it’s just my patience that keeps me alive

STATS ~

Given name: Rachel Marie Danziger

Legal name: Rachel Danziger Hirsch

Born: Rochester, New York

Birthday: April 20, 1984 (age 37) 

Astrology:  Taurus sun, Virgo moon, Cancer ascending

Raised: Rochester, New York

Parents: David Danziger, civil engineer.  Elizabeth Kelly Cohen-Danziger, eighth grade civics and history teacher.  One sister (estranged.) 

Education: B.F.A., Architectural design; MArch (architecture), Parsons School of Design

Professional:  various retail jobs through college | various architecture/engineering internships during college and grad school, NYC. | Intern, Junior Sustainability Consultant, Morris Architecture (2008-2010.)  [whatever she and Rory did together here, 2010-2015.] Owner/architect, Danziger Arch (2015-present.)

Personal: Divorced (Rory Hirsch, m. 2007-2016); one son, Adam (b. 2008.)  Jewish (humanist.) 

PERSONA ~

Rachel is the ultimate girl next door, for the most part.  Once you peel back that exterior, though, it becomes clear she’s the way she is because she’s firmly in the driver’s seat.  If she gives an inch, if she lets someone else take the wheel, she will fall apart.  She can’t allow it.  It makes it difficult to get to know her on anything more than a superficial level, and she can seem cold or maybe even a little arrogant.  Nothing could be further from the truth, though.  When she loves, she loves hard.  She takes it personally when her relationships don’t work out.  She’ll work her guts out trying to fix a problem, even if she makes herself miserable do it.  When things are working out, she loves a good chat, a push and pull, a debate, a witty exchange -- and she generally stays far away from making it all about herself.     

EXISTING CONNECTIONS ~

Rory Hirsch - divorced, co-parenting

Tyler Hale - awkward ex-boyfriend considering she dumped him for Rory. 

Ava Halliwell - acquaintances, maybe.  Awkwardly.

Eleanor Hirsch - former sister-in-law, adopted younger sibling.   

Geo Livingston - friend met through her marriage to Rory.

Evie Morris -former colleague, back in the intern days at Morris Architecture.

Aly Acosta - neighbor

WANTED CONNECTIONS ~

Estranged sister 

Boyfriend she turned down before she moved to Catalina 

Her admin assistant 

Fellow parents (her son is twelve). 

Anyone else who is socially Jewish but maybe not super religious. 

.

“Maybe you can tell me about it over a beer.” He smiled, figuring they could use at least one lighter topic of conversation later on. Letting him know which places to avoid would be helpful. He nodded, filing the information away. A year wasn’t that long, and he wondered how committed she was to the place. It wasn’t ideal for work, as he knew full well. “Always had better things to do,” he agreed. Drinking in excess didn’t always go well with his temper problem, and indulging in either wasn’t his style.

He slid his phone back into his pocket with a nod toward her cart. “How far away are you? Want to meet me there in half an hour?” That was plenty of time for him to finish up, drop off his groceries, and get back, but if she needed longer, he wasn’t in a rush. It was a little unreal to be making plans with her, casual though they were. The actual planning part made it feel less spur of the moment and more …intentional. Which it was, and that was why it was weird.

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Her immediate thought was not likely, but her immediate response was a small smile.  "Hmm.  Maybe."  So apparently her head and her mouth weren't working together, which was very bad news for what could happen after a beer or two. But would it be so bad, admitting she'd been to some kind of a dating event? She was single.  He would figure this out eventually, if he hadn't already.  She didn't know if he cared enough to say anything, but there were a lot of dots from the last time they'd seen each other to now that would require connecting. She wasn't sure she wanted to give up that much of a story to him, because he had every right to use it against her.

"A half hour sounds good," she said.  She would have to rush a little, especially to change clothes, but it wasn't worth extending the timeframe for.  That was perfect because she didn't actually have think about what they were doing. The lack of thinking made it easier to avoid appearing flushed or rushed or nervous at all as she slid into a seat at the bar, wearing jeans, a pretty blouse, and loose hair at least instead of her gym clothes and practical ponytail.

.

It wasn’t the answer he expected, but he just nodded and pulled out his phone. Apparently, he was wrong to assume she’d been here a lot longer than he had. It seemed a more likely explanation than that she didn’t get out much, although he supposed he didn’t really know anything about her lifestyle anymore. If she had a family, that would explain it. He pulled up a Google list and briefly thumbed through it for something close and decently rated. Definitely not something with Luau in the title.

