I am the prank anon

Are you going to make ANOTHER stupid decision prank?

Shut up Quill. Stop following me

No.

@prank-anon

(Heads over to greenhouse, they spot a very unfamiliar bean. That must be T.W)

Hi, you must be T.W? I have a problem the other anons said you could help with?

- you need to sound more confident when talking to people.

Quill. I can handle myself. It's not like I'm making one of those things again. Stop. Following. Me. Go help azalea keep an eye on Bistre or something

- @sergent-major-bistre

Come on in, it’s unlocked! [they called, putting a folder up.]

[inside, you can see far too many coffee cups around them… someone pulled an all-nighter, it seemed.]

Yes hello Doctor....

*they don't look like they've been treated like at all, in fact they look about the same, other than a blanket now stuck to their stomach with a small tear in it-*

*however they keep their old squared stance, and hearty angry voice, but they aren't yelling. . .*

NOT ME YOU IDIOT, I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT GRAY GREMLIN. THEY'VE ESCAPED AND YOU HARDLY HAVE CONTROL OF THEM DOCTOR... I-

*they pause, tilting their visor every so slightly sideways- what rampage...? 💭*

PLAGUE MASK DO YOU HAVE NO TACT!? I swear all y'all are idiots... also hi

[like they can talk…]

*they let all the tiny, almost nervous squeak before reaching back, and taking Prank out of their bag-*

AS IF THAT MATTERS? I HAVE A JOB TO DO. AND I AM NOTORIOUSLY KNOWN FOR BEING ABLE TO RUN OFF A FUMES. YOU HOWEVER, SHOULD DEFINITELY CHANGE YOURS YOURSELF.

AND YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE SOME DAMN SECRET TO TELL? WHA-WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS- IT'S NOT NEARLY AS IMPORTANT AS THE FACT THAT YOU'RE FAILING YOUR SELF-APPOINTED JOB, AND LET GRAY GET LOOSE!

*they pointed an angry finger as their other hand worked to zip back up their backpack*

ACK WAIT DON'T TAKE ME OUT OF THE BACKPACK ITS COMFY! I don't wanna be out here

(It was comfy, that wasn't a lie. It was claustrophobic and made it hard to know anything that was going on but they would rather be there than out here! They look kinda shaken, tired and like they haven't brushed their fur in at least three days)

WELL CLEARLY YOU DON'T HAVE IT UNDER ENOUGH CONTROL, IT THREATENED PRANK HERE.

*not going to mention that they threatened you as well?*

AH-AND I DON'T HAVE ANY GAPING WOUND ON MY STOMACH, IT'S CUT YES BUT IF I HAD A BLANKET ON IT, IT'S WELL OVER IN JUST FINE.

*that is NAWT fine dude 🫩*

(They feign surprise pretty well. They switch to their calmest voice)

Hey Bistre, it's ok, I've dealt with that kind of thing before, I have emergency salt in my backpack, remember? If they try anything, I will be fine. besides, I've been around for at least a few hundred thousand years, maybe even a few million? I don't know, I've lost track. If anything was even able to kill me I doubt it'd be them.

(They lean towards dr w and whispered towards them in an urgent and aggravated tone)

Doctor, you are the smartest idiot I've ever met. Break the news slowly and carefully.

*they are now squinting at both Dr W and prank, they're directly in earshot in their earshot is a lot larger than most people think. . . What news needs to be broken? 💭*

I'M REALLY TELLING YOU THE WOUNDS AREN'T ALL THAT BAD, I'M LIVING, I'M WALKING, I'M TALKING. IM JUST FINE.

*They said with the wave of a hand, and almost a bit of a glare*

They didn't even give you pain meds!?

(They step back towards Bistre in an almost defensive way, eyeing- visoring? Dr. W)

You might want to talk to coral about that doctor. Very unprofessional to not give someone in pain pain relief. I had to use a good amount of magic just to dampen how much pain they were feeling for a short amount of time.

(They lean towards bistre and whisper towards them this time. they sound worried and a bit scared, even the look in their visor is worried)

Hey bistre... you might actually want to get scanned... please trust me on this... the injuries are... well I've been around awhile and I've rarely seen injuries exactly like... yours

and yes, let’s go get a scan, shall we?

YES YES. FINE. LETS GET THIS DONE WITH.

*They seem a little grumpy about it, never trusted too modern of medicine per say-....*

[immediate distraction lmao.]

I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY FOR BICKERING. SO DON'T START.

Pfft plague doctor you- you look like startled baby crow from over here

(They're still holding their water bottle, the look in their visor turns into one of the most smug and annoying looks)

And about this lil thing? It's just a bottle of water, what, you scared of water now? Not surprised after the last time I saw you use water for something...

(They're referencing smokey. They take a sip from the bottle and just look so goddamn smug)

what- Bistre, i can walk on my own-

...fine, fine...

... you're very strange, Prank.

I SAID NO BICKERING.

AND IM AWARE YOU CAN WALK, BUT YOU TEND TO TALK TO MUCH. IM JUST HURRYING THIS UP BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF BEING IN PAIN.

Pain? oh I can help with that!

(Starts using anon magic to alleviate bistres pain)

Just not for more than an hour or two...

(Their tone switches to a more obnoxious cheerful. You can hear the smug smile on their face return the moment they start talking to dr.w)

And plague doctor I know I'm strange, it's better than being boring like you! You learn to have fun when you've been around since before crewmates discovered space travel, look up faries and household spirits for once you whimsyless corvid

HUSH.

I SAID NOO BICKERING.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMETHING NEUTRAL OR NICE.

*they immediately dropped Dr W, specifically dropping them on their face 💔 coworkers am I right?*

*Birdy can also feel their shoulders relax a little bit, seems like the pain stuff is working?*

(And the bap mildly stuns them! They sound mildly miffed but still lighthearted now)

Hey! they called me strange first! If they can't take insults they shouldn't dish them out! They're lucky I didn't call them an unseasoned packet of ramen noodles!

(After the lil outburst their voice switches to a more sincere and calm tone)

By the way, did my magic work? are you feeling better? Also am I supposed to get out of the backpack for the scan or can I just... stay in here...?

(The backpack is less claustrophobic when they can be annoying to Dr. W, the fun of it all makes it hard to feel panic. Maybe it was dark, closed spaces and lack of distraction that made that happen? Oooo maybe they can use the handbook to block the baps next time!)

right, now I need you to put Prank somewhere not on your person or in your backpack, and then step on the scanner. I don’t need their scan overlayed on yours, I’ll… figure out what their deal is later.

[the urge to throw a shoe at prank…]

*They reached back, and pulled Bridy out of their bag, setting them down in the corner*

STAY. I DON'T NEED YOU GETTING HURT.

..... *They crossed their hands, and stepped up on the scanner*

hurt? I can't properly feel pain and if I did feel pain that would mean this body would be very damaged. Also I've been getting around in this thing

(Gestures at body)

For three days now and the worst thats happened was falling into a shelf in a janitors closet, which was actually very easy to fix, stupid thing had the durability of a soggy cracker

(They mutter the part about it being stupid as if they were bitter with the shelf. Because they were. They were bitter that it was so goddamn flimsy. Their muttering is loud enough to be heard. They'd curse the fact it was the cheap company out loud too if bistre wasn't so loyal said company)

[sighing, they started running the scanner. A minute passed, then another, and finally, Bistre was glowing the radioactive-green indication glow and the scan was uploading.]

right, Bistre, you might want to come look at this as well. I’ll explain as we go, yes?

YES YES.

*They quietly walked up, having to get down to the ground, and squint.... Hard- . . They're also incredibly close up to the screen*

.... CAN WE PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF BEANS, GET ME A NEW VISOR FIRST??? I CANT SEE A DAMN THING OF THIS-.

Wait you can just... replace your visors!?

(Pause)

Also for your information plague doctor I was not on top of a shelf, I was on the ground trying to figure out how to drink water

(They say that as if no further explanation is needed)

[<- guy who has been hiding their visor their entire fucking life because they hate their face + other reasons. What do you MEAN they could’ve just freaking got a replacement visor?!]

(prank seems to deflate there. They're basically next to bistre again now. They sound kinda sad)

I'd summon you a new one but... Magic has limits and staying in a body drastically shrink that limit... and I have no clue what these things are made of...

