oof

if you've never cry-masturbated in a hotel bathroom in las vegas after watching your girlfriend get fucked by some guy but now the guy is gone and your girlfriend doesnt wanna fuck you cause she's just been fucked and surely you could have not watched them and just overheard it from the next room or even joined in and let the guy fuck you *and* your girlfriend but you didnt you sat there and watched and got excited hoping to get the guy's leftovers but there are no leftovers dude she doesnt wanna fuck you and you keep telling yourself someday this will be over and she'll be loyal to you forever you just have to wait until shes done fucking that guy but she won't be and it'll be seven more months before she dumps you for being "sexually incompatible" with her - if you've never experienced that you cant get me

huh. I have nothing to worry about. I miss him I wanna hear from him but. There's no anxiety. Just. Mild disappointment. Is this what it's like to be normal

I hate to compare you to my past. It's not a fair comparison. You get a version of me they never did. But I can't help it. My whole life I've only known poisoned love. I am grateful to myself for how much I've grown - but you have no metric for that. You didn't know me when I was miserable. I can't express how much you mean to me except to say I'm in so much less pain than I was before.