Gay Plant Mom

sext: come over im making dinosaur nuggets

me: *gets hit by a car* sorry

yes, the rumors are true, i'm a lovey dovey dumbass

Date someone you can have rough sex and deep conversations with whether it is at 2am or 2pm

i’m trying to

If a girl said to me, "c'mere babe, I need to use your mouth for a sec" and then casually shoved my head down to her crotch, that would be very sexy of her I think

i get so mad when i walk into inanimate objects and hurt myself….ill fight this fucking chair

not to toot me own horn but the fact that i didn’t kill myself in the 2010s? big dick energy idk how i pulled that one off

sometimes i just want to tell cashiers like. im sorry for being a customer :( im sorry i wish i didnt have to do this! im sorry . 

not to be dramatic but the trauma of being a daughter is real and my relationship with my mother is and will always be one of the most devastating and complex relationships i will ever experience