swimming in the deep blue sea

You laid the pearls you had shed along with your sister's and mother's, gently on his altar at the abyss of passed souls.

Your father had been the only one to truly see you. He noticed when your smiles wavered. He’d sing with you when loneliness began to tug at your heart. It did not matter how old you were or how late it was, he still let you sit beside him when storm currents rattled the palace walls.

After his death, you had become the forgotten daughter.

The youngest of six princesses and with no significant role, you were often overlooked in the bustle of court duties. Your interest in the outside world did not help when your world favored isolationism. All your sisters were mated, bound to their own families or courts. And your mother, the queen of all sea courts, bore tenfold the responsibilities. Her days were a blur of councils, treaties and celebrations. Her attention rarely landed on you for longer than a fleeting glance. 

You visited your father’s altar often. At least once every week. Sometimes, you’d visit twice a week, when the loneliness bit at you harder. 

This was one of those weeks.

Your father’s remains, like most merfolk, had been laid to rest in one of the deep abysses. They were secluded areas in the depths of the sea, enclosed by underwater caves. Along the cavernous walls, altars were made for those resting below. There were statues, jewelry, pearls and some personal belongings that were brought to honor loved ones. 

And in the center of the underwater cavern, is where the abyss yawned. It was dark and endless, cradling the remains of all those who have passed. From the deep sea, merfolk come and to the deep sea, merfolk return.

Pressing a hand to the cool stone that held your father’s offerings, you let out a sigh. “I wish you were here. The palace is full but it feels so empty without you…I feel so empty,” you whispered. “I don’t know what to do anymore. Sometimes, I want to leave…but where will I go?”

Your fingers traced the grooves of his name, and in your distraction, you brushed against one of the pearls resting there. The blush-pink sheen marked it as your own, shed the day of his funeral. It slipped free, rolling away before you could stop it.

Heart racing, you chased after it, desperate to catch it before it tumbled into the abyss. To your relief, the current swayed it to the right and it landed right at the opening to the abyss…atop a small object half-buried in silt.

Securing the pearl in your hand and cradling it to your chest so it wouldn’t fall, you leaned in closer to the object. It was a sculpture, carved from cobalt blue colored stone. Not of your people—that much you knew at once. Two lower limbs and…wings? Though, it seemed one was missing, broken clean away. 

The figure’s stance was proud despite its ruin and it appeared he was a male fae by the armor it wore. You wondered what altar it had fallen from but there were so many here it would be hard to figure out.

Your chest tightened. A broken, forgotten thing... 

Just like you.

Could it be a sign…? 

Your father had always encouraged your adventures. He never understood why some merfolk were content to spend their entire lives within the same reefs and sea courts when there was an endless world waiting beyond them. It was the one thing he did not agree on with your mother, a repetitive and never ending argument. Out of your sisters, you were the only one who agreed with him. Or at least, the only one brave enough to admit it.

So your father took you under his adventurous wing. He had been the one to introduce you to exploring through shipwrecks and forgotten ruins. Though scavenging shipwrecks for any signs of threats was part of his role in the court, he always lingered behind. He made it a hobby of his to go through the minor (or as your mother would say “irrelevant”) details such as paintings, personal objects, bizarre cloths. He taught you that every object, as strange as it may be, had a story worth discovering. 

Together, you had built collections of treasures from distant places. The little trident-shaped objects found in nearly every wreck had become a favorite. Dinglehoppers, your father had called them with complete confidence. He told you that human and fae females used them as hair adornments. He had even given the prettiest one he'd found to your mother as a bonding gift. 

Before he passed, the two of you had begun making plans. To go beyond exploring shipwrecks together. You wanted to learn about the world above the surface and the best way to learn was to experience it yourself. The dream had died with him. Or at least, that was what you had told yourself.

Yet here, at his resting place, the currents had carried your pearl toward something from a world beyond your own. You looked down at the broken fae statue resting in the silt. It could be a sign. It could also be mere coincidence. But for the first time in a long time, the waters around you felt a little less confining. 

You pressed your pearl against your heart, brows furrowing in contemplation. Moving forward with your plan on exploring the world above had felt like you were leaving your father behind. It didn’t feel that way anymore. Perhaps, you could honor your father by reviving the dream. 

It would be terrifying. 

You would be venturing into a world you knew little about and you would be doing it alone. The world above was no doubt filled with unfamiliar dangers…

But what about the wonders it beheld? The places your father had always spoken of with such awe? The things neither of you had ever seen? The experiences waiting beyond the horizon, just out of reach?

Yes, it would be terrifying.

But so was the idea of staying here. Of remaining trapped in the same waters, drifting through the same days while grief slowly hollowed you out from within. You couldn’t continue living like this. There had to be more to your life than surviving one day after the next. 

And maybe, just maybe, it was waiting for you beyond these waters.

There was only one way to find out.

**

Loving Luna, I humbly ask for your protection and guidance in this journey I am to embark on, you prayed as you bowed your head, hands clasped and pressed against your forehead. And protection from my mother’s wrath too. I know she will not take kindly to this endeavor and perhaps you may not agree with it either but I hope you can understand my why.

 Your fingers intertwined tighter, tail curling along the coral you were sitting on.

There is nothing holding me here. I long for meaning. For genuine friendships. For love. Perhaps, I am meant to find that elsewhere. Please…I pray that you can watch over me above the sea as faithfully as you have below it.

You remained perched on the coral, reciting a couple more prayers. This time, aloud. Only when the final blessing left your lips did you open your eyes and relax your hands at your side.

A replica of the moon, crafted by pure moonstone and charmed to not wither beneath the sea, glowed back at you. Though the palace was in deep waters, shafts of silver moonlight pierced the water like magic, dancing across the moonstone.

Every merfolk home kept a sphere moonstone within its walls—a small piece of Luna's blessing crafted into the likeness of the moon herself. Some were a little bigger than a pearl, passed from one generation to the next. Others rested in village sanctuaries where entire communities gathered to pray and meditate.

