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if i look back, i am lost
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@primalsheart-moved
// Vote pls

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to the end our candles burn until weโre freeย ๐ถ
blessedragoonโ:
โcan you shut up!? stop talking! i donโt want to hear you anymoreโ tightening her grab of her lance, laurel glared at the ascian that was using the body of her friend ardbert, exhausted and annoyedย โwhy should i listen to you about a world that wonโt be the same if you bring it back when you donโt want to hear my supposed excuses!?โ
โโโ
@primalsheartโย โคโd
*
ย he should have expected a fractured creature to fail to understand. To behave like a child. But even so, he feels disappointed. Had Emet-Selch really gotten so tired of existing that he had trusted their memory to this malformed beast? A world that wonโt be the same? Of course it will be. It had to be. Even if, in a sense, it would be different. His brethren would return. His duty as Elidibus would be done.ย
ย โI should have expected a malformed creature like you would fail to understand. Trying to make you see is pointless. I should focus solely on taking your measure.โ It felt like he was being ripped into pieces. He REFUSED to listen to her. After all, it MUST work. That is... what hope is.ย
Reblog if you're bored and you want anons.
Or non anons, whatever lifts your skirt

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i hate it when people ask me to "explain my thought process" like hell if i know
//I would love if people randomly tagged me in starters so I could practice this dude.
I, too, remember that feeling. You are caught between all that was and all that must be. You feel lost.
โ Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland And The End Of The World.
Also, the fact that he lowkey seems to blame himself for Lahabrea and Emet dying. Because he tried to use you and because of that he thinks he helped you get stronger and all that.
If there is one thing I love, it's the level of personal hatred that radiates from Elidibus for the WoD. Like even though he's a Primal and all, or partly one, he still can't find any strength in the hope generated by them. Because he hates them so much for what they've done to his people partially, possibly. Like it's very human how much he clearly hates the WoD. Idk.

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The Black Unicorn: Sequelae by Audre Lorde
@stygiae said:ย โhold my hand while our greatest tragedies are lost and forgottenโ (x)
*
ย Lahabrea was gone. Perhaps he had gotten careless. The thousands of years fraying his mind. The desperation to see their home and loved ones return. How time marched on and these fractured creatures continued to disappoint. It weighed heavily. But weighed the most heavily was the hopelessness. That crushing weight that threatened them time and time again. It made him feel hollow. It made him feel weak. Like a void in his chest threatened to swallow him whole. But he could not falter. He was Elidibus... He would do his duty. He would. After all, it was because of HIM that this had come to pass. Just as they said, perhaps he was UNWORTHY of the title. Had he not sought to USE Hydaleanโs chosen... This would not have happened.ย
โForgotten as they may be, we WILL succeed.โ He says it more to himself than Emet-Selch. He does not remember. Fragments. Try as he might, the memories escape him. A gaping void. Thousands of voices screamed within his heart, and yet he could not pick out his own voice. This was his duty too.ย
ย He does not let his sorrow show. The empty hopelessness. Even as the sundered creatures felt hope. Even as they cried out for their hero, he could take little solace. It was that selfsame hero that killed Lahabrea. If their praise could grant him power, their hope could fill this hole... This perhaps he could still do something to defeat this bringer of light. But today, he would wait. Focus on his duty. Not the worries that plague his mind. Not the hollowness within his chest. Not the pain or forgotten memories. They had to pick up the pieces.ย
@echopulse said:ย โ choosing to protect ourselves is not failure โ (x)
ย Says the beast. As if it means anything to him. Malformed lifeforms, fractured as they are, cannot possibly hope to see the bigger picture. Pieces of a puzzle she could never fully put together. No. That falls to him ALONE now. All that his people sacrificed, and she would spit in their faces. Protecting themselves? From these calamities then? Or simply from the means they create rejoinings in whole? She would SLAY his brothers and say it is for PROTECTION? An insult, beyond all else. He cares LITTLE for her excuses. She is naught but a beast. One that does as she is commanded, by whoever pulls her chain. Whether that be the fragmentedย โpeopleโ she serves or the monstrosity that split the star and Lord Zodiark into these lost pieces.ย
ย He scoffs. Shaking his head just a little. Did she truly think she could somehow change his mind? That he would forgive her sins? Some sins cannot be forgiven. And he cares little for her remorse. All he wants from her is her death.ย
ย โI care naught for your excuses. How you justify yourself means nothing to me.โย
โi donโt understand why ascians hate me, iโm a delight to have aroundโ
*
โPerhaps because you slay and doom our people and then call yourself a hero for it.โย
creditย
โ somethingโs terribly sick in my head โ โ these are my darkest thoughts , the bad things lurking in the closet โ โ is this how i tear the monsters from my body ? โ โ i want everything to stop โ โ fuck your immaculate existence โ โ today i want my heart to tremble โ โ i want my teeth to shatter bone โ โ today i want killing to mean living โ โ nothing you do can hurt me but you better try โ โ you canโt live without burning your comfort and safety as firewood โ โ maybe the ghosts learned how to build stairs into the mountainside โ โ believe me when i say there is no pride in this โ โ i want to be one of those city sprites among termites โ โ cleanse this body through tears and emesis โ โ circumvention was futile , damnable โ โ weโre all burning โ โ we learn to laugh in the midst of the inferno โ โ i realize now that i am the one out of place โ โ i want to destroy all the parts that arenโt working โ โ i never knew i had the capacity for cruelty โ โ i condemn myself to failure without batting an eyelash โ โ choosing to protect ourselves is not failure โ โ nothing is working โ โ at some point i stopped , i sank โ โ breathing seems so difficult now โ โ living was easy as breathing once upon a time โ โ i donโt think itโs living , but itโs not hurting either โย โ my body is a room made of glass walls and wooden floors โ โ today , i ache for somewhere to hide โ โ how do i turn the light on in my eyes ? โ โ please , no one look at me today โ โ i mused over all the times i had prayed to a god i do not believe in โ โ the gods died laughing โ โ you must learn fear โ โ letโs not be enemies tonight โ โ hold my hand while our greatest tragedies are lost and forgotten โ โ you are only a murderer if someone cares โ โ dreaming is so painful and i wish i would stop โ โ i can still love you with my eyes closed โ โ iโm not sure why youโre acting surprised โ โ let me pretend that iโm made of magic โ โ i am a creature of contradictions โ โ remember your strength , unchanging and eternal โย

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