Life After Undercity4..Where do I go from here.
Well since Undercity4 was terminated yesterday, and only a few people replied back to me when I brought the situation upā¦ā¦..Well I did get really upset about yesterday because the last time I lost Undercity4 it didnāt matter how apologetic I was or nice.
Deviant Art still let my hardwork die because of their double standard policies against adult content. I wish the situation was handled better than that thatās all. Maybe I just donāt know how to handle losing certain things in my life when I have very little going for myself. All those failed attempts at becoming anything at allā¦-sighs- why isnāt there any outrage for what happened to me? Itās like nobody even caresā¦.Very little to no supportā¦And to think I thought I was important.
Anyway I made this alternative account just until I find out what Tumblr is going to do about Undercity4, I wonāt be posting any erotic content, writing reviews, or doing any of the things I did with Undercity4 because I see now that for one I canāt even search for blogs because everything turns up as empty which means Iām not searchable either. I found everyone elseās blogs through Googleās search engine instead..Doubt anyone tried to find me.
I wish there was more going on in my life, then I wouldnāt have cared this much about losing my blog. Wouldnāt have cared about of any this stuffā¦But my blog was very important to me, Undercity4 was important to me it made a difference in my empty dull life.
But should my blog stay dead foreverā¦Then this means I have to find something else to do with my time to combat my depressionā¦..That or either go back to abusing Anti-depressant medication like I use to when everything else sucked in life that failed at helping me cope or relax. And it isnāt just the lost of my journal thatās got me feeling like Iāve got nothing to really live forā¦Itās everything else to.
Between losing my account, being jobless for 2 years now, struggling to find work, being denied opportunities, worrying about things that are out of my control, having health problems that are holding me back, being indebted because of student loans, almost losing my apt, constantly getting my ass kicked every time I want to better myself and improve, being dateless for over 14 yearsā¦..
Itās amazing Iām still alive at all. I want to say, itās a damn miracle that I havenāt fully lost it yetā¦So irritated with living to be honest.
Despite all the bad that has happened, I will continue to look for work outside of the internet world, and I will continue creating and producing my art until I eventually lose interestā¦But I donāt think I will lose any interest in creating art..Itās the only other hobby that I have left that provides a little comfort.
Since Tumblr wonāt return any of my emails Iāve given up at this point at trying to restore my account back before they decided to terminate it for nothing. I will just assume Undercity4 is done, dead, history. None of the people I was following bothered to refollow me, and Iām sure they didnāt see or read any of this eitherā¦..Well It was fun while it lasted..
I guess there is nothing else left for me to do around tumblr anymore, and Iām not starting over from scratch againā¦itās a waste of timeā¦ā¦.To think there are just so many things on my mind I could be discussing right now associated with erotica, or writing aboutā¦..So much information I haveā¦yet nowhere to broadcast and write about it anymore.
..I can only see more lonely times and broken dreams ahead of this dead end road Iāve been walking for the past 17 years going on 18ā¦..the road to nowhereā¦Maybe I wasnāt as important to the community I represented as I thought I was after allā¦.I know Iām not the only one that lost their journalā¦But I feel as if after all this happened. Itās like I never existed here at all.
theartofmadeline
yousharknotpass
