Bunburyist

I wanted to write about why I've been spamming the shite out of my timeline with pro-Labour, anti-Tory, vote-encouraging stuff all day. My parents have been staunch Conservatives as long as I've been alive, which has never made sense to me - we weren't well off and struggled a lot for money, my mum worked at the Jobcentre, my dad was a police officer, we only had a reasonably nice house because it was a police house. I guess they fell in the "underprivileged but deeply prejudiced" camp and thought all the lefties were foreigners and homosexuals and tinfoil hat-wearers.

We could never discuss political matters, or equal rights, or the them-vs-us mentality they had because at best you'd be patronised and mocked for being a "tree-hugger bleeding heart liberal" and at worst you'd be confronted by a drunk rage monster my father would become with exhausting frequency.

Now I have to sit and listen to them banging on about how horrified they are about the lack of mental health treatment I'm getting, their disgust at the hoops I have to jump through to scrabble for any kind of quality of life, see them make angry face reactions on articles about police cuts... and yet they're still voting for May. I changed my profile picture today to read "Vote Labour if you give a single crap about my well-being. Isn't that reason enough?" as a way of expressing to them how disgusted by them I am, without actually confronting them, because I know that won't work.

I can't yell at them, I can't tell them I'm embarrassed by them and their hypocrisy and self-interest, because they own the house I live in. They have sacrificed a lot for me. They have always been there to catch me before I fall _all_ the way down. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth that their dogged support (and seriously, this is our government, not a fucking football team) so blatantly contradicts their interests in a number of areas.

If I get cut off from PIP by Capita and their gleeful sanctioning of the less-able, I won't be able to pay my rent. My parents won't be able to pay their mortgage. Would they evict me, or find some way of supporting me still? Once the council cottons on to any hint of them favouring me beyond the remit of a formal landlord, my Housing Benefit gets cut off. What then? They support me entirely at the cost of their retirement nest egg and their daughters' inheritances? Probably impossible, and even if it were it would definitely be at the cost of my dignity and self-worth.

FOR FUCKSSAKES - they're both in their 60's now and yeah, they might both be healthier than any of their family gone before were at their age, but that's not going to last indefinitely. At some point they're going to need public healthcare and if it's gone and they suffer for it, I will do what I can, and cry, and hold their wrinkled hands, and pray to gods I don't really believe in... but in the back of my mind I will always be aware of how little sympathy I have.

As for my health, I am already spiralling dangerously due to lack of effective mental healthcare from the NHS in Northampton. It's not hyperbole I'm spouting when I say I am more likely to die if we end up with another Tory government - if things get harder for me than worse, my life is in danger. They tut and they moan and they say how awful it is, but tomorrow they're going to drive to their polling station and vote to do me harm.

And I hate them for it. I cannot understand it. I want to scream at them and if needs be, emotionally manipulate and guilt trip them into voting differently. Just this one time. Because then they might actually see and experience how it could be better if we don't do it Their Way.

So I randomly took this selfie a while ago, and couldn’t shake the feeling that it looked like it should be used in some kind of stand-up comedy show review. So I’ve been changing my Facebook timeline cover photo every week...