Alice the Wise

“Of course this place has a basement” Q muttered rubbing his hands together once and then nodding to Alice’s instructions. He was a decent magician, but he knew when he was outmatched. If Alice had a plan, it was for the best to go with it.  Maybe it hadn’t always been that way, but they had come a long way from the other trying to think for everyone. 

“If we stick to one room I can probably get a decent heating charm going. I just… I can’t get the whole building. I have no idea how Mayakovski did it. I mean… I know, Batteries, but still.” He shook his head. 

“You take the East wing? I’ll take the west. Meet up in the basement with any of the blankets or sweaters we can find?”

“It probably had a lot of things it no longer does, Brakebills decided it was fairly unnecessary for things to be down here. However, a basement is hard to get rid of.”

She nodded at his suggestion of her taking the East Wing, splitting up for a time to get all the supplies they could gather was a good plan. “Mayakovski also tended to hole up in one room when no students were here and had the batteries to help him out. Not that it remained warm all the time, just warm enough to keep us all from freezing.”

Quentin laughs in surprise when he feels the flower crown drop onto his head. “Hey, you’re better at this than I am,” he says, because he’d already been making one for her, he’s just slower about it.

Snow, just so happened to be one of Quentin’s favorite things. Some of his favorite memories had happened in the snow, and a charming frosty, glittering, sort of perfection settled over everything in the snow that he could never get over.

Or so he had thought.

Currently, Quentin was perched in the window of the lab in Brakebills South blowing onto his cupped hands trying to keep warm while the electricity and the warming enchantments began to fail. And, watching from the window as a snowstorm set in, he was beginning to think that the white wall heading their way wouldn’t leave him feeling warm, cozy, or any sort of happy.

“It looks like the storm is about five minutes out,” Quentin muttered making his way to Alice’s side. “Any chance that we can get a message to Penny to get us out of here, or... maybe get the portal up and running?”

Alice had been focusing on solving the problem of getting out of Brakebills South once they had begun to lose power; it was not so bad when there was some warmth in the building. Mayakovski had not been able to keep up with everything that the building needed and it had fallen into even more disrepair than usual.

She did not mind snow, she could even remember times with her brother where she played in it and there were good memories from this place. She bundled up in the spare clothing that they were able to find as she tried to complete spells. It was more difficult than she liked to get anything out, where was Penny? She needed some idea if she were to send a message to him unless she was going to try and astral project -- otherwise they would have to wait until the set time he was supposed to come get them.

“I don’t think so, the portal has been battered for years since there had not been enough magic to send the first years back through. I have no idea where Penny is but I’ve tried to send him messages,” she bit her lip as she looked out the window.

“A sibling sounds nice. Were you close?” Teddy asked curious about the makeup of her family. It was so different from his own, but somehow it felt all too familiar. Maybe it was the stories that his father had told… Alice the blue fairy… though, Alice in the stories never had a sibling. It seemed unfair to leave out. 

He furrowed his brows as she said she outstripped him. The way she said it made it seem like it was something bad. Something… sad? “I’m sure if your brother was a good brother, he wouldn’t have minded you being better at things than he was. Though… don’t ask an only child about sibling dynamics, I suppose” he chuckled ruffling his curls once more. Something so like Quentin fidgeting with his hair when he was nervous. A learned tick. 

“My parents did their best” Teddy explained still feeling pretty awkward “But, yeah… we were pretty cut off from the magical community outside of our own home. I was…extremely … what’s the term? Home-schooled? Yeah. Still, when I was old enough I got a taste for adventure. I’ve been trying to figure everything I can get my hands on out ever since. Which… is probably how I wound up here. Time Magic and a little luck… not sure bad or good yet” he smiled. “Meeting you seems like good luck though. someone who isn’t afraid of a little difference… it’s more rare than you would think” 

The way Alice’s breath caught made Teddy retreat immediately and hold up his hands a little. “Sorry… I get… a little overly excited. Didn’t mean..” He trailed off not really sure what he didn’t mean. “Um… yeah, I was. I’m looking for a practical book on Fillory. Not… um, everything I have found is by a children’s author” he explained “I need actual history”

Alice looked up at the man caught off guard with her thoughts and she nodded. “Very much so, my brother was the best,” it had taken a long time for Alice to fully grieve Charlie but she was glad she made it to the point where talking about him wasn’t so hard and that his memory was often happy. 

“He didn’t mind at all, in fact he encouraged everything I did, he was a pretty good magician as well. The best teachers will make sure their students do very well, and that’s what he focused on...” Her words trailed off a bit as he ruffled his hair, something about it pulled memories of Quentin forward and she had no idea why, perhaps since this boy was young and had the same kind of hair.

