ptflXXV

I've seen the endinng.

It’s pretty strongly implied, for Elissa Farman as well as other female companions of Rhaena. Spoilers (and lots of text excerpts) under the cut:

Political silly season is upon us in Zim.

There are many political debates, online and in the real word. Do not be caught unprepared. In Zim, as we have seen recently, you can’t just approach debates like a normal adult.

In Zim political debates, there are these 5 basic rules;

1. Anyone that disagrees with you has been paid. They are captured. Why else would they be disagreeing with your obviously superior viewpoint? Obviously they have been sent. They’re an apologist. Who in their right mind would disagree with you? For free even.

2. Anyone that has a different opinion to yours is an ignorant victim of propaganda. Either Western or Government propaganda, depending on your own position. Is it not obvious that nobody else but you is capable of forming their own opinion without someone else’s influence?

3. Only the information you have is correct. Can these misinformed people not see that only you have the correct information? Wasn’t it on whatsapp? Didn’t we see it on Twitter? On Facebook? If it’s on the internet, it must be true. Tell these ignoramuses. Teach them. Drown their ignorant behinds in your bottomless well of superior knowledge.

4. Anyone that disagrees with you has a secret agenda. Because obviously you are so important that, in a dark office somewhere, a secret plot was hatched for people to come and disagree with you. They have been sent. It’s a plot. It’s a strategy. It’s a conspiracy. They’re after you and everyone that you support.

5. Everyone else is stupid. Basically. They’re idiots. Why else would they dare come against your obviously superior intellect? Do they not realise you have a sharp mind?

Now, remember, there are a couple of strategies to help you win debates. Yes, to win. Because we debate to win ka. These tactics have been used to good effect for years by bigoted debaters that have gone before you. Tried and tested. They work.

First, when all else fails, use insults.

In Zim, over decades of political intolerance and many random forms of BS, we piled up a large arsenal of insults to use in debates.

For instance, once you are losing a political debate, just accuse your rival of being a CIO/sellout etc. There’s no coming back for them. Because, even if they deny, is there a CIO who ever admits to being a CIO? They’ll always deny. Do you not see how very clever this trick is?

Or, you can accuse your rival – and this is a big one these days – of being an “intellectual”. Even in this country where people feed themselves the whole “takadzidza” stuff, “you intellectual” is an actual insult. It says “you are out of touch, you don’t know what’s happening on the ground”. You are agenest the will of the people. Once you’re accused of not being “on the ground”, my friend, it is late for you. Go home.

Use big words to shut down these intellectuals. Or clever-sounding prefixes, like “pseudo”. Or massive words like “myopic” and “naive”. Or “captured”. Or “apologist”. When you run out of all these clever-sounding terms, use the most widely used last-resort insult of Zim political debate: “Idiot”.

Second, do some straw-manning.

Creating a straw man argument is a useful tool. It is when, while in a debate, you swerve from the issue at hand and create a totally irrelevant pretend argument. You then proceed to completely defeat that argument which your opponent never made.

For example;

Your opponent: “I don’t like the way Dynamos played today.”

You: “So you are a staunch Caps fanatic? You Caps people…”

At this point, your opponent will try to wriggle out of the corner by using useless things like facts. They’ll try and say, “But I’m not even a Caps fa…” Don’t even let them finish, fam. Go for the kill. Deploy the earlier mentioned 5 Debate Rules in rapid succession.

You: “You’ve been sent. You’ve been paid. You’re captured. You’re a Caps apologist. You are a victim of Caps propaganda…”

At this point, you are winning a Zimbabwean political debate. Hands down.

Also, start some of your arguments with “some of us have always said this…” even if you never actually said anything that anyone remembers.

Soon, your interlocutor is on the run. They’ve fallen silent and you’re now replying yourself. You’re lashing out and shouting insults into virtual caves. Nobody’s answering except the echos of your voice. You’ve taught them a lesson. 

They should have never tried, these weak debaters. They stood no chance against your obviously superior intellect.