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ESFJ : You haven't drank plain water in over 36 hours, your sleep pattern is nonexistent, and your work schedule is so fucked up that you barely eat an actual meal.

Will reply with a suspiciously accurate percentage if you ask the odds of anything. And also be pessimistic about it. "There's a 63,4% chance we'll get caught".

But don't worry, if you're dating and you ask them to rate you out of ten, forget about answers like "maybe a 7,28 on a good day". You're a 10/10 for them. "I mean why did you even look my way??"

Squeezes your hand 3 times as an "I love you".

Sharing a fandom as a love language. "I'll watch this thing you like when you watch this thing I like".

Their heart will automatically be yours the moment you get them a gift related to their specific interests.

You will never guess how romantic they actually are once they get confidence in themselves.

Will probably collapse after hearing the first I love you in person and become unable to say it back immediately, but not because it isn't mutual. Just pure shock and happiness.

Looks quiet but as soon as something they're interested in is mentioned in the conversation prepare for them to never shut up.

But when they meet your family or friends for the first time... I'm sorry it is going to get awkward. Someone else will have to keep the conversation alive (probably you).

And it'll be somehow worse if there's toddlers around. "How does one interact with these complicated creatures?"

On the other side they will be the first one to help your grandma if her walking stick falls to the ground or something like that.

Sacrifices their own desires for your happiness: yes you'll definitely get the last slice of pizza. Don't even dare to doubt it.

Also will let you win the game by making a tiny and voluntary mistake at the very end (as you can tell the "INTPs are heartless" thing is totally a misconception).

Likes nerdy references. And references in general. "Oh wow that really reminds me of *insert the less well known date in the history of humankind*.

Shows love with physical touch and acts of service, but wants to hear words of affirmation as they can be very insecure.

Will begin an incredibly enriching and progressive discussion about all topical and serious issues in the most educated way you'll ever hear, wholeheartedly believing every single word they're saying yet 12 minutes later they'll tell a dark joke about oppressing minorities.

You'll never have to worry about finding something problematic in their most recent Google searches. It'll be like "[current hyperfixation]", "what does [extremely popular tiktok slang word] mean", "[weirdly specific videogame] subreddit"...

Will get the hint at some point in the next 4-5 business days. Absolutely not when it matters. "Oh how on Earth did I miss that?!"

ENFJ: good morning my sunshine!

INTP: I just went to sleep.

ENFJ: It's 11 Am

INTP: time is an illusion.

.....................................

ESTJ: you have got to start your work.

INTP: nah

ESTJ: you have six hours till the deadline

INTP: six hours! I learned morse code in that time during a flight.

...........................

ISTP: you know we can conserve more energy and live longer if we don't move

INTP: I guess so. You wanna live longer?

ISTP: are you kidding?

INTP: yeah, I know living is the root of all our problems.

ISTP: wait, what exactly is our problem?

...................................

INFP: sometimes I see my reflection and feel sacred that no one will know the real me.

INTP: interesting

INFP: that I will live in a world full people who don't understand the reason of existence.....that we might have nothing to live for.....that everything is worthless

INTP: are you having an existential crisis?

INFP: yes...

INTP: happens to me six times a week, here have some tea.

INFP: maybe you understand me.

INTP: I am very good with people's thinking, I see through them.I just don't like to go near them. How about you don't hug me?

......................................

ENTJ: I will become the absolute best version of myself!

INTP: so you mean, you are not the best?

ENTJ: the best version of MYSELF

INTP: so there's a lame you, a cool you, a stupid you, a nice you....wait nice one doesn't exist

ENTJ: when I will be incharge I will make sure you rot in a dungeon

INTP: well that's where the best ideas come from. I don't mind it.

Couple scenario

Intj: So we agree that we both don't want children, right?

Enfp: Right. Too much work, pain and sleepless nights that we both don't need.

Intj: Yes, and I want to focus on my career and help you with yours.

Enfp: totally! I do like kids, but I don't want to waste my time taking care of them. *nods furiously*

Intj: Yeah. Then, we are settled.

*silence*

Enfp: Can we adopt a dog, tho?

Intj: And a cat.