TheQuasarSystem

AVPD mixed with being schizospec is genuinely one of the most frustrating things out there, and I wish more people knew about both cluster a and cluster c disorders, since essentially nobody knows about us. nobody else realizes just how terrifying being perceivable is; the absolute catatonic panic that comes with having one too many eyes on you, the absolute horror of being interpreted wrong, the nonstop animalistic urge to flee. it's a constant battle to not up and disappear, and it's one a lot of us lose pretty frequently. it's so much easier and more comforting to merely exist in people's minds as a concept, and yet, that's so lonely. isolating yourself because you can't handle the idea of being judged, of being confronted, of being watched, of being misinterpreted is familiar, a comfort zone, but you're also acutely aware it's unhealthy, you just have no idea how to break the cycle. you've tried so many times, and it always ends up with you by yourself again. I think anyone with AVPD or anyone on the schizospec can relate to the experience of constantly falling off the map for an indefinite amount of time and eventually reemerging from whatever grimy, desolate hole you put yourself in completely different, completely changed, completely new identity because the old one made it feel like there were bugs crawling underneath your skin. I wish people took the time to understand more and realize that I desperately want close relationships, but it's so, so hard. it's completely debilitating, borderline impossible, and yet, I still have to try.

Me after going through a stressful situation like “now that wasn’t so rough I’m fine! I managed to get out of that, in fact I dare to say i’m actually doing pretty good- “

system question:

Hello! My name is Nala

system question:

Breeze lives almost exclusively in our headspce. Im kind of channeling Breeze's thoughts since I'm fronting rn -inky

system question:

Val: Uhhh tbh I don't really head into headspace much??? But I freaking LOVE my apartment it's so pretty <333

to val: that sounds very lovely!! glad you have your own place to calk home...sort of lol

We don’t have a headspace but I’ve had some parts tell me they experience not fronting as a “very uncomfortable void”

Our head space is a living landscape with individually tailored zones. There is beach and forest and campfire and grassland and it is perpetually one specific summers day except for the football pitch sized snow patch. We have to be carefully not to piss our head space off as earthquakes/tidal waves/mud zombies etc are consequences of disrespecting headspace.

A: idk much abt our void but there are a lot of scattered alters there. ur void seems intimidating, i hope u guys didnt lose anything precious to you there.

system question:

Depends on which person tbh, but most of us just vibe and do simple day to day things. Like the caretakers helping the littles, somebody might bake bread in the background and share it, small chatter, nothing fancy. The higher ups have to do the system paperwork though- Nothing super stressful, just tedious and never-ending.

system question:

Depends on which person tbh, but most of us just vibe and do simple day to day things. Like the caretakers helping the littles, somebody might bake bread in the background and share it, small chatter, nothing fancy. The higher ups have to do the system paperwork though- Nothing super stressful, just tedious and never-ending.