Revenge is actually awesome

“First things first is just waiting out the coppers,” Gio assured his clumsiest minion. “We’ll take it step by step from there.”

“Right. Coppers.” Car Crash held a breath and puffed it out like a long gust of wind. “One step at a time.”

A glint caught Giovanni’s eye suddenly. Something unnaturally green against the trees. He dared a peek further out, just to the scruff of his pink hair… and sure enough, there was his treasure nestled between two roots.

“Car Crash! Do you see that?”

“Freeeedddd-” he started insisting as usual, before casting a nervous glance at Bugsy and Arnold being shoved into a cop car- “…Actually, if it means not ending up in there, ‘Car Crash’ off duty is fine this one time.” He squinted in the direction Giovanni was waving. “Uh, not really.”

“The Amulet! How could Rubber Ducky and Rotten Dealsy just LEAVE it like that?!” Or, was it the cowboy? Or Ramsey? He’d lost count of who had it last in the chase, with it being relayed around like the brain cell between his boys. Before he could derail himself, he shook off the thought. “Those no-good no-badders are gonna get clobbered, I swear…!”

“Doesn’t seem like anyone’s noticed it yet…” 

Indeed, Sweet Jazz’s finest were busy trying to subdue three matching Blasters, who were throwing fistfuls of health food they had from who-knows-where.

“Do you think… maybe we could bring it back home?”

Giovanni’s gaze flew off the Amulet as soon as he processed the question.

 “C-cause I mean,” Car Crash went to justify, “this might be our last chance! And if we do, we could actually keep it this time! Make it our first win as ourselves.”

Cackling, Gio threw a punch at his shoulder. “Now you’re talking!” But then he reconsidered. “As your benevolent leader, though, I say we’re not going anywhere unless you can handle it. So… confident enough to take a few cops with me?”

Another held breath, shorter than the first, and then: “I’ll follow you wherever, Boss.” Said boss channeled his elated pride into more shoulder punches - Car Crash pulled back after about five - and they both started scanning the scene.

With a whopping three police cars (and the remains of Fred’s truck) lined up on the street, it was probably the busiest it had been in years. A couple of the vehicles were already jostling with restless occupants. Which meant at any time the police might run out of criminals and go for the Amulet next. They needed to get over, fast.

Giovanni hemmed and hawed for a solid minute. “That way,” he pointed finally, arcing an arm to the left, at another bush some feet away. He made a come-on come-on motion at his minion. “We cross the road and…”

“…And follow the plant cover until we get to the tree,” finished Fred. “But how do we get there? Just run for it? Deer-in-the-headlights mode?”

“Hmmm… Not a bad idea. Or we can…” Under his boots, a hiss began to sound off. It grew in decibel as he braced himself. “Teleports behind you,” went his cry-turned-stage-whisper as the steam rushed around his feet, and-

And he pulled Car Crash’s wrist a little too quickly. Fred’s free arm caught the fabric of his soupy superior’s cape wrong, and suddenly Giovanni was flipping backwards mid-rocket jump. “WhoawhoawhoaWHOA-” Their yellow outfits reflected the glint of the moon, a silhouette impossible to describe. Through nothing short of a miracle they somehow actually reached the small opening they were aiming for.

Of course, that didn’t mean landing unscathed. Unwrapping his body from a newly dented tree, Car Crash yelped, “Dude, ahhh, dude, are you okay!?” He heaved Gio up by the shoulders and immediately withdrew a stash of bandaids from his pocket.

“Don’t even worry about it,” croaked Giovanni through mouthfuls of dirt. “Let this be a lesson, my boy: I always come prepared, thanks to myyy…” 

Snap, snap, sparkles, nothing.

“Um.”

Oh yeah, he’d already used the “Ancient Potion” technique after being beaten to a pulp by the other Blasters. And then chipping his tooth drinking a pinecone wrong, and then barely escaping the police lady. A fresher wound began to trickle warm red into his right eye. 

Panic giving way into incredulence, Car Crash shook his head and slid a bandage against Gio’s forehead. He was no stranger to the natural wear-and-tear of daily life; whether or not the day’s events were part of that, he still knew what to do when a friend got hurt.

“...Prepared, huh?”

“Yes! Very much so! III’ve got another potion… brewing right now!”

“We’ll take a rain check on that one.” He stepped back, bending to wipe the drops of blood away on the plants.

The ground bared its teeth at them in that moment, a sudden crumble and ghastly crunch. Both of them yelped in unison with the sirens before shushing each other. It crumble-growled again. Gio threw an arm in front of his minion defensively. What was that? Epithet use??

Tracing a path through the dead wheatgrass with their eyes, they settled on the imprint of a… flattened squirrel. 

