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Me fr.
But i fear that imagining them cuddling with me and like all the couple things speaks, for itself π As a Bi, the fact that I am fine with being all touchy with girl friends but not guy friends is sad. I want to treat them equally
β₯ Established relationship β₯ Reader isn't traveler β₯ Fluff β₯ Hurt/Comfort β₯ Bird Xiao β₯ Mental health β₯ struggling with feelings β₯ slight angst β₯ not beta read β₯
: ΜΜβ part 1/2
2,529 words
You get to have a break after a long while. So many things have been catching up with you, that when you did everything, you felt somewhat empty. Exhaustion, doesn't seem as the right word for this weird feeling. So you decided to change up your environment for some time. Staying near the Harbor all the time is draining. So you try to take it slow for the first time in a while.
Upon stumbling Whangshu Inn yet again, a smile grazes your face. It has been a while, you wonder how has he been.
Unbeknownst to you, he has been struggling. Struggling with something he cannot seem to explain. No, scratch that, he cannot even make sense of his own thoughts in his head, let alone try to explain them.
(English is not my native language, so spare me for any grammatical errors)
(I would describe this as built up for fluff in the next part, if you don't like the struggles, you can wait for the second part to come out, that would be consisted mainly of soft and sweet fluff)
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You have been running around so much lately. Tying up the loose end of every task possible. It is so much, that now, when everything is finally done, you don't feel like yourself.
Is there truly nothing to do?
Frustrated with seemingly nothing, you ruffle aggressively through your hair as you are just laying down. Everything and anything seems to stab another needle somewhere into your body, the time goes by so painfully slow. Every day, every hour, every minute. You can't seem to come to peace, now that you can't escape from the time that you have to spend alone with yourself, with you.
This wouldn't be really anguish, but you feel like suffocating.
"The lands of Liyue always have captivating sights. It wouldn't hurt to explore once in a while, if you find yourself infirm of the constant clatter in the Harbor."
These words ring through your ears. Who said them again? Ah, the consultant of Wangsheng funeral parlor! You did have tea with him at some point.
Nonetheless, a fresh breeze of air probably would do you good. Better than idling in your own room for days on end without a feeling of intention. Actually, for how long you have been racing your own dead lines in this state? Gosh, it would make you no better than the Yaksha with the disregard for your own health.
Hm, you should better go and visit him. Thinking about it, you find yourself smiling, as the thought of just talking to him on the balcony in the evening crosses your mind. Ah, yes. You will make the Inn your first stop. Maybe, you won't even need to go further. The majestic form, firm yet somewhat gentle still, and those piercing amber eyes. Along with the fresh gush of air, they take your breathe away no matter when or where you are. But even so, no matter how ironic it sounds, the few times you do get to breathe, in the constant commotion of life, is when the owner of those amber eyes is beside you.
Your smile turns into a grin as you go to get the travelling bag. The busy season is over, so surely Mrs.Goldet will have a spare room for you to stay at? Just the thought of getting to spend more than just few days there, makes you feel giddy and most certainly better than you were feeling moments ago.
Maybe it wasn't that you felt like you didn't have a purpose. While these ruminations do pass through your mind every once in a while, maybe you were sick from not seeing him for so long. (lovesick, without even realizing it...)
You sigh, knowing that you will get a scolding from him for visibly neglecting yourself. That is quite absurd to a degree. You both remind and scold each other to treat one self better. But you are looking forward to all of it no matter what is to come. Because it is him.
Both of you are afraid. but you care. Both of you fear different things, but as long as the care is in the conclusion, as long as it keeps running like a river into a big pool of both of your hearts, you will figure it out.
Slowly, travelling through mountains and fields, having shallow and deep shakes, those rivers of care and concern end up in the heart, because it was coming from a place that is alike to it's destination.
Those golden feathers clutter around, as he hides his wings. They are not useful in battle, they trouble him more than anything. He has grown used to such episodes in spring, as they are difficult to ignore and it is his nature as an adeptus. Usually, his claws make themselves known and he might actually require a bit more of rest, which he finds all more time consuming. He will never understand the need for mortals to rest every night. This year however, even his wings made themselves apparent, which is rare to say the least. Wings are sensitive and such as the reason he prefers to keep them hidden from others and himself. He doesn't like to be reminded of his weak spots.
You are one of them.
He told himself to pull away, yet his gaze selfishly goes back to you. He reminds himself, that even if you wield a vision that he still can bring harm to you. He will never forgive himself if he does.
So he stands in the fields, wings folded behind, spear in hand, feathers twitching. They aren't fragile, but it does feel like they are. Quite a ridiculous thought however. He hasn't been fragile for a long time now.
His thoughts drift back to you. You haven't visited him in a while. Maybe you finally understood that he only would bring harm to you. Even as he tells himself in his own thoughts that "everything is fine, it would've happened sooner or later" his wings tremble even more at thoughts of you smiling.
He has gold eyes and wings, but without the light that is you, the shine of the gold will never be seen. Meaning, he doesn't feel complete, he doesn't know it though. The confusion of what is tearing him apart is making it worse.
