Occasional Digressions

Chapter 8

Summary:

He wanted to count every freckle on the back of Guanshan's neck and reward each one with a kiss.

The dark haired boy cursed himself underneath his breath, squeezing his eyes shut. 

If I keep this up I'm going to regret it.

When it came to the box of memories Mo had the option of avoiding the  pain, choosing when he wanted to confront his feelings and taping it up when he didn't want to anymore. 

But now that he's living with He Tian there's nowhere to run. He can't pick and choose when he wants to see He Tian. He Tian didn't give Mo a choice in the situation.

Mo is literally being thrusted into everything he's been trying to ignore.  He Tian's presence, He Tian's space, He Tian's lifestyle etc. 

It's going to be hard for him to keep up the detached facade  now that they're going to be around each other all the time. It's going to be harder for him to lie to He Tian about how he feels. Mo probably wouldn't feel comfortable hurting He Tian with his words in his own home.

It'll most likely be his breaking point and the last hurdle he has to overcome to let himself be fully vulnerable with He Tian.

Chapter 7

Summary:

Before Guanshan could mentally prepare himself to get out of bed, a notification caught his eye. A smile pulled at his lips knowing it was from He Tian. He has made it a habit of messaging Guanshan in the mornings. Whether it was a paragraph or a few lines, there was always something waiting for him when he woke up. 

>I'm sorry I just needed an excuse to message you. I hope your day goes well -5:43AM

Mo’s chest tightens, his cheeks stained an embarrassing shade of red. The two weeks they’ve spent apart has been complete agony. He missed seeing that cheeky grin up close. The smell of He Tian’s cologne still tickled his nostrils. 

Part of me thinks that He Tian and Mo actually did stay in contact when he left but he could never tell Mo exactly what was going on. We also don't know how much he's told Mo about his family situation, we don't know if He Tian ever told Mo how dangerous things can get in his family. I think He Tian keeps the serious things to himself in order to not stress Mo out. 

He Tian might have been super vague with Mo every time they did speak and he might have relied on humor as usual to make up for it, thinking that it would keep the peace between them. Right now we don't know how much control He Tian's father had over him when he left and he probably couldn't get away with half of the things he would do back home. 

I could only imagine how frustrating it would have been on Mo's end knowing that He Tian is probably hiding something from him. He probably felt like He Tian didn't trust him enough to tell him. Mo probably kept opening up to He Tian only to see that he couldn't do the same and the distance between them only made things worse. We know Mo isn't the type to pry much but still

What if He Tian's interest in photography stemmed from him losing his mom at a young age? I'd like to think that he doesn't have many memories of her and mostly got to know her through pictures.

He Tian keeps a photo of him and He Cheng in his box of precious things. Despite their rocky relationship, his brother is still one of the most important people in his life. What if some situation outside of his control prevented him from bringing a photo of his mother with him to his apartment?

In addition, we also see He Tian coming face to face with his mortality as a child as seen in his nightmare where he almost drowned. Who knows how many more times he's had to stare death in the face given his family background. He may have noticed that some of He Cheng's associates had vanished as well, only realizing that they might have died years later after processing everything.

As much as I could see He Tian giving Mo his school ID as a momento, I could also see Mo collecting it on He Tian's behalf from the class rep. or someone along those lines.

Imagine if that was the case and Mo is anxious the entire day waiting for He Tian to respond to him, constantly looking at his phone, even staying behind at the gate after school is done.

I could see him going to He Tian’s apartment and no one was answering the door. I could see him going every day only to be disappointed every time. And one day it becomes too much and he stops going.

He would have to deal with his classmates and He Tian's fan girls constantly asking him where He Tian is too. Mo's mom would probably ask about him from time to time as well. That would take some much out of him 😭😭😭😭. I could also see him avoiding the street He Tian lives on entirely, looking away every time his bus takes that route etc.

Summary:

“But what if I never see him again, what then?!” he snaps, pulling away from his mother's embrace. “Guanshan don't talk like that, you should have some hope.” Hope? Hope didn't bring back my Dad, why would it bring back He Tian?... Shit what am I saying!  ——————————————————— “Who asked you for your advice?” “It’s my job as your brother to advise you in times like this. In situations like this you need to adapt... You need to let that redhead go.” “Did you adapt to losing Mom?!” He Tian knew he shouldn't have said that but how else was he supposed to get back at that man? He didn't try to reason with their father at any point and he wants to act like a brother now?

Chapter 6

Summary:

“You didn't ruin anything, Mo. I can be that friend if you want me to. You can open up to me whenever you feel comfortable enough.” The taller boy pulled Mo back into a hug, stroking the top of his head. “Or you can pretend everything is fine when you're with me.” He felt Mo grabbing at his shirt. Soft sobs escaped his lips as he began to shake again. “Okay.”

Summary:

“But you just got back, I don't understand!” Is this their new routine? Is He Tian a freaking bird that flies in and out of his life as he pleases? Guanshan isn't sure how much of this he can take.

*NSFW tags*

Summary:

“If you keep biting your lip like that we won't make it to the bedroom Guanshan.” The younger man took in a sharp breath, his thoughts scattered and his composure destroyed. “Do we have to go to the bedroom?” His voice barely above a whisper. He watched He Tian move towards him, grabbing him in a swift motion. Lips crashed into his, forcing heavy breaths and soft moans out of him. The taller man held him steady when he began to stagger. Guanshan could feel the other smiling against his lips, probably amused by how weak he was to his touch. How long has he spent imagining this? The last four months? Maybe five? Each scenario he crafted was more vivid than the next but he doesn't have to imagine anymore. The redhead can finally lose himself in the real thing and every sensation was worth the wait.

-He was at the wrong place at the wrong time and he almost got killed because of it. He shouldn't be this bold, he should keep his mouth shut. But despite finding out how dangerous his elusive employer is, Guanshan still decides to make his feelings known.

He rolled over to reach for his phone, scrolling through the messages they sent each other throughout the day. Mo found himself laughing at them again. That guy was something else, he thought to himself. He bit his lip, staring at the call button. Is he still up? Would he even be in the mood to talk? He slid his palm across his face, too nervous to do anything else. Then his phone vibrated in his hand, scaring him for a moment. Oh my God. “Hey!” he answered, clearing his throat. “I just thought about calling you, you know!” “I know, and you took too long, that's why I called you first .” getting goosebumps every time he heard that voice was becoming a staple of their phone calls. 

Chapter 4

He could barely register the words chanted by the priest that day while his aunt shot daggers at him from across the pew. Her daughter must have told her all kinds of stories about him. She side-eyed him every time they walked past each other in the hallway at school. They must think it’s my fault… It was probably my fault. If I was a better grandson she would have still been alive.