The creature teeter-tottered back and forth as it got to its feet. Clumps of rumpled fur stuck out where its body had split the foliage. It paused, chittered, then sneezed another leaf tendril out of its dripping nose.

Hesitantly, Car Crash inched forward. “Aw. It’s jussa little guy.”

“Don’t buy it. So-called little guys bite, Crash! And contracting rabies is not villain protocol!” A fluffy bleating flashback burned at the back of Gio’s mind. He shuddered.

“I know the rules… safety first.” 

But the thing just seemed so pathetic. Car Crash couldn’t help a twinge of guilt thinking of why it had fallen. “…Sorry for barking up your tree, buddy.” When he looked ahead he could just barely make out a flyaway piece of health food. After a quick spit-polish, he presented it to the creature. “This should make up for that, though. Right?”

It glowered at him with the squirrel equivalent of Giovanni’s expression. Not even a sniff.

Redwood Run health food must be stale.

“Okay look look look, you need to at LEAST make it edible.” Ignoring the grin across Car Crash’s freckled mug, Giovanni snatched the piece away. His gloved left hand, acting with a mind of its own, tried once again to draw soup from the air. 

Still, the process took its time. The ex-Banzai Captain grunted in exertion as Car Crash steadied him. Eventually he managed just enough to give the morsel a thin coating of tomato basil.

Now this elicited some attention from the squirrel. As he waited impatiently, it made its way up to him and started to dig in, even though the food was only lukewarm instead of roiling and lacked any spice or kick. (Soup without kick… that was the true evil here.) Apparently satisfied, the creature took off into the bushes.

“There. Are we finishing this now or what? Because that really is all I’ve got left.”

“Aye aye,” affirmed Car Crash, newly energized after a successful Boss-squirrel interaction. 

Stillness could settle on their shoulders much easier from this side of the road. With most of the distance bridged - visual and official noise included - the Amulet glimmered with a new clarity, just out of reach.

Giovanni went to pull out his doombat. Despite being scuffed here and there, the knife was still attached firmly to the tip. He double checked each of the three layers of tape and leaned down. Then he slid it along the ground with careful focus. If he could just get close enough, it would make a serviceable hook.

At his side, Car Crash watched just as intensely. Something flickered through his mind and he thought to voice it, but... Why interrupt a hunter going in for the kill? A creative mastermind in action? He closed his mouth so quickly, his teeth clicked. 

Gio slipped. The bat dropped into the leaves. “Dangit!”

“Boss?”

“Almost… come on come on…”

“Boss, I can-”

“Hold me.” Without looking back, he extended his nondominant hand.

“Uh, yeah.” Car Crash locked fingers with him and lowered him forward until he was almost parallel to the ground. Giovanni flailed rather uselessly in the bat’s direction, cape amplifying his movements in waves.

Sighing, Gio admitted, “No dice.” Like a fishless (now additionally baitless) rod, the boss was reeled back onto his feet. He wasted no time scratching at his stubble again, throwing together a new idea. “Okay, no more doombat. Need a second doombat. Sticks everywhere… stick doombat. Hook the first bat on the second one and bam, stick-second-doom-first-hook-bat! Alright! Car Crash, my boy… the sticks!”

His boy did not respond. His boy had swallowed his words, walked right out of cover, and started bounding across the clearing.

Step left. Skip right. It was a dance practically, or the most quiet game of soccer Car Crash had ever played, with his eyes darting from opening to opening to opponents still lingering nearby. He ducked under a swoop of branches, a swish of cop car lights. Once or twice a root suddenly formulated in a seemingly empty foothold, but through his adrenaline, he managed to catch himself.

And when he reached it, the Amulet, as well, caught the limelight in hues and tints and shades he’d never seen before. It sank heavy in his hand, whether from the chunky gold chain and plating, or the chartreuse gem embedded within. A combination of both, perhaps. He gave it a turnaround before facing back towards his teammate, looking apologetic.

Attempting the same path his minion had taken, Giovanni pulled up with arms and mouth open wide. 

“Sorry boss, I should’ve-”

“Forget the sticks,” Gio squealed, “man, that was amazing!”  

“Well, y’know.” Sheepishly, he fumbled for a response and failed to find one. “...Y’know.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of that! What I know is that you’ve just earned yourself the title of Minion of the Week!” The most coveted title one could have! Car Crash straightened up, beaming. From his grasp, Giovanni took the Amulet… then brought it over his boy’s neck until it became the centerpiece of his outfit. “You get to be the one to wear this.”

“M… me?” His eyes practically sparkled.

Giovanni patted his back. “A title like that deserves a medal.” They shook hands oh-so-professionally, and then the two started jumping around in a circle like little kids. Yes, maybe in their excitement they forgot the setting a bit. Maybe threw some “eee”-ing in there. It didn’t matter anymore. They’d already won.

