Cogito, ergo sum;

“What happened was absolutely awful and it has nothing to do with Quidditch. You should be furious at the Death Eaters anyway if all you care about is the fact that they ruined your match.” 

Hopefully it’ll be over by then. Or if not, things should be better. I know, me too. I mean, I think I’d still be an auror, but I’d like to think we were all just happy. Not that we aren’t now, but in a different way-relaxed. Maybe we’d be doing something like, oh- like traveling the world! That would be nice. 

“Yes, I do believe I’d still be working where I am but it would be different. I would be able to see more of my family and James wouldn’t be so worried about his parents.” She beams. “Travelling the world always sounded wonderful. Perhaps when this whole thing is over. I mean, we’re still really young. There’s no reason we can’t do it.” 

things start to fall apart during their fifth month hidden away at godric’s hollow. lily, seven months pregnant, has constantly swollen ankles and is almost always craving some sort of ridiculous food at some ridiculous time of the night. the other boys help the best they can; sirius brings lily whatever weird food she demands, and peter rubs her feet whenever he can. remus comes over in the dead of night sometimes, the circles under his eyes darker every time, the scars on his hands and neck more prominent, and listens quietly as james unravels and whispers every single worry and doubt he has to keep from lily. when harry’s born, things are lighter for awhile, things are happier. sirius is asked to be godfather, and accepts, his normally shaky hands steady as he holds his godson for the first time. peter transforms into wormtail, and runs up and down little baby harry’s body; he’s the only one always guaranteed to draw a laugh from him. remus slips him chocolate milk, even against james’ protests; lily hides her giggles behind her hands and they all pretend that james is going to be the cool parent. harry brings joy to their days, he’s the shining star in the overwhelming black night that is their life. on halloween, when lily hears james’ body hit the floor, she holds harry tight to her chest, and knows that he’ll be alright; stars as bright as him don’t fade that easy.

“Have I ever told you about the time I got off with a vampire?” ( there’s a beat for dramatic effect, before he continues, grinning. ) “To be honest it was a bit of a pain in the neck.”

She looks at him for a moment before letting a soft chuckle escape from her lips. “I have to admit that was a good one. Though I have no idea where do you get those from. I hope you’re not planning on telling Moody. Please don’t do that.” 

“Oh, yes – a newspaper article.” [ he nods, offering a somewhat sheepish smile. ] “I apologise, I should have been more specific. There are rather a lot of different meanings to the word article – articles of clothing, articles in speech, Articles, the famous Antarctic cousin of the Loch Ness Monster.” [ there’s a pause as he considers the suggestion. ] “I take the words of Aurors with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, they still work for the Ministry, after all, and as we all know the Ministry has its prejudices. I give it a few weeks before they start trying to blame this unfortunate event on some poor, innocent creature – pixies, for example.”

“As much they surely want to blame someone else, I doubt they manage to do that this time. I think they people who did this wanted to be very clear about who they are.” 

Remus? [blushes slightly and shrugs] I haven’t seen him since before the attack when I gave him some chocolate. [chuckles] Please, like he could ever be a Death Eater, but if he doesn’t want to ask me out you shouldn’t forced him Lily, we are friends, we can share hot chocolate any day as just friends…

“I think you and I have very different definitions of what means to be just friends. Oi! He could be a Death Eater. You never know these days. I could be one. Fine, no, I couldn’t, but that didn’t stop that bloody Voldemort to ask when James and I graduated.” She shrugs. “I think you should ask him out.” 

No? C’mon I know you have no idea how Quidditch even works –but even you need to admit it’s entertaining. You’ve been stripped of your entertainment!

People died, Rabastan. 

she had herself and that was enough

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to--- I wasn’t looking where I was going.” 

“I’m sorry Gid. It was a good joke, I promise. I was just a bit distracted. You can tell me another one if you want. I’ll pay the most attention and I will even laugh about it.”

Especially since we lived there for so long, it’ll always feel special. I know, me too. They deserve more than this. 

They shouldn’t be pushed right into battle like we were. I mean, I don’t regret what we’re doing but sometimes I wonder what would have happened if this whole war didn’t exist. 

