GRYFFINDOR

Lily didn’t know if he worried about the war or about anything at all. She would never have suspected it. James Potter always seemed so laid-back and so casual; she would never have imagined he actually had loads of things to worry about. There was also the fact that they had never really had a heart to heart talk so she had ever really asked him about those things. What they really knew about each other was rather limited. She didn’t even know if he had a middle name, or what were his parents’ jobs or even where he lived. The truth was that Lily never had bothered in getting to know him; not when he had constantly pestered her and Severus in the past. However, things were different now and getting to know him better didn’t sound like a bad idea. 

James often kept to himself. He wasn't one to talk about what he thought or what bothered him. He probably knew everything he ever needed to know about Lily; not like any of that knowledge was put into good use. If someone had told him that he'd be Head Boy last year, he'd hex them to kingdom come. Now, if someone were to tell him he'd be spending this much time with Lily while having civil conversation, he would have laughed his socks off. It was hard to believe that so much had changed in a matter of a few months. Lily was more mature than he was used to, and she was a lot wittier with her comebacks. He was often tempted to get a rile out of her, but he held his tongue. It was not worth losing what friendship they seemed to have.

"You’re not the only one affected by the fight! My dad’s involved too! He works in the Ministry. You don’t think he’s a target for them? Are you forgetting that last time he disagreed with someone dark they went after his son? I have to go through all of that too! So does half the school! And you should be grateful you got head boy! Do you know how many of us worked our asses off and never stood a chance? and Lily’s starting to like you! She even said it! So you have hope! I don’t! I can’t ever have anything like that. You can give her a future and happiness, all I can give anyone is unemployment, misery and the chance that I might rip her into shreds one night! Aside from my problem? Best version of myself? I’m a fucking monster, James! And it’s never going to change!” Remus’ voice broke and he teared up as he stopped speaking, grit his teeth, and clenched his fists against the pain inside him. 

Isn't that the whole bloody point, Moony?! Everyone is going through the same thing, some worse than others. There is no good or evil, for you. You stand in that grey area where you're neither! Stop thinking of yourself as this blood-thirsty monster because frankly, you're not! Do you seriously think it's your fault that you turn into a furball once a month? Are you going to eat yourself up your whole life just because Greyback was an arse?! Would you rather go the rest of your life never really knowing if you stood a chance, or would you stop making excuses for your self-deprecating self and change what you can? There are so many people that care about, and you need to know that. WELL, BLOODY HELL, MATE. IF I COULD GET DUMBLEDOOR OFF WHATEVER HE'S ON, I'D HAND THE POSITION TO YOU WITH OPEN ARMS. Just because I got the position doesn't mean that I asked for it, and don't go all up on me; telling me that other people want the position. Who gives two shits about who deserves the bloody position because I know I don't deserve it--I FUCKING KNOW. -laughs bitterly- Don't make me laugh, mate. That woman has me so wrapped around her pretty little finger, that I don't even know what to do with myself half the time. I'm practically bending over backwards just to be at par with her, but it's like running a marathon when the race had already ended. 

I just do. I mean, I’d know if I liked Frank, and I’m sure Frank doesn’t like me in that way.

If you say so.

That’s what I’m telling you — your humor is about as appealing as a Flobberworm.

Interesting. -grins-

I think that’s a bit harsh. (She focuses back on her parchment)

-shrugs- It's Lily.

Oh the one about the different uses for Porcupine quills?

No, it's an extra-credit research on Amortentia. 

On the way to the Tower they passed a couple of broom closets they had to check. The noises coming from the murmuring paintings and ghosts also made her incredibly jumpy; so she walked relatively slowly maintaining a firm grip on her wand with one of her hands. Without even realizing it, she had moved closer and closer to James until her shoulder was almost touching his arm. The castle at night had never made her feel scared before; but now it was different. After the Dark Mark incident, things hadn’t been the same for her. She tried not to show it, she put all her effort into staying calm and collected. She was the Head Girl after all; she couldn’t afford to panic. 

James tried to keep on an indifferent facade as Lily tried her very best not the jump at the most random noises. He had become better at hiding his distress and anxiety. Years of practice had led many to believe that he was naturally just optimistic, but he knew better. Deep down, he was constantly worried about so many things: his parents, not being good enough to be an Auror, not being good enough for Lily and the war which he knew was coming. The sound of Lily's screaming led him to shock him into wakefulness as he broke into sweat. He would dream of them torturing her, and he wouldn't be able to do a thing about it. He'd twist and turn at night without really being able to sleep. He was just in too deep. 