(Points to visor)

[damnit… their face was, in fact, stuck the way it is.]

*They immediately swipe the glasses, attempting to put them on best they can as to see.... It works for now*

OKAY SO, WHAT IS IT YOU NEED ME TO LOOK AT?

*They're leaned back down and attempting to look at the scan again*

Can I hold your hand while you look?

(Their voice sounds quiet and nervous. Like saying anything too loud could spook something. They glance at Dr. W. They actually look a mix of scared, nervous and worried. The look they give them is a look of warning, as if to say be careful)

[they do not look good. There’s a chunk of some kind of rock stuck around where the bone should’ve been, which… speaking of which, where the bloody hell was it? That ‘cut’ on their torso was very clearly either a wound that should’ve killed them days upon days ago, or more realistically, a mouth, all jagged and twisted. There was a freaking mass of tentacles behind the visor hole, it- it wasn’t great.]

[it was all in a sort of computer model so it wasn’t nearly as gory as the time Bistre vomited their heart onto their shoes… but there are a bunch of red arrows pointing to things which might’ve been worse.]

So. [they said briskly.] would you like to point to any strange extremities you see and have me explain them one by one? Or would you rather I go top-down?

THIS..... THIS ALL LOOKS LIKE A BUNCH OF MUMBO JUMBO-??

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?

*giving the most confused ass glance at Dr W*

EXPLAIN TO ME HOW ANY OF THIS COULD POSSIBLY MAKE SENSE- I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THIS STORYTALE ON GODDAMN IMPS-

*strangely enough, they hold both hands away from Birdy...*

That- uh- not looking good. That's- worse than I thought

(They kinda just try to stay close to bistre. They look really really worried. Like, extremely worried. They didn't even know what the inside of a crewmate was supposed to look like, but it DEFINITELY wasn't supposed to look like THAT. Their stomach feels funny in a bad way)

…It looks worse than it is. [they are lying. There is no way they can be saying that with that much sincerity. They are one hundred percent lying, because the model on the screen looks like a goddamn zombie.]

DO IT!

*They immediately walk back to the scanner- standing on it, and standing as still as possible... Even if they are antsy, and just a little shaky*

In and out, in and out 5 things I can see... they're gonna be okay... they're not going to......

(Their muttering kinda fades off to very very quiet and hard to understand. They're very obviously distressed)

prank, if the world’s too much for you right now, you can go back into anon form if you so please. Nobody’s forcing you to stay in the physical body if it’s overwhelming you. [they pointed out as they did the repeat scan.]

Can't. Body doesn't disappear with me. Looks creepy when I'm gone. Bad idea.

(Wow. Wonderful. Having a- whatever this weird hell is in front of the masked crow. Mhm. Great. They kinda shake themself and take a step towards the wall. They summon a water bottle and start messing with it. That seems to help a little bit. Not much, but a bit)

[the scan finished, coming back pretty much exactly the same, except the glasses were now visible and the mass holding the rock has shifted slightly. That second part was far more gross than the first.]

. . . . . .

FIX IT- FF-FIX WHATEVER IS GOING ON WITH THE SCANNER...-

*A couple other things showed up on the scanner, or in greater detail*

*there's extreme skinning on the right hand, looks to be self-done. The rock also seems to be currently used to hold something, possibly the heart? Bone like growth seem to not be growing along the inside walls of their stomach.... Otherwise it's all shifting far too much to pick up properly*

*Their body temp is also incredibly high internally, incredibly high, even for furred imp crewmate*

I can step on there, if it's not working then my scan would look bad too

(Their fur is puffed up in an almost cornered animal way and their voice sounds a bit shakey)

The only difference between my body and a - a normal crewmates body is I'm not related to anyone who exists

(Come on. This is their first household in... what, a thousand or so years? They can do this.)

[they were probably the calmest in the room, looking far more tired and mildly frustrated with Bistre’s refusal to take the scans as proof something was wrong…]

[the heart thing was… fairly interesting, the more they looked. Every other vital organ had been more or less vomited out…]

. . . . . .

*They look like they're contemplating reality deeply*

TH-THAT ROCK CLINGED TO MY HAND- I HAD GO GET IT OFF.....

*If Dr W remembers correctly, the tendrils actually reached for just about every organ that had fallen out of the body... Odd*

....... *They genuinely look like they're questioning just about everything-*

Hey eugh don't poke me! Why!?

(They sorta stumble back they look really annoyed and like the overstimulation was getting worse. they step back onto the scanner and just stand really still)

[the results… came back about as normal as one would expect for someone not used to being in a body. Which is to say, functional, but really fucking bad. Namely dehydration and by the looks of things, mild starvation. All the organs were in the right spots though, something that couldn’t be said about Bistre.]

…Prank, when was the last time you ate or drank anything of actual substance? Or slept? This is giving me some very… concerning readings.

Birdy-? Have you not been eating properly?

*Oh wow, they just immediately dropped the voice for that-*

How- I've been eating chips how am I starving? And I just drank water-? And I slept for I think... an hour less than an hour ago! Which is a lot for me. First time I slept in a.... a... well since before crewmates started being able to cross from one continent to another without the risk of deadly ocean storms killing them. I've been doing what a body needs, how is it wrong!?

(They're actually really confused. Like, utterly confused. They're right up next to bistre. What bistre just said to them seems to have just hit them. They're somehow even more confused)

Wait, there's an improper way to eat? Is that like... a manners thing? Does... not having manners when you eat make you starve?

(They now look deeply worried and confused. What are the food manners? Are they difficult?They clearly believe what they just said is what they were being told)

[the muscle spasms were a bit concerning…]

. . . . *They quietly glared back at Dr W.....*

*Just can't trust anything, can't cha bud?*

(Prank appears to be stunned at the amount of information. Their fur is still fluffed up but they appear to have whatever that sensory thing was under control. Either that or they were hiding it really well (its the latter)

why are bodies so complicated? I- I thought the different foods were for variety because the same thing over and over again was boring, not that they actually did different things...

(They shake themself again. They can still feel where the glowy stuff was. Eugh now they can feel the fur again- nope. Deal. with. that. later)

Anyway the- uh, the scanner doesn't seem broken...

(They glance up at Bistre)

S-SO.... WHAT IS IT.

*they take a couple of side shuffles, hands disappearing into their uniform, ears fully perked up, but every once in a blue moon flicking to ... Nothing-*

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO FIX, BETTER BE FAST BECAUSE I HAVE A MISSION TO GET BACK TO SOON.

I'D RATHER NOT HAVE TO GIVE MY SOLDIERS TOO MUCH WORK BECAUSE OF BEDROT.

please please please try not to freak out when they tell you, okay? Because I know what that "rock" can do... I know what it did to you

(They shiver more noticeable for a second muttering that last part. They sound very upset with that rock, even though what they said was barely audible even to themself)

when you touched that rock, it… transferred something to you. Not exactly in the same way the Ore+ parasitoids do, this is a different strain, but it was… turning you into an imposter. I think you breaking it mid-transition is what’s causing the pain and the… visible organ situation. We have treatments for this kind of thing, so don’t worry, but as of now our best bet is trying to get that stone out.

[they mentally braced for some sort of reaction.]

I- .... I see.

*they stared down at the ground for a moment, ear twitching again, before looking back up with a l blank but solemn expression*

Well if I may ask how I will go out- Lethal Injection would be preferable, I may be a bean of strength but I would prefer fast death.

*They slightly nodded, and just stood there??*

Of course after you're done working your magic. Getting your DNA and samples, Doc

Whatever makes the body look better, I know damn well I won't be buried. Probably burned.

*Blink... Blink. . . They just hope Black and Green won't be too upset about not getting a proper burial*

What- no, you aren't DYING! I tried to explain this to you earlier when you slashed limes visor, you're still you, imps are just as sentient as crewmates. You. Are. Still. The. Same. Bean. you just have slight genetic differences than you did before. Remember the village I told you about? Something similar but not the same as that exact artifact got there once, it was chaos at first but we all managed to help those turned adjust and live mostly normally lives. I may not be able to undo what that thing did but I am sure as fuck am going to help you adjust. If you were some evil murderous bean who isn't you anymore and only works off "instincts" then you would have killed me while I was sleeping instead of going on that whole thing to argue with Dr. W about paragray because they threatened me!

