prompts are very much open

You awake suddenly to the sound of voices and heavy footsteps. The hoard must’ve cleared, but how long were you out? You look down at your makeshift bandage, and to be honest, it’s not looking very good. Rick, Glenn, and Daryl must not have come looking for you. You frown and try to stand up to avoid being trapped in, but you’re instantly dizzy and collapse back down in a heap. “Must be the blood loss,” you murmur to yourself. Unfortunately, your failed attempt at a graceful exit brought the attention of the men stomping around over to you.

“Hey, Dwight, did you hear that? Get your ass over here.” a voice calls out. You hold your breath, knowing people these days are rarely a good thing. Especially in groups. The footsteps grow louder and you shrink away into a stall, hoping to avoid being spotted. Your feet disappear from sight just as the door the bathroom is kicked open.

“Probably just a raccoon or something,” a gruff voice replies.

“I don’t know, man, I could’ve sworn I heard something bigger” The men stalk further into the room. Someone begins kicking the stalls open and your heart drops. This is it, this is the end, you think to yourself. After all this time, everything you’ve been through, everyone you’ve met. You’re gonna die, bloody and alone because your family left you for dead. When they reach you, it’ll all be over. Not even taken out by a walker, which is ironic after everything you’ve been through. Eventually, they reach your stall and kick it open, just like the rest.

“Oh, now what do we have here?” one of the men chuckles to himself. He’s got long blonde hair and he looks like something straight out of a Tim Burton movie. The man by his side is shorter but looks just as strange with a bushy mustache resting upon his face. Mustache man reaches to pull out his gun, but Tim Burton character stops him.

“Whoa whoa whoa there, Simon, don’t you think the boss would like to take a look at her?” So mustache man is Simon, which means Tim Burton character must be Dwight.

“Yeah, we need all the brownie points we can get” Simon snorts as he steps forward grabbing your arm roughly and dragging you out of the stall. You bite back a groan as a surge of pain shoots through your side. The men don’t seem to care.

“Oh come on, you pussy, there are doctors where we’re taking you. You’ll be fine,” Dwight says, but for some reason, his words aren’t exactly the most reassuring thing in the world. You stumble along, remaining in Simon’s grip the whole time. Once you get outside, he flings you carelessly into the back of their truck and once again, you can’t help but slip into a blood loss-induced sleep.

~~~

You awake with a start, shooting up in what appears to be a hospital bed? That doesn’t make sense. You look from left to right frantically, trying to gather your bearings. Then the events of the past 5 hours hit you like a load of bricks and you lie back down slowly, pulling at your arms that you now realize are cuffed to the side of the bed.

“Nice of you to finally join the land of the living” calls a voice from the other side of the room. The irony of this statement isn’t lost on you. “Now I’m sure you’re confused as to where you are, what’s going on, so on and so forth. Answers will come soon enough, my dear. All you need to know now is that you are alive and you will continue to be so if we change your bandage routinely” You glance down at where your bra was once your lifeline. It has been replaced with a real bandage and what you assume to be a few stitches underneath.

“I... uh… thank you?” you stutter out, breathlessly, still trying to process what exactly is happening.

“You’re one of the good ones, aren’t you?” he says almost wistfully, coming in closer to inspect your face, brushing a few locks out of your line of vision. “There aren’t many of you left in this world, especially not here”

“Where is here?” you press on cautiously

“Your new home” he answers. Well, that’s not vague, you think to yourself. You shake your arm, rattling the cuffs.

“A little help here, maybe?” you ask, a small shimmer of hope still in your voice despite your meek circumstances.

“I would if I could, but I’m not the one calling the shots”

“Who is?”

“Negan” and with that, the strange man walks out the door.

~~~

After a few weeks, well, to be honest, you weren’t sure how long it had been. After what felt like a few weeks of living out of the hospital room via the doctor, you’ve finally regained almost all functionality the bullet took away from you. The doctor walks in and gives you a smile, that looks partially like a grimace. You wonder what’s up.

“So it seems you've recovered enough to meet the man upstairs,” the doctor says, almost cynically. After all this time, you’d actually grown rather close with him, being your only human interaction and all. Of course, you were annoyed that you were being held against your will, but in all reality, you couldn't complain. You were being fed well and regularly, but you also couldn't help but be extremely curious as to why this group took you under their wing when you had nothing to offer in return. You snort and think to yourself, this must be what Stockholm Syndrome feels like.

All the alone time you had left you only with your thoughts. You couldn’t help the anger, confusion, and hurt bubbling up inside you whenever you thought about how your so-called friends left you for dead. There had to be some kind of misunderstanding, right? Well, whether that be the case or not, it doesn’t change the fact that they left you and didn’t even check back up to see if you survived. If they don’t need you anymore, you don’t need them.

“Ahhh, so I finally get to meet the infamous Negan?” you ask, but before the doctor has a chance to respond, the door flies open and a booming voice echoes throughout the room.

“Now is the (y/n) that I’ve been hearing so much about? Let me tell you, you are, in fact, just as stunning as I’ve heard” you were too flustered to respond. There’s something… off about this guy, you think to yourself. Something that may be contributing to that feeling is the large baseball bat he’s carrying that’s covered in what appears to be… barbed wire? What the fuck? “What? Cat got your tongue?” he asks, encouraging you to speak up. You swallow the lump in your throat and try your best to sound confident.

“No, it’s just finally nice to meet the man behind the madness. I mean that in the best way possible, of course” you laugh, backpedaling from a statement that could be perceived negatively. “I really appreciate you taking me in and all, I don’t know how I could ever make it up to you,” you say, humble in front of this man who basically prevented your death, multiple times. He was intimidating, yes, but that isn’t to say he’s not surprisingly attractive.