Well you never know! Anything could happen! What if there’s an alien invasion one day and they take over our bodies and we end up sitting around all day like a bunch of potatoes? I was mental before so really there’s no harm done. There’s nothing wrong with being a little loopy, you know? It actually makes things a lot more interesting. Now just because I’ve never seen one does not mean they don’t exist! I’ve never seen a giraffe before and they exist so why can’t nargles? My things go missing all the damn time because of those pesky little things, I can’t even begin to tell you how many shoes are missing a pair. Don’t worry though, evidence of their existence will be found soon and then you’ll see and I’ll be able to tell you that I told you so and we’ll all laugh and sit down for some afternoon tea.

-laughs- That is one of the most absurd things I've ever heard. You're practically bordering on paranoia, Ed. You have a point, there. Giraffes are real, I've seen one. Nargles have never actually been photographed. They're a thing of myths. Are you sure someone's not just pulling your leg?

You’re being ridiculous. Frank and I are just friends. Of course he loves me, but as a friend is all. 

How do you know that?

"It’s exactly like me when ‘giving it a chance’ means risking her finding out and losing her and the whole school finding out and losing all my other friends and getting kicked out of here before I even finish and never having even the slimmest chance of making a decent life for myself! James you just don’t get how luck you are!" Remus didn’t mean to get so stressed but as he spoke it started building up and he couldn’t hold back. 

Lucky? You don’t know the half of it, mate. I’ve got both my parents risking their lives for basically every person, both muggle and wizard, just because some lunatic is racist. I wake up in the middle of the night because I have nightmares about that bastard doing unspeakable things to them. But there’s nothing I can do about anything because I’m still a kid. To top it off, the girl I love can only tolerate me so far, let alone talk to me. I’m starting to think she’s more interested about the stub on Digory’s toes than anything about me. You have loving parents who are so supporting. Everyone thinks you’re not some fucking joke who’ll just screw up as Head Boy because Dumbledoor’s practically bonkers to give you that position! Aside from your furry little problem, you’re the best version of yourself, and the girl that you like probably likes you back. So excuse me, if I don’t share your sentiments about just asking Em out.

James! hits his army lightly. I don’t think I want to know what you mean, if I know you well enough that it means what I think it does. Besides, I’d have no reasons to ask Frank questions like that.

Sure you do. He absolutely looooooves you.

"Thank you" he said before blinking. Surely giving it a chance was exactly what he was just arguing against? "James, no. I just said I can’t let her get too close. That means no chances. I just can’t have these kind of things."

So you're just going to give up on the whole idea of it? That's not like you, Moony!

If she really hated you, she’d just ignore you. Think about that. 

I think she's just waiting for the right time to castrate me in my sleep.

So says the person that thinks he’s actually funny.

Of course. It is my humor, after all. 

Her cheeks had the worst timing in the world. Every time someone said something that made her a little embarrassed of anxious, there she was blushing. Lily guessed it had to do with her reddish complexion. Maybe the blush compensated for the freckles. Her mother had told her once she had had a light line of freckles when she had been a baby, but they had disappeared once she had grown up. It was probably for the best. She wouldn’t have liked the look of freckles on her face now. They usually made people look childish and with her height, she couldn’t afford to look even more like a kid. To think she was taller than every boy of her class when she was nine and ten. 

It was nice to just stroll down the halls, enjoying her company. He didn't really know what to do with his hands, so he stuck them into his pockets while they itched to hold hers. It took all of his self control not to hover near her just to get a whiff of her hair. A small whiff would have him done for. He concentrated on remembering the secret passages of the school as they passed them. He ticked them off in his head as if he had the Marauder's map on-hand. It was the only thing he could do to keep from smiling like an idiot, or worse, staring at her. No one wants to be scrutinized like that. For all he knew, Lily might think he was some sort of sexual predator or something. He was a virgin, for Merlin's sake!

Oh come now, you’re being very closed minded. Open up you’re imagination a little! Owls are birds, I cant for one minute believe that they just started picking up letters and delivering them perfectly with out a bit of human assistance. If we sat in our houses acting brain dead the pixies would definitely pick up the courage to come inside and trash the place. And last but not least, nargles are real they’re just difficult, some say they’re extinct but I don’t quite believe that either. Oh yes Xeno is one of the most interesting people I know that’s for sure, I could chat with him for days! He makes the most interesting points, I value his opinion a lot.

I suppose human did put in a hand to domesticate them. Otherwise, owls wouldn't have any use for letters. Why would be sitting at home, brain-dead, though? Our natural instinct of self-preservation would have kept us alive since we would still find ways to subdue them. You're right, thinking about the little things in life can be quite entertaining, but you shouldn't make a habit of it. It could make you mad if you're not careful. And have you seen a nargle? It can't exist is no one has ever really seen one.