(Deep breath, they cross their hands, they are getting more worked up and sound less stern now. They are gesturing angrily with their hands)

If imps were just "MURDEOUS" beasts then I wouldn't have seen so many fall in love. I wouldn't have seen them do everything to protect their CREWMATE partner. I wouldn't have seen them ADOPT crewmate children to raise as their own. I wouldn't have seen them live in a village with fufilled lives just like everyone else. If they were just "instincts" I wouldn't have seen one try their damndest to get me out of a goddamn closet. And I wouldn't have seen one try to protect me from another imp today and actually get me to sleep.

(They finish their rant. They now look pissed, flushed, and grumpy. Their fur is fluffed up in an angry way now and the flower on their head is crooked.)

[Dr. W sighed.] Prank, let's... slow down a bit, yes? they just found out, let them process. while they are still more or less the same bean, it's still a pretty big thing to find out for them. give them a bit of time, yes? it's not exactly like they're a normal imposter anyhow...

WHAT I'VE BEEN TRANING SINCE I WAS 19 FOR

AND WHAT I'VE DONE FOR OVER 30

AND IF I KNOW A SINGLE DAMN THING- IF THAT THEY'RE KILLERS- MMONSTERS-

THEY ARE THE RESON MY PARTNER IS DEAD-

*At this point they started to tear up, but their voice was loud, with a deep-seated growl and with how close they were leaning towards prank it could definitely hurt their ears-*

MY NIECES, MY DEAREST FRIENDS, MY PARENT AND NEARLY MANY MORE-

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MANY CREWMATES I'VE SEEN DIE BY THE HANDS OF THOSE GODDAMN CREATURES, 2568, ALL MAULED, BLOODY, AND LEFT WITHOUT A BODY TO BURY

AND HARDLY A DAMN THING TO EVEN CREMATE-

*and their voice has become shaky, their hands- they just..... Oh. Uh oh- they're shaking really bad now actually, it's hard to tell if it's from frustration pain or the worst outcome*

IF I CONTINUE TO LIVE YOU'LL DIE TOO-

*They're waved their hand around wildly, the paying the other grabbing onto Birdy's collar-*

YOU'LL DIE

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

THAT'S ALWAYS HOW IT ENDS, DEATH.

A BEAN GOD FORBID THAT-......

BIRDY-. . .

I care about you kid-

AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO ALLOW ANOTHER INTERESTING BEING THE DIE BY MY HANDS.

*they said with another wave of their hand, making a sound swishing sound*

AND I- HAVE LIVED WELL ENOUGH A LONGER LIFE-

I-I- I FULFILLED MY JOB FOR YEARS, SAVED AS MANY AS I COULD- I- I I-- ...... *Have regrets?* ... .....

*They go silent for a moment, dozing down and staring into space-*

I HAVE BEANS TO TAKE MY JOB, BEANS I TRUST-

*they suddenly snap up again, voice sounding desperate now, almost anxious*

LISTEN. KID- I......

*they go quiet, stare up into space, and zone out completely, stumbling back as they let go of Birdy*

*they squint at the ceiling, before suddenly lurching and crouching down in pain- clutching their torso tightly......*

*They immediately ball up- the mouth can be seen ripping juuuuust a little further.. forming further?*

*they tear up, and just shove their face into their knees*

Bistre... I don't think you understand. I Can't Die. Most of my species live for eternities and never make themself a body like this. Because they choose not to. If this one dies, I can literally remake it. And also, I went into medbay fully knowing you're an imposter. I fell asleep. In the same room as you. Knowing. Do you know how rare it is that I trust someone enough to know they’re gonna wake me up? And I did that. Knowing what happened. Because not all imps are like that.

(Deep breaths.)

I've known imposters who've never killed, because not all of them want to kill. We had accommodations set up for them for when their urges flared up. I did that for my old household, and I consider you part of my new household. The first household I've had in like, about a thousand years? Just... take some deep breaths, okay? It's going to be okay. I've dealt with situations like this before. Although azalea was always better at the emotional aspect...

Bistre. [they started, sitting down next to the bean.] what would make you feel better, right now, in the moment?

[they weren't the best at comfort, they knew that. what they were good at was doing things. they knew that if Bistre didn't want to hear something, no amount of words would actually convince them. however, they were freaking out quite a bit right now, and Dr. W needed them to focus on what could be done.]

SHHUT UP- SHUT UP- JUST- JJUST-

*one hard bodily shiver through their entire body, vibrating Dr W quite a bit as their broke down entirely, sobbing straight into their knees as they curled up*

just stop the pain- ig hurrrrtsg- ouhHh- *they hicked- letting out a tiny little rabbit-like squeak suddenly*

I'm not going to be able to walk for the next 20 to 30 minutes or summon anything.

(Anon magic to make bistre feel a lot less pain. Its more potent than last time because they're pouring a lot into it. It will last at LEAST an hour. And prank can already feel the waves of dizziness coming and hear quill yelling at them for being a dumbass.)

…we have pain medication, you don’t have to over-exert yourself… [they finished.]

*They look flat- playing deflated is about the best way to explain it. Miserable is the easiest way to explain their expression- Only a single bean can take so many years or paranoia, it's about time they shut down fully*

*with an extremely shaky hand, they folded both of their ears over their visor, to make a shadow*

*Then doesn't make a sound beyond spurring, quite gurgling, and squeaks*

They- r they ok now?

(They point at bistre- nope do not move too much- wait they're in pain somethings wrong- very wrong. Side affect of too much magic?)

Need Watr.

(They're not even panting. Huh, being out of breath must be a side affect of summoning too much and not so using magic related. They just stare at the ceiling. They look distracted, like they're listening to someone)

Shuddup Qill

Hiiiii uh, are you okay? I'm so sorry about the mean anons, they're- well they're something

I'm prank by the way, also an anon just not a mean one, you're violet, right? The others told me about you

@prank-anon

- The purple bean is shaking, staring down at the pool of... Goup, a HUGE pool of pearlescent black, with swirls of Purple and Red.. where the Other anon's body once was. -

" Y..You shouldn't have to apologize on their behalf... "

- They just.. Sit there, in the mess of their own making. Ouughhh fuck it smells so bad over here- -

" Er... Y..Yeah.. I'll be fine, I... I have to be. "

" ..It- It's nice to meet you, Prank.. Just wish it wasn't on such... Unpleasent terms.. H-Hah.. "

(They sound sincere)

" I think one of them was.. Someone who isn't supposed to be alive still... "

- Violet just.. Slumps over, staring at their reflection in the puddle. -

(They sound very annoyed talking about ghosts. They switch to a more calming voice)

Hey, no one is going to kill you ok? There's been one death I saw on this floor, and the imp who did it wasn't killed even though everyone knew they did it. I mean the other anons pushed them to do it to and that death wasn't an anon.

(They sound like they're really close to the bloodle now)

- They're trying to wipe the Glop off themselves.. Its just Smearing it around. -

" Everything else has been out to get me, even before I got here.. It's Just... Really hard to believe that the beans here Won't want me dead, for THAT. "

- They gesture at the.. Mess, as the small ring of "light" on their visor moves to face where they heard the voice from. -

" ..er.. A..about cleaning it, Probably need a garden hose... And some soap.. If it's flamable it's a good idea to unplug anything electrical that's been.. Splattered... Oh dear mew.. ALL of that could set on fire- "

" Sorry, it just feels like i've been stretched thin across.. What... Three different..? Oh whatever-... "

[ OH GOD THEY'RE BECOMING SELF AWARE /j -Mod WormChow ]

" ...Think.. Happy thoughts, calm thoughts... Taking care of my pet fishmate.. In my mind... "

- They just.. Sit there, tail slowly starting to wag. -

" I... I got this.. Everything will be Fiiineee. "

- They just.. Sitt in the bloodle... Why are they content sitting in a bloodle?? Idk. -

Wai- oh no, you're dealing with some particularly evil anons aren't you? All of us around HQ - except me - don't have bodies, I heard while coming over here that the last one who did make a temporary body did it to torment lime- I am so SO sorry for whatever they're putting you through

(They sound horrified, mortified and apologetic. They pause a sec and sound a bit relieved to have found someone who understands the sensory pain)

- They gesture with their paws, trying to show how Large the anons are, but they simply can't Reach that high. -

" Some of them have been very nice, but most of them lately have been making vague threats.. "

- They look down at the puddle again, just.. Studying their own reflection. -

" ..Been in mine ehh.. 22... 25? Years, give or take, I lost track of time.. 2? 7?? Months ago. It.. Sadly never gets easier, But it helps to sit alone in a quiet space, have a little music going, if its not too much.. "

" But sometimes even the silence itself is just too loud.. You hear the faintest of sounds ..and suddenly, it's burrowed under your suit, you can't block out the noise with more noise when even the slightest Sound bothers you... "

(They sound like they're talking about someone specific.)

