nunca es tarde

“You so was.” she didn’t know why it was so funny that she actually caught him sleeping in his car. “You had your mouth open and everything.” she was joking, he hadn’t, but he wouldn’t know that. “See you survived untouched over the last couple of days.” she commented on his appearance, having not seen any sign of an injury. Madeline was sporting her own vampire bite on her neck, but it was healing and it could have been worse if she didn’t fight back or take vervain. Her hair covered it anyway, so he probably wouldn’t notice— because who spent their time staring at other people’s necks? “Weird what happened, right?”

‘‘Fine, yes, I’m guilty.’‘ He admitted to it, but who could blame him? This town drained his energy, as it would anyone else. ‘’I didn’t stick around long enough......I wanted to, but work calls.’’ He couldn’t deny the fact, that he was glad to have been called away from the town, he would not have been useful, he was far better off doing what he actually knew, than messing in all the supernatural stuff again. ‘’Mystic Falls, you can’t expect much,  now? It doesn’t surprise me.’’ Maybe a few months ago, he would be, but being in this town, he had gotten used to the way it worked, and more so, the ripper virus, the way the vampires had been acting, that was not new to him. 

Heidi spotted Mateo across the road and managed to cross just in time to intercept him. “Hey, I have a question for you.” She crossed her arms. “How much did you actually know about Whitmore? You sure seemed to know a lot about me so I want to know why.”

{{ @pxrxrius }}

Whenever Mateo thought he had gotten away from the past, it always came back, haunting him. ‘’I don’t.’’ Was his answer to Heidi, which would be his answer to anyone who came asking questions....because he didn’t know, or rather that’s what they had been lead to believe. Leo had been able to get the memories back for Mateo, but Mateo was not letting anyone else know. It was better that way. 

If there’s one thing Spencer’s good at, it’s talking. Usually in the form of talking too much and ending up with her foot in her mouth or something worse, but talking nonetheless, which is how she ends up at Mateo’s door despite them both agreeing they needed a break. Even though she’s been invited in she knocks, swallowing to try and stifle her nerves as the door swings open. “Hi. I know you want a break, and I know I agreed, but I think we need to talk. Or, I need to talk, and I need you to listen.” / @pxrxrius

Mateo however had never been great at talking, at least not when it concerned relationships or other aspects of his private and personal life. Outside of work, he was a different man, not the FBI agent that everyone else saw. ‘’Okay.’’ They needed to talk, he knew that, they both knew that, except Mateo hadn’t been so successful with this because his idea of a talk was a break, it was an avoidance technique, but Mateo was better at that. He opened the door wider, stepping back, allowing her in. 

Madeline had been very subtly keeping a close eye on the new developers that continuously went in out of the new build just close to where she worked. So after her shift finished she spent her time (because she clearly had nothing better to do), sitting on the bench nearby and patiently observing. Trying to figure out a way for her to step inside the building without the most obvious excuse known to man. It wasn’t until she allowed herself to notice the familiar car parked up, that she recognised the man in the drivers seat. So once she did, she got up from the bench she was sitting on, wandering up to the car it was then she realised Mateo was actually asleep. Which caused a grin to form before she banged on the window, three times for good measure and she started to laugh. “Can’t believe you’re sleeping on the job!” she had to shout all so he’d hear her, what with his window done up. @pxrxrius

Mateo hadn’t been in the best of places, he was taking time to process...a lot and with his memories returned, a lot of his energy was consumed. He noticed the things going on in town, just a couple days ago, the vampires, and he knew. He had seen it all before, it was much a reoccurring nightmare, it didn’t stop, there was no end. Hearing the knock on the window he jolted awake. When he noticed Maddie, he got out of the car. ‘’I was not asleep.’’ He totally was, but he shook his head in denial as he leaned against his car. ‘’Nope.’’ 

“At least you see that now.” she was sure this town had some alternative plan for everyone that came here. Take herself and her family, they came to literally rid the world of vampires and now look at them, she was dating one and her sister had turned into one. “My mindset.” she responded with ease, was that enough or did he want more of an explanation? She wasn’t sure, but she didn’t elaborate, she thought he’d only push and ask if he wanted one. 

‘‘For a long time, I’ve believed that everyone can be saved. Not to say I no longer believe in this, but, not everyone can.’’ Mateo had to admit to himself more now than ever, that it wasn’t possible to be a hero, if he liked to try, he was not that. ‘’I don’t blame you, anyone, for their reaction, I imagine had I been in in a similar position, I may have had the same thoughts.’’ 

“It’s not a normal town.” way to state the obvious, but it was true, Mystic Falls was not like any other place she had been to. “Was I what? Disappointed?” was she? She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t been. “Every disappoints someone, eventually. Months ago I was, but I’m not now.” whether it sat right with him or not, that was her truth. 

‘‘And I’m an idiot to think I could turn it into one, I always thought I could, fix people, but this town, it showed me the truth.’‘ Mateo was shown the truth of himself more than anything. ‘’You can’t show up and fix everything.’’ He couldn’t just show up and turn a crime into his case. Only trouble came with trying. ‘’What changed?’’ He asked, on her disappointment. 

