Surviving 2.0

IS REAL

4 days in and I love it so much here.

I’m so fucking happy. What a dream come true.

I'm officially here.

The countdown begins.

I spend majority of the time not thinking or feeling.

But I'm thinking again.

It's hurting again.

Why did it have to happen?

I want to pick up the phone and text you. Call you.

Talk about our shared interests. Finally catching up on the shows we used to watch.

It was you.

Only you.

The first time I played Fortnite.

We loved playing Festival. A reminder of my Guitar Hero days.

It hurt so bad.

When the store refreshed, I saw that Paramore was in the rotation again. I was so excited for a moment...

Until I remembered, you're not here anymore.

Oh how I wanted to text you and tell you "Holy shit they finally put the two songs I've been waiting for since like the beginning of the year!" To play the song with you.

I played it. Sobbing.

It hurts so much that we're not together.

It hurts so much that it escalated to this.

It shouldn't have been this way.

Had you just reassured me then...

Maybe... we would've been okay.

Last night I had to make the hardest decision of my life.

These past 13 years came flashing before my eyes, just knowing that our time together would come to an end.

You’ve helped me out through pa’s passing when I was 13, to then realize you shared the same fate.

I’ll miss being woken up in the middle of the night from you biting my feet or meowing for us to wake up in the morning.

I’ll miss your zoomies and hearing your feet patter on the floor when you’d jump off my bed.

I’ll miss you purring and kneading on my left side every once in a while despite forgetting to cut your nails. Worth every biscuit made.

I’ll miss playing with you and having you sleep beside me.

I’m so sorry it had to be this way.

I’m going to miss you so much bubba.

I love you so much.