“I could think of one or two ways,” he says, raising his eyebrows, leaning in, and winking at you. You can feel a blush rise upon your cheeks. Really? This man is hitting on you? He could have anyone in this camp, being the leader and all, and he’s coming on you? Something doesn’t add up. You really want to know where this is going, so you decide to play along.

“Ohh, and how’s that?” you say, in your best seductive voice, although it might be a little rusty from underuse considering it’s only the motherfucking apocalypse and all. You don’t really know what you’re getting yourself into, but getting in close with the leader is never a bad thing, is it? Negan whips around and points the bat at the doctor.

“Would you give us a minute alone please?” Enunciating every syllable, as if his life depends on it.

While he phrased it as a question, you were getting the vibe that it was more of a direct order. The doctor doesn’t have to be asked twice, he nods to you and removes himself from the room. This man has a clear aura of authority, what he says goes. You make a note of this before speaking to him again. He turns back around and his eyes wander up and down your body.

“Now, by this point, I’m sure you’re aware that I find you exceptionally beautiful, so I have a proposition for you. How would you like to be my wife?” At this incredibly blunt statement, your eyes widen and you choke on your words, the previous confidence you built up completely gone. “Oh, it’s a good deal, I promise. I’m hot shit around here, so I could get you practically anything you want. Plus… you’ve got access to all the alcohol you could ever want” He was right, that’s not exactly a bad deal. I mean, hell, what’s your alternative? You’re not sure, but you’re sure it’s not as pleasant.

“I… I would be honored,” you say, confused and, to be honest, a little awestruck.

“Well that’s just fanfuckingtastic,” Negan says, a shit-eating grin glowing on his face. He steps over to help you up out of the hospital bed. “Now, if you’ll come with me, I can show you around, and we can get you dressed” He walks you out into the hallway and up the stairs. You look over the ledge at the large room below you. There are people who appear to be working, all dressed in rags, looking miserable. Yeah, you definitely picked the long stick.

As Negan walked through the halls people, his men, you assume, would kneel and avert their eyes. That’s when it really set in, how much power this man has. You can’t fuck this up, you don’t get the feeling he’s a very merciful guy. Finally, at the top of a winding staircase, you reach Negan’s room. The minute you step in, you understand. The room is filled with 12ish absolutely stunning women in black, sleek dresses.

“What? You didn’t think you were the only beautiful girl left in this shithole of a world, did you?” Negan asks, wryly. A brunette girl sitting on the couch throws you a sympathetic look. “Follow me, let’s get you into your dress”

~~~

You emerge back into the room with the other girls, looking gorgeous, as Negan has told you. Multiple times. He certainly is quite the flirt, you think to yourself.

“Now ladies, I’d like you all to give your newest sister, (y/n), a warm welcome. I’ll be back tonight” he says and with a wink and a slap of your ass, he’s gone. You stand frozen, like a deer in headlights, extremely confused about the events of the last hour. The girl from the couch seems to catch wind of this and she walks over to you.

“Hey,” she says in a soft voice “Do you wanna come sit with me? My name’s Ariel. I might be able to answer some questions or help you get settled in, whatever you’d like” her eyes are soft and movements gentle. You give a faint nod and follow her back to the couch. She pours you a glass of red wine and takes a seat. “Welcome to Negan’s man cave,” she says, disdain evident in her voice. The two of you chat for a while. She talks you through the ins and outs of being one of Negan’s wives. Sex whenever he wants and you can’t have any sort of relationship with another man, Negan gets very jealous very easily. That’s not a side of him you particularly want to see, so you can live with that. In return, you get food, shelter, and safety. This is the first time you’ve had that since, well, before the apocalypse. To survive in this world, it looks like you’re just gonna have to suck it up because you could be starving to death right now.

~~~

You live on like that for a while. Your weekly…. meetings with Negan have been constantly growing in frequency. From what you can tell, he really really likes you. He’s started bringing you downstairs and out of the mancave to come with him as he strolls around The Sanctuary because he “just likes your company, (y/n)” You’ve gotten used to his authority at this point, and it almost… turns you on? You try not to think about it too much. You’re safe and content with the turn your life has taken and that’s all that matters. Sure, you think about your old group a lot. You miss Tara, Michonne, Maggie, Carl, Carol. You miss everyone. Especially Daryl. You two had shared your first kiss the week prior to your split from the group. It’s something that has been budding since Atlanta, but you had just now gained the confidence necessary in order to make the first move. You loved him, you really did. They were your family for 7 years, but they left you. That was their decision, and if they don’t need you, why burden them with your presence? You groan and roll your eyes. You’ve gotten too far in your own head again. Where’s Negan? He’ll definitely distract you in one way or another. You’ve reached the point of familiarity around The Sanctuary where all of its guards and men know you. They know to give you whatever you want or let you go where ever you want, or there will be hell to pay.

You walk around The Sanctuary for a while, Negan nowhere in sight. Eventually, you decide to check out front. You make your way past the front door guards. With a curt nod, they step back and let you take your leave. Just as you’re walking down the steps you hear a voice and turn around.

“Oh, uh, (y/n), Negan is out by the driveway packing the truck for his next pick up. If that’s who you’re looking for, that is.” the guard offers with a smile.

“It is, thank you so much,” you say “I’ve been looking for him forever, I really appreciate the help” Is he… blushing? Wow, you must have a lot more influence around here than you thought. You continue on your way, smiling softly. You see Negan in the distance, Lucille slung over his shoulder, he saunters around like he owns the place, and well, he does. His eyes eventually drift over to you.