@prank-anon

You should invest in a mirror.

<Manila notices the serious look and sits up straight (as straight as their shrimp posture gets).>

Before I say anything related to the contract, you have to read this. These are not my rules, they are my kinds rules.

(Their tone is serious. Their whole demeanor is serious. They scoot the stack over. These are the papers)

You decided to actively hinder yourself by creating a body, just to... try and look mean?

Ahem.

And before we you read that, I am informing you that Dr w almost died today due to my kinds interference. Remember that.

The doctor almost died? Hmmmm.

I have some issues with your list but we can work that out in a minute.

<Manila doesn't visibly seem that scared as they flip their paper over and slide it to Prank. It says:

"You will not preform any pranks, tricks, or attacks towards me and my child."

"I will not stop tormenting Grey but I will not increase the amount of suffering I already inflict upon them, for example I will still give them loads of unnecessary work to do but I will not suddenly make them do all of their work without being able to sit down."

You do realize that I was never going to target your child, right? My quarrel is with you, not your child. Children are always off limits.

(they look back at the paper with a very unsettled expression)

What kind of being would stoop that low?

You just said that your kind almost the doctor. I have no reason to trust you. Along with that you've threatened my life on multiple occasions.

Firstly, everyone in those situations were adults.

Secondly, I physically can not lie to you about my intentions at the moment. Even if I want to, I can't, I literally wouldn't have been able to make a sound until I started telling the truth or changed the subject. If I intended to go after your child in any way then I wouldn't have been able to say anything to the contrary.

(They point back to this)

<Manila points to the part of Prank's paper that says 'For you to stop tormenting Grey'.>

As you know with what I wrote I have problems with this, but we should save that for last because I have a feeling that will take longer. But right now I have a problem with getting Grey a bed frame and bed.

I'm willing to let those two go under the condition that my first request is met,

(they point to the one about grey having immunity from being fired)

<Manila thinks for a moment.>

(They wince. Why does it get more painful with each agreement? Please let manila have NOT noticed that wince please.)

Okay, now I also have a few questions about the last thing on your list, the whole... favor thing, then we can move on to the big one

<Manila raises their visorbrow at the wince.>

Sigh. I am within my right mind and nothing is wrong with me, agreeing to things within the context of making a contract has... temporarily painful side affects for my kind. Please ignore it.

(They try to make their face serious again)

Anyways, I am not currently taking issue with the favor part, I just have a few questions for clarification.

<Manila seems really confused by the first answer.>

<Manila looks Prank right in the visor.>

Why are all corporate dystopia universes the same?

(They snap their face back to something more serious and neutral, summon a water bottle and take a sip.)

Is making them work above their pay grade even legal?

<Manila squints.>

My kind don't have any rules about not talking about our contracts and meetings. Mostly because my kind ends up eavesdropping on these kinds of things regularly. Even when both parties wish to not be eavesdropped on.

(They take another sip of water)

I'll take your reaction and dodging of the question as saying what you are doing isn't exactly legal.

<Manila seems ever so slightly visibly annoyed. They then tap their fingers on the counter.>

(Pranks expression falls to the most deadpanned emotioneless unamused expression. Their voice drops, monotone and emotionless )

Lies invalidate contracts Manila.

(They point to this)

- @sergent-major-bistre

Come on in, it’s unlocked! [they called, putting a folder up.]

[inside, you can see far too many coffee cups around them… someone pulled an all-nighter, it seemed.]

Yes hello Doctor....

*they don't look like they've been treated like at all, in fact they look about the same, other than a blanket now stuck to their stomach with a small tear in it-*

*however they keep their old squared stance, and hearty angry voice, but they aren't yelling. . .*

NOT ME YOU IDIOT, I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT GRAY GREMLIN. THEY'VE ESCAPED AND YOU HARDLY HAVE CONTROL OF THEM DOCTOR... I-

*they pause, tilting their visor every so slightly sideways- what rampage...? 💭*

PLAGUE MASK DO YOU HAVE NO TACT!? I swear all y'all are idiots... also hi

[like they can talk…]

*they let all the tiny, almost nervous squeak before reaching back, and taking Prank out of their bag-*

AS IF THAT MATTERS? I HAVE A JOB TO DO. AND I AM NOTORIOUSLY KNOWN FOR BEING ABLE TO RUN OFF A FUMES. YOU HOWEVER, SHOULD DEFINITELY CHANGE YOURS YOURSELF.

AND YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE SOME DAMN SECRET TO TELL? WHA-WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS- IT'S NOT NEARLY AS IMPORTANT AS THE FACT THAT YOU'RE FAILING YOUR SELF-APPOINTED JOB, AND LET GRAY GET LOOSE!

*they pointed an angry finger as their other hand worked to zip back up their backpack*

ACK WAIT DON'T TAKE ME OUT OF THE BACKPACK ITS COMFY! I don't wanna be out here

(It was comfy, that wasn't a lie. It was claustrophobic and made it hard to know anything that was going on but they would rather be there than out here! They look kinda shaken, tired and like they haven't brushed their fur in at least three days)

WELL CLEARLY YOU DON'T HAVE IT UNDER ENOUGH CONTROL, IT THREATENED PRANK HERE.

*not going to mention that they threatened you as well?*

AH-AND I DON'T HAVE ANY GAPING WOUND ON MY STOMACH, IT'S CUT YES BUT IF I HAD A BLANKET ON IT, IT'S WELL OVER IN JUST FINE.

*that is NAWT fine dude 🫩*

(They feign surprise pretty well. They switch to their calmest voice)

Hey Bistre, it's ok, I've dealt with that kind of thing before, I have emergency salt in my backpack, remember? If they try anything, I will be fine. besides, I've been around for at least a few hundred thousand years, maybe even a few million? I don't know, I've lost track. If anything was even able to kill me I doubt it'd be them.

(They lean towards dr w and whispered towards them in an urgent and aggravated tone)

Doctor, you are the smartest idiot I've ever met. Break the news slowly and carefully.

*they are now squinting at both Dr W and prank, they're directly in earshot in their earshot is a lot larger than most people think. . . What news needs to be broken? 💭*

I'M REALLY TELLING YOU THE WOUNDS AREN'T ALL THAT BAD, I'M LIVING, I'M WALKING, I'M TALKING. IM JUST FINE.

*They said with the wave of a hand, and almost a bit of a glare*

They didn't even give you pain meds!?

(They step back towards Bistre in an almost defensive way, eyeing- visoring? Dr. W)

You might want to talk to coral about that doctor. Very unprofessional to not give someone in pain pain relief. I had to use a good amount of magic just to dampen how much pain they were feeling for a short amount of time.

(They lean towards bistre and whisper towards them this time. they sound worried and a bit scared, even the look in their visor is worried)

Hey bistre... you might actually want to get scanned... please trust me on this... the injuries are... well I've been around awhile and I've rarely seen injuries exactly like... yours

and yes, let’s go get a scan, shall we?

YES YES. FINE. LETS GET THIS DONE WITH.

*They seem a little grumpy about it, never trusted too modern of medicine per say-....*

[immediate distraction lmao.]

I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY FOR BICKERING. SO DON'T START.

Pfft plague doctor you- you look like startled baby crow from over here

(They're still holding their water bottle, the look in their visor turns into one of the most smug and annoying looks)

And about this lil thing? It's just a bottle of water, what, you scared of water now? Not surprised after the last time I saw you use water for something...

(They're referencing smokey. They take a sip from the bottle and just look so goddamn smug)

what- Bistre, i can walk on my own-

...fine, fine...

... you're very strange, Prank.

I SAID NO BICKERING.