“Are…” The words that he’s saying, how he’s saying them, sparks something insecure and ugly in the pit of Spencer’s stomach. “Are you breaking up with me?” Her voice is annoyingly small, and it’s clear that Spencer’s afraid of what the answer is going to be.

Mateo couldn’t find the words to answer, or at least in a direct way he couldn’t. ‘’We need time...to think about this.’’ Admittedly Mateo had been doing that for weeks but there were answers he didn’t reach. ‘’If this. if we...should continue.’’ There was no denying things were not well. ‘’We’re not okay and if we keep telling ourselves that we are...’’ It was false hope. ‘’I can’t do this again. You can’t do this again.’’ Sometimes, letting go was easier than repeating pain none of them wanted to experience again. ‘’Saying we’re okay? That we can be okay? That when time passes we will be fine? It is not helping either of us.’’

James is writing down some things on the notepad in front of him but it’s only things he’d forget otherwise. His directly looking at Mateo as he does so though so it may seem as if he’s only scribbling but it’s key. “I don’t believe having time dedicated to yourself or to the people who adore you is a sign of weakness. Or a distraction. It’s a right.”  A pause to think about his following words. “Repressing is not healthy in the slightest. You need some sort of catharsis. Because it could be detrimental to people you work with closely and I can’t imagine that’s something you would want.” He puts his pen down. “How well do you know your colleagues outside the workplace? It might be an idea to do something to further develop those relationships. And regularly. Even if it’s slightly work related to. For example, the rest of my department and I have a book club. And we make sure to go bowling at least once a month. As someone who can relate to being pretty much married to my job, that’s something I relate to though. Your job is a part, an extension, of your life. Not it’s entirety.” 

‘‘When there are people counting on you, to save them, to get rid of the bad guy. It is. You get distracted, the bad guy gets away. You get distracted, someone gets killed and you have to live knowing the last thought was that someone believed they were safe when they were not.’’ It’s why Mateo didn’t like distractions. It’s why he always swayed from anything that could. ‘’Maybe it’s not healthy, but people, who work jobs that I do, we learn the only way to cope is it not let it in. Not let it get to you.’’ Mateo was not heartless, no, he had emotions, but he expressed them in different ways. ‘’My colleagues are family to me. We’ve always had each others backs.’’ Even if it was wrong. ‘’That’s not the problem. They’re not my problem.’’ Even when people told Mateo him that they were, he couldn’t, he couldn’t turn against the people he had spent a lifetime with even if that was not the point James was making.  

“Uh, sure. Yeah.” He hadn’t really, not to the extent that was being asked of him so he didn’t get a real picture of how it would be but it seemed better to not get into the details of it all. Better for both their sakes, self doubt wasn’t good for anyone in this case. “Anyway, like I said, I’ll stop if anything seems wrong. Ready?”

Mateo nodded giving Leo the go ahead. There was nothing more to say, to think on it. He had decided and this was it. He didn’t know how the process was going to go, but Mateo couldn’t be afraid of these memories that haunted him without his knowledge of them.

By the way he was talking? She could tell he had given up, but was she surprised? No. The longer she stayed in Mystic Falls, the more attractive giving up had become. “You worry too much.” they all did, but what he was telling her? She couldn’t help but state that obvious. “I can’t name one single person who is disappointed with you.” she offered him a faint smile, she felt this stemmed more from just Mystic Falls’s police department. “Maybe taking a step back will do you some good, you know, clear your head. Don’t wanna be growing grey hairs.” she was joking, trying to make light of his mood— if it would.

‘‘I didn’t. Not before....but this town.’‘ It changed him. ‘‘I’m not sure that is the truth.’‘ Disappointment ran deep, and Mateo knew he had or maybe it was just himself. ‘’Were you not?’’ He questioned. ‘’Everything I said to you, the hope, when you found out the truth?’’ He agreed, stepping back was best, but even that felt like it was not enough. 

James can already tell a lot about the way Mateo carried himself and was. He understood people very quickly with little time. It’s a gift of his. Maybe why he’s so good at what he does but he tried to make this as informally seeming as possible. It’s a talk. At least, it was to James at least. Definitely, the least a guy like Mateo should be pondering about. “He’s a smart man that boss of yours.” James nodded his head. “And how do you deal with it? Do you have a healthy balance of work and play? A good social group?” He hated for this to sound like an interview but he’s just getting a further feel into the kind of ways his brain worked, and best possible ways to help Mateo’s given situation so he doesn’t feel so bad about coming back if it was needed and if it would help him. 

Mateo couldn’t deny that his boss was smart, the man had to be. ‘’I don’t.’’ And he was honest, he didn’t actually deal with anything. ‘’I continue with my day because I have to because when I think, when I think about anything, what has happened, what I have seen....it pushes me off track.’’ And he didn’t need that. ‘’I can’t have distractions.’’ He couldn’t? Or he didn’t allow himself to. ‘’I don’t have time, but that’s what you sign up for, your life becomes your job and your job is your life.’’ 

