R3XTORATION

the gorilla could have died and been done with in like a week but none of you know how to be normal

@r3xtoration you on thanksgiving

It seems that Fidel Castro just couldn’t live in a world without Florence Henderson.

The first guy who heard a parrot talk was probably not ok for several days.

The empire never referred to it as the death star, they always said battle station. The term death star is nothing more than rebel scum propaganda.

In Return of the Jedi when the Emperor gets to the Death Star, Vader tells him that the Death Star will be completed on schedule.

Great idea that will have no negative consequences: Witch hunters, but for clowns

something like this actually happened at UMass Amherst

Good. The people of Massachusetts have traditionally been very rational and level-headed in their witchhunts.

i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me

I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.

At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee

a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and  whispered “count olaf”

once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said “you’re cured”

A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying “peanut peanut” until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said “Thank you”.

Drunk girls, saving your life one wtf at a time.

Girls are a fucking gift don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

im really mad at how accurate this is

A moment of silence for our fallen bearded brother who sacrificed himself for the sake of this disgustingly accurate illustration.

Tell me you fat fuckin horse

Well now he isn’t going to say anything you’ve hurt him

full offense but some of y’all just have to let people enjoy things

there’s a line between constructive criticism and actively shitting on someone’s fun