“How about that?” He clicked into one of the options and offered her the phone. He wasn’t committed to it, but it was a starting point. It wasn’t far from the grocery store, so he assumed that meant it was close enough to her place. He needed to drop his groceries off as well. “How long have you lived here?”

.

She took the phone from him and saw the website, rudimentary though it was, for the Irish bar that was probably not too far from his apartment.  She passed it back, nodding her agreement.

“That looks fine.  Better than the last bar I went to here for sure.”  Not that she’d gone much in Los Angeles, either.  She’d just worked more and spent less time on her commute since moving.  She'd tended to stay in with her previous partner, or maybe go out to dinner.  Adam was almost always included because he hadn't been doing overnight visits with Rory at that point; that had excluded the possibility of going to a bar, even if she'd wanted to.   Suffice it to say, she wasn't up on the nightlight in Los Angeles or Catalina.  While she wondered if Tyler was, she didn't ask.  It seemed too forward. 

“Just under a year,” she admitted for the duration of her residence.  “And, obviously, bar-hopping isn’t my style.”

☆

A grin formed upon her features at Rachel’s remark. “You know, that probably still won’t stop me from being late. Or I’d like to say, being fashionably late.” At least, the sentiment of it all helped her sleep at night, and Ellie was never really known for her punctuality anyway. “Do people actually make it on time to college though? Isn’t it all just partying?” She wouldn’t know, since she never had the college experience herself. A part of her always wondered if she was missing out, but her career excelled and that all became a distant memory.

“Oh, you work in the city, right? How’s the commute been? Surely, it’s a little different with catching ferries to work.” Sometimes Ellie missed the ease of driving to her next meeting, or to set for that matter. But the island life overcame everything else, it was the sacrifice worth making in her opinion. “Oh yeah, but summer comes with a lot of festivities on the island, so I think there’ll be enough to keep Adam occupied. But are you both all settled on the island now?”

.

Rachel let out a prissy hmm of a laugh, closed mouth with her nose issuing most of the sound from her throat.  “Maybe for some people.  It wasn’t for me.  I was on time for everything because I didn’t want the shit Ty would give me otherwise.  It was good motivation.” 

Not that she wasn’t also intrinsically motivated, but the competitive edge had definitely propelled her through school in unforeseen ways.  

“Yeah, I do, but not as often as I would’ve thought.  I’ve reevaluated what I can do at home versus there and I only commute like three times a week now.  When I do, it’s kind of long.  I rented an office closer to the port, which helped.  Then I don’t have to cut through Los Angeles traffic.”  She nodded.  “I think so.  Adam’s doing really well.  He’s got a handful of skateboarding buddies, and we sometimes hang out with the Livingston kids, which he also enjoys.  I... actually have the house unpacked so that’s been a good feeling.  Moving is the worst.  How are things with you and work?”

ღ

“Yeah, I can imagine. Especially if they have boy talks, or whatever the equivalent to what girls did anyway.” A faint laughter slipped from her lips. Ava would like to say she’d know how that dynamic would unfold between daughters and mothers, but she had no knowledge in that either. She’d always been on a different wavelength to Evelyn Halliwell, and there was no desire on her behalf to make efforts in understanding the woman either. Neither her or Cleo did, and with her relationship with her father in mind, it was the one of the many reasons why she understood just how important it was for Rory to rebuild this relationship with his son. “Maybe that might be a teenager thing though, they don’t have a lot of patience reserved for adults. I mean, I didn’t really anyway.” 

Then the topic of schooling surfaced, and Ava hadn’t been the most studious person either. Although it was a fact that she accepted long before adulthood, as creativity ran through her veins — it was why she was drawn to fashion so much. Maybe even why she found herself drawn to Rory too. “Hey, at least you made it to getting a master’s degree. I always wondered if I missed out on the college experience though. But school, for one, is something I could never imagine going back. Not at my age anyway.” She smiled softly. “I see kids these days and I feel for them. I can only imagine it’s worse for them nowadays.”

They were both being civil and polite to one another, Ava could sense that, and though the awkwardness lingered, the brunette felt a tad more at ease than she was merely moments ago when she found Rachel standing on the other side of the door before her. At least they could both find something in common, somewhere to stray away from the elephant in the room of it all. “You know, sometimes those kind of baking ends up being the best results. I find that if I cared too much, I end up picking at everything that went wrong with it.” Her smile widened a fraction, nodding in understanding at the mention of speed dating. She tried that, once. After she left Nathan, and it only left her feel more alone than anything else. “Speed dating, huh? I mean, there has to be a more natural way of dating, right? Something about speed dating just makes everything feels…forced, you know? Props to you for going through with it though.”

