one.
the first time, he had noticed the magnetic calendar on the fridge. it was bent around the edges, the corners of october curled upwards like fall leaves. the pencil that was usually left near the land line had been tossed across the kitchen counter, bouncing off the backsplash and back onto the floor. the trailer door smacked against its frame behind his new friend, the cloud that been hovering over the metalhead left the room with him. caed glanced at the calendar, his eyes scanning the waynes chicken scratch—holidays, appointments, school meetings—until he landed on a new smudge where the lead had been hastily smeared and erased.
october 27th.
he hadnt known eddie long but caed was an observant kid when given the right motivation. he saw the others boys shoulders slumped, his gaze wondering out classroom windows with a sadness that he didnt quite understand. eddie wasnt someone he had ever considered quiet. he was annoying, dramatic and stubborn but not quiet. that day, he wasnt really eddie anymore. someone had turned out the light behind his eyes and set him off like a wind up toy—all motion with no direction.
“ you okay? ” the blonde asked, leaning against the lunch table on his elbows. no one else say near them, the large space of empty bench kept distance between them and the four other kids on the far side of the connected table top. the metalhead had been staring at his packed lunch for a minute or two as if something else might appear in the lunch box if he looked long enough.
“ im fine, ” eddie replied, his voice distant—almost sad. despite having been friends for only the last year before middle school, caed didnt need to be told when eddie wasnt fine. he had gotten used to the antics and smiles, the way the nerd would get excited to tell him about the club he started and the game he was creating. now it felt like he might as well be sitting by himself again.
“ thats bullshit. ”
“ its nothing. ”
he rolled his eyes, “ i thought friends were supposed to— ”
“ leave it alone, caed! ”
brown eyes met blue from across the table, dark brows furrowed in irritation. he could count the number of times eddie had been truly mad at him on one hand. usually he didnt care who he pissed off, hell, he pissed off all a lot of people without even trying. teachers, peers, principals, parents—he had a laundry list that he only added to with each passing day when his own anger would get away from him. but seeing that look in eddies eyes didnt make him angry. it felt like someone had taken the plastic spork off the table and tried to scoop out his guts.
but anger was easier. its what he knew the best, what he was used to. the blonde scowled back in spite of himself. he planted his hands on the lunch table, pushing himself up from his side of the bench. “ whatever, ” was all he offered. back then, had it been anyone besides eddie, caed might have started a fight. he didnt want to fight his only friend, not when he already felt guilty for something he didnt really understand. he grabbed his backpack and left the other boy there, storming out of the lunchroom toward the bleachers where he knew some others outcast kids to be.
he didnt like them as much.
after school, caed found his way back to the munson trailer. uncle wayne was home from work, a beer in his hand as he opened the door for the kid. the small static tv hummed in the corner, the smell of the half eaten microwave dinner on on coffee table filled the living room. the old man sat back down with a grunt and squeak of the springs in the couch underneath him. the blonde turned to walk down the hallway towards where he could hear the metallica playing from eddies record player when his eye caught the calendar again.
on top of the grey smudge, waynes writting scribbled ‘eddies birthday’ back into the square.
“ its his birthday? ” caed mumbled. wayne glanced away from the fuzzy screen at the same time the kid had looked back at him. he caught that same sadness that eddie had lodged into the darkness old mans eyes. the downturn of his mouth made his wrinkles around his mouth stand out more.
“ he doesnt like to celebrate it. not since he got here. ”
sometimes caed forgot how similar he and eddie were. even when the metalhead smiled and laughed, when he chased their adventures and ran head first into trouble—there would always a parts of him that were broken too. it was easy to keep those pieces in a box, a puzzle that was better left unsolved so that no one could see what they created. it didnt mean they ever forgot what it looked like each time they opened the lid to peer inside.
caed apologized for being an asshole at lunch, letting white lies slip from his lips so that he could lay on the bedroom floor next to his best friend until he began to sound like himself again.
two.
he learned to be serendipitous. he would blame it on luck, on skill, on whatever he could without ever letting it slip that he knew his best friends secret. well, it wasnt much of a secret, more like an unspoken agreement to not acknowledge the twenty-seventh of october. but as time had passed, so had caeds hesitation towards friendship. it was hard to let eddie care about him, to remind himself that he was safe to finally let his guard down. that didnt mean he let his guard down with everyone—just eddie. he was still in and out of detention, visiting the principal and school counselor in hopes to correct his violent outbursts. kids still kept their distance, teachers sat him in the back of the class or sent out of class entirely.
