R.E.M Future Author

Is it really bad to give up,

Is it bad to feel like your heart can’t beat a second longer,

The air doesn’t touch your lungs,

Nothing is alright,

It never feels alright,

Is it wrong to give up,

When you have no more fight left to give?

When your so sick of it all,

Nothing ever seems to give,

Every turn is darker then the last,

You thought you escaped,

Then it came crashing down fast,

Is it okay to give up,

When you just can’t bear to wake up,

When life seems to pull you down,

Your drowning in your head,

Nothing left to love,

That emotion feels completely dead,

Is it okay to give it up then?

You have nothing left to give,

No strength left to fight for it,

Not even a shred of humanity left,

Is it okay to give up then?

You message when you want to talk,

When you need someone I’m always there,

So why?

Why do I feel so unloved?

Why do you disappear the moment I need you?

Ignore me like I’m nothing to you,

I do everything I can,

Buy you flowers,

Write you poems,

Give you everything you ask for,

At the cost of myself,

I love you,

So why?

Why do I feel so unloved,

When you don’t message for days,

When you don’t care when I’m falling apart,

When you would rather play video games,

Instead of taking me on a date,

So why?

Why do I feel so unloved,

To be with you was joy, 

Heaven.

Bliss.

Now it’s tears at night,

Alone in my bed,

No one messages me,

They all think I’m with you instead,

My friends are happy for me,

I gave you a second chance,

Am I not worth it? 

Do I not deserve your attention and love?

Why?

Why do I feel so unloved,

When I have given you everything,

Why can’t I give up?

Why,

Why,

Christmas, 

The jolly time of year,

Stockings hanging by the fireplace,

A tree decorated with toys and lights,

Presents wrapped brightly,

Oh I hate Christmas,

No family to be found,

No one who cares,

Selfishness over ruling,

It’s that time of year,

People dying while trying to buy presents,

People stomping each other for a good deal,

Oh I hate Christmas,

The stockings are full of trinkets,

The presents show how little anyone knows about each other,

Oh how I hate Christmas,

People pretend,

People will lie,

If you are trash in your eyes,

It’s the time of year where you see how everyone actually feels,

Coal in your stocking,

Empty boxes galore,

All I want is family time,

Yet to them they don’t care,

Oh I hate Christmas,

It’s the worst time of the year,

Where solitude grows,

People hurt each other,

Charities steal from the people who need it,

And no one cares,

It’s all about food and presents,

No one cares about the people,

People think your worthless if you’re not as well off as them,

Oh how I hate Christmas,

It is the worst time of year,

I just wish for once,

For one single year,

I could get what I want,

All I want,

You, 

You are sweet,

Kind,

Wonderful,

Do you know how I love you so?

Each and every day,

You stay in my thoughts,

My dreams,

Even when all seems lost,

You are the one who reignites my hope,

I’ve told you I loved you,

I told you a million,

No,

A trillion times,

Yet still it comes to the end of the day,

And still you are not mine,

You don’t see me,

All I am is the girl you don’t want,

If I was sane,

Would you love me?

If I was normal,

Would you love me?

If I was thinner,

Prettier,

Taller,

Would you love me?

You tell me you love me,

Every time I tell you I love you,

You respond with the same,

Yet each time I ask for you to be mine,

You reject me,

You break me,

You rip me to shreds,

Then moments later,

You’re telling me you never want this to end,

You love me,

You want me,

Or so you say,

Can you really see me?

Or am I just your play thing?

Is my heart that weak?

That even after a thousand heartbreaks,

You’re still the one who holds the key,

I love you,

Good and Evil,

Two sides of a coin,

Black and White,

It’s inside of me,

Feasting on my pain,

Harboring in my nightmares,

It’s twisting me,

Burrowing deeper,

Devouring my soul,

I hurt them,

Each and Every one of them,

All the people I claim to love,

My demons want to devour them too,

They want to pull them down,

Down,

Down,

All the way to the hell I reside in,

I want to save them,

I want to be saved,

Is it too late for me?

My demons are raging,

I can’t escape,

I’m a goner so please,

Please run away,

Save yourself,

I know,

I know,

I’ll never be good enough,

I’ll never have it all,

I know I’m pathetic,

I’ll never be any better,

I am worthless,

Obese,

A failure,

a loser,

I will never be what you want from me,

So stop telling me to be,

It hurts,

It’s killing me,

I know you pity me,

They all pity me,

No real friends left,

Just ones too scared that I’ll die if they leave,

This is me,

I will never succeed,

So why bother anymore?

Why even try?

It’s time,

I know it’s time,

It’s the final event in our lives,

The moment that brings everything we’ve ever done to a halt,

The moment that makes it all worthless,

Yet to crave such a thing,

Is it wrong?

Is it right?

Can I be healed or will i always fight this fight,

To know i can drag a knife across my skin,

To bleed out in seconds,

Minutes,

Hours,

Never to breathe again,

I want it,

I want it more then I want anything anymore,

I’ve always wanted it but now,

Now it is the pang of need,

The lust,

The fear,

It is everything I want,

It is everything I need,

Is this right?

Is this wrong?