The palace housed two.

One stood proudly in the grand foyer, open to servants, guards, nobles, and guests alike. The other—the one before you—belonged solely to the royal family. You called it the lunar room.

Once, the lunar room had rarely been empty. Your sisters had filled it with laughter, chasing one another around the coral pillars until your mother scolded them. You’d often gather around here to eat, your father keeping you entertained with stories from his childhood. When stressful times would befall the kingdom, you and your sisters would often sit along the coral to pray and meditate. It was your place of comfort. A sanctuary.

As your sisters married, the gatherings grew smaller. After your father died,  it was mainly you spending your time here. Your mother did visit the lunar room but more often when you were not there. Whether it was intentional or not, you didn’t bother yourself in finding out. 

“I thought I'd find you here, Princess."

You turned at the familiar voice.

"Good evening, Jasper."

The crimson octopus bowed its head, his tentacles following after. He was the small but mighty advisor of your mother, who often complained about you keeping him on all eight tentacles. It wasn't uncommon for advisors to come from other seafolk races. It helped keep some balance among the sea folk.

But Jasper was more than just a royal advisor. He was like family to you, having been there for you since you were a guppy. 

"What do I owe the pleasure of your company?" you asked.

"I've come to inform you that Her Majesty will be departing tomorrow morning. She intends to visit Princess Selene. I shall be accompanying her."

Your heart skipped. Selene is your eldest sister, heir to the throne. She currently ruled the southern courts, weeks away through winding reefs and deep ocean trenches. It felt as though Luna had answered already. Your mother’s absence from the palace would buy you precious time. 

“Perfect.”

The word escaped you before you could catch yourself.

"Worry not," Jasper continued warmly. He must’ve mistaken your expression for sarcasm. Given most of your communication under water was done telepathically, expression and mannerisms when conversing were key.  "You will not be alone. Your uncle arrives tomorrow to oversee the palace until Her Majesty returns. Should you require anything, I am only bubbles away."

You couldn't quite hide the grimace. Jasper’s tentacles twitched knowingly. They always betrayed his emotions long before his face did. It’s not that you hated your uncle but you didn’t particularly like him. If you hadn’t already planned on leaving, you would’ve this instant.

“Hmm..." you mused aloud. "Perhaps I'll visit Lorelei while Mother's away then."

"Is she not above on assignment?"

"Yes, but she should return soon,” you lied, knowing Jasper did not worry himself with her as he did with you. “Carys will be there regardless."

Lorelei was one of your older sisters. She was a siren, a warrior trained to spy and combat any threats above sea. You knew it’d be awhile until she was done with her current mission. Carys was her wife. Your bonus sister, one you loved and adored more than some of your other sisters.

Jasper's eyes brightened. ”Well then. That sounds like a wonderful idea. I'll arrange for a royal escort."

Your pulse quickened.

"No need! The journey is less than a week!”

He hesitated. "Princess—"

"I know these waters well. I promise I'll keep close to the whale routes."

Jasper studied you for a long moment. You met his gaze with your most innocent smile. The one that had undone him since you were a guppy. He blinked at you and you blinked back at him, bringing your hands together in a desperate plea.

His shoulders slumped, his tentacles giving an exaggerated sigh. "Very well. We will not tell Her Majesty of this.”

You nodded your head, pretending to zip your lips shut and swallowed the guilt of lying down with it. 

A tentacle reached out to pat your head gently. "I wish you a safe journey, Princess."

“As do I.”

**

You’d never swam this far away from home and since your father’s death, you rarely swam beyond the palace grounds alone. There was always a guard trailing after you. Or when you’d manage to sneak past security, which was often, Jasper would come find you. 

You left everything behind to not raise suspicion, only packing a couple of snacks in case your hunts for meals were not successful. You kept to your schedule, which wasn’t that exciting to begin with. Most days were spent in the cavernous libraries (specifically the restricted section), the lunar room or in your room, reorganizing all your trinkets. You had said your respectful goodbyes to your mother and Jasper. You stayed long enough to greet your uncle, who was much too interested in raiding your mother’s oyster liquor collection.

Then, you went on your way.

For days, you drifted along the vast waters. You shadowed whales for protection as promised and engaged in breaching with the dolphins when you came across a pod. During your breaks from swimming, you found yourself entertaining the smaller fish with stories. For the first couple of days, you did follow the route to Lorelei’s court of residence to not raise suspicion.

You weren’t entirely sure where you were going. You hoped inspiration would find you on your way. Or perhaps, you’d swim to the edge of your kingdom’s borders before breaking the surface.

The feeling of freedom was strange. You'd imagined new horizons would quiet the ache inside you. Instead, they simply gave your loneliness a different view. 

What if this was a mistake?

The thought to return home had begun to sink its claws into you. 

You were starting to lose your resolve when a strong and sudden current from a storm swept you away. Something your father would’ve laughed about and called fate. The currents swept you far away and into the shallower waters of the Summer Court.

You had been above the surface before, of course. High merfolk like yourself could do so, the sea granting you a pair of legs, if needed. Though your visits had been simple and short, only having gone up for moon rituals, the cavernous libraries or to sunbathe with your sisters.

You have never been so close to the heart of another civilization before.

You swam closer and settled against a jagged rock. From there, you could see the outline of a town, and when you squinted, a palace. Just as golden and glamorous as the one you had left. You also took note of the docks, boats and ships of different sizes. If you hadn’t recognized the Summer Court waters, the insignia would’ve confirmed you were in fae territory.

Fear. 

It’s what you should’ve felt. Though the fae were less guarded of your kind compared to humans, it did not mean kindness was guaranteed. The treaties between your people and theirs kept the peace, nothing more.

Your curiosity to learn more about the world, however, surpassed the fears you had. You’ve come so far not to explore. Slowly, you swam closer and closer, your tail blending with the shifting blues of the new waters. You found a spot beneath one of the docks, hiding under the wood beams and barnacles.  