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“It seems to involve a lot of video games,” Rachel mused.  “But I don’t know.  I don’t have any brothers.  Even when I did ask my dad, he couldn’t imagine.”  Of course, she had asked him in the days when Rory wasn’t around and she was desperate to fill in gaps and vacancies, but unable to do it.  Being on the other side of the country and in marginal health, her dad wasn’t in a spot to really help, either.  She gave a shrug at the teenager idea, but it wasn’t dismissing as much as agreeing.  “Yeah.  I don’t remember fighting with my parents a lot, but I was definitely around people my own age more often.  And some of those frustrations I do remember.” 

She gave a smile with a small sound attached.  “Yeah, for me, college was mostly defined by homework and the men in my life, but it wasn’t what some people describe.  I kind of combined my school and social life.  We didn’t go out much.  I’m probably not the best person to say if you missed out or not.”  She made a face.  “And watching Adam hit middle school.... no thanks.  I don’t think you could pay me to go back.” 

Rachel found herself nodding her agreement.  “You have a point.  I’m too analytical on both sides of the process, probably.  I’d like to say that’s softening as I get older, but I still have the energy to be demanding.”  After a sip of water and a slight change of subject, she issued another laugh, surprised she was actually this relaxed in the company of Rory’s new partner.  This was probably the longest they’d ever talked, so she hadn’t known how it would go.  She was still herself, but she wasn’t totally silent, which was nice.  

“I’m sure there’s a more natural way, but I’ve never been much of a dater and moving here has made it really hard to meet new people.  Most of the locals know I was married to Rory and it just sort of overshadows everything.  But either way, speed dating definitely won’t happen again.  I just have to find a way to tell my neighbor that.  It’s possible she already set me up on Tinder or something and I just don’t know it yet, though.” 

-

The weight of his own words don’t strike him until Rachel places them into the open. Rory grows silent at that, pursing his lips together as he marinates on the bitter implications of his reckless wordplay. At some point, his brain might have decided to speak, because he tilts his head up and opens his mouth without thinking, as if it were beginning their instinctual measure of defense. “That’s not —” Rationality catches up some moments later, however, and blessedly forces his lips shut. 

Because the truth of the matter is he doesn’t have a defense for his words. Rory corrects his own line of thinking seconds later; he shouldn’t be thinking in defensive terms at all. To do so would imply that the blame should not be placed on him. Yet it is precisely his profound disengagement that has gotten them here in the first place, avoiding the bridges he’d burned in his troubled days that he had kept everyone at a distance altogether. Somewhere, along the way, he’d forgotten to include Adam into the equation. By extension, he supposed, he had forgotten to include Rachel along his plans, too. 

Was it love? And if it had been, had he been old enough to understand its consequences? No matter. Whichever it was, he knows he is clearly in the wrong. He had a duty to fulfill as a husband and as a father, and he failed, rather miserably, on both accounts. It would be foolish, not to mention selfish, to still be making these mistakes, deliberately or otherwise.  

He expels a deep breath. “You’re right,” he acquiesces, leaning forward and folding his hands together. “That was careless of me to say. It shouldn’t have to be like that.” A wave of remorse sweeps across him, realizing the consequences of his departure all this time. For a moment, he wonders whether Adam would ever be able to rush up to him again to be swept up in his arms. The downsides of a clear, sober mind is that it forces him to think. The even worse downside is that Rory already knows his answer. “I’ll make sure to find a place that caters for all three of us, not just me and Ava, alright? You shouldn’t have to worry about that anymore.” 

“The sacrifices you’ve made for Adam when I was —” There’s a lump in his throat as he grapples with his next words. “I don’t know how to repay you. Really.” He says, unnaturally serious, downcast. “You’re — how about you, then? Apart from Adam, you’ve been doing okay?”

.

She doesn’t feel great about making him flounder, his mouth opening and words grinding out before he halts and redirects.  But she feels strongly enough about the subject matter to stand her ground, to not issue an easy out for him, regardless of the things she knows about him.  At his core, he isn’t a bad person.  He’s a good man.  He’s trying so hard to right wrongs, to re-establish everything he burned down, and she really is trying to help.  The trouble will now forever be that her efforts on his behalf will always be secondary to her efforts on Adam’s behalf.  In a softer sense, maybe a little bittersweet, conceding to Rory’s feelings and faults is Ava’s problem now, not hers.  She may lack tact and gentleness, but she’s not going to say something like that out loud.  At least, not right now, when she’s not mad. 

