I Dont Mean To

We didnt have to experience the loss of loved ones

I miss my dad so much man

Such a helpless feeling

I didnt even get the closure and I think thats what makes it so hard to move on…

My heart is broken

I am so burnt out. Exhausted honestly. Today was a frustrating day bcuz I was doing cse 120 hw, pa4 and was honestly getting no where and wasting time now im behind everywhere else. I have a final next Saturday, the pa due soon, project due soon where I have to make a whole ass website, i havent caught up on any lectures and I genuinely just feel so down. When I dont have a good school day I really feel worse. And Ive been thinking about my dad and ugh I miss him so freaking much man its unreal. I really miss him so much. He was my everything. And I wasnt even there for him when he needed it the most. Just so guilty and shitty. I feel so lonely and isolated from everything man. I dont do shit I just do hw all day and stay home my roommates probably think im so lame and I can be so anxious and awkward it just adds to my tension. I havent been feeling good either and everything rlly is just a lot rn. i am so sad but I gotta keep moving forward i guess. I miss my dad so much. Pray for me that I get through these next few weeks.

If I cant be close to you, I’ll settle for the ghost of you. 

I miss you more than life

And if you cant be next to me, your memory is ecstacy. 

I miss you more than life

He did so much for us and I wish I just remembered all that before his last days. I was so distant and it hurts me so much. Its like terrible regret. He was so alone. 

I miss you more than life dad. Thank you for everything you did for me and Nikki and Anand. I love you so much. Im sorry I never showed it in your last days.

My heart is so broken because of this. 

I miss you more than life. 

Grief is so random at times. Im sitting here thinking about things I wish I could have done. Shoulda, coulda, wouldas. 

I love him so much and I miss him everyday. You don’t move on from grief, you learn to move forward with it. It’s a sad reality, but this happened and I must move forward. I know he loves me and knows I love him, even though we never showed it. I wish I did more. I wish I did more. 

But I love you dad nevertheless, and I know you’re no longer in pain. And thats all that matters. You deserved SO much in this life. So I will live in honor of you so that you can always be remembered through me. Life’s a trip man. 

Its been almost a month since you passed away, and I just wanted to say I miss you so much. My dad was an amazing person, and the fact that I couldn’t be with him in his last days really gets to me. But I have to cherish the good memories I have with him, and remember how great of a person he was. His legacy will live on forever. Death is just a weird thing you know, you never know when it hits you and its not something anyone thinks about. I love you so much, and I will live through you to become the best daughter, to accomplish so much in my life that you will be so proud of me. I am studying and grinding in school right now so its hard to write in my journal or write things out, so I want to remember these times in strength. These memories of my grief only show how strong I am, how strong you are, and that life goes on. You would want me to move forward, focus on myself, and be the best person I can be for myself. I love you so much dad, you were gone way too soon. And I said goodbye to you, which I will never forget. I said goodbye in the hospital, and your spirit lives on. Life is amazing. I’ll keep my head held high, and know, that you are ALWAYS with me dad. I love you! 

- Priya