•PUCHII•

okay anyway what i wanted to talk abt okay so we all know im friends w her again now which in itself is a questionable decision considering what i FOUND OUT. anywho okay things that have bothered me since me and her are on speaking terms again, 1, her saying “you couldn’t even last 5 months without me” sum dumb shit like that even if she’s joking it definitely sounded like she genuinely thinks that.. ur not that guy pal. 2, her asking me to do romantic activities but not wanting to be romantic?? then said she’s “going w the flow” are we going with the flow or are we doing what YOU want to do on YOUR time whenever YOU feel like doing it?? bc that’s what ur flow is looking like bud, 3, her literally not over her ex 😭 and i promise to GODDDDDD idgaf if i’m crazy or reaching they way she reposts shit abt her and her LITERAL POSTS abt the girl like she is in love with her still or either not fully over her and that’s not my problem at all like regardless im not talking to her so that’s not my issue but she js lies abt it 😭 like i asked her like the first day of speaking again and she said she was over her and ig it shouldn’t bother me bc that’s not my girl or anything we’re not romantically speaking but it’s just so annoying seeing her being so comfortable w lying in my face and then im always too scared to bring anything up so i literally just stay blissfully unaware but she’s been lying to me so 😭 but then again, not my girl, so it’s not like i can really gaf abt her “possibly” lying abt not being over her ex or even wanting her ex back, 4, she genuinely makes me feel like it’s a chore to talk to me like she’d rather be doing anything else in the entire world than give me a two word reply and that’s literally what ayden was doing as well and idk why i get so triggered by that or just flat out ignoring me like i will never force anyone to talk to me but that’s what it feels like it feels like everyday im forcing her to speak to me and i hate that feeling i hate it so much bruh and i wont bring it up bc idc enough to keep a friendship w someone who doesn’t want to be friends if she’s gonna drift away then alr 😭 we’ve only been speaking again for like 3 weeks anyways so ya but those are js the main things that have bothered me since 💔

am i in the wrong or am i just not staying somewhere thats unbalanced?? stay w me now. n at the end of the day the girl wants her ex back clearly if ur making those reposts towards her and stalking her acc go get ur wife like wthelly

would i be wrong to block someone for my peace of mind because im genuinely going insane again?? yall remember that girl i met at six flags like two three months ago 😭 i blocked her too.. she had to go for my mental health bro i felt it deteriorating in the THREE DAYSSS of us speaking like im genuinely not okay in the head there is something mentally wrong with me and i need to avoid everyone for the rest of my life because no matter how i think or try to move in a situation i ALWAYS end up obsessing and tweaked the absolute fuck out and it’s so funny because as FAST as i get attached to someone i will forget them js as soon so i genuinely don’t get what’s wrong with my brain like did my dad abandoning me at 8 years old really have this much of an impact on my attachment styles? like actually what the ACTUAL fuck is wrong i wish i could turn every single emotion in my body off for the rest of my life i genuinely wish i could experience things normally but i process every decision in my life to be life or death and i just want to be normal so badly bro i dont think ill ever be able to get into a relationship with someone. especially someone who’s inconsistent with me i can’t do that no not no never i have trust issues i have commitment issues i have attachment issues like im cooked overall 😭😭 like i dont even WANT to talk to anyone anymore bc its that bad dude and i hate feeling like this id rather just be by myself for the rest of my life than have the constant overwhelming feeling of literal despair from the littlest inconsistency’s and my body draining every single atom of my energy overthinking and making up fake scenarios that have yet to happen, i shouldnt be on the verge of fuckinf throwing up bc someone’s TONE changed when talking to me. im not ready for a relationship and i dont think ill ever be

IM PIERCED YALLLLLLLL 😛😛😛😛😛 FINALLY DID IT 😓 haven’t shown my mom yet… erm.. starts crying oh well

guess who’s getting her eyebrow and septum pierced tmr.. by my cousin.. for free..

i have so many malicious promises to speak into your life but i will keep my mouth shut out of respect for your well being please gtfo my phone

why the fuck did they change the layout of this app what the fuck guys. anyways idk what im doing like idk its like im in my head all the time i always talk to myself im always alone like majority of my life has been me with myself and sometimes im still uncomfortable with being just with me like in the sense where i feel lonely i like being alone that never bothered me its me feeling like i have no one around me that actually wants to be around me ykwim but honestly i can’t wait to move into my own place and live by myself like i love my own company that’s not the issue for me it’s how other perceive my company and i just started taking my meds again.. yall. i genuinely like lmg this is why i was fucking crazy and spiraling everyday for the past like two months absolutely crazy but at least ik those work frl now but when i take them like i feel normal ish i just can’t cry i can’t feel sad or anything not numb but just like auto pilot kinda and i would stop taking them for a day or two to be able to actually feel smth and omg yall it’s so hard to goon on them?? like i loose all sexual energy everything and it’s so hard to 🎉🎉🎉. like 😭 that was another reason too bc i couldn’t even goon after the worst day of my life i just had to go to bed but yeah idk there’s nothing happening in my life to really talk about other than me wanting to end my shit per usual so yeah one day i will be NORMAL and have a normal life with a car, home, relationship, job everything everyone else has and i wont be alienated in every space i enter bc everyone will just genuinely love me