Can I be healed?

Or am I broken forever,

So many questions,

Yet I get no answers,

I get nothing,

Instead I find myself sinking,

Down,

Down,

Down,

The darkness is gripping and pulling me down. 

I’m dying,

I want to keep dying,

No one will ever mind,

So why not let me go?

I want to go,

They pretend to be there,

Their pretty words making you smile,

Then they leave,

They leave when things stop being peachy and cheerful,

They leave you all alone,

Then they blame you,

They knew what they were singing up for,

The moment you stop being fun,

The moment you stop letting them walk over you,

The moment you depend on them,

That is when they leave,

They leave when you need them,

They leave you all alone,

Alone and dying,

They will never care,

Though you will be buried,

The funeral will be empty,

Alone in life,

No one left to dry my tears,

No one left to hear my fears,

No one left to help me through it,

No one left to stop it,

I’m drowning in my pain,

Yet my words cannot be spoken,

No one would hear,

No one would care,

If I dragged the blade across my wrist,

If i stopped my heat beating,

My funeral would be barren,

No one hears when I cry,

No one cares if I want to die,

Once upon a time I had friends,

They left me behind when my illness dragged me down,

They couldn’t understand,

They refused to understand,

They only ever bullied me,

But I still want them back,

I’m too lonely to live,

Too broken to go on,

All I want is to be six feet underground,

All I want is to be gone,

No one cares anyway,

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

But words can never hurt me,

Such a simple lie,

A phrase so small,

People mock those who say it,

I use to say it for strength,

Now my strength has deserted me,

Your words echo in my head,

Stupid bitch,

Worthless freak,

Failure,

Good for nothing,

Disgusting,

Idiot,

They say for me to kill myself,

Even my own brother,

Abused,

Beaten,

Broken down,

Stomped on like a doormat,

They say it will get better,

But how can it get better when my own mother never loved me!

My father is a wreck,

He treated me like a maid,

The things I lived through just at his house alone,

Make my own friends look down at me,

They tell me to get over myself,

They say I’m suicidal for attention,

There’s nothing wrong with me,

Stop it they say,

They were right when they said no one will miss me,

They were right when they said so many things,

They say the world is better off without me,

They are right,

They are right,

I am broken,

Worthless,

A good for nothing,

The things I have always been told,

They hurt more and more everyday,

My friends,

My family,

No one wants me here,

That’s all they ever say,

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

She’s the girl who wears her pajamas everywhere,

She’s the girl who laughs at the silliest things,

She always has a smile that is bright and light,

She’s everything you want,

The way she jokes,

How she cuddles into her blankets on a cold winter day,

How she types away on her laptop completely aware of everything you say,

The way she timed the oven perfectly and forgot,

Causing the kitchen to fill with smoke,

She’s the girl who stole your heart,

She has hobbies that seem to go on forever,

She dances to the radio in the store for everyone to see,

She’s the girl who sleeps alone at night,

She’s the girl who no one gives a second look,

You only see her as an overweight girl,

Worthless in your eyes,

Even if she is all you could ever want,

But,

You’ll never see the way she looks at the moon at night,

You’ll never see how she spreads her arms as if she can fly,

You’ll never see her crying over a movie for the third time,

You’ll never see her hopes or dreams,

Her fantasies,

You’ll never see her walking down the aisle,

A gorgeous white dress hugging her beautiful hips,

A white veil draped over her gentle eyes,

She’s the girl you dream you’ll have,

The girl you reject,

Because she doesn’t look like a model,

She may be the girl you want,

But you can’t see past her weight,

You can only see her as someone she’s not,

Even though she is the most beautiful girl in the world,

Friend zone,

I hate the term,

Once it was for Fuck Boys,

Not for me,

I flirted,

I flirted,

I flirted as hard as i could,

I tried to win your heart,

Just like you won mine,

Yet,

I am not worthy,

I always knew it to be true,

I never knew how you could find me beautiful,

It was like you didn’t have a clue,

Now I see the truth,

To say I love you,

Those words are so powerful,

I said them to you,

And you answered with I love you too,

But,

How mistaken I was,

When my heart became shattered,

You never allowed us to be a couple,

And now,

You’ve taken my hope away too,

I love you,

I really do,

So why have you said the most painful of words?

Why did you say we can never make it if we dated,

Why did you have to say you just want to be friends!

I never knew it hurts so much!

I never knew I would be crying myself to sleep because of you,

I just want to be with you,

You say you love me,

But the truth hurts,

You can never love me the way i wish to be loved,

You can never be true,

But here I am,

Why can’t I see the things I’m doing,

All I wanted was to talk to you,

To speak to you,

Flirt with you,

One day make you mine,

So why?

Why has it come to this?

We haven’t even dated,

I know I’m not perfect,

I know I can be pathetic,

I know I can be bothersome,

I know that I make people angry,

But all I wanted was for you to love me,

To hold your hand in mine,

To kiss your lips,

To hold you all night and into the day,

And yet you say the words I don’t want to hear,

Shattering my heart into a million pieces,

As if you don’t even care,

But I know you do,

You say you love me,

I love you,

So why?