AND IM AWARE YOU CAN WALK, BUT YOU TEND TO TALK TO MUCH. IM JUST HURRYING THIS UP BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF BEING IN PAIN.

Pain? oh I can help with that!

(Starts using anon magic to alleviate bistres pain)

Just not for more than an hour or two...

(Their tone switches to a more obnoxious cheerful. You can hear the smug smile on their face return the moment they start talking to dr.w)

And plague doctor I know I'm strange, it's better than being boring like you! You learn to have fun when you've been around since before crewmates discovered space travel, look up faries and household spirits for once you whimsyless corvid

HUSH.

I SAID NOO BICKERING.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMETHING NEUTRAL OR NICE.

*they immediately dropped Dr W, specifically dropping them on their face 💔 coworkers am I right?*

*Birdy can also feel their shoulders relax a little bit, seems like the pain stuff is working?*

(And the bap mildly stuns them! They sound mildly miffed but still lighthearted now)

Hey! they called me strange first! If they can't take insults they shouldn't dish them out! They're lucky I didn't call them an unseasoned packet of ramen noodles!

(After the lil outburst their voice switches to a more sincere and calm tone)

By the way, did my magic work? are you feeling better? Also am I supposed to get out of the backpack for the scan or can I just... stay in here...?

(The backpack is less claustrophobic when they can be annoying to Dr. W, the fun of it all makes it hard to feel panic. Maybe it was dark, closed spaces and lack of distraction that made that happen? Oooo maybe they can use the handbook to block the baps next time!)

right, now I need you to put Prank somewhere not on your person or in your backpack, and then step on the scanner. I don’t need their scan overlayed on yours, I’ll… figure out what their deal is later.

[the urge to throw a shoe at prank…]

*They reached back, and pulled Bridy out of their bag, setting them down in the corner*

STAY. I DON'T NEED YOU GETTING HURT.

..... *They crossed their hands, and stepped up on the scanner*

hurt? I can't properly feel pain and if I did feel pain that would mean this body would be very damaged. Also I've been getting around in this thing

(Gestures at body)

For three days now and the worst thats happened was falling into a shelf in a janitors closet, which was actually very easy to fix, stupid thing had the durability of a soggy cracker

(They mutter the part about it being stupid as if they were bitter with the shelf. Because they were. They were bitter that it was so goddamn flimsy. Their muttering is loud enough to be heard. They'd curse the fact it was the cheap company out loud too if bistre wasn't so loyal said company)

[sighing, they started running the scanner. A minute passed, then another, and finally, Bistre was glowing the radioactive-green indication glow and the scan was uploading.]

right, Bistre, you might want to come look at this as well. I’ll explain as we go, yes?

YES YES.

*They quietly walked up, having to get down to the ground, and squint.... Hard- . . They're also incredibly close up to the screen*

.... CAN WE PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF BEANS, GET ME A NEW VISOR FIRST??? I CANT SEE A DAMN THING OF THIS-.

Wait you can just... replace your visors!?

(Pause)

Also for your information plague doctor I was not on top of a shelf, I was on the ground trying to figure out how to drink water

(They say that as if no further explanation is needed)

[<- guy who has been hiding their visor their entire fucking life because they hate their face + other reasons. What do you MEAN they could’ve just freaking got a replacement visor?!]

(prank seems to deflate there. They're basically next to bistre again now. They sound kinda sad)

I'd summon you a new one but... Magic has limits and staying in a body drastically shrink that limit... and I have no clue what these things are made of...

(Points to visor)

[damnit… their face was, in fact, stuck the way it is.]

*They immediately swipe the glasses, attempting to put them on best they can as to see.... It works for now*

OKAY SO, WHAT IS IT YOU NEED ME TO LOOK AT?

*They're leaned back down and attempting to look at the scan again*

Can I hold your hand while you look?

(Their voice sounds quiet and nervous. Like saying anything too loud could spook something. They glance at Dr. W. They actually look a mix of scared, nervous and worried. The look they give them is a look of warning, as if to say be careful)

[they do not look good. There’s a chunk of some kind of rock stuck around where the bone should’ve been, which… speaking of which, where the bloody hell was it? That ‘cut’ on their torso was very clearly either a wound that should’ve killed them days upon days ago, or more realistically, a mouth, all jagged and twisted. There was a freaking mass of tentacles behind the visor hole, it- it wasn’t great.]

[it was all in a sort of computer model so it wasn’t nearly as gory as the time Bistre vomited their heart onto their shoes… but there are a bunch of red arrows pointing to things which might’ve been worse.]

So. [they said briskly.] would you like to point to any strange extremities you see and have me explain them one by one? Or would you rather I go top-down?

THIS..... THIS ALL LOOKS LIKE A BUNCH OF MUMBO JUMBO-??

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?

*giving the most confused ass glance at Dr W*

EXPLAIN TO ME HOW ANY OF THIS COULD POSSIBLY MAKE SENSE- I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THIS STORYTALE ON GODDAMN IMPS-

*strangely enough, they hold both hands away from Birdy...*

That- uh- not looking good. That's- worse than I thought

(They kinda just try to stay close to bistre. They look really really worried. Like, extremely worried. They didn't even know what the inside of a crewmate was supposed to look like, but it DEFINITELY wasn't supposed to look like THAT. Their stomach feels funny in a bad way)

…It looks worse than it is. [they are lying. There is no way they can be saying that with that much sincerity. They are one hundred percent lying, because the model on the screen looks like a goddamn zombie.]

DO IT!

*They immediately walk back to the scanner- standing on it, and standing as still as possible... Even if they are antsy, and just a little shaky*

In and out, in and out 5 things I can see... they're gonna be okay... they're not going to......

(Their muttering kinda fades off to very very quiet and hard to understand. They're very obviously distressed)

prank, if the world’s too much for you right now, you can go back into anon form if you so please. Nobody’s forcing you to stay in the physical body if it’s overwhelming you. [they pointed out as they did the repeat scan.]

Can't. Body doesn't disappear with me. Looks creepy when I'm gone. Bad idea.

(Wow. Wonderful. Having a- whatever this weird hell is in front of the masked crow. Mhm. Great. They kinda shake themself and take a step towards the wall. They summon a water bottle and start messing with it. That seems to help a little bit. Not much, but a bit)

[the scan finished, coming back pretty much exactly the same, except the glasses were now visible and the mass holding the rock has shifted slightly. That second part was far more gross than the first.]

. . . . . .

FIX IT- FF-FIX WHATEVER IS GOING ON WITH THE SCANNER...-

*A couple other things showed up on the scanner, or in greater detail*

*there's extreme skinning on the right hand, looks to be self-done. The rock also seems to be currently used to hold something, possibly the heart? Bone like growth seem to not be growing along the inside walls of their stomach.... Otherwise it's all shifting far too much to pick up properly*

*Their body temp is also incredibly high internally, incredibly high, even for furred imp crewmate*

I can step on there, if it's not working then my scan would look bad too

(Their fur is puffed up in an almost cornered animal way and their voice sounds a bit shakey)

The only difference between my body and a - a normal crewmates body is I'm not related to anyone who exists

(Come on. This is their first household in... what, a thousand or so years? They can do this.)

[they were probably the calmest in the room, looking far more tired and mildly frustrated with Bistre’s refusal to take the scans as proof something was wrong…]

[the heart thing was… fairly interesting, the more they looked. Every other vital organ had been more or less vomited out…]

. . . . . .

*They look like they're contemplating reality deeply*

TH-THAT ROCK CLINGED TO MY HAND- I HAD GO GET IT OFF.....

*If Dr W remembers correctly, the tendrils actually reached for just about every organ that had fallen out of the body... Odd*

....... *They genuinely look like they're questioning just about everything-*

Hey eugh don't poke me! Why!?

(They sorta stumble back they look really annoyed and like the overstimulation was getting worse. they step back onto the scanner and just stand really still)

[the results… came back about as normal as one would expect for someone not used to being in a body. Which is to say, functional, but really fucking bad. Namely dehydration and by the looks of things, mild starvation. All the organs were in the right spots though, something that couldn’t be said about Bistre.]

…Prank, when was the last time you ate or drank anything of actual substance? Or slept? This is giving me some very… concerning readings.

Birdy-? Have you not been eating properly?