You stayed there for a while, watching the land-dwellers go about their day. Fae strolled the pier in pairs or clusters, their voices carrying across the water. One sound in particular caught your attention. It was from a little girl, who sang a lovely song about your kind. It brought a smile to your face and you took it as a sign from the moon herself that you were on the right path.

And then you saw him.

His face caught your eye first. Striking and classically beautiful like the marble statues that sometimes fell from wrecked ships. He had broad shoulders and even from a distance, you could see how strong and built he was. Big, magnificent wings as black as night arched from behind him and weaving through them were shadows. They were strange and unlike any you had ever seen, moving as if they had a life of their own. 

You followed their movement, gaze drifting lower. Your eyes widened when they landed on his wrists. He had gemstones strapped there, their color a deep blue and so achingly familiar. Your heart stuttered. 

He reminded you of the figurine you had found in the abyss of passed souls.

**

You returned every chance you could. Half for the sun-warmed surface, half for him.

From the safety of your hiding place, you began to notice the little things about him. How his shadows seemed to tug at him, pulling his attention toward those in need. He always helped, whether it was something as simple as steadying a cart, picking up a fallen parcel or helping a crab free itself from a piece of plastic. That last one had touched your heart.

There was another moment that you couldn’t shake from your mind. It was when he lifted a heavy crate for an older fae. The strain had pulled at his muscles, his exposed arms flexing in display. Your gaze lingered unabashedly over the glorious planes of his muscles, that a turtle swimming nearby snickered.

And the little girl who had been singing? She often found her way to his side. She chatted away about everything and anything. It was usually over her love for the sea and no matter how repetitive she was, he listened. Sometimes, he even smiled and you found yourself admiring the way it softened his features.

”Mr. Shadowsinger,” the little girl called him.

What a strange name, you thought. For a strange male. 

However, there was nothing unsettling about him nor the shadows that hovered over him. He was just unusual, doing good quietly. It was as if he preferred the world not to see. 

Yet, he was always watching. Sometimes, you wondered if he was waiting for something or someone.

But Mr. Shadowsinger always arrived and left alone. Those shadows of his seemed to be his only companions when the little girl was not near. Though he was attentive, caring and sweet to those around him, he still didn’t quite fit in with the other fae you’d see.

Just like you.

At sunset, after getting your fill of fae-watching, you’d reluctantly return to a small secluded cove to sleep. That’s when loneliness would creep back in. It was suffocating and ironically, you felt like you were drowning. You did, surprisingly, start to miss home. There were no sailfish or bubble messages sent your way so you could only assume they’ve yet to discover your disappearance. 

The nights were restless so you'd swim up to the surface and rest on a rock. It was a little too close to the Summer Court’s palace but there was no fae in sight this time of the night. You stayed on that rock, even when the storm clouds broke. You let the rain fall over you because at least, it gave you something you couldn’t find within yourself. 

The clouds shed tears you could not.

You’d sing yourself to sleep. A song that came from your deep pain and sorrow. Though your voice was heavy with emotion, you didn’t worry about your sirening. The storm would dull it’s effects. Among your kind, singing was a way to elevate a heavy heart and quiet an aching soul. 

It was both a blessing and a curse that other races heard something entirely different.

**

Swimming up to the surface, you poked your head out from the waters to admire the sun setting from above. You were still in Summer Court territory but there were no boats or ships in your proximity. With night approaching, it’d also be harder for anyone to spot you. The scales on your tail had already begun to darken, blending in with the color of the deepening sea. 

The sight was so breathtaking. It was one of your favorites, the line where the sea and sky met. Two worlds, so different from one another. But when the sun set, the boundary between them seemed to blur. Streaks of amber and pink bled across the horizon and the sea’s surface caught every shift in color. Proof that separate worlds could touch…

“Where is my mind?”

Your ears perked up at the sound. A male’s voice singing. Merman? Your pulse quickened. No, it couldn’t be. You were imaging things. You had been alone for too long and became delirious.

The singing continued and your heart skipped a beat. What was someone of your kind doing out here? Were they alone? Has your mother noticed your absence and sent someone after you?

Careful as to not expose yourself, you lowered yourself until only the top of your head was visible and swam as quietly as you could. Disappointment settled in as you swam closer and closer to the voice only to realize that it had not resonated from someone of your kind. You hadn’t even realized how much you’d wanted it to be. To have someone to talk to or for your mother to have noticed your absence…

The disappointment faded as quickly as it had settled in as your eyes focused on a male fae. Not just any male fae. It was Mr. Shadowsinger.

Your breath caught, the sound of the waves masking the sound.

“Way out in the water, see it swimming…”

His voice washed over you like a gentle current. You had watched him countless times from afar. But you’d never heard him sing. 

Everything about him seemed ethereal. He had the body of a strong warrior, wings like an angel and the voice of a siren. 

Your keen eyesight took him in. His eyes glistened, whether from tears or the way the moon seemed to shine down perfectly on him, you didn’t know. You stayed rooted in your spot as you listened to the voice that had lulled you in. It was deeper than the pacific ocean yet so lovely to your ears.

And you found yourself falling for a male who didn't even know you existed. 

**

Misery was tugging at your chest again as you perched on a reef, chin resting on your arms. You were so close to the surface but you couldn’t bring yourself to care this morning. You didn’t even have the energy to swim near the docks for a glimpse of your crush. The gloom and sorrow in your heart was too heavy and draining.

Maybe you were crazy to follow this hunch. You had come all this way and for what? You ran away from the claws of grief only to be caught up in the current of loneliness. You were still sad. The only difference was that now you were lonely and sad in Prythian’s Summer Court instead of at home.

Would it even matter if you broke the surface? Would you just be lonely and sad on land instead? Struck by the curse of never being able to fill the hollowness you felt inside? The fae above seemed happy but like your mother said, the seaweed was always greener in someone else’s lake. 