If anyone other than the sheriff of Redwood Run had crashed their party, they would be halfway on their way to prison, but the man was still wiping the last few sprinkles from his beard when he appeared out of nowhere behind them. 

Mid-spin, mid-celebration, Car Crash slammed directly into him. “AGH-!” Stopping abruptly, he braced to meet the ground. But no collision came afterwards.

As he lowered his arms, he watched a glow the color of strawberry frosting seep from every inch of the other man’s body. Clusters of it swirled and mixed together, focusing into a single stream that shot right through the air and into the gem of the Arsene Amulet. The sheriff staggered back and met Car Crash’s eyes.

He looked like he had the wind knocked out of him.

Fred blanched, equally winded, muscles turning to stone. Giovanni grabbed his sleeve and scrambled for the nearest tree cover. His minion’s skidding shoes kicked up a cloud of dust - unintentional in the moment, yet somehow almost like a makeshift Fog of Lost Souls. The sheriff was still clutching at his chest as they left him, standing alone in that clearing.

~~~

Underneath the inky sheet of stars, fashionably late on this night, Percy patrolled back and forth. A tally of every Blaster getting cuffed and car’d ticked up in her head. Without a doubt, just from the sheer scale they had taken on, their operation had delivered unexpected success. Yet over any sense of celebration, her body still ached like she had lifted each Parapet tower up brick by brick. Which she had, in a psychokinetic, whooshy sort of manner. Even so, she needed something more concrete to truly secure the day as an achievement. 

She justified to her teammate, “I’m not UNGRATEFUL for this sight… We haven’t caught such a colossal criminal crowd in months. But having the Amulet on our side would be the metaphorical cherry on top.”

“Is what you would say…” Ramsey smarmed from behind her, back to casualties now that he was out of Zora’s grasp for the time being. None of the cops eyeing the man’s floral garb up and down felt even half as threatening. “If not forrr…”

Sifting through his pocket, he grazed the frayed edges of a gaping hole. Right where the Amulet had been. He cursed under his breath.

“What was that, Ramsey?”

He repeated it over his breath.

“No, I heard that much… If those beans of yours are relevant to the mission, it is imperative you spill them.”

After a moment spent chewing on his lip, the rat-man gave up, “During that Zora fight, I got back the Amulet. Swapped it for a dupe and pocketed it. I was gonna show you after things settled down.” Percy startled a bit at the admission, turning slow to look at him more clearly. Recognition stirred behind the stoicism in her eyes. It made him fidget, adding on, “It’sstillnearby! It’s still nearby, probably. Surely.” 

“...Alright, then we’ll just split the team to retrace the area. Let’s go back the way we came first, and then-”

“Sheriff! Sheriff! I mean, detective!” The actual sheriff they had met earlier, Gorou Shimizaki, suddenly stumbled over. His shoulders shook with worry and Percy and Ramsey went to carry them.

“Sir, what seems to be the matter? Is there something our spry eyes missed?”

It took him a minute to find the words: “Those boys… they took my… I couldn’t… shiny… they got me!”

“Uh, was that the same language?” Ramsey scratched at his neck. Percy bypassed the comment and nodded at him to elaborate.

“I… I just came a-wonderin’ what all the fuss was about - thought maybe we were having a party, what with the lights and the wee-oo wee-oo, ehuh-“ A coughing fit cut him off. “B-but they came out of nowhere and then got me!”

The detective’s frown deepened. “Give us a glimpse of what they looked like. Anything helps.”

Uncertainty clouded his vision as he strained his memory. “They were wearin’ yellow…?”

Percy wouldn’t get much more out of him than that. Instead, she took another analysis of the clearing to the side, the road ahead, the mangle of trees, until settling on the truck of the Donaldson kid. Ah, the Donaldson kid. He must have been picked up by one of the other officers following her. 

Except she hadn’t seen him in any of the cop cars, and no one had reported a rescue. One quick check through her radio confirmed there had been no sightings of him at all since her initial arrival. So where had he gone?

Leaving Gorou to Ramsey’s aid, Percy squinted through the truck window to see if Fred had stowed away inside. A busted first aid kit had spilled its contents, obscuring most of the floor, but not a curious piece of yellow fabric peeking out from the seat. Percy strained… 

The accessory on its front seemed almost like… a Banzai pin?

She stepped back so dramatically, the truck shuddered from the movement, knocking a photograph from the sun visor. Almost impossibly it fluttered right towards the window. When she saw the familiar visage of the same Giovanni Potage front and center, something clicked.

Because with the Amulet on the loose, and an impressionable young man having slipped under her nose in the middle of all these Blasters…

“Gor blimey,” Percy gasped. “This won’t do at all.”