His eventual validation of her points rings hollow at best, but she’ll take it.  The fight can drain out of her a little.  Not for the first time, she can let go a little more of the thought moving here had been a mistake.  She’s still not entirely sure, still doesn’t entirely trust the ground they’re standing on, but it’s getting better with time and with conversations like these. 

“It shouldn’t and, honestly, I’m not going to allow it to be.  If I thought it really was, this would be a different conversation.”  She bows her head on the admission, because it’s a backhanded way of giving him a lot of credit.  She should probably be as direct with that, the credit and grace, as she is with everything else.  That’s just not how things tend to fall out of her mouth.  “I’ll probably still worry.  I appreciate your effort to include him, though, and I see how hard you’re trying. I really do.” 

But then she’s shaking off his appreciation, even a breath away from extending her own, negating it with a cool truth.  “You don’t have to repay me.  I didn’t do it for you.”  The words aren’t sharp, but she knows they might still cut.  The biggest part of her failure in their marriage was that she didn’t do things for his benefit or for their benefit as a couple.  It certainly hasn’t changed now.  Whether Rory would guard himself or stand up for himself wasn’t something she could control, or felt compelled to do because he was an adult.  (Even if he didn’t always act like it.)  In Adam’s case, he’s been too young to provide his own protection and, for a long time, he only had her to do it.    

She sips her coffee, burying the spike of shame from the internal barometer that says she’s too hard on everyone, could be a little less argumentative and standoffish when someone is extending caring questions or concerns.  But, as always, it’s easier to let the softer notes and tones bounce off, easier to absorb the harsher elements that sink beneath her skin. 

This is one of those moments she’ll look back on when she should’ve opened up, but didn’t.  There are too many of those moments to count between them at this point.  The gap they’ve created is probably permanent, an emotional chasm that destroyed their marriage and made it difficult they’ve had to remain in each other’s lives for the sake of a child who deserves all the love they never gave one another.  “Yeah.  I mean... what other choice is there anyway?” 

☼

Rather than responding, the nonverbal response of a nod comes from Georgina’s behalf, feeling as the finalization serves well for another sip of her wine. Then, finally, lifting the crystalline highball glass resting in her possession for a celebratory cheer. Given this commemoration had been already happened, their mommy timeout is being used well to their advantage: discussing things that would be challenging to do over a phone or with wandering child ears around, granting them the chance to relish in a free moment. They needed this. Hell, everyone needs this time just to let go and let loose. The older one gets, the harder it is to stop the gears from turning.

Finalizing up on her sip as she returns it to the cup holder, a chuckle escapes, and mirth is immediate in suit to settle on her features. “Trust me; it’s a miracle sent from above,” she relives the peace of mind that stimulates on her behalf. Otherwise, she’d be a pool of anxiety and never-ending worry, which potentially happens all too often as it is. “It makes me wonder a lot how we went without such invention before? Given phones weren’t as expensive back then, so it wouldn’t eat away at someone too much if your flip phone or sidekick just happened to land in the ocean and you witness a Titanic moment with a phone,” A peal of laughter graces their atmosphere, speaking from first-hand experience, of course.

However, the shift to Rachel’s sister, a particular enigma in her multitoned rims over the years, causes her initial to be a hum followed by a nod. “It makes sense,” Stating firstly in a quiet tone, feeling like it isn’t a viable response as the moments settle. “I can understand how it wouldn’t appeal to others. Feels like people are constantly watching you.” She comes to reason with avoiding the most assumptions on the sister’s dynamic because if Rach wants to talk, regardless of how long it’s been, then a shoulder will be there for the other to lean on ─ as it’s the first thing the brunette learned about the strawberry blonde when Rory introduced them.

But, gratitude is an immediate pick-up as she beams like a child on Christmas morning. “Hey, it’s the least I can do,” she appreciates cheerfully, making it evident time spend with the other is one she’d never take for granted. “Before these nights, I didn’t know I needed a moment just to sit back and relax. We both know I don’t know what it’s like to take a break and catch my breath, so it does me wonders too.” For which, her family would be proud of her for being a human instead of a robot ─ as even robots need rest and repeats. Still beaming, she says next: “I’m so glad too. He’s making a real impact on Asher about these comics, you know?” She glances over at the other. “Finally, having a safe space to talk about it with someone other than Rory because you won’t believe it, one of the rude-ass PTA moms kids called it nerdy.”

.

