Chaotic Mind

First: TLG is primarily in Ilya's POV, and he is both wildly depressed and very isolated, which exacerbates his depression. He masks it well, a lot of characters tell him they had no idea, but shane picks up on it. A huge part of the problem is still their distance, yes, but also that ilya is not telling the truth. He doesnt tell shane how bad it is until after he has a near- death experience. They both use this as their wake up call that what they've been doing for like 3 years now isnt cutting it, and hasnt been the whole time.

In TLG, shane has come out to his team. He didnt exactly expect applause and praise, but he got at best neutrality. He is still their cup- winning captain. As a matter of fact, he wins them another cup that season mostly to prove that he can.

Shane's anxiety and OCD are in overdrive in TLG. Coming out didnt go well (even tho he lies to himself about this and says it did and that his team still loves him-- they tolerate him, not the same), which means that everything else he already come tools with an iron fist is a thousand times worse.

He puts himself on an even more restrictive diet. He tells ilya not to come out to the cens because he doesnt see the benefit; his own team who worships him didnt take it well-- why would ilya's new team? That makes us both unsafe, ilya, pay attention. The crucial part of this is that 1) it isnt true, shane is projecting, but also that 2) they are absolutely creating their own hell.

Ilya is watching his friends come out and have amazing support, and all he wants is shane, but shane keeps telling him to wait. And hes willing to wait, but it's killing him. And he isnt telling shane that its killing him.

Shane drives down on Halloween after seeing ilya's costume while ilya is in the middle of a depressive episode already and has kicked his friends out so he can be alone, to fuck him and then leave because he has optional skate in the morning. Ilya stands at his door u til he can no longer see Shane's tail lights, slides down to the floor, and cries until he can barely get back up to go to bed.

Does he tell his partner this? No. But he does start therapy.

And as things devolve with shane because shane believes they are both suffering an agreed-upon amount, and ilya thinks he is suffering alone and watching shane have everything he wants safely, they have a nasty fight after a listless Christmas and then ilya almost dies.

This is when shane finally has the actual thought "if I lose him then hockey doesnt even matter; the 2 things im trying to keep from eating each other eill both go away if I lose one. So I cant lose ilya." And he correctly surmises that a grand gesture will get that thru to ilya.

Shane proposes becaue it has to be him choosing ilya, tells him they can come out and get married in a few short months, in the off- season. Ilya is overjoyed. This timeline is much more manageable, gives him a goalpost to work toward and focus on. He can get better for shane by then, so he can fix his brain and be a good husband (in his own mind).

Shane says they can be "less careful" in oublic, since this is happening anyway. Ilya is thrilled.

Then they get outed. Its a complete accident, by a friend who is supportive but not careful, and they thought they were safe.

Ilya laughs. He literally watches the video and laughs. What else is he supposed to do? Does raging at hayden help this? No. In fact, him laughing releases some of the pressure building in shane, because he realizes this too. Getting mad does nothing. They have to deal with it now.

And yes, everything shane was scared of happens. His team turns on him. "Being gay is one thing. Fucking your arch rival is a whole other thing." He gets benched for a while, even after ilya is back on the ice. His team stops protecting him. They start losing, and its shanes fault. He trips, costs them the final spot in the playoffs even though he got them there by sheer grit alone, not teamwork, and they shut him out. He can't go back-- to what? A team that won't work with him? His legacy with the metros is gone. One hot kiss at his friends house caught in the reflection of a trophy and his name in the rafters and retired number with the metros is gone.

If anything, shane is not angry enough about this. He tucks his tail and takes the L signs with the cens, and sets about making a new dynasty with his husband and their extremely supportive team/franchise.

Was TLG written more like fanfic than Hr? Yes. Because she had a deadline and the end is clearly rushed. I expect the show will flesh it out more. And I expect unrivaled will be too, because now she has an audience to entertain and again, deadlines to meet. This book is astronomically pre-ordered.