“Ahh, (y/n), my favorite little girl! It is so good to see you right now” he comes over to you, kissing you softly on the cheek. “You know what? I’m sick of dealing with all of these men on my own, how’d you like to come on this run with me? No pressure, but I’d sure love to have you along for the ride” It’s not like you’ve got anything better to do, plus, you’re always curious about that Negan does on all of these mysterious outings. Guess it’s your turn to find out.

~~~

After around an hour-long drive, the trail of trucks finally comes to a halt. You look out the window and see what appears to be a camp, and of decent size too. Why are the saviors here? You’re completely oblivious to the absolute hell that these people have been subjected to by the hands of your people, but you were about to find out.

“Negan, where are we?” You ask, looking around with a curious look in your eyes.

“All in good time, my love,” He says and steps out of the truck, offering you his hand to assist your descent. You take it and follow him through the gates. There’s a group of 5 men out to meet the saviors, but the rest of the streets are completely dead. You furrow your eyebrows and glance up at Negan. He gives you a smile and turns to deal with the men before him.

“Ah, so I see when I say give me half of your shit, you actually expect my men to go in and get it, because sure as fuck don’t see half of your shit waiting for me” He raises his eyebrows expectantly and is met only with silence and averted eyes. “Now that would really be going the extra mile, but if you want these brutes rifling through your shit, fine by me” He throws the five a wicked grin and waves his hand, signaling his men to begin searching. So, Negan’s power extends beyond The Sanctuary, apparently. Negan grabs your hand and pulls you over to the side.

“Any questions?” He asks, voice genuine.

“I just, is this where we get all of our stuff? Just… taking it from other groups?” You ask

“Well of course not, darling. You don’t think we actually need this worthless shit, do you?” you shrug, he chuckles softly. “All I’m really doing here is flexing. Showing these people who’s boss” you hum in understanding and he plants a kiss on your forehead before walking away to check on his men's progress.

You wander back over to the trucks and avoid contact with anyone who isn’t from The Sanctuary. This other camp, The Orchard, you believe it’s called, didn’t do anything to deserve Negan’s wrath. You’re sure of it. Negan is good to you, that’s for certain, but you can’t seem to ditch this feeling in the pit of your stomach that this, all of it, is just wrong. But then again, it’s your life. You don’t really have any choice except to embrace it, and shove down all of your doubts, however reasonable they may be.

~~~

It’s been months and you’ve tried to expose yourself to Negan’s excursions as much as possible in an attempt to become numb. Now, you can’t exactly guarantee how successful your efforts have been, but the thought is there. So, when Negan asks you if you want to tag along today, you go willingly, even though it’s practically dusk. After a 30ish minute drive, the trucks pull over and you look out the window, confused. There’s no gate or fence or community anywhere. You step out of the truck and walk around.

The minute your eyes reach the group completely at Negan’s mercy, your heart drops. Suddenly it's hard to breathe. There they are. Your old family. You’re completely frozen. Negan hops out of the truck, as usual. Your palms begin to sweat. He walks around the truck to open the door for you. You still can’t move. You’re just staring at them. All of them. They look… horrible. You’re not used to this. Not at all. They were all so strong. Negan, you think. Negan must have done this to them. Looking at them, with their heads down, completely at the mercy of these tens of men with guns. Lots and lots of guns.

“Come on, hon,” Negan says, offering you his hand. You snap out of your daze and tentatively take his hand. Just like usual. But. This isn’t just like usual.

Members of Rick’s group begin to look up, all seeming to have a similar reaction to you. Utter disbelief. Your eyes skim the row. Carl and Rick and Maggie and… your breath stops in your throat. Daryl. He’s cowering down, shawl wrapped around his shoulders. He is not okay. You swallow down a lump and take a few steps forwards.

“(Y/N)...?” a soft voice calls out. Your eyes shoot to the origin. Glenn. It was Glenn. His eyes are wide, a mixture of relief and betrayal rest clearly upon his face. “You’re… you’re alive?” He asks, incredulously.

“(Y/N)” Negan shouts. “You know these assholes?”

“I… They…” You stutter, mind reeling to find an acceptable answer that won’t piss him off. “Remember when Simon and Dwight found me in that gas station? With the bullet wound? Well. That was courtesy of these guys” You gesture wildly at the line. “I rode with them before ya’ll saved me,” You say, emphasizing the last two words, knowing it had to have stung Rick, Daryl, and Glenn. But, looking back on the past year or so in The Sanctuary, you can’t very much bring yourself to care.

But there it is again. That creeping sensation of… what? Loyalty? You’ve been trying to shove it back into whatever crevice of your mind it crawled out of, but it’s absolutely ruthless. Memories keep unwillingly flooding back to your mind. When you had each other’s backs. When you were a family. Family. You don’t notice you’ve begun to cry until you taste the salt gathering at the corners of your mouth. You’ve known that the power Negan holds is wrong for so long, and you’ve been ignoring it out of self-preservation. But it’s more than that now. It’s them. It’s your family. You snap out of your trance and glance back over to Negan, pacing in front of the line, sadistically twirling Lucille. That’s it. You can’t take it anymore.

“Negan, stop” You shout, the strength in your voice surprising even yourself. His eyebrows shoot up and he turns on his heel. He seems to be taken aback, which, clearly doesn’t happen very often to a man of his standing. You know you can’t show any weakness now. There’s no going back. You look from Negan to those kneeling, looking back up at you with hopeful eyes. That solidifies what you’re about to say. That makes everything worth it. “Negan. This isn’t right. This is… this is…” you struggle to find the right word. “Evil. This is evil. And. I know you. I know you can be gentle. You can be generous. But. You can also be evil. These people,” you say, glancing over at the group. “These people are good. They don’t deserve what you” you stop yourself, “what we are putting on them. We can survive without, whatever this is. This cruelty.” You say, looking him in the eye the entire time. He’s frozen. You’ve never seen him like this before. You understood that you meant something to him, you were his favorite, maybe the best fuck. But, if you had the power to silence him, maybe you had more influence and control than you realized initially. Finally, after a long pause, he speaks up.

