QuietNoises

Clawing through silence, begging you to understand.

Can’t you see my shaking, the tremors I hide?

The fear in my chest that I carry inside?

I’m trying to tell you, I’m trying to explain,

That my heart is drowning in waves of old pain.

I hear every word, I see every plea,

But fear has a grip and it won’t set me free.

Please don’t mistake my trembling for blame,

Please don’t think I’m calling you the reason or name.

It’s not what you did, it’s not what you’ve caused,

It’s the battles I fight and the love I almost lost.

I keep saying sorry for the fear in my soul,

For the cracks in my heart that I struggle to hold.

I hate that I apologize just for needing a place,

Just for wanting your arms, your comfort, your grace.

I hate that my fear feels like something I owe,

Like I have to beg for the tears that I show.

I wish you could see, without me having to plead,

That scared hearts don’t need guilt …. they just need someone to see.

I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m not trying to fight,

I’m reaching for you in the darkest of nights.

But now I feel painted as the villain in view,

Like my fear is the monster standing between me and you.

And I’m scared that my fear has become just a sound,

A desperate cry that keeps falling to the ground.

Because what good is my trembling, my tears, my plea,

If the one I love still can’t see me?

I don’t need you to fix every scar I have known,

I don’t need you to carry every stone I’ve grown.

I just need you to whisper, when my fears appear:

“Your heart is safe with me. I’m staying right here.”

Because I’m scared, but I’m still choosing you,

Through every shadow, through every wound too.

I’m not asking for perfection, I’m asking you to see…

That behind all this fear is someone begging:

Please don’t give up on me.

It’s void and it’s lost

It’s dark and it’s vast

It’s everything that screams when can I say “you’re here at last!”

There’s an empty feeling in my chest

A twisted dark silence that decays

And it only comes to stay