“Oh, I’m fine. Perfectly alright, actually. A few bruises and such, but really, I wasn’t in the thick of the attack. I was certainly luckier than most of the poor souls coming into St. Mungos. How about you? Name any sore, and I’ll sort it out. I’m almost a full Healer now, you know.”

“Yes. Definitely. We were all quite fortunate nothing happened to us. We were definitely more prepared than the rest of the people.” She smiled softly. “I’m fine. Nothing but a few scratches. It all happened very fast. But that’s wonderful! When are you graduating?” 

“You know what they say - about needing to be afraid to be brave, and what have you,” he mentioned with a shrug. “I think it depends. Maybe the younger they are, the more they might be afraid. But I think for them to have joined…him, they must believe he’ll win so what would they really fear? Otherwise - why join someone like that?” Remus’ logical mind couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to do the bidding of a psychopath. Unless they were at wand-point as well. “Or maybe they fear for their lives from him too…” He nodded, a smile lighting up his face at the thought of Dumbledore. “You’re right. He’s the greatest there is. -I’d rather not be afraid at all, if you ask me,” he said with a breath of a laugh, trying to make light of the situation.

“I believe some of them have to be different. Perhaps there are good people who were forced to join, or he is threatening them. Perhaps some of them were confused or deceived. I know I’m being naive but I refuse to believe all of them are psychopaths ready to taint their hands with muggle born blood.” She sighed. “I don’t think we can actually help being afraid. But if you ever find a spell or a potion for that, let me know.” 

Wonderful. James bit back laughter, smiling instead and folding his hands over hers when she embraced him from behind. He could feel her shape against his back, and his head dipped down slightly. “I’m not hiding it from them. But you know what they’re like, and it’s not like they’re getting any younger,” maybe he was being over presumptive, assuming that his adult parents couldn’t deal with the truth. He just wanted to look after them, he was supposed to. They were his mum and dad, he was their only son. He was meant to be keeping them safe, making sure they were okay. “And of course I have, I want to keep my youthful good looks for as long as I can,” he responded, laughing as she carried on to talk about his mother’s cooking, “You say that, but you weren’t there for the great Christmas dinner fiasco two years ago. Sirius will tell you about it. It was a disaster.” Moving away from her grasp, he turned around and faced her, head tipping to the side, “You look amazing, by the way.” 

“I know.” She said, entwining their fingers. “But they deserve to know. You can’t keep them in the dark. You know how strong they are, probably one of the strongest couples I know. They’ll be able to handle it. They know you’re fine.” Lily was able to understand how James felt. She had felt the same way when she had to decide what to tell her own parents about the war. They were muggles, they were so detached from the conflict and yet, they were in danger as well. But she had chosen to tell them the truth, even to her sister, and she didn’t regret it. “But let me tell you that scar looks quite badass. You’re a little bit like a bounty hunter or something.” She chuckled. “Well you have to give her some credit for trying. That’s a lot more than I do.” When he turned around, she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her toes slightly. “Thank you.” She said, rubbing her nose against his. “Your mother got this dress for me, actually.” 

“Oh, that’s dreadful. Yes, I was writing an article on the event – well, more precisely, when the attack began, I was stargazing a little ways away, but I was still rather present.”

“You mean a newspaper article? That’s interesting. If you want to write something about what happened I’m sure there will be some Aurors at the hospital who wouldn’t mind giving you some quotes.” She nodded. “Then it’s fortunate you weren’t right there in the middle of the attack. You could have gotten hurt.” 

Oh I get it, you’re trying to trick me because you think I wasn’t paying attention, but I was, see? I was… I just don’t know what you were talking about… But I know it wasn’t about you getting your head shaved… Also James is too obsessed with his hair, I’m afraid the impact will be long lasting damage to his heart. And Sirius would laught at you, I’m pretty sure, even if it looks gorgeous [shrugs] I think you should do whatever you want, it’d be a bold desicion though… Or you could say a bald desicion [giggles and then looks serious] you should expect a lot of those in the future.

“Don’t worry. I’m not cutting my hair. James would probably make it grow with magic anyway. Not bald decisions whatsoever. I was talking about Remus, though. Did he ever ask you to go for that cup of chocolate milk or did the Death Eaters attack before he could? Because I’m starting to believe he’s the mastermind behind all of this, just so he doesn’t have to actually ask you out.”