*Oh wow, they just immediately dropped the voice for that-*

How- I've been eating chips how am I starving? And I just drank water-? And I slept for I think... an hour less than an hour ago! Which is a lot for me. First time I slept in a.... a... well since before crewmates started being able to cross from one continent to another without the risk of deadly ocean storms killing them. I've been doing what a body needs, how is it wrong!?

(They're actually really confused. Like, utterly confused. They're right up next to bistre. What bistre just said to them seems to have just hit them. They're somehow even more confused)

Wait, there's an improper way to eat? Is that like... a manners thing? Does... not having manners when you eat make you starve?

(They now look deeply worried and confused. What are the food manners? Are they difficult?They clearly believe what they just said is what they were being told)

[the muscle spasms were a bit concerning…]

. . . . *They quietly glared back at Dr W.....*

*Just can't trust anything, can't cha bud?*

(Prank appears to be stunned at the amount of information. Their fur is still fluffed up but they appear to have whatever that sensory thing was under control. Either that or they were hiding it really well (its the latter)

why are bodies so complicated? I- I thought the different foods were for variety because the same thing over and over again was boring, not that they actually did different things...

(They shake themself again. They can still feel where the glowy stuff was. Eugh now they can feel the fur again- nope. Deal. with. that. later)

Anyway the- uh, the scanner doesn't seem broken...

(They glance up at Bistre)

S-SO.... WHAT IS IT.

*they take a couple of side shuffles, hands disappearing into their uniform, ears fully perked up, but every once in a blue moon flicking to ... Nothing-*

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO FIX, BETTER BE FAST BECAUSE I HAVE A MISSION TO GET BACK TO SOON.

I'D RATHER NOT HAVE TO GIVE MY SOLDIERS TOO MUCH WORK BECAUSE OF BEDROT.

please please please try not to freak out when they tell you, okay? Because I know what that "rock" can do... I know what it did to you

(They shiver more noticeable for a second muttering that last part. They sound very upset with that rock, even though what they said was barely audible even to themself)

when you touched that rock, it… transferred something to you. Not exactly in the same way the Ore+ parasitoids do, this is a different strain, but it was… turning you into an imposter. I think you breaking it mid-transition is what’s causing the pain and the… visible organ situation. We have treatments for this kind of thing, so don’t worry, but as of now our best bet is trying to get that stone out.

[they mentally braced for some sort of reaction.]

I- .... I see.

*they stared down at the ground for a moment, ear twitching again, before looking back up with a l blank but solemn expression*

Well if I may ask how I will go out- Lethal Injection would be preferable, I may be a bean of strength but I would prefer fast death.

*They slightly nodded, and just stood there??*

Of course after you're done working your magic. Getting your DNA and samples, Doc

Whatever makes the body look better, I know damn well I won't be buried. Probably burned.

*Blink... Blink. . . They just hope Black and Green won't be too upset about not getting a proper burial*

What- no, you aren't DYING! I tried to explain this to you earlier when you slashed limes visor, you're still you, imps are just as sentient as crewmates. You. Are. Still. The. Same. Bean. you just have slight genetic differences than you did before. Remember the village I told you about? Something similar but not the same as that exact artifact got there once, it was chaos at first but we all managed to help those turned adjust and live mostly normally lives. I may not be able to undo what that thing did but I am sure as fuck am going to help you adjust. If you were some evil murderous bean who isn't you anymore and only works off "instincts" then you would have killed me while I was sleeping instead of going on that whole thing to argue with Dr. W about paragray because they threatened me!

(Deep breath, they cross their hands, they are getting more worked up and sound less stern now. They are gesturing angrily with their hands)

If imps were just "MURDEOUS" beasts then I wouldn't have seen so many fall in love. I wouldn't have seen them do everything to protect their CREWMATE partner. I wouldn't have seen them ADOPT crewmate children to raise as their own. I wouldn't have seen them live in a village with fufilled lives just like everyone else. If they were just "instincts" I wouldn't have seen one try their damndest to get me out of a goddamn closet. And I wouldn't have seen one try to protect me from another imp today and actually get me to sleep.

(They finish their rant. They now look pissed, flushed, and grumpy. Their fur is fluffed up in an angry way now and the flower on their head is crooked.)

[Dr. W sighed.] Prank, let's... slow down a bit, yes? they just found out, let them process. while they are still more or less the same bean, it's still a pretty big thing to find out for them. give them a bit of time, yes? it's not exactly like they're a normal imposter anyhow...

WHAT I'VE BEEN TRANING SINCE I WAS 19 FOR

AND WHAT I'VE DONE FOR OVER 30

AND IF I KNOW A SINGLE DAMN THING- IF THAT THEY'RE KILLERS- MMONSTERS-

THEY ARE THE RESON MY PARTNER IS DEAD-

*At this point they started to tear up, but their voice was loud, with a deep-seated growl and with how close they were leaning towards prank it could definitely hurt their ears-*

MY NIECES, MY DEAREST FRIENDS, MY PARENT AND NEARLY MANY MORE-

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MANY CREWMATES I'VE SEEN DIE BY THE HANDS OF THOSE GODDAMN CREATURES, 2568, ALL MAULED, BLOODY, AND LEFT WITHOUT A BODY TO BURY

AND HARDLY A DAMN THING TO EVEN CREMATE-

*and their voice has become shaky, their hands- they just..... Oh. Uh oh- they're shaking really bad now actually, it's hard to tell if it's from frustration pain or the worst outcome*

IF I CONTINUE TO LIVE YOU'LL DIE TOO-

*They're waved their hand around wildly, the paying the other grabbing onto Birdy's collar-*

YOU'LL DIE

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

THAT'S ALWAYS HOW IT ENDS, DEATH.

A BEAN GOD FORBID THAT-......

BIRDY-. . .

I care about you kid-

AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO ALLOW ANOTHER INTERESTING BEING THE DIE BY MY HANDS.

*they said with another wave of their hand, making a sound swishing sound*

AND I- HAVE LIVED WELL ENOUGH A LONGER LIFE-

I-I- I FULFILLED MY JOB FOR YEARS, SAVED AS MANY AS I COULD- I- I I-- ...... *Have regrets?* ... .....

*They go silent for a moment, dozing down and staring into space-*

I HAVE BEANS TO TAKE MY JOB, BEANS I TRUST-

*they suddenly snap up again, voice sounding desperate now, almost anxious*

LISTEN. KID- I......

*they go quiet, stare up into space, and zone out completely, stumbling back as they let go of Birdy*

*they squint at the ceiling, before suddenly lurching and crouching down in pain- clutching their torso tightly......*

*They immediately ball up- the mouth can be seen ripping juuuuust a little further.. forming further?*

*they tear up, and just shove their face into their knees*

Bistre... I don't think you understand. I Can't Die. Most of my species live for eternities and never make themself a body like this. Because they choose not to. If this one dies, I can literally remake it. And also, I went into medbay fully knowing you're an imposter. I fell asleep. In the same room as you. Knowing. Do you know how rare it is that I trust someone enough to know they’re gonna wake me up? And I did that. Knowing what happened. Because not all imps are like that.

(Deep breaths.)

I've known imposters who've never killed, because not all of them want to kill. We had accommodations set up for them for when their urges flared up. I did that for my old household, and I consider you part of my new household. The first household I've had in like, about a thousand years? Just... take some deep breaths, okay? It's going to be okay. I've dealt with situations like this before. Although azalea was always better at the emotional aspect...

Bistre. [they started, sitting down next to the bean.] what would make you feel better, right now, in the moment?

[they weren't the best at comfort, they knew that. what they were good at was doing things. they knew that if Bistre didn't want to hear something, no amount of words would actually convince them. however, they were freaking out quite a bit right now, and Dr. W needed them to focus on what could be done.]

SHHUT UP- SHUT UP- JUST- JJUST-

*one hard bodily shiver through their entire body, vibrating Dr W quite a bit as their broke down entirely, sobbing straight into their knees as they curled up*

just stop the pain- ig hurrrrtsg- ouhHh- *they hicked- letting out a tiny little rabbit-like squeak suddenly*

I'm not going to be able to walk for the next 20 to 30 minutes or summon anything.

(Anon magic to make bistre feel a lot less pain. Its more potent than last time because they're pouring a lot into it. It will last at LEAST an hour. And prank can already feel the waves of dizziness coming and hear quill yelling at them for being a dumbass.)