Maybe happiness wasn't a place waiting to be found. Maybe it simply wasn't meant for you. 

Still… what if? What if you dared to climb ashore? What if you spoke to him, Mr. Shadowsinger? 

No. 

You shook your head at the crazy thought. Baby fish paused near you, staring with their round and beady eyes, before a mother darted her school of little ones quickly away. You almost laughed and you almost wanted to cry. This loneliness was driving you crazy.

A dark cloud suddenly passed over your spot, blocking the sunlight and startling you.

Shadows.

Your head lifted slightly and that’s when you heard it. A voice. His voice.

“An offering,” he had said and your heart began to race.

How had he found you? No, it couldn’t be. There was no way he knew about you, much less how to find you. Okay, you were really, really going crazy.

“After every storm, there’s a calm. After every night, there’s a morning. And after every ending, there’s a new beginning…,” his voice trailed off, growing quieter. 

Who was he talking to? Because, surely it couldn’t be…

Slowly and with caution, you rose toward the surface. Just enough for your eyes to breach. He stood at the shore, shadows curling about him, gazing down at something in his hands. He was alone.

 “For you and me.”

For you and me. Your pulse raced. He lifted his head and you panicked, sinking fast beneath the waves. Had he seen you?

 A small splash followed and something glittered right in front of you. It was a necklace. A really beautiful and sparkling necklace.

Your breath caught.

In your world, the gifting of jewelry was of serious manner.  It's how most promises or deals were sealed. To offer it was to bind and for an unspoken male to offer it to an unspoken female, was to court with the intention of marriage. It was an unspoken law, bound by sea magic.

Perhaps he didn’t know your people’s way. But your heart, aching and desperate–and maybe a little delusional– seized on it as a sign. Your fingers curled around the necklace, accepting the gift. 

The sea gave its blessing immediately. Magic coiled and thrummed up your arm like lightning, sparking through the water. On his skin above, though he could not see it yet, the ink-mark of courtship bloomed on his ring finger. 

Unknowingly, the shadowsinger of the Night Court had proposed marriage to the youngest daughter of the Sea Queen.

a/n: this fic is a self indulgent one bc I've been in a mermaid obsession again & just want to read mermaid fics. so if you have any recs, pls also send them my way!

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It raged on in his heart like a never-ending tempest.

Ever since that night, it’s felt like this. It left him to wonder if the pieces left behind could ever be salvaged.

**

Out of all the heartache Azriel has endured, this one had to be the worst. 

Because it ended exactly the way he had feared. 

Elain had chosen her mate.

In the end, fate prevailed. He was a fool for thinking otherwise. He should’ve listened when Rhysand warned him. Perhaps then, his heart wouldn’t mirror the storm before him.

Azriel’s fist unclenched, revealing the rose necklace he had gifted Elain on solstice. It was beautiful and one of a kind. He had gone to the best jeweler in Velaris to have it made. No matter the lighting, the necklace had been crafted with a jewel that glimmered from every angle. It now seemed to glimmer at him in a mocking manner, laughing at him almost, for thinking Elain could actually be his.

“You should head inside, Mr. Shadowsinger.”

Azriel didn’t bother to turn. His shadows assessed the fae beside him, deeming them a nuisance rather than a danger. The shadows recognized the small child from earlier. She was one of the merchant’s granddaughters, no older than a decade. He had caught her curiously peering at him and when one of his shadows waved, she had quickly turned the other way. 

He could feel her wide eyes on him now. Whether she was captivated by his shadows or wings, he could not tell. One of his shadows made a show of twirling from behind his wing and flew right in front of her, earning a small gasp. Her hand twitched at her side as if she wanted to reach out and catch it but thought better of it.

Azriel’s lips quirked up. “You should listen to your own advice.”

The little girl shook her head, determination and wonder flashing in her eyes. He swore her pupils dilated as she looked forward at the thrashing sea. “They say storms bring mermaids.”

“Who says?”

“My grandfather. He’s very smart so he would know.”

Azriel didn’t respond, fearing what he’d say would insult her grandfather and result in drama he did not need. He had come to Summer to avoid drama, after all. Rhysand had recommended–well, more like strongly urged–him to take a “much needed vacation.” It was just his luck that the week his vacation started on was the one week of the year with bad weather that not even Tarquin could stop.

It seemed that no matter where Azriel went, darkness and cloudy skies followed him. A shadow tugged at his hair, reprimanding him for the negative thought. They’d been doing that a lot lately, chastising him for wanting to continue to sulk. They were the ones that forced him out of his room and brought him to the docks to enjoy some fresh air, despite Azriel arguing that opening his window was sufficient.

“My grandfather also says that mermaids can grant you any wish.”

“Any wish?” Azriel echoed. 

Would a mermaid be able to undo fate? He thought. He swore he heard a disapproving hiss from one of his shadows.

“Mmhmm,” the little girl hummed happily. “Seems like you’re in need of one.”

Azriel blinked, taken aback. “Why do you say that?”

“You look sad,” the little girl replied. “Very, very sad.”

Azriel didn't know whether to laugh or be offended. Kids could be very blunt and honest, especially when you didn't ask for it. Though, he knew the girl meant well.

His knowledge of mermaids was not vast but he doubted a mermaid could fix him. There was no fixing a broken heart other than time. And at the moment, he doubted that even time could mend it.

“What would you wish for?” He decided to ask, diverting the conversation from him. A part of him was also curious as to what would make a little girl smile up at a storm as if it were a rainbow.

“I would wish for my mother to wake up. She’s been asleep for a very long time. The doctor’s can’t figure out how to wake her up. Not even High Lord Tarquin,” she quietly said, her voice taking on a more somber tone.

A knot tightened in his chest at her words. He opened his mouth to speak, to say anything to offer some comfort. But before his mouth could form the words, an older male called for her and she ran toward him, bidding Azriel a quick goodbye.