“ can i have one of those? ” the blonde asked. the seventh grade boy looked up from the ground with wide eyes, not sure if he should stare at his peers eyes or let himself look at the bruises that stood out along the pale skin of his forearms. caed was used to it, learned to ignore it when he needed to. his dad stopped caring about hiding the evidence of his explosive anger and his son was too violent himself to warrant any worry or question. one of the basketball players fled the hallway holding his nose as blood splattered behind him like dripping paint.
“ uh . . . you want one of my cupcakes? ”
“ yeah, ” caed wiped his bloodied fist along the thigh of his jeans. the nerd was practically shaking in his khakis, his thick glasses made his doe eyes look even bigger behind them. shit, he didnt want to scare him. “ you dont have to— ”
“ no! you—you can have one, ” the boys voice shook a bit even though he smiled. he opened the pink circle tupperware lid and held out the tray of brown halloween cupcakes, a black plastic bat placed on top of orange frosting. he reached out and took the closest one to the edge, giving the kid a grateful smile in return. it mustve shocked him because the boys eyebrows shot up into his bowl cut. caed byrone wasnt exactly known for smiling at anyone.
he kept that smile until he walked into his english class, placing the homemade treat onto his best friends desk without a sprinkle out of place. eddie stared at the confection for a moment, an expression fleeting across his face if only for a brief second. he had been moping all morning—like he did every morning on this day. that look of surprise, confusion, was the first glimmer of his friend that caed had seen in all day. the blonde sat in his desk behind the metalhead, trying not to smile when eddie stuck him with a suspicious look.
“ where the hell did you get a cupcake from? ”
“ bobby gilbert last period, ” caed responded smoothly. eddies brow furrowed, unsure what to make of the coincidence. the year before the blonde had somehow found fireworks in the middle of october on the same day and now there was a cupcake. granted, it was a halloween cupcake so there was really no reason to question it. the two boys stared at each other for a moment before the blonde reached out and stuck his finger into the icing, popping it into his mouth obnoxiously.
“ i thought you gave it to me, you dick, ” eddie whined, unable to keep back a laugh as one of the girls made a disgusted look at them.
“ then stop complaining about where i got it from, you dork, ” caed flashed him a smirk. the metalhead turned back around with his cupcake in hand, not seeing the way caed shook his head as he grinned to himself.
three.
“ you should get it. ”
the blonde stood next to his brother, staring up at the display behind the glass. in the window of the pawn shop was a couple tvs, a record player and a pretty electric guitar sitting on a stand. since it had been put into the window with its pretty little price tag, eddie had been staring at it each time they had walked past. it had become a goal, finding every odd job he could to get some cash to stash under his mattress for the day he could walk into the shop and take his ‘baby’ out of the display.
“ its a hundred and fifty dollars, i dont have that cash yet, ” eddie sighed in defeat. he stuff his hands into the pockets of his jacket. october was getting colder, inching the metalhead closer toward the dreaded winter months that froze him to his bones. caed stood in the breeze unbothered, looking away from the guitar towards his friends reflection. the somber quiet expression that had taken over was no where to be seen, replaced with a look of longing and a glimmer of hope. the first time he had seen the mask crack open, letting in something else besides the thoughts of the past.
“ i have a hundred, ” he said, eddies head whips toward him. caed had been saving his money where he could, when his own father wouldnt take what he had earned from his own labor. he spent summers and breaks working on construction site, paid under the table for some extra hands. he had planned to use it for car parts, trying to switch some old ones out ( and maybe some drugs ) but he didnt say that. he couldnt. if the metalhead knew, he wouldnt take it.
“ a hundred? youre going to give it to me? i cant take that— ”
“ yeah and when you get rich and famous, you can get me something pretty too, ” he said with a grin, throwing an arm around eddies shoulders and leaning into him. they both look at the glass again, the strings gleamed in the afternoon sun. the sadness didnt return to his brothers face, instead it filled with a childlike excitement that practically threatened to burst from the musician. caed didnt know how to love someone, he barely knew how to love himself. but he did believe that love was something that you were supposed to show. it what he craved, what he had wanted all his life. when eddie came along, he finally had someone to show. family took care of each other, real ones did.