“(Y/N), you know how it works. You know I can’t let these people go, what would that say about me? What happened to my badass bitch?” He looks at you, wanting to appear strong in front of his men, but only you can see the uncertainty in his eyes. You walk up to him, only inches apart now.

“Negan. Please. Anyone but them, just, anyone but them” your voice soft but firm. You look up into his eyes, hoping he can see how serious you are. He closes his eyes and swallows. He didn’t reject it immediately, so, that’s a good sign. He looks at his feet. “If you hurt them. I’m leaving. You can kill me, I don’t care, but I cannot be anywhere near the man who killed my friends. The man who killed my family” You make eye contact with Daryl when speaking the last word. His eyes haven’t left you since you began to speak. He still means everything to you, despite how much you tried to deny it. “You do this. You lose me. That’s how it’s gonna be” You’ve never seen Negan look more conflicted in your few years with him than at this moment. You’re hoping that throughout the time you spent together that you got into his head. At least enough to save everyone. Negan regains his composure and turns to his men.

“Hey. Get the hell outta here and give us a minute, will ya?” he orders and nobody has to be asked twice. While everyone gathers behind the trucks, Negan takes your hand and walks you over to the treeline. A part of you is worried, is he going to punish you like you’ve seen him do to so many others? Any sense of fear is immediately gone when he puts his forehead to yours, caressing your cheek. His eyes are shut, and he appears, almost, vulnerable?

“Negan, I…” you start but are cut off by his piercing gaze.

“It’s okay. I… Damn, girl. I really care about you. And ain’t you go around telling nobody I said that. But. If it would make you happy, you can. You can go with them. Now don’t get me wrong, I ain’t gonna be leaving them alone. But. I won’t kill them either” Negan turns away and you’re completely blown away. You were expecting a fight. This man is evil. But. You’re attached. What that says about you, you don’t know. You step forward and hug him from behind, interlocking your fingers and resting your head upon his shoulder.