**

The storm finally reached the palace, furiously pouring down as Azriel shut the door to his room. His leathers were slightly damp from the walk back from dinner with Tarquin and Cresseida. He had hardly eaten a bite, mainly joining to not be seen as impolite. Also, to appease and quiet the complaint of his shadows. They had been smuggling him food late at night the past couple of days. He had a feeling they’d still do the same tonight.

Showered and dressed in comfortable sleeping pants, Azriel stretched out across his bed, laying on his stomach. One of his wings draped across the floor. The bed, though the biggest the Summer palace had to offer, was not made for an Illyrian. Much less for one with his wingspan. His cheek was pressed into his forearm as he stared at the towering window that nearly took up the entire wall. 

Lightning forked across the night sky. Waves slammed against the rocky shore and sometimes, against the window itself. It was so close, it seemed like the water might come pouring in.  

Azriel tried to sleep. He really did. Even his shadows hovered close to his ear to deafen the sound of the storm.

However, it wasn’t the storm keeping him up. 

It was his thoughts that kept him up. They were always louder at night.

I thought she was happy. I thought she loved me. Where did I go wrong?

It was never long before his eyes would fill with tears. He’d cry and cry until the pang in his chest became overbearing. Tonight, he didn’t cry. The tears simply did not come but that urgent sense of emptiness that made him restless and feeling lonely was all the same.

Azriel didn’t know how long he’d been staring at the vast darkness and thrashing of the sea outside, hoping and wishing sleep would finally claim him as it had done with his shadows. They were nestled quietly under one of his wings, their favorite place to rest.

It could’ve been minutes, hours. No true sign of time passing. That is, until his shadows stirred, awakened by something. He didn’t move, body was too tired to do so. His ears perked, also sensing a change amongst the howling wind outside.

Somehow, beneath the crashing sound of waves, he heard it.

A sound that could be best described as…singing? A song?

It was strange, a sudden softness creeping through the harshness of the tempest outside.  A song meant for no one, or perhaps, meant only for him.  Against all odds, it lulled him, coaxing the dark thoughts to finally loosen their iron grip around his mind. 

For the first time in weeks, Azriel fell into a deep and untroubled sleep.

**

The storm lasted for days.

The one upside was that it forced Azriel out of his room during daylight hours to enjoy as much as he could before the rain would claim the skies again. It wasn’t often that he got to visit other courts as a tourist rather than the Night Court's spymaster.

He visited the little girl, whose name he learned was Serena. She sold seashells at her grandfather’s fish stand near the market square. Though he had no use for them, he purchased several. He would slip extra coins into her palm whenever she wasn’t paying attention and pretend not to notice her delighted smile afterward. 

He had even let his shadows follow her home one day, hoping to gather more information on her mother’s situation. He was hoping there would be something he could do to help but it seemed, her mother’s condition was beyond him. A sea-creature’s poison had locked the woman in a coma that even Tarquin’s magic could not break.

A faint smile tugged at his mouth as he spotted her now.

She sat atop one of the smooth shoreline boulders, legs dangling over the side while waves lapped at the rocks below. A small bag of chocolate chip cookies rested in her lap and she appeared deeply engrossed in conversation with…with absolutely no one. 

“Who are you talking to?” Azriel asked.

Serena was startled. But it quickly brushed off when she noticed Azriel standing next to her. She grinned as she blinked up at him. “The sea, silly!” 

The little girl then scooted over, patting the spot next to her in silent request. She had come to enjoy Azriel’s presence and though Azriel reluctantly settled down onto the boulder, a part of him had grown fond of her too. At times, she reminded him of himself when he was a child. 

“Want some?” Serena offered the bag of cookies to him.

“No, thank you,” he murmured.

“I was just thanking the sea for washing up the prettiest shells on the shore this morning,” Serena’s gaze drifted toward the endless stretch of glittering water. 

“Do you thank the sea every time?”

“Of course!” She exclaimed, sounding as though she was scandalized by the question. “I talk to the sea too. It makes me feel better and…and you never know who may be listening.”

Azriel raised his brows slightly. “Such as a mermaid?” 

Serena’s eyes lit up. “See, you get it now!”

He most certainly did not.

“Oh!” Serena gasped suddenly, startling the shadows hiding beneath his wings. They eased when they quickly realized there was no threat. “I almost forgot.”

She then reached into her pocket, pulling out a small coin. Azriel watched with slight amusement at the way she wiped the small piece of metal vigorously against the fabric of her pants. She brought it up to her eye. Apparently dissatisfied, she repeated the motion again.

“What are you doing?”

“Just making sure it’s pretty and shiny. My grandpa says mermaids love shiny things.”

“They do?”

“Mmm.”

Finally satisfied, Serena held the coin between both palms. "An offering."

Azriel hummed, pretending to consider this. Truthfully, he doubted any mermaid would come anywhere near the shore. From what little he knew of their kind, they preferred isolation and rarely interacted with outsiders. In his five centuries of life, he’s never seen one himself. 

But he knew why Serena desperately wished to encounter one. Her mother. The hopeful expression on her face was almost painful to look at as she tossed the coin into the ocean.

For a moment, there was silence. Even the ocean seemed to pause, the waves stuttering, as if it were taking a breath. His brows furrowed. A second later, a swell rose from farther out and rushed toward the shore. The tide rolled over the rocks, higher than before, brushing against Serena's legs and kissing the tips of his boots. 

Serena burst into delighted giggles. 

"See?" she said.

Azriel stared out at the sea. The water had already returned to normal, waves crashing and retreating as they always had. A coincidence.

It had to be.

Yet for reasons he couldn't explain, he found himself watching the horizon a little longer than usual.

**

Azriel turned to the library as soon as he returned to the Summer palace. He scoured volumes on venomous marine life and even on merfolk. Most contradicted one another. Some described beautiful beings who guided lost sailors home. Others painted them as monsters that lured entire ships onto demise with nothing but a song.

