can you hear me?

the assumption that


if a person is


drowning,


surely someone


stupid girl

stupid girl

he broke you into 

a million pieces because

you let him

you welcome them

in, knowing they are

here

for only one thing

and still you cry

and drink

sorrows away

stupid girl, you

                        don’t want anyone to own you

but you want to own everyone

and be the queen of

their own kingdoms

but so many nights

you look at the stars 

and wish

still wish for a prince

or princess

you are made up of

love+star stuff+fairy tales

                         even though you pretend to gag at weddings

what broke you

                  so much inside? what made your heart 

shatter into glass teardrops?

who made you incapable 

of love

that you crave it

when an elephant dies

the others gather + mourn

sharing a heartbeat of pain

howling with grief. 

when someone’s body is 

there but

they are not

we smile through glassy eyes

and silently in solitude

           let the hardship chip us away

pain cracks earth, creates canyons

you on one side, me on the other

you can throw a rope over

as many times as

you want

but we are not building bridges here

+ every time i try to

tightrope my way to you

when a baby is born

         their first

sense of life is fear

Pandora’s box inhaled

in the first gasping breath

scream-cries

releasing the remnants

          of innocence

but this is just the beginning

and a baby knows nothing

except

that crying eyes

bring caring hands

but when cries unleash

with no response

a baby remembers 

that first sense of fear

confusion, solitude

water 

pushes, pulls

covers, conceals

inside the shore-shell

when i was little

i would wake up 

with a growling

stomach

excited by the cacophony

of the coffee mill

now, i wake up

with a growling heart

terrified that it

trust is an ocean                                

sometimes slowly crawling in,

                   often vigorously receding. 

crashing, breaking 

     with every storm

or lightly lapping

      at the calm

but i am the world’s first ocean

to crash back on itself

                      instead of the shore

the first to get smaller

                              smaller

                                    smaller

drying up to null

even so, i cannot stop them

from swimming in me

churning up my

                            insides

feeling me

then leaving

                   drying off,