Probably Nothing

whines pitifully . flops on the ground . bursts into flames

(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

when we were kids my siblings and i kept trying to workshop a bit about a secret sibling that had a tragic accident. needless to say adults weren't thrilled with that

Why are people now saying "LARP" when they mean "poser". It's confusing.

Everyone is always parroting The Buzzword Of The Month without actually knowing what it means or where it comes from, make it stop

Kinda like how "POV" went from "(implied first person) Point Of View" to "there is a video"

if you have a hound, remember that inside the muzzle is the perfect place to put socks and underwear you've been wearing all day

being called mommy is super hot, being called mom is even better, but if a sub was whimpering to me while I was plowing her, hearing a mewed little "mama..." will make me fill her womb and make her a mom too