His eyes burned from exhaustion, the words beginning to blur together. He felt as though he were getting nowhere. Still, he turned another page. At least this goal of trying to gather more information on merfolk kept his other thoughts at bay, dulling the ache in his heart.

Azriel perked up at the sound of approaching footsteps, his shadows stirring beneath his feet. His persistent search caught the attention of one of Summer's scholars. He’d see him every time he visited the library, his shadows taking note of every stolen glance his way. IHe had been waiting for the day the scholar gathered enough courage to approach.

"Have you seen one before?"

Azriel blinked, registering the scholar's words slower than usual. Exhaustion was weighing down on him, his eyes and mind begging for rest. He looked to the book before him, a worn out collection of anecdotes from sailors on mermaids that read more like folklore than history.

"No," he answered, lifting his gaze to the scholar. "Have you?"

The scholar assessed him for a moment, eyes lingering on the shadows hovering above the desk. He hesitated before slowly lifting the sleeve of his robe. The scholar’s entire arm from wrist to shoulder was covered in grotesque, painful looking scars. He almost shuddered at the sight but knew better to react. He always loathed the pitiful or shocked stares he’d receive when others looked at his hands.

"I, too, was once curious," the scholar said, his sleeve falling back into place. "So I advise you to not let yours go beyond Prythian. You will only find trouble or worse, death."

The words settled heavily between them. His brows furrowed. Questions crowded Azriel's mind. In what waters did the scholar come across a mermaid? Had he been searching for one or had the mermaid found him instead? What did they look like?

"Some think differently of them. They believe that there is good in them. That merfolk possess the ability to grant any wish. What am I to make of that?"

"Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs," the scholar said quietly, a distant look settling over his features. Azriel knew that look. He had seen it in soldiers returning from battles and in spies who had survived missions they should not have.

"I can only speak from what I witnessed. My fascination was never with merfolk. It was with the sea itself. I joined a crew of fishermen hoping to witness the noctiluca scintillans—the sea sparkle. I'd spent years reading about it. I wanted to see an ocean that glowed like the stars. The crew warned me before nightfall. They passed around lumps of beeswax and told me to pack my ears if I valued my life."

He gave a hollow chuckle. "I thought them superstitious old sailors…until I heard it. At first, it was nothing more than a hum drifting over the water. I told myself it was the wind. Then the melody grew clearer."

The scholar swallowed. "I've spent my life studying music, poetry, languages... yet I have never found words capable of describing that voice. It was beautiful. A voice that made you want. Whatever emptiness lived inside you... it promised to fill it.”

“She rose from the water as though the sea itself had shaped her. She was…,” the scholar shook his head. “No painting could capture her beauty. She smiled and held out her hand. After that…”

Azriel noted the way the scholar’s hand rubbed unconsciously at the scars hidden beneath his sleeve. “After that, everything was a blur of horrors. Cold water. The taste of salt and blood. Pain. Something dragging me deeper…”

"The next thing I remember clearly was waking on the deck of the ship while the crew burned incense around me. They told me they nearly lost two men pulling me away. Their injuries were just as bad as mine.”

Azriel said nothing for several moments. His shadows had gone unusually still.

“Did you get to see the sea sparkle?”

The question surprised even him.

“No. I refuse to go that far into the sea again,” the scholar slowly shook his head.” Let’s say what you have heard of them is true…what makes us think that they would want to grant our wishes?”

"Curiosity led me into the sea." His eyes flicked to the book spread open before Azriel. "If fate is kind, yours will end here."

He turned to leave, pausing only once. "Should a mermaid ever look upon you..." He glanced over his shoulder. "Pray she loses interest right away."

**

Azriel sighed as he walked back to his room. His conversation with the scholar lingered in his mind. He had answered almost none of his questions and despite the warning, his curiosity only grew. He didn't push the scholar for more information.

Instead, he sought answers elsewhere. Not that it led him anywhere. Tarquin did not seem to regard the merfolk with the same disdain and fear as the scholar, but neither did he seem eager to discuss them. He had simply said the knowledge belonged to the rulers of the Summer Court and would remain that way. Some histories were not theirs to share. Merfolk had chosen isolation and the reigning High Lord of Summer would always respect that choice.

“Whatever it is you wish to seek from them, it is not worth the trouble,” Tarquin had said. “Perhaps it is something I can help with instead?”

“I believe you have already tried.”

A flicker of understanding crossed Tarquin's turquoise eyes. His expression softened, a faint smile tugging at his mouth. “So you have met Serena. Endearing girl, she is. With a vast imagination and love for the sea.”

“What do you make of her beliefs in merfolk? Is it purely imagination?”

Tarquin's gaze drifted toward the ocean beyond the palace windows. "People believe in what brings them comfort. Who am I to steer her heart elsewhere?"

His smile slowly faded. "I'm still searching for a way to help her mother. Trust that neither of them has been forgotten. I won't stop looking."

Azriel inclined his head. “Neither will I.”

**

There was an odd, heavy feeling in Azriel’s heart. As foolish as it may have sounded, he truly wanted to believe Serena. For her sake, mainly. He knows the grief of being separated from a mother all too well. He would never wish that emptiness upon a child. 

Yet there was another part of him—a quieter, more selfish part—that wanted to believe her stories for himself too.

Perhaps that was why he found himself still returning to the library day after day despite the scholar's warning. He ignored the looks the scholar would send his way. The older male had not approached him again. The search had become less about proving whether merfolk were benevolent as Serena claimed and more about delaying the inevitable return of his own thoughts.

Because whenever he stopped...his mind wandered back to her. Elain. To what could have been. The ache in his chest had dulled since arriving in Summer, but only because he refused to give it room to breathe further.

His days settled into a rhythm.

He spent his mornings sparring on Summer's training grounds until sweat drowned out thought. Afterwards he bathed before walking the docks, looking for small tasks or jobs he could help others with. If he spotted Serena and her grandfather, he’d stop by and let the child's endless stories distract him. In the early evening, is when he’d disappear into the palace library, burying himself beneath stacks of weathered books until dinner called him away.