- @sergent-major-bistre

Come on in, it’s unlocked! [they called, putting a folder up.]

[inside, you can see far too many coffee cups around them… someone pulled an all-nighter, it seemed.]

Yes hello Doctor....

*they don't look like they've been treated like at all, in fact they look about the same, other than a blanket now stuck to their stomach with a small tear in it-*

*however they keep their old squared stance, and hearty angry voice, but they aren't yelling. . .*

NOT ME YOU IDIOT, I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT GRAY GREMLIN. THEY'VE ESCAPED AND YOU HARDLY HAVE CONTROL OF THEM DOCTOR... I-

*they pause, tilting their visor every so slightly sideways- what rampage...? 💭*

PLAGUE MASK DO YOU HAVE NO TACT!? I swear all y'all are idiots... also hi

[like they can talk…]

*they let all the tiny, almost nervous squeak before reaching back, and taking Prank out of their bag-*

AS IF THAT MATTERS? I HAVE A JOB TO DO. AND I AM NOTORIOUSLY KNOWN FOR BEING ABLE TO RUN OFF A FUMES. YOU HOWEVER, SHOULD DEFINITELY CHANGE YOURS YOURSELF.

AND YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE SOME DAMN SECRET TO TELL? WHA-WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS- IT'S NOT NEARLY AS IMPORTANT AS THE FACT THAT YOU'RE FAILING YOUR SELF-APPOINTED JOB, AND LET GRAY GET LOOSE!

*they pointed an angry finger as their other hand worked to zip back up their backpack*

ACK WAIT DON'T TAKE ME OUT OF THE BACKPACK ITS COMFY! I don't wanna be out here

(It was comfy, that wasn't a lie. It was claustrophobic and made it hard to know anything that was going on but they would rather be there than out here! They look kinda shaken, tired and like they haven't brushed their fur in at least three days)

WELL CLEARLY YOU DON'T HAVE IT UNDER ENOUGH CONTROL, IT THREATENED PRANK HERE.

*not going to mention that they threatened you as well?*

AH-AND I DON'T HAVE ANY GAPING WOUND ON MY STOMACH, IT'S CUT YES BUT IF I HAD A BLANKET ON IT, IT'S WELL OVER IN JUST FINE.

*that is NAWT fine dude 🫩*

(They feign surprise pretty well. They switch to their calmest voice)

Hey Bistre, it's ok, I've dealt with that kind of thing before, I have emergency salt in my backpack, remember? If they try anything, I will be fine. besides, I've been around for at least a few hundred thousand years, maybe even a few million? I don't know, I've lost track. If anything was even able to kill me I doubt it'd be them.

(They lean towards dr w and whispered towards them in an urgent and aggravated tone)

Doctor, you are the smartest idiot I've ever met. Break the news slowly and carefully.

*they are now squinting at both Dr W and prank, they're directly in earshot in their earshot is a lot larger than most people think. . . What news needs to be broken? 💭*

I'M REALLY TELLING YOU THE WOUNDS AREN'T ALL THAT BAD, I'M LIVING, I'M WALKING, I'M TALKING. IM JUST FINE.

*They said with the wave of a hand, and almost a bit of a glare*

They didn't even give you pain meds!?

(They step back towards Bistre in an almost defensive way, eyeing- visoring? Dr. W)

You might want to talk to coral about that doctor. Very unprofessional to not give someone in pain pain relief. I had to use a good amount of magic just to dampen how much pain they were feeling for a short amount of time.

(They lean towards bistre and whisper towards them this time. they sound worried and a bit scared, even the look in their visor is worried)

Hey bistre... you might actually want to get scanned... please trust me on this... the injuries are... well I've been around awhile and I've rarely seen injuries exactly like... yours

and yes, let’s go get a scan, shall we?

YES YES. FINE. LETS GET THIS DONE WITH.

*They seem a little grumpy about it, never trusted too modern of medicine per say-....*

[immediate distraction lmao.]

I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY FOR BICKERING. SO DON'T START.

Pfft plague doctor you- you look like startled baby crow from over here

(They're still holding their water bottle, the look in their visor turns into one of the most smug and annoying looks)

And about this lil thing? It's just a bottle of water, what, you scared of water now? Not surprised after the last time I saw you use water for something...

(They're referencing smokey. They take a sip from the bottle and just look so goddamn smug)

what- Bistre, i can walk on my own-

...fine, fine...

... you're very strange, Prank.

I SAID NO BICKERING.

AND IM AWARE YOU CAN WALK, BUT YOU TEND TO TALK TO MUCH. IM JUST HURRYING THIS UP BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF BEING IN PAIN.

Pain? oh I can help with that!

(Starts using anon magic to alleviate bistres pain)

Just not for more than an hour or two...

(Their tone switches to a more obnoxious cheerful. You can hear the smug smile on their face return the moment they start talking to dr.w)

And plague doctor I know I'm strange, it's better than being boring like you! You learn to have fun when you've been around since before crewmates discovered space travel, look up faries and household spirits for once you whimsyless corvid

HUSH.

I SAID NOO BICKERING.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMETHING NEUTRAL OR NICE.

*they immediately dropped Dr W, specifically dropping them on their face 💔 coworkers am I right?*

*Birdy can also feel their shoulders relax a little bit, seems like the pain stuff is working?*

(And the bap mildly stuns them! They sound mildly miffed but still lighthearted now)

Hey! they called me strange first! If they can't take insults they shouldn't dish them out! They're lucky I didn't call them an unseasoned packet of ramen noodles!

(After the lil outburst their voice switches to a more sincere and calm tone)

By the way, did my magic work? are you feeling better? Also am I supposed to get out of the backpack for the scan or can I just... stay in here...?

(The backpack is less claustrophobic when they can be annoying to Dr. W, the fun of it all makes it hard to feel panic. Maybe it was dark, closed spaces and lack of distraction that made that happen? Oooo maybe they can use the handbook to block the baps next time!)

right, now I need you to put Prank somewhere not on your person or in your backpack, and then step on the scanner. I don’t need their scan overlayed on yours, I’ll… figure out what their deal is later.

[the urge to throw a shoe at prank…]

*They reached back, and pulled Bridy out of their bag, setting them down in the corner*

STAY. I DON'T NEED YOU GETTING HURT.

..... *They crossed their hands, and stepped up on the scanner*

hurt? I can't properly feel pain and if I did feel pain that would mean this body would be very damaged. Also I've been getting around in this thing

(Gestures at body)

For three days now and the worst thats happened was falling into a shelf in a janitors closet, which was actually very easy to fix, stupid thing had the durability of a soggy cracker

(They mutter the part about it being stupid as if they were bitter with the shelf. Because they were. They were bitter that it was so goddamn flimsy. Their muttering is loud enough to be heard. They'd curse the fact it was the cheap company out loud too if bistre wasn't so loyal said company)

[sighing, they started running the scanner. A minute passed, then another, and finally, Bistre was glowing the radioactive-green indication glow and the scan was uploading.]

right, Bistre, you might want to come look at this as well. I’ll explain as we go, yes?

YES YES.

*They quietly walked up, having to get down to the ground, and squint.... Hard- . . They're also incredibly close up to the screen*

.... CAN WE PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF BEANS, GET ME A NEW VISOR FIRST??? I CANT SEE A DAMN THING OF THIS-.

Wait you can just... replace your visors!?

(Pause)

Also for your information plague doctor I was not on top of a shelf, I was on the ground trying to figure out how to drink water

(They say that as if no further explanation is needed)

[<- guy who has been hiding their visor their entire fucking life because they hate their face + other reasons. What do you MEAN they could’ve just freaking got a replacement visor?!]

(prank seems to deflate there. They're basically next to bistre again now. They sound kinda sad)

I'd summon you a new one but... Magic has limits and staying in a body drastically shrink that limit... and I have no clue what these things are made of...

(Points to visor)

[damnit… their face was, in fact, stuck the way it is.]

*They immediately swipe the glasses, attempting to put them on best they can as to see.... It works for now*

OKAY SO, WHAT IS IT YOU NEED ME TO LOOK AT?

*They're leaned back down and attempting to look at the scan again*

Can I hold your hand while you look?