She shook her head as she tried to clear the thought out of her head and took a deep breath it was still hard for her at times though she was trying to live her life. That’s what he would want her to do.

“We’re all a little different and we all deserve someone who’d try to understand us. I wouldn’t have been here if someone hadn’t kept believing that my differences were okay and were important.”

Alice bit her lip when he backed up from her and she nodded. “It’s alright, I’m just a little unused to that... Anything really, I can get spooked easily but it’s alright, I don’t mind.”

Her brows furrowed as he mentioned a book on FIillory, an unlikely find in this library, but she knew a place that they stored some of those because she had asked for them herself. “If you would follow me then, I can show you some. We don’t keep them out on these shelves as they are... one of a kind at least on Earth,” she began walking quickly to her office glad that it was nearby. A tut on her door to unlock it and then once they were in a tut on the wall to reveal a small room full of books.

“We’ve raised a three year old. And incredibly bright three year old who gets into far too much trouble and is going to drive his daddy and papa insane.” Q smiled. He thought the sun rose and set on Teddy, so really, how was he to tell if the child he had raised was “good”. He was the best. And then the smile fell once again “That’s the thing Vix. She could be here. She could be here and she chose not to be. Because I wasn’t enough of a husband to her. I lost Teddy his mother because I couldn’t be what she needed. So, she left… to see the world, and have adventures that I couldn’t take her on because my life is here. It’s the mosaic, and Teddy and Eliot, and our little garden, and the quiet magic i never knew I wanted…” he sighed “And she maybe someday she’ll come roaring in like a hurricane and want to sweep him up with her… that’s what scares me most. That Not only was I not enough for her, but someday… who knows when… I’m not going to be enough for him either. For any of them” he shook his head “Sorry… I shouldn’t… You came all this way, and I am just bogging you down in my own mess. This is why we broke up, right?” he teased though there was a little sharpness there too. 

He felt bad for letting the darkness that so easily swallowed him up, spill all over Alice. It was something he had been working on over the years, and something that Arielle’s leaving had made the worst of. Still he did his best to put on a brave face for her and not show how much of a mess he was. HE had Alice in his arms… something he hated to think he had given up, but that he very much had… and he wasn’t going to let this moment pass like so many others had. 

He lost himself in now… something Eliot had encouraged him to do over the years, and something that was becoming easier with practice. And, when Teddy re-approached with his little horse and his eyes wide, he was there in the moment… not in the dark in his bed. Another thing he would need to thank Alice for later. 

“I want you to stay for lunch” Teddy explained, drawing close to Alice and looking up at her with giant brown eyes, curls falling into his face where they weren’t quiet long enough to tuck behind his ears. Quentin wasn’t ready for his first hair cut… 

“I think we both do” Quentin added softly. “I left Teddy snacks earlier, but I think this calls for a special lunch, don’t you?” He asked Teddy letting go of Alice only to scoop his son up into his arms and give him a spin. 

Teddy squealed with laughter and urged his father to do it again, to which Quentin happily obliged. 

No one, particularly not Quentin, would have expected this afternoon, from the start of the day. 

Alice lifted up her hand to cup his cheek as he talked about what Arielle did, she knew that sometimes people needed time to figure out who they were. Still, she had decided to have a child and get married, it was not Quentin’s fault that she left. “She’s a fool for leaving the three of you, you can’t blame yourself for her decision, she did not have to leave completely but she did.”

Alice bit her lip when he mentioned them having broken up, so much had happened between the Quentin he would become and herself. How she thought he was going to sacrifice himself, and then her trying to destroy magic forever, then finally after a lot of complications them actually getting together again. She wished she could tell him that they had been together again but she knew she shouldn’t. “No, we both were complicated and made mistakes.”

This moment was the best she had in a long time, with no idea what was happening or where there future would leave. But what did it matter? She always thought that some sort of predictability would be good and that’s what they built here. They built a structure for their son where they could live happily.

“My father used to say something similar. That… It was easy to be brave when you fought for people you loved or causes you believed in.” He smiled ruffling his hair once more. It was strange to think of his father saying something so simple and true at the age he was now… a young man. Teddy could hardly remember his father in his younger years. “I didn’t grow up knowing about Magical schools or thinking they were a possibility. I had magicians for parents and they tried to teach me what they could while keeping me safe… I suppose that’s what all of the schools mean to do. But, for some reason… I believe you. That the schools hurt just as much, if not more than they help. Still, it is nice to be around people who can relate to you, at least… when it comes to Magic. I… did have anyone other than my parents. Not exactly a thrilling social group”

He tilted his head once more as she said that people feared her. “That… I mean, people fear what they don’t understand. That’s why I said that it was nice to be around other people who could do magic.  Um… people, were afraid of me too. I mean, after my mom… when I found out I was a magician. I could do things that none of the other kids could… it, you know, it scared people” he added with a shrug. He doubted it was anything like Alice’s childhood. But, it was the truth and what he had to offer. If he wanted to get to know her, it was the least that he could do to offer what truth he could in return. 