Anything to keep moving and outrun the heart that still insisted on looking backward.

Yet no matter how full he made his days, the nights always belonged to his thoughts. He wished the rain could wash them away. Since his arrival, the rain has come without fail every night. The familiar patter greeted him as he settled into bed. He lay awake listening to it.

Then...

The melody returned.

His eyes remained fixed on the dark canopy overhead. He had meant to ask Tarquin of it earlier at dinner, wondering if it was a Summer custom. Perhaps sailors singing beyond the harbor or musicians lingering somewhere along the coast. 

Whatever it was, it was oddly comforting. It felt less like a song and more like something reaching for him, slipping beneath his skin and winding itself around his ribs. Even his shadows stirred softly in rhythm to the melody.

He was still awake when the rain slowed to a drizzle. That’s when the melody changed. It drifted through the rain so strongly he almost mistook it for the wind. His senses sharpened, the melody growing clearer. Words formed in the tide of the sound. 

Azriel frowned, the scholar's story surfacing unbidden. He shut his eyes harder before opening them again. Ridiculous. His mind was certainly playing tricks on him. He was exhausted, after all.

The singing persisted. 

Azriel lifted his head, his gaze falling upon his shadows. They had soothed themselves into a peaceful sleep. If they were not awake and alert, then he must be imagining things. All that research on merfolk must truly be driving him mad...

Sing me to sleep…

Azriel froze, eyes heavy with exhaustion but refusing to close them. His head turned toward the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the sea.

Sing me to sleep… 

His throat tightened, the only muscle in his body that seemed capable of moving. It was as though he had fallen into some sort of trance. One where he could only feel. He felt the pain, the sorrow and loneliness within the singing. It was one he was familiar with. And though the words were simple, they echoed too closely to thoughts he’d buried deep.

There is another world…there is a better world…

A streak of lighting lit up the sky, and for a moment, the world was painted in a pale blue. Outside his window, perched upon the jagged rocks, there was a figure. Long hair spilled down over scaled shoulders, a tail glinting faintly in the rain…

But when Azriel blinked, the vision was gone and there was only the echo of the ending to the song.

Well, there must be…

**

The sun always shines the brightest after stormy nights, they say, and it couldn’t hold more truth the following morning. The sky was as bright and clear as ever. Long gone were the dark clouds, pouring rain and angry waves. All the chaos from the storm was replaced with peace and tranquility, the waves rocking softly against the rocks.

The only one unhappy about the clear skies was Serena. She greeted him with a pouty face, disappointment in her tone as she told him she had seen no mermaid. Azriel felt for her. He almost wanted to confess to her that he thought he had heard and seen one last night but he swallowed the words. He worried he’d only raise her hopes again or worse, it’d dim her spirit even more for not appearing to her.

Instead, he made a mental note to visit some of the gift shops before he left back to the Night Court. He hoped he could find a small figurine of a mermaid to give to Serena. Of course, it wouldn’t be the same but he hoped it’d at least brighten her spirits.

The rest of the day passed on quietly. Azriel had made another trip to the library but with no more success than the nights before. His shadows were restless, urging him to take a break. That’s how he found himself walking along the shore.

He walked until he was far enough, where the only other presence was the soft sound of waves and the saline caress of the light wind. His shadows fluttered around his wings, content that their master was doing something other than sitting in his room or in the library.

The sun was beginning to set, casting soft beautiful hues along the sky. Azriel loved sunsets. Even more so flying over them. His wings twitched in response to his thoughts, yearning to take flight. 

He settled over one of the boulders close to the shoreline instead. Alive with the darkening sky, his shadows drifted away from him. Azriel watched them curiously. They skimmed across the water's surface before suddenly diving beneath it with purpose. His muscles tensed. Had they sensed something?

But moments later they burst back upward, rippling and twirling through the air like jumping fish. Satisfied, they eventually returned to his side and settled near his boots, brushing against the incoming tide.

It was stunning, the sunlight dancing across the water like scattered jewels. He never paid much attention to the sea before. Why would he? He spent centuries flying among the skies, traversing mountains and slipping unseen through cities and courts. 

And perhaps it is why it fascinated him now. The sea was giving him pause. Something he didn’t do much of in his life. He understood why Serena took great comfort here, why others sought the water when their hearts were heavy. 

Sitting before something so immense and infinite was healing. It had a way of shrinking his worries. And yet, he couldn’t help but think of her. Elain. His chest tightened. He had spent weeks trying to outrun the truth. 

Elain was not his mate. 

Perhaps she had cared for him once. Perhaps she always would in some small way. But he had seen the way her eyes followed Lucien when she thought no one noticed. The curiosity and yearning that lingered there. The bond had not created those feelings. 

And for all the hope Azriel had clung to, he had never truly been the one she chose. The realization still hurt. It probably always would.

Azriel was not her first choice and would never be. 

Would he be anyone’s first choice? The thought arrived before he could stop it. 

If mermaids–or any other being– were capable of granting any wish, that is what he would wish for. Not to love but to be loved. For someone to unconditionally and undoubtedly choose him.

The thought lingered and then, it faded. Because if he truly stumbled across a being capable of granting wishes, he wouldn't spend it on himself. There were other pressing matters, such as Serena’s mother. 

Night embraced him and he did not mind the darkness. He let the waves carry away his stress, his shoulders easing slightly for the first time in weeks. He hummed absentmindedly, matching the gentle tune his shadows had adopted. 

There was nowhere he needed to be. Nothing else he needed to do. The realization felt foreign. If only Rhysand could see him now.

He glanced up at the sky. The stars winked back at him and he lingered on them for a moment, thinking of Velaris. Home. He would return soon but it no longer carried the urgency it once had. He blinked, realizing the stars were brighter than the nights before. 

Wait a minute…

There was no cloud in sight tonight. No signs of any storm brewing. If there was no rain, would there be no song to sing him to sleep?  The thought settled strangely in his chest and he frowned slightly. Had he truly grown accustomed to that mysterious lullaby already? 

