Rain

Looking deep within, but everything just seems wrong,

Him or her, to which do I belong?

The feminine gets shamed while masculine enjoys it's praise,

But which part actually resonates?

Tired of putting things in a box, tired of feeling the need to be put in one,

I want to explore, I want to accept,

The sunlight illumimates the way forward,

And makes her smile brighter as she keeps driving onward,

I can imagine it clear as day,

Yes, it's just a fantasy, but I know it'll come true,

I'll be hers, and she'll be mine,

Day of judgement has come,

No way out of this now,

Whatever little hope was left has fully gone away now,

How silly of me, thinking I'd have a chance,

But life clearly has something else in store for me,

Being louder, in hopes someone hears the screams,

But to some they just end up being screetches, something to ignore,

My mind is not kind to me, that's something I'd always known,

Can't you at least see the little growth in me? I'm doing a bit better than before.

But results are the only ones that speak in this world, so whether it's better or worse, it won't matter since you didn't reach the goal

Tell me, am I really that hard to endure? I shrink in size as I hear the same things as before.

Same time of the year, but I'm no different,

I still float around, hoping my calling will come to me naturally,

Am I really enjoying myself, or is it pure force?

Too many fields to choose from, none of them feel right,

Maybe I was made for nothing, but that would cause a fright,

Needs unmet, you try to think of a way out,

But the storm forms into a tornado, that sucks all the hope up,

It's moving closer, and your needs disappear into the black hole one by one,

I've done life wrong my whole life, looking through lenses of selfishness,

Thinking I'm helping, thinking everything's fine,

Until I notice that some things have never been fine,

I could've done more, I could've left my fears behind,

But I didn't, which could've ended up costing someone's life,

Dear lenses of selfishness, I want you to be taken off,

I wish my lesson didn't have to be you,

To know how important saying how I feel is,

I was afraid to show affection, but last I remember it,

I wish I could've hugged you longer,

The worry of being hated washes away as she's met my gaze,

As short as it was, it made my heart flutter,

Her authenticity shining through, God, my liking for her won't go away,

How I wish I could be able to talk to her more,

But the conversation can't be elongated, as it's end is already fortold,

The thought of it - frightening, but I do wonder,

When that moment comes, will I feel fine?

Will I scream in agony, that it's unfair?

Will I be crying for help?

Or will the moment be peaceful, as I gaze into the sun, with a lover by me, or even my own mum.

So afraid to die, yet so afraid to live,

So tell me, which is worse?

Or is it the same, as the will to live and will to die doesn't exist?

What is it when you're just existing with no goal that nourishes your soul?

To be held by her never felt like a sin,

In fact, nothing ever felt wrong,

The only time I hesitated, was when she let go of my hand,

A beautiful life forms as the affirmations become kinder and full of love,

The light has always been within you, though dimmed, it has continued to look for a way out,

And when it does, the present moment feels soft and gentle, like the faint breeze during summer,

A reminder of how sweet it is to feel loved, -

Feels as though it's coming to a close,

But I don't want to leave when I've got no one's hand to hold,

A selfish desire, it's just as it seems,

I see you as you are, trust me, you're sweet

Just what am I looking for?

Is it the sweetness or do I crave it be sour?

Only way I'd know, is if I look deeper,

So show me the sweetness you can give,

Baby, don't make me wait,

It might never come if you leave it stale,

Aren't you wondering where it's all leading?

Just don't you go running and bleeding.

I'll take you in as whole, and show you the world I'm living,

Can't sleep, memories are all I can think about,

Love begins to feel more distant,

I can't escape my fate, but I wish to defy it.

I'm not perfect, I know,

I turn to see a look of approval,

However I only see a mirror with my reflection in disapproval.

Heart shouting out what I want, yet my head says to desire what 'is normal',

But I can't help but wish he was a...