Pretty Odd S!nner

But I'm wondering: will this ever be over? Will this ever be manageable? Or am I doomed to be dependent upon manufactured chemical-filled drugs that will slowly kill me from the inside out? Will that be the only way to live a normal, less roller-coaster-like life? Can I not just be content? Sometimes I am! I really have been. Actually, I was doing quite well--being happy for once. And then I start spiraling because that's all my mind knows how to do...it doesn't know how to stay afloat..it doesn't know how to stay above water just enough to breathe. No, it has to fall, because it does not have the capability to keep up with life and the rest of us. My brain doesn't know how to consistently stay happy. I have tried so hard to teach myself consistency. I do the affirmations, I exercise, I eat well, I get enough rest, and I don't involve myself with drugs and alcohol (other than weed because duh); I'm doing everything a normal person should do in times of sadness or even short-term or situational-based distress..but I find that I am not a normal person and as it does help for sure--no one can deny that--it is not nearly enough and it barely keeps me going.. I don't know how I will continue to keep going at this rate. Something needs to change. I need consistency in my happiness.

But that wasn’t really the point, was it? Finding someone else isn’t what I had in mind And it’s not something I want to do

family: not possible, because at 4:45pm on april 16th 2007 you smiled for 2 seconds