What is this strange feeling in his stomach? Why the temperature of his face suddenly becomes increasingly warmer than his body's when you say that you think he is handsome? Why it seems to be rather difficult to get his words out of his mouth when you are around?
His wings flare as a response to his own thoughts.
He returns to the roof. The same roof that he awaits you on, so often. He is lingering, no matter how much he is denying that fact to himself. Despite how foolish it might sound, he feels something akin to yearning. But it is not exactly that. This, whatever it is, feels all consuming. Sure he does his duty without a second thought, but in between, his thoughts are jumbled up, they are all in a big knot of different strings that he can't see the colors of.
He needs the light.
- ... room! Hopefully you rest properly! I am sure that a certain someone has missed you!
He sighs. Another noisy couple will be staying here. Xiao doesn't understand this... love
No, General Alatus doesn't, General Alatus doesn't see the wings as something he can fly with either, since the association with wings is built around vulnerability. Xiao does.
He doesn't completely catch or follow on why, but there is something that yearns to apprehend, because there is want, little of it, since it was suppressed, but it is still within him. Want for love. Sadly, he doesn't want to acknowledge it, deems it too selfish still.
Xiao was pulled out of his thoughts by the voice of the person that Mrs.Goldet was talking to.
-If even you notice, I can only imagine what I will be put through. - you chuckled - Hopefully 2 weeks and a half are enough to make up for it. I think I can extent my stay even more if needed later on! But alright! Have a good evening Verr!
His eyes widened. You came back? But he was certain that you...it- it has been so lon- wait, no, compared to his life span it was a single droplet of water into the sea of time.
But, oh Morax, your sweet voice. It has been way too long since the last time he heard it.
He is so selfish, so egoistic for wanting to hear it all the time.
Wait, two or more weeks? At first thought it sounds quite intriguing, but on the other hand... he can't look at himself properly when his wings are having a mind of their own, let alone let you see it all of that. How he can keep hiding all of this away for two or more weeks?
In any case, if you want to see him, if you are willing to visit, he will try his best to be here for you.
Ah, Verr, Verr, giving you a room on the higher levels. Mischievous boss lady. You were sure that these were reserved for special guests, but it seems that you were wrong. But she surely knows what she is doing.
Anyway, you settle down your bag. The whole trip turned out pretty spontaneous, but at last, you are here. You crash down onto your bed, tired. You were planning to meet Xiao, but you think of getting your energy back a little beforehand. You are sure, you won't be able to sleep with all the thoughts anyway.
You really hope that the change of environment will pull your mind out of the gutter, you understand that if you do continue on like this, your body will at some point just shut down. Sometimes you really wonder how it would be if your physical body didn't need so much catering to it.
Diverting you stare from the ceiling to the desk that was on the opposite side of the room to the bed, you recall bringing a journal to write in, as another token of hope to untangle yourself. You groan.
No, not right now.
Right now you will just lay in place for a while.
Maybe your exhaustion is finally catching up with you. You try your best to fight it, but you have some kind of comforting feeling at the moment. As if someone is lulling you to sleep, making sure you are alright.
Before you finally get under the covers and shut your eyes against your will, you catch a glimpse of a...
golden feather?
. έβ βΉ . έ β‘ έ . βΉ β έ.
It is dark and deeply late into the night, yet your eyes open once again. You feel like your head is a mush. No, it has been a mush, you just haven't noticed it before. The fog of thoughts is a bit clearer now.
You are unused to sleeping for prolonged periods of time. Working well until 2 am just to be waken up by the alarm at early dawn. Yeah, you need to work on that for sure.
You sit up and stretch a bit. Knowing yourself and your mind, you decide to take a stroll before your brain has caught up to the fact that you are awake. You look around, remembering that you indeed came to Whangshu and didn't just dream of it. But, oh wait. Instead of a completely blank desk that was there before you fell into the world of dreams, there was now a singular flower.
A Qixing
Gosh, he is so sweet. Yeah, now you are definitely going to the balcony. Standing up, gently picking up the flower and putting it behind your ear you grab the keys to your room and try quietly go to the balcony, as it is still late.
When you arrive, the balcony is empty.
Oh, right.
You sometimes forget that he is an adeptus on duty. It is futile to get your hopes up, as he is most definitely on the late night patrol at the momen-
"...Did my presence awoken you?"
You jump slightly as you turn to the voice that came from behind. Archons, you never gotten used to how he appears out of thin air so quietly.
"..I apologize, I did not mean to frighten you."
He says quietly, guilt evident in his voice, but only for you. Not many people can distinguish how different his tone sounds. After you come back from the small shock, you shake your head.
"Don't worry about it. I just can never get adjust to the element of surprise"
You offered a gentle smile, yet the tiredness in it was apparent. Your voice was also a bit more raspy than usual. He stood still.
"And you didn't wake me up either, just a habit of mine at the moment"
It must mean that he had left your room recently, if he is worried about that. You reassured him, yet he didn't seem to budge from his place. You tilted your head slightly to the side, not quite understanding what his seemingly tense gaze intents.
"You require rest, please go back to your room"
He says bluntly and you roll your eyes. You knew he was gonna notice, but in literal seconds? Just how bad do you look?