Rachel shakes her head.  “Yeah, I don’t know.  I’m sure my parents worried about me, especially when I was in the city over summers, but it wasn’t an option to turn on phone tracking.”   She was older then, though.  When she was twelve, she definitely wasn’t wandering New York City by herself.  The options for trouble in her hometown were far more limited.  Plus, given her nature, she was more likely to be found at a community center.  Oftentimes, it had been literally staring at walls.  Even from a young age, the corners and joints, the things that made a building and created a space had interested her and she had studied them all.  Being where she’d said she’d be, the less expensive flip phones of days gone by had been more than sufficient for her needs and her parents’ needs.  She hadn’t even had a smartphone until she moved to Los Angeles and had a business to run.    “I guess it comes down to trust.  If you’re already doing what you say you will and being where you say you’ll be, it doesn’t matter if you feel like someone is watching.  The only reason to feel that way is if you have something to hide, and the only reason for someone to keep tabs is because you haven’t been forthcoming before, so they don’t trust you.”  She shrugged.  “As terrible as it sounds, I don’t trust Adam because history hasn’t really established he’s totally aware of his surroundings yet -- so Find My Phone makes sense.”  It probably wasn’t the most accepting point of view, especially for someone as insular as she tended to be, but there it was.  And the further implication was she didn’t care enough to track her sister, an adult who could and would do whatever she pleased.  Rachel sipped again to seal it off, not wanting to broach the subject that was always just a little more forefront near her birthday.

Thanks and gratitude exchanged, it’s easier to focus on the kids and the lighthearted gossip, and she clings to it a little.  “Good.  I’m glad to hear it.  I’d rather they be involved in something like that than something more sketchy.”  Rachel rolled her eyes and shook her head.  She had a feeling she’d never fit with the PTA mothers who acted that way, as if they had the market cornered on parenting and were a model for everything desirable.  The attitude had a way of seeping into their children’s interactions with others, too.  “Maybe it is.  So?  They’re good kids, at least.” 

With the frequency of delinquents populating Catalina, Evie had her work cut out for her. In the meantime, it meant slacking on people and maintaining personal relationships. Including, unfortunately, Rachel. Evie heard through a misplaced text message that she had moved to Catalina.

Rescheduling anything had been a bitch. Evie felt awful each and every time, but adulthood, school, and jobs seemed to prevent either of them from doing anything more than a quick ‘hey, thinking of you!’ text every other holiday. 

“If I’m late, feel free to just kick me to the curb,” she said by way of greeting as she slid into her seat. 

.

At this point in her life, after the trauma of divorce and what had ended up being mostly single parenting for years on end, not to mention the professional ramifications of splitting a business that had been still in its infancy, Rachel was less apologetic about needing to reschedule things.  She didn’t think anything of it when people rescheduled on her, either.  Time was at a premium for everyone for their own reasons.  She brightened at Evie’s voice. 

“No way,” she disagreed.  “We’re finally doing this so I’m not going to be picky about a few minutes.  How have you been, besides completely busy?” 

ღ

The concept of sitting in harmony (if she would go as far as saying so) with her boyfriend’s ex was one that seemed to be fictionalised in her mind. Perhaps that was due to her own experience with Nathan, and he was not the kind to willingly admit any form of failure, and that included their marriage. Granted, Ava knew she was not always surrounded by monsters like her late husband, but that didn’t stop the blanket of pessimism to loom over her life, and it took the turmoils of last year for her to crawl towards the light that deemed missing for the past decade of her life, even if that was still a working progress at times. 

“I guess we’re both on the same boat about that. Rory seems to be passionate in comics too though, which is nice for Adam than to spend all his time trying to explain what’s the latest new superhero in town, or whatever that is.” And for Rory too, although she didn’t add. Ava knew just how important salvaging his relationship with his son was, considering the times missed when it wasn’t at all smooth sailing in his life too. It was ironic how in their dark time they’d found each other, but only now, did she realise at what cost that came to. Her own relationship with her family wasn’t at all great either, and which was why if Rory needed to prioritise his son over her, she would understand that wholeheartedly. Even if her own insecurities was telling her otherwise.

“Right? Unless you’re a teacher, I suppose. But it comes at a compromise, doesn’t it? I could never go back to school.” Her smile widened slightly as she spoke. Ava had never been a studious person, not when she spent her teenage years striving to annoy her parents alongside with Cleo. “Hey, there’s nothing with enjoying a glass of red while baking. I’d be lying if I don’t do the same too. I always bake enough to feed a village, but doesn’t it beat going out on a Friday night?” 

