Certified THOT

@lambentwarg @puncake-paradice

I occasionally encounter well-meaning people who, upon hearing of my anxiety disorder, take it upon themselves to “help me face my fears.” They know a little bit about exposure therapy, so they figure that if they just tell me “You can do it! It’ll be fine!” and throw me into the anxiety-provoking situation, I will conquer my fear.

One of the biggest examples of exposure therapy working that I’ve heard about is with people who are afraid of dogs after being attacked or bitten, usually as a child. Their exposure therapy involves being slowly introduced to other dogs, often therapy dogs that are trained to be calm. It works, not because of the type of therapy, but because their fear isn’t based in the way their brain is physically built.

Using “”exposure therapy”” for things like forcing autistic people to listen to loud sounds until they stop reacting to it isn’t therapy, it’s torture. It doesn’t make it easier for us, it just makes us learn how to hide that we’re uncomfortable and in pain, and also that those putting us through it are not to be trusted.

I used to greet each promise of love with a smile / and hands behind my back to conceal the knife / I used to walk the line between fine and borderline out of my mind almost every night / searching for a divine answer in between the shower tiles / thinking my sanity slipped down the drain, leaving only ghosts to rule my mind / and if I had a dime for every time I chose a name better than mine and a dress to hide behind / I wouldn’t be wasting my time putting down words on a line

I’m afraid there’s too much dirt under the fingernails of my past / too many pain-shaped mistakes / and crime-scene-taped fingerprints I don’t want you to find

but you gave me an armful of happiness / and now I’m standing out in the open on the edge of here and forever / your strength stands like a scarecrow in the spring fields of my mind / my black-winged worries, my beady-eyed fears don’t dare come closer / I killed the madness in me, I let those sparks die because I’ve found something better