“Thank you” you whisper, barely audible. “You saved me. And I’ll never forget you” he turns around and falls into your arms, his head burrowed in the crook of your neck.

~~~

The last truck disappears from view and you turn around. You’re alone now. And it’s so much harder than it was before. Before you could hide behind the guns and the men and you could hide behind Negan. But now? Now you’re alone, and you’re looking at your past head-on. You’re terrified. Will they take you back? Or turn their back on you like they did so long ago. You glance from everyone back to the ground.

“Um… well… hi guys?” you stammer out “Long time no see?” you flinch. Long time no see? Really? That’s your opening line? Everyone is frozen. That’s it. You assume it’s over. You close your eyes and clench your fists. You begin to turn around when you hear ruffling to your left. Your eyes shoot to the source. It’s Daryl. He’s grabbing his side in pain, but he’s standing nonetheless. He limps towards you with a sense of urgency and he reaches you with his arms wide open. You embrace, and it’s like everything in the world that was ever wrong is now right. He’s got all of his weight on you, entrusting you with all of his being. Everything isn’t going to be immediately okay again, you know this. But right now? Everything is perfect.

“I fucking missed you, baby girl” he spits out, gruffly. All you can do is hug tighter, amazed that you went so long without the most important thing in your life.

“We all missed you,” Rick says, from the side. You look over and see everyone either nod or hum in agreement. Tears begin to fog your vision. Finally. Finally, you aren’t settling. Finally, you’re happy. Finally, you’re home.

***

This was the first fic I ever wrote back in 2017. God. Wild. Time is absolutely fake. Anyway!

The man standing next to him seems to sense the mix of confusion and internal turmoil going on in your head. He shoots a quick glare at the King and looks back up at you. He looks familiar, you know you’ve seen him around the castle before, always at the King’s side. He smiles softly up at you, his eyes a striking shade of blue.

“What Arthur is trying to say is, come on down here so we can make sure you’re safe!” He chuckles as he finishes his thought, raising his hand up to you.

The minute the words leave his lips, your blood runs cold. It didn’t hit you at first, you were too out of it to realize what was happening when the King first spoke. But now you understand. You’ve waited so long for this moment, your entire life and it has the audacity to arrive at the one moment in which you wish it hadn’t. You know those words. Both of those phrases, actually. They’ve been etched into both of your forearms from the second you were brought into this world. So this is Arthur.

There wasn’t a moment growing up when you weren’t belittled and looked down upon for having two soul marks. You realized something was up when you were around seven, you could hear your parents speaking in hushed tones in the kitchen at night when you were supposed to be sleeping.

“Goddamnit, Girard! You know she’ll never be accepted. I’ve spoken to her teacher, and the other kids are already noticing she isn’t normal!” You remember your father sighing and resting his head in his hands, seated at the table. You were so young, you didn’t understand why you were so different? You had two soulmates, so doesn’t that just mean you get to give and receive twice as much love? Unfortunately, the world didn’t see it the same way. As you grew up, the whispers that spread around your small village weren’t really whispered anymore. You’ve heard it all, people who don’t even know you calling you things like ‘a worthless whore’ and ‘that goddamn harlot, poisoning the sanctity of our good town’.

You made it a point, not to listen to them. You ignored them as you passed, not giving them so much as a glance. But you were still quite young, and that’s a point in time when girls, in general, are particularly sensitive, and given the circumstances, you were no exception. Slowly, their words crept under your skin until they had a hold on your mind. You slipped into a depression, now it had its ups and downs. Throughout the years though, they were mainly downs. And right now? You’re as low as you’ve been since the beginning.

For most of your life, you never had anything against your soulmates, they seemed nice enough. If not, slightly abrasive. But you were sure you’d love them and they'd love you, that’s how this is supposed to work, right? That slightly optimistic sentiment didn’t stop you from wearing long sleeves at every waking moment, even under the sweltering sun you refused to replace your heavy wool shirt with a lighter garment. You were done being shamed for something you couldn’t control. To be honest, you’d grown a little bitter towards the entire concept of soulmates, wishing more than anything to finally fall into the arms of those who would accept you unconditionally, but never having the time arrive. Never having your soulmates arrive.

By the time you had made the decision to leave your small village and travel to the castle, almost everyone you had grown up with had already found their love, but you were still alone. They were lucky and often either discovered them very young or had their soulmate stop by, traveling from city to city on a mission for whatever ingredient to make whatever remedy and such. When you left, you’d accepted the reality that you just weren’t going to find your soulmates any time soon. Maybe you wouldn’t find them at all? Was this all a punishment for a sin committed in another lifetime? God, you hoped not. But now? Now you know that it is most certainly not like that.

As you snap back to the present, nothing but dread fills your veins. It seems that your mind is entirely incapable of comprehending the gravity of the situation. You utter the only word that makes sense.

“No”

Your gaze is glued to the two men below you. Your soulmates. One is the King of Camelot. This doesn’t make any sense. There must be some mistake. It’s only when their eyes widen in understanding is it that you know there hasn’t been one. You’re frozen in place, not daring to make the first move. Your soulmates turn and look at each other, faces slack with shock. The intensity of the moment seems to be hitting them as well. You see the King close his eyes and swallow, turning his head back up to you. His eyes pleading and his voice wavering as he barely manages to whisper out.

“Please”

Your heart breaks at this little show of vulnerability. You swallow what’s left of your pride and decide that maybe this path is worth going down, despite it coming at the most inconvenient of times. You finally break eye contact with the humbled man and look down. You can’t deny him of this request, and not because he’s your king, but because he’s your soulmate. You can feel it. You don’t even know who these men are, not truly, but you can feel a pull towards them. You want to be with them. This must be what everyone is talking about. When you look at them again, the only information your brain provides you with is ‘safe safe safe’ so you decide to lower yourself down until you’re sitting on the stone.

You can almost feel the sense of relief that washes over the two men because of your decision. You feel a half-grin growing on your face at how adorable they look. You stay seated for a minute to take it all in. Arthur has his armor on and a big red cape draped from his neck. He definitely looks quite regal, not to mention the crown resting upon his head. The man beside him is much the opposite. He’s wearing a blue shirt almost entirely covered by a brown jacket. What really stands out about him though is the red scarf wrapped around his neck and the brown boots crumpled down at his feet. These are your soulmates. You don’t know what you were expecting, but this definitely wasn’t it. Well hey, you’re in no way complaining.

You position your arms to push yourself to the ground but your focus is interrupted by a pair of hands on your waist. You look up and it’s Arthur, making sure you land safely. If it were anyone besides these two men, you would’ve freaked out by now. But this feels right. Like his hands belong on your hips and that they’re finally coming home. As he places you down on the ground, he leans over and whispers a word of thanks in your ear for not taking his soulmate away from him. Your heart flutters at the proximity of your faces, even if it was just for a second. He backs away and looks at the ground, leaving the other man to do the talking.

“Well, I’m not quite sure what the proper etiquette would be in this situation... but hi, I’m Merlin” he shoots you a cheeky grin, “your soulmate, and this clotpole over here,” he says, gesturing at the King, “would just so happen to be my soulmate and your other soulmate, Arthur”

After a somewhat lengthy pause, you realize that it’s now your turn to introduce yourself.

“Oh, uh, hi, I’m (y/n). I didn’t really think this moment would ever come” you say with a slightly cynical edge to your voice. “But it did! So, it’s really good to finally meet you guys” you perk up, realizing that this is, in fact, real life. You can see that Merlin’s eyes have drifted up to where your sleeve has ridden up slightly. Out of habit, you push the fabric back down and cough as you look to your feet. Finally, Arthur breaks his silence.

“Would you like to join us for dinner? I can have the kitchens bring us up anything you’d like to eat.” The thought of having a real meal for the first time since you'd left your village sounds extremely inviting, but you don’t want to provide anybody working in the kitchen with any more work than they would have previously had.