“I didn’t know that there were other schools… I mean” he blushed a little. He had heard about a game called welters and about competing with other teams, but he had never really thought about where those teams were coming from. It embarrassed him how little he knew of Earth, and it amazed him just how BIG Earth was. It made everything in his life so far seem so small and simple. The embarrassment heated his cheeks further, to the point that his ears were burning. “And… I didn’t exactly test in to be here. It was… a happy accident? I… I think Fogg keeps me as a pet project? I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not. With the way you describe it… I don’t know if I would have a place int he world outside of Brakebills. Even worse, I… I think that I would be shit out of luck. No hedge? That’s what you said, right? I… I don’t think a single one would have taken me in or taught me a damn thing”

“Still… it’s… It’s cruel. That people who are not as fortunate can be turned away so easily. I think, maybe, more people need to hear opinions like yours. Hearing some of the things you say, it’s like seeing the world in detail. You know, wearing glasses for the first time.” He said stepping forward chest almost to Alice’s. He reached up and tapped the earpiece of her glasses softly as he spoke. “You thought that you understood the world, and then this thing came along and brought everything into focus, and you see everything you were missing before”

“I just had my parents and their friends, luckily my brother helped me as well. He spent more time with me than my parents did and taught me everything I knew as a child. Though I was able to outstrip him,” she said with a small smile, it was sad but it was obvious that she was thinking back to a time where she had done better than her brother. A time when things were so much simpler for her.

Alice nodded at the truth of his words, it was why it could be so hard to introduce people to magic. It was why they kept it hidden because often people were afraid of it; people were afraid of those who had more power than they had. 

“It’s alright not to know, you seem like even though you had magical parents that they kept you sheltered from the rest of the magical world. It’ll take time to learn but you will get there. The whole world is filled with magicians, the whole universe is and there is so much out there to learn.” Her nose wrinkled when he mentioned that Fogg was keeping him as a bit of a pet project, of course he was. Of course he still treated students like things instead of people. “You would be surprised, there are plenty of people with different ways of teaching magic. Brakebills and the Library believe they have the way, but there is so much more, it just takes time and a willingness to learn.”

“There’s been many things that have happened to make me see the world differently. At one point magic... it seemed horrible to me, that there was no way that it could be good. It took me a close friend and a stranger to really show me that it was good,” her heart skipped as she remembered how Quentin loved magic, that he was so excited about it even though it had caused him pain. He had believed in the good of it and she wanted to try to do the same, try to keep that spirit for him.

“I think you’re the only person who knew that. I was scared shitless up until the moment I first heard him cry. And then I learned a whole new level of fear” Q smiled. “I’m to anxious by far, but I’ve had great partners. Even… Even Ari for her time, she was good to us while she could be.” And there again was the sadness that had been lurking around the edges of his mind. The thing that had made getting out of bed so hard. His wife had left him. Had left all of them. He couldn’t keep her.  He shook his head “Eliot made up for a lot of it. He really did. Does. God Vix… You would have been so impressed with him.”

For a long moment Quentin drifted off in thought, watching Teddy play with his little toy horse. It was strange. After so much pain, and even while lost in so much darkness and doubt, he had this. And now, somehow, impossibly, he was able to share it with Alice. It had been a dream he was never able to put into words. His child playing happily as he and Alice Quinn sat side by side. It was so close to the dream he had had as as a younger man. Dreams that were built from shattered pieces of two slightly broken people. They made each other whole in ways he thought only she could… and then, there was Eliot. 

Quentin tugged on Alice’s hand and drew her close to him after her soft little yes. HE wrapped his arms around her and held her close, resting his chin on the top of her head and just breathing her in. HE closed his eyes for a moment and allowed himself to get lost in the feeling of her in his arms. The smell of her on the air. The weight of her chest pressed to his, and the mingled heartbeats that those chests held in cages. He stroked her hair and played with the ends with fingers callused and sun darkened. She was lucky that his little episode had meant his fingers were chalk free, of there would have been streaks of color left on her fair locks. 

“I missed you” he sighed. “I would never turn you away. I don’t think it’s possible…” he smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead before returning to his place and resting his chin on the top of her head once more. 