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Rachel offered a chuckle.  “Yeah, I’m glad Rory is so firmly back in his life for that purpose -- and many others.  It really saves me that he can talk to his dad about it all, though.  I think it saves him, too, because he really loses patience with my lack of retention sometimes.”  It was the best and also the least of the reasons Rachel was glad to support Adam and Rory’s rekindling relationship.  The small details that built a life and a person, the commonalities that made bonds possible -- she felt like both of them probably needed that with one another.  It also built trust with her and Adam, in a way.  He was starting to believe all the times she had awkwardly defended Rory by trying to delineate the difference between a bad person and bad or selfish choices.  It had been hard for her not to just throw Rory under the proverbial bus in all her disappointment, but now it was paying dividends.  The evidence was small, but measurable. 

She was immediately shaking her head when Ava mentioned being a teacher.  While she generally liked mentoring or explaining, she didn’t have the patience to do it equally amongst any multiples of other people at a time.  One mentee was all she could handle.    “I’m with you.  No way.  I really liked school when I was there, and I like learning, but I didn’t love the environment.  I’ve never looked back.  I’m pretty confidence a master’s degree is as far as I’ll ever go.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she realized how bougie it sounded when she had no idea about Ava’s own background.  Then again, she knew Rory had a master’s degree of his own, which wasn’t a secret and was something he used every day, so Ava probably didn’t care one way or the other.  It could be said she was strung just a little too tightly for this conversation, doubting every word that came out of her mouth. Every doubt was coated in the insecurity of her distinct lack of social awareness.  With some effort, she shook that off and issued another quiet chuckle, perhaps a sound of relief to someone who was a stranger, rather than being strained.  She hoped, because it was at least genuine.  “It’s the only way for me to bake.  I guess it could be said I’m a little too detail-oriented when I’m following the directions, and my inner self-critic is a little less fussy when there’s wine involved.  Because, yes, I’d definitely rather do that than be out in the city -- or here -- on a weekend night.  The last time I really went out in a planned way was speed dating, which... I cannot in good conscience ever recommend to another living soul.” 

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Tyler wasn’t all that willing to dig into their past. Some things were better left alone, and he had no desire to reopen that wound. But just because he wanted something didn’t mean it was the best thing for him. There was clearly something still there between them in the oddly heavy silences, maybe not an elephant in the room but certainly a good-sized herd animal. In this instance, he wasn’t even sure talking about it would make it better. Was there anything they could say to each other to repair the past damage? There wasn’t anything he particularly wanted to hear. But this wasn’t quite working either, and he didn’t want every future conversation with her to be this loaded.

He snorted a soft laugh at the choices. When it came to work, he was willing to play to his clients’ better taste, but on his own, he was a born Midwesterner. Most wine there came in a box. “Less pretentious,” he decided, the concession implied. He hadn’t changed that much. “What do you recommend?” This wasn’t his town. Outside of his neighborhood, he’d seen the beach, a convenience store, and this supermarket. He trusted her taste at least that far, and if not, it was just a drink.

.

Rachel had to stop and think about how to answer his question, even though he’d just asked for a recommendation.  There was a slight detour while she appreciated his gentle laugh.  But in reality, she didn’t get out much, and her most recent outing had been Luau Larry’s.  It wasn’t a place she was willing to suggest. “Maybe Google?” She asked eventually.  She didn’t like feeling uncertain, or appearing uncertain for that matter, but she was.  She thought for a moment about suggesting they start walking, but they both had groceries to worry about.  She definitely had to take her cart-full home, or some parts would spoil.

☼

Due to the growing influence of the wine and its sight stopping no time soon, elation is the only reaction in the course. All initial thoughts of worries and doubt vanish into thin air ─ almost like the brunette forgot what she shared moments ago. It’s the effect of alcohol making an impact while granting the capability to let loose. Her usual limit is one glass, two if it’s with company, but other than that, it’s uncommon. The evening is still young in terms of time, food on its way, and company that brings her alive, an expectation will be made. “Perfect,” Slipping from her confines in its silvery falsetto as she holds onto her wine glass, “I’ll target to be here by six, so we can make the 6:45 ferry. Does that sound good?”

Though it feels effortless to discuss these upcoming plans, Georgina knows that she’ll be an utter wreck when the time comes next week. It’s a ticking timebomb waiting to go off ─ uncertainty soon to be lingering around every corner of an estate that she didn’t know was hers. But, she’ll be okay, and right now, it makes sense to keep this intoxication growing by lifting the glass to her petals again as the pull is burly from past sips.

