sorry.

but i wanna sleep twelve hours more

so i don't have to imagine

even though you're right there.

i have to restrain myself from giving you a call

because you're the most perfect of them all.

i can't ruin what we have

so i'm taking a step back

so one day this will all be a memory.

a memory we joke about

while we speak of how we got to this place

in our new home, straight out of school

while we eat instant ramen on a cardboard box

but you exist.

you're evil, monstorous,

and a fucking narcassist.

you think you're so strong

and you can't do nothing wrong

but that's the most bullshit thing i've ever heard.

you took a vulnerable girl, only 13,

i take my own words with a grain of salt

but this time i'll have some water too

it's to dissolve that negativity

and the hopes that i won't heal

so that salt can no longer exist

and the music in my ears

and i look to my side to see

you're not here

i try to collect myself

but for once i am truely alone

and without you by my side

i am no longer home

but i know you'll be back soon

in a few weeks, possibly months

soon i'll be in your arms again

and then

i'll hear the rain against my window

and your breathing in my ear

because i'm falling asleep on your chest

just know you're the best

i'll only cry for a while

you're hopeless and sad

and you fall into arms

a week or two, maybe more

maybe less

yet i still can't shake the thought

of what's gonna happen next

will we just reset and be the same as ever

a bit more closer and a bit more fonder

and together through all our adventures?

or will you finally see

i'm not the person you thought i would be

and you got sick of who i was, so you finally

wanted to be free

i wouldn't mind either way,

of course i'd cry for a few days

if the latter were to come true

and i was alone for the first time

in ages

but i know we'll be okay

and we'll survive these coming days

away

and soon we'll be back in our usual way,

of waking up everyday

if they restricted me from the world a bit better

if i never met that person.

but i wouldn't have met you

and even though i havent told you what ive been through in full

i know you'll still love me anyways.

even when people say i'm awful

i hope you don't agree with the masses

who think i'm some fucking liability

and i hope you know

i love you

no matter what the people say

and even if they say i can't truely

they aren't me.

and i love you.

about the person who broke your heart

but where were you

when i was on the floor

sobbing

bleeding

screaming

over how awful my life has become

because you made me this way

and i don't know why

i ever called you

and the thoughts still remain the same

no matter what joy i face

it's always followed by pain

my emotions are out of control

i'm a soda bottle, on the brink of explosion

but no one is here to unscrew the cap

and let the air leak slowly

everything has come with a catch

and i feel like i'm losing my breath

on this long run of life

and i can't seem to reach the finish line

i probably just need some water

but the only water i'm offered

is the liquid from the polluted lake

of my horrible, aching mind

i'm so used to the pattern

they meet me, they fall in love

they realize i'm fucked up

and then they leave.