Writer.

It’s weird how you’d rather lie than tell the truth. You’d rather lie than admit that I still reach out to you and you still reply. It’s weird how after all these years, the distance never really interfered.. It’s weird how you’re there and I’m here but we’re still close.. It’s just weird isn’t it?

Most days, I’m fine. Most of the time, what we used to be doesn’t haunt me and memories come then go effortlessly but today.. Days like today, all I can see is letters that spell your name.. Your face. And just like that it takes me back and I’m right back in love..

Every now and then your memory floods my dreams. I toss and turn hoping to break free from your grip but I’m still bound. I can still see your face and I replay our moments. It doesn’t happen often but when it does, it’s hard to remember why I forgot you in the first place..

I keep reminding her of her worth. I understand how easy it is to center your life around your man and lose sight of you. I’ve been there and I know the look in her eyes. I’ve seen it in mine. She will never leave him until she’s ready. It has to be her decision. On her time. So, I listen to her when she needs to vent. Try not to pass judgement.. But, I’ll always be there to lift her crown when the weight becomes too heavy. ❤️

I miss you. And I know that I shouldn’t. I know you only know how to break the things you love, so you’ll just leave me in pieces. You’ll just string me along never really giving me anything to hold onto. And I take those pieces and still try to love you. I know that I shouldn’t but I do. I’ve tried erasing memories but I can’t go back and rewind you coming into my life. I can’t forget those nights we spent wrapped in each other’s arms laughing at how we finally feel like we found our home. My love was strong enough to right your wrongs but you got too close, too fast.. so, you ran. And although I don’t understand, I can’t spend my life trying to find out why. Some things aren’t meant to last. Some loves can’t move forward, you have to leave them in the past. So, I’m doing just that. Never looking back..

Am I completely healed? No. There are days I can barely concentrate on anything except old memories and it grips my heart. I don’t know if you ever stop loving someone you pictured your life with. I’m not sure if those moments ever fade.. But the pain does lessen. It comes in waves but you will not wake with it every single day. Eventually, when your heart catches up to what your mind already knew.. It won’t hurt as much. Maybe every once in awhile but it will no longer have the power to bring you to your knees. Healing is a forever kind of thing..

If we are speaking on good luck, I haven’t had much of it. It feels like one storm after another, same prayer over and over.. I was at an all time low. But.. rain doesn’t pour forever and if you keep the faith and your strength.. you’ll get what you deserve. A change is coming. I can feel it. I’m only looking forward. I’m no longer looking back at the past ❤️

It’s getting better. Time is doing what it’s supposed to. Reality is setting in. I don’t miss you as much. I’m slowly remembering my life before you and I’m looking forward to life after you. It’s getting better. Time is doing what it’s supposed to.. How bittersweet 💔

I’m very optimistic when it comes to love. Love doesn’t scare me but trusting people? That’s when I become afraid because hurt people hurt people and I can’t take another heartbreak..