“That’d be wonderful!” you say, a genuine smile on your face for the first time in months. “I’ll just have whatever you two are having.”

“Brilliant!” Arthur says with a dazzling smile painted across his face. “Follow me” He grabs your hand and drags you and Merlin through a maze of hallways.

***

You’re surprised when Arthur leads you to his private chambers. You would’ve thought he’d bring you to something akin to a dining hall. ‘Castles have those, right?’ You think to yourself. His decision to take you into his own room seems much more intimate, and that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.

In the time that you’ve been in Arthur’s chambers, you’ve learned a bit about the two men you now get to call your soulmates. Arthur and Merlin met long before Arthur was crowned as King. They knew immediately that they were soulmates, but neither of them made a move. Merlin was too nervous and Arthur feared what his father would think. Then shit hit the fan and Merlin ended up getting assigned the title of Arthur’s loving manservant, much to both of their dismay. The time they were forced to spend together brought feelings bubbling to the surface that both of them had been trying to suppress. They all spilled out one day when Merlin put his life on the line for Arthur, and Arthur couldn’t take it anymore. He yelled at his servant for being so stupid and careless, Merlin didn’t get upset because knew Arthur. He could read between the lines and realized that Arthur was petrified at the thought of losing Merlin. Merlin decided, to hell with it, grabbed Arthur’s face, and kissed the life out of him. It was that day that they finally admitted to themselves and each other that they were hopelessly in love, damn what the rest of the kingdom thinks.

‘They’re perfect’ you think to yourself, and just like that, you can feel the doubt start to creep back in. You know that you’re all meant to be together, but you can’t help feeling like maybe you aren’t? Like there isn’t room for you, they’re goddamn perfect and their love story is beautiful. After all, soulmates aren’t supposed to come in threes, and Merlin and Arthur found each other first. A knock on the door snaps you out of your daze and before you know it, Merlin is off of his feet helping the maid to bring in the food. The kindness in his heart brings a smile to your face.

Once the meals are on the table you catch yourself staring at it. The food looks delicious, better than anything your parents made you back home. It wasn’t their fault, they did the best with the resources they had at their disposal. You swallow the lump in your throat and realize just how out of your depth you are. You can feel yourself begin to shut down, and you feel a little guilty considering how hard the boys clearly tried to make this evening special, but you just can’t help yourself.

You can hear Merlin and Arthur talking back and forth like they’ve known each other their entire lives and you can’t help but feel slightly left out. Not because of anything they’ve done wrong, they can’t help how long they’ve known each other. But you can’t help feeling like they’d be better off without you getting in the way and messing with the flow of their relationship. You can tell that they’re trying their best to include you. They’re asking you questions about your interests and where you grew up, but you reply only with one or two-word answers and fiddle with the remaining food on your plate.

Suddenly everything just crashes in on you and you can’t take it anymore. Every time either one of them laughs it feels like a knife in your heart, confirming you aren’t meant to be here. Not really. You can feel the tears pooling up in your eyes and the shame that you’re crying over this causes heat to rise in your cheeks. This just so happens to be the moment Merlin looks away from gazing adoringly at Arthur. He notices your distress and confusion contorts his face.

“(y/n), what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Arthur looks over too, his concern evident. That’s it. You can’t take the thought of them pitying you. You stand up forcefully, the chair almost falling backward and rush out of the door into the maze of hallways, hoping you can find your way out. You ignore the calls of the two men behind you that care so much for some goddamn reason.

***

Before you knew it, your feet have taken you back to the forest, just beyond the line of trees where you set up camp. You had no place to stay inside of the kingdom, so you didn’t even try. You had no money to stay at an inn and you knew how to survive on your own anyway. Your camp was really well put together, you didn’t need to live in the kingdom.

There you lived, day in and day out. You refused to step foot back in the castle or anywhere close to the kingdom, despite how much you wanted to. If you were being honest with yourself, you were absolutely terrified of running into Merlin and Arthur again. You know that they’d accept you back with open arms, but the shame and embarrassment still burned fresh in your mind because of your less than graceful exit. You wish you would’ve been able to pull yourself together and give the, what was it? A budding relationship? You don’t know, you didn’t stay long enough to find out. To give, whatever was forming, a shot. But you were too caught up in your own head, and you get that. It happens from time to time. It’s just a part of who you are at this point.

It was completely silent in your little nook of the forest for at least a week or so until one day you’re awoken by the gallop of horses. You groan and roll over, covering your head with your makeshift pillow in an attempt to muffle the sound. Suddenly the galloping stops, but you didn’t hear the horses or their riders leave the area. You hear what sounds to someone hopping off of their horse and that’s when a booming voice breaks you out of your sleep-filled haze.

“Show yourself, you thief!” Oh if that’s not just exactly what you need right now. You honestly didn’t steal a single thing, you’ve been foraging and hunting to survive, and it hasn’t been all too pleasant. You sit up and scrub at your eyes before shuffling out of the shelter you had crafted.

You make eye contact with the owner of the voice and your heart seems to stop. It’s him. It’s them. It’s Arthur with Merlin at his side, because where else would he be? They seem to have the same reaction. You cringe and wait for this to all blow up in your face, but you’re shocked when you feel arms encompass you. You embrace the warm body and you feel more at home than you have ever before in your entire life. You look up and see Arthur smiling warmly at his two soulmates, finally together again. You shift your head and burrow into Merlin’s neck, hugging him as if your life depends on it. Arthur sits down next to the two of you and when you finally come up for air, you turn to him, his arms outstretched.

“My turn,” he says, and you happily oblige. He’s a bit harder to hug, the bulky armor getting in the way and all, but in your gut, there’s that same feeling. Home. The three of you are all huddled on the soft earth, a little bit of a mess. Once he gets around to letting go of you, you look back to Merlin.

“Why…” he stutters over his words “why did you leave? Did we do something wrong? We were so worried, we searched practically the entire kingdom looking for you.” Your heart immediately breaks, you can’t imagine what they must’ve thought when you took off. If they’re anything like you, and you sense they are, they had to have been blaming themselves.

“Oh guys, of course you didn’t. You’re perfect. Too perfect. I just. I felt like I was intruding on something that really didn’t need me to begin with.” You have a hard time enunciating what was going on in your head, but you hope they’ll understand. Neither of them say anything, but they look at each other and it seems as if they’re speaking without talking. They simultaneously reach down to pull off their right boot.

You see what they’re going for the minute they’re off. There, on their Achilles heel, is one simple word, "No". You knew it was on them somewhere, it had to be, but actually seeing the dark print forever etched on their bodies is an entirely different thing. Arthur looks you dead in the face and says.

“(y/n), I know that we don’t know you very well yet. But we will. I promise you with everything in me, if you give us the chance, we will love you until the day we die. It’s all right here,” he says, gesturing towards the pair’s ankles. “Soul marks don’t lie” you feel a blush rising on your cheeks and you shoot Arthur a smile.

“Not everything is going to be perfect all the time,” Merlin says, “but where’s the fun in that? We want to be with you, (y/n). We want to get to know you for you, and I promise, you’re never going to get in the way. You’re a part of this now, as long as you’re willing.” You recognize that this last statement is almost a question and you can’t help but fall back into their arms, trying not to let go of the tears that are threatening to spill. You hope that this provides them with any answers they’re seeking. You’re overwhelmed again, but this time it’s with happiness and a sense of belonging you certainly never experienced back home. Right now, though? Right now you’re redefining home and you couldn’t be happier. What Merlin said is definitely true. Nothing will ever be perfect, you’ll never be happy one hundred percent of the time, but you’re with two people who are willing to work with you and do everything they can to make you feel welcome. This is all you had ever wanted growing up, it’s what you had convinced yourself that you would never find, but it’s all here in the palm of your hand. You’re damn sure you’re not going to let it slip back through your fingers again.

