Mike: I think today will be a great day! *Starts to Rain and thunder* Mal:I think you might want to rephrase that, bud.

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@quotesfromaheadspace
Mike: I think today will be a great day! *Starts to Rain and thunder* Mal:I think you might want to rephrase that, bud.

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Mike: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna swear!
Mal: This the fifth time you've said that this week! "Crap" is not a swear word!
Mal: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?
Vito: Not until four.
Mike being a jerk compilation
Knocking Vito out?
Priceless.
Mike: Today's one of those days where I need to drink something heavy.
Vito: Like liquor?
Mike: Like mercury.

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Mike: Wow, it's been a whole year. I wonder what the New Year will bring?
Vito: Healthier coping mechanisms, maybe.
Chester: A quiet space from all of you.
Svetlana: New exercise routine so we can be in tip-top shape!
Manitoba: A healthier harmony amongst ourselves.
Mal: A tyrannosaurus rex, since we are asking for the impossible.
Mike: Guys, I need some advice.
Vito: Punch the biggest guy to assert dominance.
Svetlana: Vito, zat is prison.
Vito: Only if you let it be.
(Courtesy of Sonic Boom. I couldn't resist. XD )
Manitoba: Mike, don't be mad.
Mike: You brought home another animal, didn't you?
Manitoba: Her name is Ruby, and she's the best snake ever.
Mike: I don't even want to know where you found her.
Mal: Could you keep it down?! I'm trying to get my beauty sleep!
Vito: You'd need to sleep a thousand years for you to even look decent.
Mal: Don't make me hit you with a chair, you dumbass!
Mal: *Chanting*
Mike: Mal, what are you doing?
Mal: I'm hoping that if I curse everyone enough, they'd stop harassing me every damn day.
Mal: So far Manitoba and Chester avoid me like the plague. I think it's a success.

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Mike: It's days like today that I have to remind myself that murder is illegal.
Mal: It's only illegal if you get caught.
Mike: Don't tempt me.
Vito,: Ay, Manitoba, I bet that I could win an arm wrestling match against you, with my eyes closed!
Manitoba,: Really, now, mate? Do you remember the last time you tried to take me on?
Vito,: Yeah! You cheated!
Manitoba,: No, I played dirty. There's a difference!
Mal: Listen, I haven't had my cup of coffee today. I'm in no mood to deal with any of the shenanigans of any of you.
Mike: Why do you have to be that way?
Mal: What do you mean?
Mike: Grouchy, irritable, easy to anger, ya know, the usual?
Mal: Are you thinking of Chester, again?
Mike : Iβm the smartest person in my friend group.
Chester : You hang out with Mal, Vito, Svetlana , and Manitoba .
Chester : Itβs not as high a compliment as you think.
Mike : Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.
Mal: Oh. We're going out?
Mike : Wh...

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Mike: Scott, my old arch enemy.
Mal: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?
Mike: I have a life outside of you, Mal. It was originally Manitoba; I was going to change it to being the O.A.E but he was never intentionally antagonistic to Mike.