Azriel closed his eyes and sighed, listening instead to the soft roar of the waves. Even if the lullaby did not come tonight, he was thankful the sea had given him the clarity he needed. Broken hearts did not mend as quickly as they shattered. He knew that. But for the first time since arriving here, he finally believed healing was possible. Not today. Not tomorrow. 

Someday, though.

The sea had helped him finally loosen his grip on something he could never have held.

“Thank you,” he found himself murmuring to the sea.

A higher wave came forward, crashing against the boulder he sat on. Water sprinkled over his legs. His shadows let out a hiss, taken aback by the sudden splash. He laughed quietly at them. 

And then as ridiculous as it sounded, Azriel did something he hadn’t done in a long time. He began to sing. If the sea had sung to him, then it deserved a song in return.

As his voice drifted through the night, a strange sensation crept up, lingering at the edge of his awareness. The feeling of being watched. Though, there was nothing unsettling about it. His shadows didn’t seem concerned either. If anything, it felt comforting like a silent companion sitting beside him.

Perhaps, he thought, it was the sea listening.

**

The morning of his last day in Summer, Azriel returned to the shore. It had become his sanctuary. Every night after dinner, he’d come to this secluded area. Some nights he just sat and listened to the waves. Others, he would sing. Sometimes, he’d talk to the sea. He discovered one truth from Serena’s words. Saying his thoughts out loud was nice. Freeing.

But now that it was his last day in Summer, he thought it was time to be rid of something he still foolishly held on to. It was finally time to say goodbye to the necklace. Elain refused to keep it and he had no use for it himself. It only haunted him, reminding him of what almost was but could never be. He drew it out from his pocket and stared down at it. 

He let out a deep exhale. His shadows suddenly stilled. They sensed a presence nearby. His shadows darted about searching as he, too, scanned the horizon.

There was nothing. No movement, except for the waves.

Still, the unease in finding nothing lingered. He blamed it on the necklace and closed his fist around it. “An offering,” he murmured to the sea. 

The wind built up, as if encouraging him, and his shadows skimmed across the water merrily. They reported nothing back to him but the sensation of being watched pricked at his spine.

He didn’t know what came over him at this moment but he found himself speaking the words his mother would say to him after every downpour in his life.

“After every storm, there’s a calm. After every night, there’s a morning. And after every ending, there’s a new beginning...for you and me.”

He then threw the necklace as far as he could. He threw it not with the same hopes as Serena had with her coin. But with the gratitude for the clarity the sea had given him and that somewhere beyond this ending, another beginning waited. 

When it landed, the wind went eerily still and so did his shadows. An unexplainable shudder went through him, his heart fluttering. 

But Azriel shook it off and headed back to town.

**

By the time he reached the market, something had changed in Azriel. He felt lighter, hopeful. It seemed that the storm raging in his heart was also reaching its end. 

He was successful in finding a small carved mermaid figurine for Serena. He had his shadows deliver it to her doorstep. He watched from afar as her face immediately brightened with delight. She looked around (as Azriel had not left a note, wanting to gift it anonymously) before she cradled it to her chest and ran inside. He smiled as he could hear her squeal of joy from where he stood.

Azriel then made his way back to the palace. He planned to leave before dinner, longing for his bed in Velaris, specifically the one in the House of Wind. That one was the biggest and most comfortable. He also longed for his family’s company, even if dread curled in his gut at the thought of seeing Elain and Lucien together. It was one thing to accept it. Another to not be hurt by it.

When he stepped into the palace courtyard, he found Tarquin already waiting for him. Strange, he thought. The High Lord usually met him at the dinner table. 

Tarquin’s expression was cool, unreadable. Yet, there was a troubling look brewing in those bright turquoise eyes of his. Either something happened or something was about to happen.

Azriel’s shadows stirred uneasily, his wings tensing behind him.

“Azriel,” Tarquin nodded at him in polite greeting.

“High Lord,” Azriel returned, dipping his head.

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

And then he saw her.

A female stepped out from behind Tarquin. Her legs trembled and she lost her balance, tripping over her own feet. On instinct, Azriel reached out to stop her from falling over. Tarquin beat him to it, his hand reaching for her arm to help steady her.

“Forgive me, your grace,” she murmured, a sheepish tint coloring her cheeks.

At the sound of her voice, his shadows gasped and his heart lurched forward in his chest. Your grace? He didn’t know what to make of this. His gaze narrowed toward the dark tendrils floating next to him. They felt that magnetic pull too. Her voice…

His attention was quickly pulled back to Tarquin and the female. The sudden urge to know who this female was, was all consuming.

Tarquin smiled softly at her, assuring her she had nothing to apologize for, before turning back to Azriel. He did not reserve that same softness for him. Azriel was not bothered by it, his attention piqued by the female at Tarquin’s side. 

Who was she and why was she staring at him like she knew him?

She was beautiful, unlike anyone he had ever seen. If he had come across her before, he would've definitely remembered. Her satin dress shimmered like sunlight on water, clinging as though it had been poured over her body. She cradled something against her throat, half-hidden by her fingers. 

Her eyes caught his, and when she smiled at him, something inside his chest stuttered. 

He blinked, taken aback by the sudden feeling, and glanced back at Tarquin. Anxiety suddenly crept over him as he waited to be introduced. But his shadows– his shadows pressed forward toward the female in an exciting manner. What did they know that he didn’t?

Finally, after what felt like eternity, Tarquin spoke her name. However, it wasn’t her name that made Azriel feel as though the world stopped spinning on its axis. It was what followed after.

“This is your betrothed.”

Betrothed.

Azriel’s blood went cold. The female’s hand shifted just enough to reveal what she held against her neck. The necklace.

The very one he had hurled into the sea earlier.

a/n: If you're reading this after 08/02/2026, I have edited and added more to it. So please proceed with this warning as some things may be inconsistent.

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