oh aeneas we’re really in it now

I wish wizards were real so bad imagine coming out of a wal mart and seeing some guy with long robes and a big hat in the parking lot surrounded by wacky particle effects screaming some shit like "By the moon and the starlight, by the shield and the sword, I summon to me, my Honda Accord!" And then just getting into his car and driving off

there's also the idea that he drove to walmart in his honda accord, and then when he got out he either forgot where he parked or wanted to skip like 20 seconds of walking so he just summons it right in front of the door

To not have to find a parking space, most wizards keep their Honda Accords in a extradimensional oubliette when not driving. This also saves on garage space.

Clearly the wizard had to summon his Honda Accord because someone stole it while he was shopping. The carjacker is now tumbling violently down the freeway like a source engine ragdoll

Malicious unreliable narrator who really wants to lie to the audience for fun getting increasingly frustrated as every bit of bullshit they spin inexplicably later turns out to be technically true.

i Love that anders’ clinic delivers babies and treats STDs. thank you for calling planned parenthood of Kirkwall. we are one guy in the sewer. they’ve been trying to catch him for Years . for birth control inquiries, press 1. for hormone therapy, press 2

public service announcement: this post has escaped dragon age containment and to everyone tagging it “wow! this sounds cool! i need to play dragon age!” and i need you to understand: if you agree with me that you think this idea sounds like it would be cool, DO NOT BEGIN PLAYING DRAGON AGE FOR ANY REASON

NOT HELPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@ominous-signs

Official ominous sign

"I asked chatgpt-" well I asked Lady Catherine de Bourgh and she condescended to advise me on the arrangement of my humble abode.

good thing they didnt have Grindr during the age of sail imagine coming into range of the enemy and in the tense quiet before the storm all your officers' phones go off

"Mr Pullings, hard a' larboard and silence that Grindr alert, if you please. You too, Mr Allen. And you, Mr Nagel. And you, Captain Howard. And- Really, Stephen?"

As per my last clay tablet,

CCing Ibbi-Ilabrat on this one just to make sure we’re all on the same page!

“The sesame is visibly dying” makes me lose it every time. My sesame #mysesame

Two animals who appreciate the Warm Lamp