Bede

Haven’t been logged into this account in a while… Sorry. System stuff yet again, life stuff as well. Hoping to be active again but who knows if I can keep that up. I’m do for a new introduction as well, so watch out for that.

Have not been here in a while. System stuff got rearranged for a bit but things should be settled now. It’s nice to be back tbh

Having people worry about us feels weird to me. I guess it kind of just feels like we don't deserve to have people focus on us, focus their care, energy, and thoughts on us. Earlier this week, we had seizures while with our aunt, and the whole time she held us, stroked our hair, and talked to us through it even though we don't remember what she said. We were mortified to have seizures in front of family, and now have an avoidance, dare I say fear, of being in public because of how unpredictable our symptoms and episodes are. All that to say we felt awful to have concerned her, our cousin, and a family friend. We feel bad when people care about us. We feel like don't deserve for people to care about us, and I guess that's some kind of trauma response or whatever. Anyways, yeah. Having people care about us makes us feel weird and slightly uncomfortable. We hate worrying people but know we can't just hide these symptoms. So, I guess we'll just have to learn to not be embarrassed and ashamed?