“Okay.” Leo nodded his head, looking down at Shadow who was sniffing him. He extended his hand first, before giving Shadow’s head a quick rub. “Should probably make yourself comfortable then.” He wasn’t sure exactly how much what he was going to do would hurt or how Mateo would react to any of it but he said he’d help him, so he would. “And the second I feel anything wrong with it, I’ll stop.” No matter how much or how little of his memory was given back to him. He might push his own boundaries but Leo wouldn’t push on Mateo’s when he didn’t know what would become of that kind of push.

‘‘That bad?’‘ He asked before finding a seat, not that he thought he needed it, he’d been through worse or had he? ‘’You’ve done this before?’’ Mateo probably should have started by asking that, there was part of him that still worried about this, if it was the right thing to do, but the alternative of not knowing, it had to be done

“No they’re pretty useless.” she could admit that Levi seemed passionate about his job, especially going by the campaign he did not so long ago, but that didn’t overshadow everything she thought was wrong with him. “All they seem to do is produce cover-up after cover-up—- which, don’t get me wrong, I get. Town like this they’d just seem crazy admitting the truth. But,” she shrugged her shoulders, “Wouldn’t go to them if I had a problem.” she usually sorted out her own problems, but that wasn’t what she was getting at.

‘‘I’m sorry, if I could have helped, I would, but I don’t think it’s a job for me anymore.’’ Mateo had in most sense given up. At least in this town. Fighting it did him no good. He couldn’t fix what didn’t want to be fixed, even if he would die trying. ‘’But I also disappointed too many people to say I was any better, that I would make things right, that I could help the people of this town..and that I have regret for.’’ 

“I haven’t used it.” she said more to provide him with a sense of relief and technically, in this moment, she wasn’t lying to him. She hadn’t used his card in the way he thought she might have done, so that was easy enough. He wouldn’t be in any trouble, so there was that. “Pretty sure whoever would know I’m not you.” she gestured up and down at herself, as if to clearly say, they did not look alike. “Only just found it, glad I saw you to be honest, didn’t really wanna go to the station.” only because she knew Levi worked there again. 

‘‘Do you ever? Unless it’s me taking you there.’‘ He didn’t think Maddie would go there otherwise, for anything. ‘’But I can’t blame you, you were correct, those months ago when we spoke about it.’’ On the matter of the police here. ‘’They’re not going to help, I don’t think they ever will, and that’s not something I can change either.’’ Mateo had tried, but it didn’t go down well, so now he backed off. 

“Then whoever told you to be here is looking after you,” James reassured him. He got all sorts of types of people coming in and out of his office. His relationships with his clients massively differ from one another and he didn’t talk about them to other people. Protocol really. “Okay. So you don’t know why your here. Is that completely true? I’m sure you must have some small inclination? Fine is the weakest form of adjective in my mind. It doesn’t say much. It’s kind of banned here. For good reason.” He’s being as light-hearted as he possibly can. “Who sent you? Partner? Friend? Work colleague?” 

Mateo couldn’t be sure, maybe someone was looking out for him but maybe not. Maybe they wanted to keep him distracted. ‘’When things get tough, I deal with it, that’s my fine.’’ Mateo had to accept it for what it was worth.  ‘’in my line of work that’s what we do...and the moment you realise you’re not okay, when you are too attached to something else, is the moment mistakes begin.’’ Was it perhaps that Mateo simply wouldn’t allow himself to? Maybe. ‘’My boss. H-e’s the kinda guy you can’t say no to..’’

The way he apologizes hits Spencer like a punch to the gut. “Of course I trust you,” she protests, taking a step towards him. “I didn’t tell anyone. I wasn’t… I was out of my mind. All I cared about was my next fix.” The vampire looks down at her hands, watching as she wrings them absently. “I’m sorry that I lied to you. That I didn’t tell you everything. I thought that it was Catherine, that I was doing something good, but I was wrong.”

‘‘But I can’t, I can’t trust myself to do the right thing around you,....’’ Because he hadn’t, he hadn’t shown it. ‘’For you.....I had time to tell someone, to do something. There was your brother, gen....’’ And more.  ‘’But I didn’t......and I don’t think there’s any coming back from that.’’ Whatever was supposed to be, it wasn’t, it was an idea. ‘’It wasn’t your mistake, it was mine.’’ 

Leo only nodded his head and stood there for a second, awkwardly almost, as he thought he might have to tell Mateo to invite him in but when he finally did so Leo stepped inside looking around the place a bit more cautiously than he would’ve normally. Mateo didn’t seem like he was going to do anything that would go against Leo, but at this point he couldn’t be too sure anymore. “So you’re sure? You want to know about everything you were doing?”

‘‘It’s better to know than not.’‘ At least then he could process it. He couldn’t continue not knowing. He didn’t understand why someone took those memories away to begin win. Had he screwed up so badly? Was he that much of a liability? Or was it for any other reason? Mateo didn’t plan to do anything once his memories were back, he wouldn’t tell anyone, he wouldn’t answer questions he couldn’t before. He just needed them, for himself. That was it. ‘’Everything.’’