***

I will admit, this one is much easier to read on AO3 because of the formatting, but for the second fic I ever wrote, I’m pretty dang proud of this oldie. 

The Doctor was able to get you to the med bay just in time for his spare stash of nanoparticles to work their magic on you, but the instance didn’t leave either of you completely unscathed. You could see the burning look in The Doctor’s eye, you weren’t going to get out of this one so easily.

“No, (y/n). You signed up to travel with me and do as I say!” he roared, a fire behind his eyes that sped up your heartbeat. “Not to run off trying to be the goddamn hero and risk the safety of yourself and the hostages! What if that cut were a bit deeper, what if I didn’t get you back in time? Where does that leave me?” he turns his back, not bearing to look at you. His shoulders heave as he pants, balling his fists in what you can’t quite identify. Sure, it’s rage, but it’s also something else.

You’re frozen in your place. He has a point, you did go off on your own, but only because you absolutely knew that you could save them, while The Doctor’s plan was a bit more circumstantial and in its early stages of development. Sure, he would’ve saved them eventually, but you could’ve saved them then and now. Who knows what would’ve happened to them during the time in between.

“But, Doctor…” you say, doing your best to keep your voice from wavering. “They’re okay. I’m okay. I’m right here. I’m not leaving you, not now, not ever. You’d have to drag my cold dead body out of the Tardis doors,” you say and see him wince and internally cringe. Okay, maybe not the best choice in wording. “Yikes, I…” He cuts you out before you can correct that misstep in speech.

“It’s okay, (y/n). I know what you meant. You just. You have to be more careful. I cannot have your death on my hands. I could’ve prevented that, I should’ve. If I were just paying a bit more attention to what you were doing” he trails off. Your stomach drops and you think you can hear your heart shattering into a million tiny pieces.

You walk up to him carefully, making sure he’s dealt with the anger in your actions. When you see no red flags, you place your hand gingerly upon his cheek.

“It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault.” you say, making sure to emphasize every word. You say a lot, but The Doctor doesn’t always read in between the lines. You can’t have him misinterpreting anything. “I did what I did independently of you, frankly I don’t think there’s anything you could’ve done to stop me from saving those people”

“I could’ve saved them first” he whispers as his eyes close and head drops. You wrap your other arm around the back of his neck pulling him in close, so that his head is in the curve of your neck. He falls into you, holding on for dear life.

“Oh, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, and you say I always try to be the hero. It’s okay,” you whisper almost under your breath, running your fingers through his hair as his grip around you tightens.

“Can’t lose you” you can hear him mutter. His breathing is shallow as he digs his head further into the crevice of your neck.

“Doctor. Doctor, look at me,” you say, once again placing your hand on the side of his head. He finally reluctantly pulls out of you and his red-rimmed eyes stop your heart. “What’s really wrong? This is deeper than me getting hurt, I know it is. What do you need me to do?” you ask, your loyalty unabashedly shining through.

“I need you to leave but I want you to stay, I can’t be selfish and think that you being with me is more important than your life,” he says, avoiding your eyes. You pull his face towards your so that your foreheads are touching.

“Doctor. You are my life.” you think that should be enough to get the message across. As you look into his eyes, you see something change. His face is mere inches away from yours now, you can feel his breathing quicken.

You know that you want to lean forwards, just a little bit and place your lips on his. But you can’t. This is a hundred-year-old man, he’s seen things, amazing things, that you could never dream of. He’s suffered losses unimaginable to you. He’s just. So much. More.

You feel something soft that juts you out of your spiral. You snap back to reality and realize that, this magnificent being, he’s kissing you. You were so shocked that you froze, but the second he started to pull away, you pulled him back and kissed him more passionately than you ever have with anyone before. Because anyone else? They weren’t The Doctor. Your Doctor.

You finally need to come up for air, so you pull back for a second. You can tell that he’s out of breath too, his chest rising and falling rapidly. You look into his eyes and can see nothing but love and admiration. You can’t help but giggle.

“What?” he asks, playfully.

“Just you. You’re impossible. You’re magnificent. You kissed me. I just. I can’t believe it” you say, rapidly. It’s all rather unorganized, but how can you be expected to be eloquent after what just happened?

“You can’t believe I kissed you? Why? You’re the most magnificent human I’ve ever met. You’ve got the biggest capacity for empathy I’ve ever seen, even if you try to hide it. It might get you in trouble from time to time, but goddammit, (y/n), I love it. I love you.” he spits out, seemingly not noticing the gravity of his statement.

Your eyes widen, this is everything you’ve ever wanted. Right in front of you. There has to be some catch, the other shoe has to drop, but when you see nothing but sincerity glowing from his dumb beautiful face, you have no choice but to believe him.

“I love you too. How could I not?” you say with a smile, caressing his cheek, stroking his cheekbone with your thumb. “I love you so much” you can see the smile grow upon his face until he’s practically beaming.

He jumps up, jolting you from your state of serenity. He’s running around the Tardis console like a man on a mission. His intensity makes you laugh.

“Oh good god, Doctor. What are you doing? Where are we going now? And really, right now? Couldn’t we be doing something a bit more. Fun?” you say, raising your eyebrows.

“Fun? Oh, fun! Yes, fun! We’ll get to fun, but first I have to show you the great falls of Archipelago, three twin waterfalls made up of roses. Yes, roses!” he shouts as he continues to flip switches and press buttons. He stops and turns on his heel to look you in the eye, “I’ve got to make sure our first date is absolutely fantastic, don’t I?” he smiles at the recognition growing across your face. He turns to pull one last lever and spins as he points up to the roof of the Tardis and with one word, you two are off to start the best part of your lives together.

“Geronimo!”

***

This one is also a few years old, but hey, why not? Pls lemme know if you liked it! 

You weren’t sure if you were on the ceiling, the walls, or the floor until The Doctor began grabbing at your arm. He was scrambling across the floor in an attempt to get you up and safe. Another bump throws you down the stairs, but at least this time you’ve got something to hold on to, even if it’s someone else getting thrown around too.

When the Tardis finally stops shaking the two of you about, you land side by side. You both sit up wearily, The Doctor rubbing at the back of his head with pain lighting up all of his features.

“Well that wasn’t very fun, now was it?” he turns to look at you and you grunt in agreement. Talking doesn’t sound like much fun either, you’ve finally found the time to acknowledge the splitting headache tearing at your skull. You groan and lie back down because that seems to be the position with the least amount of throbbing.

The Doctor glances from you with your hands rubbing circles around your aching temples back to the Tardis, he leans down and kisses your forehead.

“I’ll be right back” he mutters as he bounds up to the flashing console and fiddles around for a minute or two. Once The Doctor finally seems to get her back in order he rushes back down to you. “I’m sorry, I’m right here. I had to make sure we weren’t going to get taken on any more joyrides. We’re safe now, I’ve got you. Can you sit up? Is it just your head?”

He’s hovering. He always hovers when he’s concerned. It’s really not that bad, it would just be better if everything above your chest didn’t exist.

“Yeah, my head and my neck, but I’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry,” you say, rolling over in an attempt to make yourself comfortable on the floor, the cold actually doesn’t feel terrible on your overheated body.

“Oh, (y/n), you know I’ll worry no matter what,” he says, a soft grin growing across his face. “Now let’s get you up, can you walk?”

“I’m sure I could, but why would I want to? I’m perfectly comfortable down here,” you grumble and curl up into a ball, attempting to get away from the offending bright lights. The Tardis dims them instantly and gives a hum, whether that be an apology or an attempt to motivate you to get up, you’re not quite sure. Frankly, you don’t have the energy to contemplate the matter.

Right before you allow yourself to doze off, you feel what must be The Doctor scooping you up into his arms. Your suspicions are confirmed when you feel the warmth radiating off of him. You can’t help but rest your head in the crevice of his neck. The last thing you feel is a kiss being placed on the top of your head before you drift away.

