly.

bloody :   my  muse  coming  to  your  muse  with  blood  stains  on  their  clothes  and  hands,  shaking.

drunk :   my  muse  takes  care  of  your  muse  while  they  are  in  a  drunken  state.

bed :   my  muse  wakes  up  in  the  same  bed  as  your  muse  with  little  recollection  of  the  night  before.

slap :   my  muse  slaps  your  muse  across  the  face  out  of  anger.

gone :   my  muse  stays  by  your  muses  side  while  they  take  their  last  breath.

scream :   my  muse  hears  your  muse  scream  and  quickly  runs  to  their  side.

sleep :   my  muse  falls  asleep  on  your  muse,  making  it  hard  for  my  muse  to  leave.

stalk :   my  muse  gets  caught  by  your  muse  trailing  behind  them,  watching  them.

sacrifice :   my  muse  jumps  in  front  of  your  muse,  sacrificing  their  life  for  your  muses  life.

trail :   my  muse  watches  as  your  muse  traces  one  of  my  muses  scares,  asking  them  about  it.

love :   my  muse  confronts  your  muse  about  why  they  never  say  ’ i  love  you ’  back.

piggyback :   my  muse  jumps  on  your  muses  back,  my  muse  gives  yours  a  piggyback  ride.

jump :   my  muse  runs  to  your  muse  and  jumps  up,  my  muse  holding  yours  up  by  their  thighs.

dance :   my  muse  holds  their  hand  out,  waiting  for  your  muse  to  come  out  and  slow  dance  with  them.

carry :   my  muse  carries  your  muse  to  their  house,  either  drunk,  or  a  weakened  state,  can  specify. 

lighter :   my  muse  pulls  out  a  lighter  and  lights  it  for  your  muse  to  use  to  light  their  cigarette.

shot :   my  muse  gets  shot  and  struggles  to  your  muses  house  for  aid.

wound :   my  muse  patches  and  bandages  a  wound  your  muse  has  gotten.

fight :   my  muse  stops  your  muse  from  getting  into  a  physical  fight  with  someone  else.

arrest :   your  muse  finds  my  muse  arrested  in  cuffs  with  swarming  police  everywhere.

hospital :   my  muse  awakens  in  a  hospital,  finding  your  muse  by  their  side,  asking  what  happened.

gun :  my  muse  pulls  out  a  gun  on  your  muse,  your  muse  tries  to  talk  them  into  putting  the  gun  down. 

betrayal :  my  muse  finds  out  that  your  muse  has  betrayed  them  in  same  way  and  confronts  them  about  it.

nude :  my  muse  walks  in  on  your  muse  accidentally  seeing  them  naked.

karaoke :  my  muse  pulls  your  muse  up  on  stage  with  them  to  sing  some  karaoke  songs. 

laughter :   my  muse  hears  your  muse  laughing  uncontrollably  and  approaches  to  see  if  they  are  okay.

murder :   my  muse  walks  in  on  your  muse  committing  a  gruesome  murder.