Is psychedelic psychotherapy in my future?

The first one had 10 gummies with 5 mg each. I tried 1, next day 2, 3, 4. I barely felt any effects from them. Maybe my head felt a little floaty. I though, well I probably need to take more. So I got a different flavor from the same brand.

What i should have done is the same as the first time. No, my dumb ass just went ahead and popped 5 of the new flavor, because I though it was the natural progression of what I should do.

I must have gotten a weak batch with that first one.. this time was pretty disorientating, to say the least. It felt like my perception of time, and my ability to talk was a bit jumbled. I was trying to follow the story of a show my wife was watching, but I couldn't for the life of me. I also remember thinking that it felt like my body was existing or vibrating in 2 separate ways or frequencies. so what that means is anyone's guess. It was not a pleasant experience at all

I did the first round of treatments.. I want to say it was over a dozen, but not 2 dozen sessions.

Good news is it really helped with my anxiety/high blood pressure :D very happy

Bad news is that even though the treatments were covered, I needed to stay in observation while coming back to reality, and insurance only covered 80% of that time. So I have a $ 1000 bill I still need to pay off :/

Anyway, my take on why it helped. I believe that the spravato put my body/mind in a state of relaxation that I have not been in for a very long time! I think when I'm having moments of anxiety, I can think back to what it felt like taking the spravato. My mind and body are possibly better integrated to deal with what's going on at that moment.

I only remembered 2 of the names of the other meds that I have tried, before I settled on the current one. I'm pretty sure there were more than 2. If the insurance comes back about that, then I'll call up my psychiatrist and get the names.

I have a handful of memories from around the time of the divorce. I have maybe half a dozen to dozen memories that I can recall. Other than that, I don't have many memories of my childhood.

I am certainly doing much better, in comparison to 2013. And I've certainly made noticeable improvements along the way. Improvements that I can look back on and single out as major points in my healing journey.

To say that I broke down crying would be an understatement. I broke. I sobbed and heaved uncontrollably. I'm not even sure how long it lasted.