~~~~~

You wake up to the sound of a door opening. When you crack your eyelids, you smile at the image of The Doctor trying his best to sneak in the room without disturbing you. It’s adorable, really. It’s not his fault you’re a light sleeper. He looks over to you and you see his eyes widen.

“Oh. Oops…”

“Shh, it’s okay. I should be getting up anyway. How long have I been out?” you ask, hoping to squash the guilt you know is bubbling up in The Doctor.

“Only an hour or so, lie back down, you need rest,” he says, taking a seat next to your bed.

“I’m really okay, Doctor. I promise.”

“I know you will be, but you took a nasty spill. I don’t want to risk anything when it comes to you, ever,” he says, reaching over to run his fingers through your hair. All of a sudden you can’t make eye contact anymore, you avert your eyes and feel the dam breaking. The feelings you’ve been trying to suffocate for months have come flooding back with a vengeance.

The Doctor notices a shift in the atmosphere and is instantly concerned. If you were able to look at him, you’d notice the worry light up across his face but you still can’t get yourself to meet his eyes.

“(y/n)? What’s wrong? Are you in pain? How can I help?” the concern laced in his voice causes your heart to practically skip a beat. Why does he have to be so goddamn genuine? You don’t want to roll over and ignore him, that would be too childish, but you don’t know what to do. So you don’t do anything, you just. Freeze.

“(y/n)? Okay, you’re starting to frighten me now…” you want to say something but you’re just so overwhelmed. You finally garner the courage to look over and his heart breaks the second he sees your red-rimmed eyes. You weren’t crying, but damn, were you close. The Doctor finally began to sense that this wasn’t a physical ailment plaguing you.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? I’ll always be here. Are you homesick? I can take you back if you want to be with your family” he offers, doing everything he can to prevent the hint of sadness from leaking through in his voice. You can tell he’s started to ramble again, overthinking everything there is to be thought.

“It’s not that. It’s…” you croak out. “I just…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m worried if I tell you, you’ll send me home. Or it’ll be weird and I don’t want it to be weird,” you say, the shame rising up throughout you.

“What? A time-traveling alien with a blue box that’s bigger on the inside isn’t already weird?” he asks, smiling slightly to himself. “There’s nothing you could say that would make me stop loving you.” Your stomach drops and you’re instantly frozen again. This time, nothing stops you from staring at him dead on. Did he just? But did he mean it like… that? He couldn’t have, right?

“Shh, stop thinking so loudly, it’s really rather annoying” he chuckles. “I love you and that’s that,” he says pointedly. Before you’re able to process what you’re doing, you’ve lunged into his open arms. He’s got one hand tangled in your hair and the other holding the small of your back firmly. You bury your head into his shoulder, trying not to cry and get his jacket wet.

“I love you too.” you barely whisper.

The rest of the night was kind of a blur, but what you do remember is an overwhelming sense of home. Wherever the Tardis is, is home. Wherever The Doctor is? That’s home too.

***