+ one
he could feel the butterflies in his stomach, fluttering against his insides. it was stupid. there wasnt really a reason why he was nervous, not one that mattered. eddie had been his friend for years now, he was his best friend. the metalhead had suddenly become the only family he had ever really known, the only person who treated him like he mattered. deep down he knew that eddie didnt care about gifts or material things, they had spent too much time together for him to believe that. so why was he hesitating?
because the moment that he gave him the small white bag in his hands, eddie would know what caed knew. it was october 27th, the day that was always erased from uncle waynes calendar. the day that made his energetic best friend melancholy and quiet, lost in his own head as he let the day go by without a word of what it was. caed acted like he didnt know, never bringing it up yet always finding a way to do something nice for him. even if it was small, if it was something he would do anyway—he couldnt just let the day go by, not without trying to make it better.
deep down caed hated seeing eddies sadness. he wanted to bring his mom back to give him cupcakes, he wanted to hunt down his dad and make him pay for every single one that he ruined. eddie didnt deserve that, not on a day that supposed to be celebrated. the irony was that caed didnt really care about his own birthday, no one really did. his dad acted like it didnt exist, just another day in one of many while his mother remembered when she was aware enough to know what day it was at all. but now eddie was his family and he couldnt do that to him. he couldnt let his brothers birthday be just another day too.
“ here, ” the blonde said, dropping the white paper bag onto the other sophomores stomach. the metalhead sat up in the back of his van with a cigarette between his lips, catching the bag in one hand before it tumbled down. caed climbed into the back of the van with him, sitting down with his legs hanging out the back doors.
“ you . . . got me something? ” it was impossible to miss the inflection in the boys voice, like he wasnt sure what to do with any of it. was he going to get angry? tell him to leave it alone and storm off like they were kids? caed tried to ignore the shitty feeling in his gut telling him that he fucked up, that he crossed some imaginary line that they had never spoken out loud. he occupied his hands with fishing out his own cigarette from his pocket, placing it between his lips with a practiced ease.
“ with what money? ” caed joked, flicking open his metal lighter, bringing the flame up to his mouth. there was a part of him that still feared rejection even from his best friend, the one person he knew would always have his back. it was fucking stupid but it didnt stop his heart from racing a little. “ —just open it. ”
he heard the paper bag rustle before a small intake of breath. caed glanced over, catching the wide eyed look in the boys gaze as he held a silver ring between his fingers. it was thick, thicker than caed had planned, and carved into the shape of a skull. he had dedicated an entire project in shop class to its completion, risked most of his grade or the semester. he had been avoiding telling eddie anything, using his club days to work on it after school. he was lucky that mr. keating wanted to see him succeed. eddie turned the ring in his hand, catching the shitty carving of ‘brother’ on the inside.
“ you made this? ”
“ yeah, i thought since you wanted more rings, this would look sick, ” caed grinned, the cool fall breeze playing with the ends of his messy hair. if eddie finally caught on to why he chose this day to give it to him, he didnt seem to care at the moment. there was just a smile on his lips, a look in his big round eyes that was filled with so much love that it almost took caeds breath away. he had never seen his friend look so happy on this day. it caught him by surprise, making him stare for a moment as his face flushed. it wasnt embarrassment—it was a rush of joy that had no where else to go at the moment.
“ dude . . . this is incredible, thank you. ”
“ dont get sappy on me, i expect you to get a groupie to take it off with her—watch it! youre gonna make me burn a hole into your seats, ” the blonde laughed. eddie had tackled him in a heavy hug, making them both fall back into the bed of the van in a fit of arms, cigarettes and hair. caed didnt hesitate to put his arms around the boy too, squeezing until the metalhead relented in a fit of laughter and wheezing.
“ love you, you barbarian. ”
“ love you too, you dork. ”
he never did wish eddie a ‘happy birthday’. he didnt think he needed to. as long as he made sure eddie was happy, he didnt need to wish at all.
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