After a flutter of silence and the wine glass returning to its cup holder off to the side of the hot tub, she finds an agreement in Rachel’s words. “It would be a good idea and might give you some peace. You can even enable Find my iPhone,” she suggests with slightly arched brows. However, it doesn’t last long as another thought settles in her mind causing Geo to chuckle. “I made my grown siblings enable their location or else. So, if that says something, it clearly says I’m either paranoid, a lunatic, or worried about everything.” Depending on how someone wants to see her protective nature, though the point is one can never be too sure.

Yet, fixating on the point doesn’t remain. It may be challenging to see a close-up of her friend’s expression at the topic change. The singular statement is enough to alert her. “It won’t feel like this forever.” Softness, authentic reassurance sits on her falsetto as she nurtures since it’s what Geo does best. “Life is unpredictable, right? Maybe something you didn’t know that you were looking for will show up out of the blue,” she suggests. “But just know if you ever need anything, I’m here whether it be you dragging me to try out a new hobby or more of these moments, I’m planted firm as a rock.”

.

Plans rather casually made, for an activity that will be anything less than casual at its outset, Rachel nods.  “That sounds great.  Adam will be at Rory’s no later than three, so I’m free any time after that.  It’ll give me time to finish a project proposal I’ve been working on.” 

While she wasn’t unsure about the decision to get Adam a phone, only needing to discuss it and to figure out how to manage the cost with Rory before taking action, Georgina’s agreement provides validation Rachel appreciates.  “At the very least I’d need to do that so he doesn’t lose the thing.”  She shakes her head.  “My sister would never, but that could also be if I were the one asking.  Besides, it would take the fun out of the game we play when we need to track her down for something important to someone but herself.”

Like when their mom died, for example.   Unsure if Geo knows the source of her rancor toward her sister, though, Rachel cuts the subject off with a hasty sip of wine.  She wasn’t even great about leaning on Rory, her husband in those delicate days.  It’s possible her private grief didn’t spread, and she has no intention of putting it out into the atmosphere now.  

Instead, she diverts firmly onto a more present, if not more pleasant, topic.  “Maybe,” she echoes, any notes of optimism falling flat even as she offers a smile.  “But that’s the best possible thing you can do for me.  Things like this.  Thanks for coming tonight, and for letting Adam entertain your kids.” 

☆

Interactions with her brothers’ exes ought to be awkward, yet Ellie somehow managed to find some boundaries between that, especially when the divorce between Rachel and Rory ended more or less, amicably between them. At least that was what she heard anyway. Their family wasn’t the kind to sit around and talk about their feelings, and she never dared to, because after the night with Ardin, the interaction alone took it out of her. The difference with her and Rory, was that they would much rather throw light banter at one another than to discuss serious matters. Well — perhaps on her side anyway. Any time she grew too close to that territory, she would find herself sprinting far away if she could help it.

Stepping back from their embrace, Ellie couldn’t help but grin at Rachel’s remark. “Well, you know me too well. I think everyone should start doing that if they want me to show up on time. But I’m good. It’s been very busy lately with work and all things. But I’ll still take living here over than Los Angeles even I have to travel back and forth. How about you?”

.

Rachel shrugged as she pulled back.  “Maybe I should spread the word, then.  We started doing it for one of my roommates in college and she made it to class on time just fine for years, at least until I moved out.”  And then she’d sort of lost track, because her life had been so busy, but that was beside the point.  With a nod, she attempted a smile and felt like she got at least partway there.  “Same, busy with work.  I’ve been trying to split working from home and going into the city so I can be around when Adam isn’t in school.  I’m almost there with the balance, which means it’s probably just about time for summer vacation to mess it all up.”   

.

Not being direct had a tendency to go badly for him in the long run, and he’d learned it out of necessity more than because it was his natural response to something. Maybe some people could let things simmer and then let it go, but for him, it was like slowly ticking up the internal temperature as the things piled up. He could face it before it became a real issue, or it would come out later on its own, probably at a much less convenient time. It wasn’t a perfect system, but so far it was working for him.

One of the consequences was often getting honesty in return, whether he wanted it or not. He usually did, but talking with his ex was a whole different game. He found himself unexpectedly sympathizing. For Rachel to admit she was struggling meant she really must be, and while there might be some bad feeling there, he didn’t wish that on her. I’m sorry would have sounded disingenuous at worst, generic at best. “Yeah, you will. You always were,” he agreed instead. Whatever she went through, he was sure she’d come out of it fine, through sheer force of will if nothing else. Things couldn’t have changed that much.

Shopping wasn’t really helping the situation, although it helped to have somewhere else to put his eyes. It felt too much like what it was: an awkward encounter between people who barely knew each other anymore. He could feel them at a crossroads, the point in the conversation where they could either shake hands and walk away, or they could accept this weird turn of events and try to make the best of it. They lived on the same island. They worked in the same field. Walking away didn’t seem like a practical option. When he smiled again, it was a small surrender. “I’m almost done here. Do you want to get a drink or something?”

