I started to wonder if I was aroeys. I've never had a relationship. I'm 19 now. Earlier, especially in adolescence, around the age of 16-17, I was very worried that I didn't have anyone, because the rest of them have relationships, but for some reason I don't. Recently, around the beginning of this year, I met a guy, and after a few days of talking, it was like I fell in love with him? And it was mutual, we started chatting as a couple and all that, at first I liked it, I was flustered and all that, but over time I started to feel like it was uncomfortable(?) although why, if that's what I kind of wanted. Of course, I informed this guy about this (he was noticeably upset and clearly purposefully hoped for a romantic relationship, as it turned out later in his messages, although not directly). Maybe I just like the feeling of falling in love, I don't know. But after this incident with the guy, I suddenly realized that I don't really want this anymore, especially all these romantic relationships, I don't worry about it anymore, as I did then. And the rest of the time I thought about it, maybe I don't need romance exactly, but just a loved one. Maybe something like a platonic connection. I have a best friend with whom we are very close, unfortunately at a distance, but I feel like I want to hug and kiss her, but this is not in a romantic sense. And even as a teenager, I started to be a little repulsed by kissing on the lips (although maybe this is just a separate dislike and does not relate to the topic). And maybe if someone suddenly appears, then I would like it to be just like that, platonically. Or maybe I don't need anyone, I'm fine as it is. Although I can feel something like romantic love and even excitement for fictional characters (?) But arousal is VERY rare, and I'm starting to doubt romance, although I like to fantasize that I'm doing things typical of romantic couples with my favorite character (kissing, for example), but it's like I don't want to take it romantically, but something more than just romance. In general, it is difficult. Yes, closer than just as a friend, but no, not romance, but something deeper, on a spiritual level.
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