He watched Teddy playing, and laughed gently realizing that he was being watched just as much as he was watching. “Don’t look now” He muttered “But I think you have a captive audience. He’s fascinated with you”

Alice shook her head when he said that she would have been the only one to think he would be a good father. She did not know though what anyone else thought, she could only speak for herself; she had seen who he was, seen how his eyes lit up with joy. There was no logic to why she believed he would be, but she knew he would be, except that she knew he would find the simple joys in life, the simple joys in being a parent. “I’m impressed with both of you, you have raised a good son, I’m sorry that she wasn’t here to see how amazing he would be.”

It stung a little to know that he had been with someone, but she knew he would not have if it meant truly hurting her. They were complicated, they weren’t together at that point, and he was in a totally different place in time and she held no blame. She just wished she could have been there.

She wrapped her arms around him, her head laying against his chest as she listened to his heart beat. She thought she would never hear that again, would never have the chance but he was alive and in her arms. He was alive, he had a son, he had had a wife and he had Eliot. Now she was there and made things complicated but she would not trade anything for this moment.

Alice let out a small sigh as he pressed his lips to her forehead, her shoulders relaxing after being so tense with worry that he would turn her away. 

At his next words her head turned to look at Teddy, she released one arm from around Quentin but still stayed pressed up against him. She did not want to stop touching him, worried that if she did all of this would disappear. That he would be gone again. Her heart hurt at the thought of it, and she used his heartbeat and the smell that was still him even being in a different world to ground herself.

“My card tricks were partly actual magic - part of me is a little annoyed by that actually, that I’m not really as good from practice as I thought I was, but at the same time it’s weirdly comforting to know that magic was with me longer than I knew. But yeah, I never realized it because I didn’t know magic was real.”

Quentin shook his head as Alice tried to tell him he hadn’t killed himself. “Alice - no. It wasn’t a sacrifice. It was a risky as fuck play, and to be fair I’m not sure I was fast enough to make it out, but… I stopped running before the sparks hit me, I didn’t keep trying to make it out, which is the difference. It wasn’t planned or anything, I would never have planned to kill myself with you watching, but… Dealing with the Monster was…” 

He ran a hand through his hair. “One trauma too many is probably the best word for it. Especially once Julia was possessed too. Something in me just… shut off, and at the Seam it… I told you a long time ago that my brain breaks sometimes? It fucking broke to pieces in there, I wanted to rest and forgot that in this case rest meant death. It wasn’t just the trauma, it was also the fact that I’d been off my meds since I started Brakebills - Fogg told me magic meant I wouldn’t need them, and like a fucking idiot I never checked with anyone else. I told the doctor-healer in town about it and she flipped shit. I’m on a meds and potion regimen now, it helps. But anyway, I changed my mind, but it was… Penny tried to say it wasn’t because I didn’t want to leave, but unfortunately that isn’t really how it works.” 

He sighed. “Like I said. Maybe I needed to save myself so that I’d know it was what I really wanted. I probably could have just stayed as a ghost trapped in the ambient, wandered around and seen the multiverse or whatever. Don’t know if I could have actually crossed over from there but I didn’t have to fight either.” 

He thought about drinking more coffee but his stomach was in knots, so he set the mug down, before making himself meet Alice’s eyes again. “I think I would like that. I - I have missed you, I miss the others too. I hardly know where to start and I’m sure if I end up getting back in touch with everyone someone’s going to yell at me a little, but maybe it’s time.”

Alice had known that dealing with the Monster had to have been difficult on Quentin; that with everything that had happened between him and Eliot his heart had to have been breaking. Everything had been complicated but she knew Quentin loved Eliot, and that knowing he was trapped would have been terrible.

“Fogg was an asshole and terrible at helping any of the students,” she said with a shake of her head. He had pushed her out of the Brakebills’ exam the year she should have come in, did not help to search for her brother and certainly did not help when she asked to take away her memory. She had been broken that year and instead of getting her help just gave her the medicine she asked for. It was then that she realized that she had tried to do something similar when she thought about getting rid of her memories. She wanted a new life, a life that was not hers.

“I can’t say that there won’t be yelling involved if they see you, they’ll want to know why you were gone, why you didn’t come back to see them,” Alice said knowing that she was one of the few that could do this calmly. They all had tempers that tended to run hot and sometimes that was not a bad thing; when they had to fight, when they had to run. But when seeing a friend that had been hurt, it did not always help. “I know though that they’ll be yelling because they have missed you and that they have missed the time with you. Sometimes though we need that time; time to figure out who we are without someone else.”