.

His comfort was brief, more familiar than generic, and she absorbed it at least superficially.  That was all she could do, for the limited revelation it had been.  Maybe she had always been before, and it wasn't like she couldn't say she'd been in this spot before, too -- the one where she'd chosen something else over the relationship she'd been in, no matter how much her heart had been in the relationship.  These tiger's stripes weren't particularly new.  So many things had been dredged up, nearer the surface than she would've liked, and she found it easier not to say anything else.  

She reached for a particular head of iceberg lettuce, destined for a meatless taco of sorts later in the week, was still holding it when he made his next offer, and she practically tossed it in her cart.  For some reason, her habit was to get produce last.  She was nearly done with her shopping, too.  If she wanted an excuse to avoid doing anything with him, that would've been it, and it was unavailable.  She was a terrible liar.  But, the truth was, she didn't mind the opportunity.  They were clearly going to run into each other if they worked in the same field, in the same area, and they lived somewhere as small as Catalina.  However part time his residence, it was bound to happen.   Maybe it was time to bring all that college uncertainty into the light, to unpack it and really grow up.

Or, maybe it could be just a drink and she could stop digging down to the most finite detail about something, since she'd probably never mention, discuss, rehash, or resolve it anyway.

"I'd like that," she finally agreed.  "I have every kind of wine you can think of at my house, or we can go out for something less pretentious."  She narrowed her eyes at him again, intent on teasing away the awkward.  "Or I guess more pretentious if your tastes have changed."

ღ

A soft chuckle fell from her lips at Rachel’s remark, nodding in understanding nonetheless. If there was one thing Ava learnt during her brief time with Adam, was the traits of Rory found in him. Which wasn’t surprising, considering that was his son, and she was sure there were qualities of the woman sitting before her, found in him too. “You know, I kind of get it. Like father, like son, huh? I can’t say I know enough about those comic book things.” Although she would attempt to learn more in that regards, in the aspect of hobbies and what not. After all, it was what adults did to get along in harmony with teenagers, to find some common interests, wasn’t it?

Ava merely gave a faint smile at Rachel with her comment, knowing just too well it was an old habit that refused to fade along with Nathan’s accident. “I guess, you were probably expecting Rory, weren’t you?” Although she really wouldn’t take offence if that was the case, especially she came to the realisation that her and Rory hadn’t discussed much about the topic of his ex-wife and Adam for that matter. If anything, she didn’t dare to broach that topic unless it was necessary to. “Oh? That’s nice. I forget that it’s Spring Break already, but I tend to forget that when I’m not in school anymore. But for me, probably just relaxing and doing some baking. I wish I can say something more exciting, but I might as well just come to terms with the fact that I’m a homebody by now. There’s only so much time before it’s Monday again.”

.

Rachel echoed Ava’s chuckle.  She wasn’t sure if it was normal or expected to comment on the qualities of an ex that might overlap between relationships.  She had only recently come around to the idea that she could remember certain things about Rory with a degree of fondness, rather than everything being tinged with hurt and maybe something a little bitter.  Just because they hadn’t worked out didn’t mean there weren’t good things about him, good things about her, and good things about their relationship.  There were definitely qualities Adam had inherited from his dad, or had adopted if not been genetically gifted, and she could love those things, too.   “Yeah.  I mean, I was always a reader, too, but it was definitely never comic books.  I’ve tried more lately, but my success has been pretty limited.  I’m considering finding audio formats so I understand what he’s talking about more often, but I’m not there quite yet.” 

She shrugged, taking a sip of her water.  Obviously she’d been expecting Rory, but there was no point in being rude or sarcastic about it.  There was every possibility this was just as uncomfortable for Ava as it was for her.  They were fumbling through together and the only way they’d be successful is with grace and patience -- two things Rachel could only ever manage with a concentrated effort.  So she made one now in the hopes Rory would be able to recognize the effort for what it was  -- mending bridges for Adam’s benefit. 

“Yeah, I kind of wish Spring Break was still an expected thing as an adult.  Instead, we have weekends that are never long enough.”  She shook her head, but offered a genuine smile.  “Baking can be exciting,” Rachel disagreed, but pleasantly.  “I have a pie crust my mom made without a second thought that I will be beyond thrilled when I can replicate.  If I’m serious about it, I should probably stop having a glass of wine while I’m trying to do it.  I guess that’s all the homebody in me, too.”