"It is fine, I came here for fresh air anyway"
You state, now stepping a few steps closer to him. Yet he takes a few steps back, which makes you stop in your tracks. Did something happen..?
"You have windows in your room for fresh air, please return to it immediately."
His voice cracking the tinniest bit at the "please". You now are full on concerned. You can't figure out what emotion is carried within his expression combined with his voice.
"...Xiao? Are you alright? Is something wrong?"
You ask hesitantly. You notice that his eyes widen for a bit and he clutches his hand into a fist.
"Foolish mortal. Your eyes are begging for you to close them, your body is moving so slow as it will fall right at this moment. Go and rest"
He says as he shifts his gaze away from you.
"... but I missed you, Xiao"
You whisper, fully knowing that no matter how quiet you could've said it, he would still hear it.
That sentence combined with his name broke him, as he couldn't do anything else than look at you wide eyed, as his wings spread high and wide.
That obviously gave you a fright, but just because it was an another surprise. However it looks like Xiao mistook it for the latter, as you saw him put his mask on.
Before he disappeared, you knocked the element of surprise out of yourself and rushed to him
"Xiao, don't go"
You pled, your voice rough, weak and cracking. The gentility of the tone and how your fingers managed to brush over him as they barely reached his shoulder made him freeze completely in one place.
You were astonished that your attempt at stopping him actually worked, but you were glad nonetheless.
"Please, Xiao, don't go."
You repeated yourself, more confidently this time. You stood up properly and hugged him, tightly.
Now that it seems that he is standing still, you can actually take what is before you. Golden wings with hints of red here and there. You had suspected that Xiao would have a beast form. Tales and legends of adepti depict them as such, they couldn't be entirely made up. You wanted to touch those delicate feathers, but you knew better than that, so your hands just stayed on his back. Holding him like he is something precious.
In the end he couldn't hide it from you even for one day.
Hello! My first work in a very long while, but hopefully you enjoyed it!
I be writing this cuz am love sick myself. So mostly coping.
I actually wanted to write just fluff, but I can't seem to do it without at least some build up before hand. Who doesn't like to eat glass from time to time anyway XD
I hope you have a good time
β°ββ€ β [This work is copyrighted, please don't repost without permmision] β
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Qualityβ Free Actions
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Ever since you showed him how humans or rather, βmortalsβ displayed affection to their lovers by kissing them, he justβ¦ couldnβt stop.
Itβs been a month since you taught him how to kiss, he kissed you every day since then.
He just loves the idea of being so close to you, and the feeling of your plush lips is chefs kiss. He sometimes swipes his tongue across your bottom lip to get a taste, he does it so swiftly that you never even noticed. Not that you mind
β¦ he kinda forgets that you have to breathe tho.
Youβre seated on his lap, arms around his neck while his arms are wrapped around your lower torso, keeping you chest-to-chest pressed against each other.
It almost feels like heβs trying to eat you alive with the way heβs kissing you, you try to keep up but you need oxygen before you faint on his lap. He sighs against your lips before finally pulling away
both of your lips are covered in mixed spit, a string of saliva is connecting you and your lover. You pant against his mouth and try to catch your breath, xiao however stays unaffected βxiaoβ¦ gβgive me a minuteβ¦ pleaseβ¦β he notices and watches the way your chest rises and falls rapidly. β..am I perhaps.. too much?β He looks so innocent. So innocent that you havenβt noticed the way his hand on your back moved lower. Dangerously low.
βNo itβs justβ¦ I have to breath..β
He eyes your lips again and fights the urge to dive back in. He looks like a vampire about to suck blood from their prey, his eyes not leaving your lips before breaking the silence
βYou taste goodβ¦β his other hand on your waist moves to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip, smearing the spit across your lips like lip gloss
Your breath hitches βyou think so?β He looks at your eyes again, his eyes sharp and deep from hundreds of years of fighting βI believe so.β
He leans closer again and presses you even closer to his chest, his hand on your cheek is now on the back of your head.
When he closes the gap again, he almost immediately slides his tongue past your lips to find your tongue. You gasp against his mouth and close your eyes
He locks your head in place with both of his hands so you donβt break the kiss and to get better access to your lips. He tilts his head and deepens the kiss, his teeth biting your kiss swollen lower lip.
You feel your lungs tighten again, the lack of oxygen getting to you. You grip his shoulder to let him know and try to break the kiss but you genuinely canβt get out of his iron grip
You let out muffled noises against his lips, giving him plenty of signals. He presses his mouth even more against yours, kissing you firmly.
He breaks the kiss with a light βpopβ sound. You cough and pant, your vision is blurry and you canβt tell if itβs from the make out session or the lack of oxygen
βAre you c-crazy? I almost fainted!β
βIβm sorry my love I.. couldnβt help it, you just tasted so good and the noises you were making were driving me insane.. and the way your handsββ
βEnough!β You feel your cheeks redden with each word leaving his lips
He smiles softly at your reaction and nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck. leaving featherlight kisses in your collarbone and lower neck
βI just love you so much.β You almost turned into jello in his arms βI love you too, xiaoβ
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