(Their voice sounds quiet and nervous. Like saying anything too loud could spook something. They glance at Dr. W. They actually look a mix of scared, nervous and worried. The look they give them is a look of warning, as if to say be careful)

[they do not look good. There’s a chunk of some kind of rock stuck around where the bone should’ve been, which… speaking of which, where the bloody hell was it? That ‘cut’ on their torso was very clearly either a wound that should’ve killed them days upon days ago, or more realistically, a mouth, all jagged and twisted. There was a freaking mass of tentacles behind the visor hole, it- it wasn’t great.]

[it was all in a sort of computer model so it wasn’t nearly as gory as the time Bistre vomited their heart onto their shoes… but there are a bunch of red arrows pointing to things which might’ve been worse.]

So. [they said briskly.] would you like to point to any strange extremities you see and have me explain them one by one? Or would you rather I go top-down?

THIS..... THIS ALL LOOKS LIKE A BUNCH OF MUMBO JUMBO-??

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?

*giving the most confused ass glance at Dr W*

EXPLAIN TO ME HOW ANY OF THIS COULD POSSIBLY MAKE SENSE- I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THIS STORYTALE ON GODDAMN IMPS-

*strangely enough, they hold both hands away from Birdy...*

That- uh- not looking good. That's- worse than I thought

(They kinda just try to stay close to bistre. They look really really worried. Like, extremely worried. They didn't even know what the inside of a crewmate was supposed to look like, but it DEFINITELY wasn't supposed to look like THAT. Their stomach feels funny in a bad way)

…It looks worse than it is. [they are lying. There is no way they can be saying that with that much sincerity. They are one hundred percent lying, because the model on the screen looks like a goddamn zombie.]

DO IT!

*They immediately walk back to the scanner- standing on it, and standing as still as possible... Even if they are antsy, and just a little shaky*

In and out, in and out 5 things I can see... they're gonna be okay... they're not going to......

(Their muttering kinda fades off to very very quiet and hard to understand. They're very obviously distressed)

prank, if the world’s too much for you right now, you can go back into anon form if you so please. Nobody’s forcing you to stay in the physical body if it’s overwhelming you. [they pointed out as they did the repeat scan.]

Can't. Body doesn't disappear with me. Looks creepy when I'm gone. Bad idea.

(Wow. Wonderful. Having a- whatever this weird hell is in front of the masked crow. Mhm. Great. They kinda shake themself and take a step towards the wall. They summon a water bottle and start messing with it. That seems to help a little bit. Not much, but a bit)

[the scan finished, coming back pretty much exactly the same, except the glasses were now visible and the mass holding the rock has shifted slightly. That second part was far more gross than the first.]

. . . . . .

FIX IT- FF-FIX WHATEVER IS GOING ON WITH THE SCANNER...-

*A couple other things showed up on the scanner, or in greater detail*

*there's extreme skinning on the right hand, looks to be self-done. The rock also seems to be currently used to hold something, possibly the heart? Bone like growth seem to not be growing along the inside walls of their stomach.... Otherwise it's all shifting far too much to pick up properly*

*Their body temp is also incredibly high internally, incredibly high, even for furred imp crewmate*

I can step on there, if it's not working then my scan would look bad too

(Their fur is puffed up in an almost cornered animal way and their voice sounds a bit shakey)

The only difference between my body and a - a normal crewmates body is I'm not related to anyone who exists

(Come on. This is their first household in... what, a thousand or so years? They can do this.)

[they were probably the calmest in the room, looking far more tired and mildly frustrated with Bistre’s refusal to take the scans as proof something was wrong…]

[the heart thing was… fairly interesting, the more they looked. Every other vital organ had been more or less vomited out…]

. . . . . .

*They look like they're contemplating reality deeply*

TH-THAT ROCK CLINGED TO MY HAND- I HAD GO GET IT OFF.....

*If Dr W remembers correctly, the tendrils actually reached for just about every organ that had fallen out of the body... Odd*

....... *They genuinely look like they're questioning just about everything-*

Hey eugh don't poke me! Why!?

(They sorta stumble back they look really annoyed and like the overstimulation was getting worse. they step back onto the scanner and just stand really still)

[the results… came back about as normal as one would expect for someone not used to being in a body. Which is to say, functional, but really fucking bad. Namely dehydration and by the looks of things, mild starvation. All the organs were in the right spots though, something that couldn’t be said about Bistre.]

…Prank, when was the last time you ate or drank anything of actual substance? Or slept? This is giving me some very… concerning readings.

Birdy-? Have you not been eating properly?

*Oh wow, they just immediately dropped the voice for that-*

How- I've been eating chips how am I starving? And I just drank water-? And I slept for I think... an hour less than an hour ago! Which is a lot for me. First time I slept in a.... a... well since before crewmates started being able to cross from one continent to another without the risk of deadly ocean storms killing them. I've been doing what a body needs, how is it wrong!?

(They're actually really confused. Like, utterly confused. They're right up next to bistre. What bistre just said to them seems to have just hit them. They're somehow even more confused)

Wait, there's an improper way to eat? Is that like... a manners thing? Does... not having manners when you eat make you starve?

(They now look deeply worried and confused. What are the food manners? Are they difficult?They clearly believe what they just said is what they were being told)

[the muscle spasms were a bit concerning…]

. . . . *They quietly glared back at Dr W.....*

*Just can't trust anything, can't cha bud?*

(Prank appears to be stunned at the amount of information. Their fur is still fluffed up but they appear to have whatever that sensory thing was under control. Either that or they were hiding it really well (its the latter)

why are bodies so complicated? I- I thought the different foods were for variety because the same thing over and over again was boring, not that they actually did different things...

(They shake themself again. They can still feel where the glowy stuff was. Eugh now they can feel the fur again- nope. Deal. with. that. later)

Anyway the- uh, the scanner doesn't seem broken...

(They glance up at Bistre)

S-SO.... WHAT IS IT.

*they take a couple of side shuffles, hands disappearing into their uniform, ears fully perked up, but every once in a blue moon flicking to ... Nothing-*

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO FIX, BETTER BE FAST BECAUSE I HAVE A MISSION TO GET BACK TO SOON.

I'D RATHER NOT HAVE TO GIVE MY SOLDIERS TOO MUCH WORK BECAUSE OF BEDROT.

please please please try not to freak out when they tell you, okay? Because I know what that "rock" can do... I know what it did to you

(They shiver more noticeable for a second muttering that last part. They sound very upset with that rock, even though what they said was barely audible even to themself)

when you touched that rock, it… transferred something to you. Not exactly in the same way the Ore+ parasitoids do, this is a different strain, but it was… turning you into an imposter. I think you breaking it mid-transition is what’s causing the pain and the… visible organ situation. We have treatments for this kind of thing, so don’t worry, but as of now our best bet is trying to get that stone out.

[they mentally braced for some sort of reaction.]

I- .... I see.

*they stared down at the ground for a moment, ear twitching again, before looking back up with a l blank but solemn expression*

Well if I may ask how I will go out- Lethal Injection would be preferable, I may be a bean of strength but I would prefer fast death.

*They slightly nodded, and just stood there??*

Of course after you're done working your magic. Getting your DNA and samples, Doc

Whatever makes the body look better, I know damn well I won't be buried. Probably burned.

*Blink... Blink. . . They just hope Black and Green won't be too upset about not getting a proper burial*

What- no, you aren't DYING! I tried to explain this to you earlier when you slashed limes visor, you're still you, imps are just as sentient as crewmates. You. Are. Still. The. Same. Bean. you just have slight genetic differences than you did before. Remember the village I told you about? Something similar but not the same as that exact artifact got there once, it was chaos at first but we all managed to help those turned adjust and live mostly normally lives. I may not be able to undo what that thing did but I am sure as fuck am going to help you adjust. If you were some evil murderous bean who isn't you anymore and only works off "instincts" then you would have killed me while I was sleeping instead of going on that whole thing to argue with Dr. W about paragray because they threatened me!

(Deep breath, they cross their hands, they are getting more worked up and sound less stern now. They are gesturing angrily with their hands)

If imps were just "MURDEOUS" beasts then I wouldn't have seen so many fall in love. I wouldn't have seen them do everything to protect their CREWMATE partner. I wouldn't have seen them ADOPT crewmate children to raise as their own. I wouldn't have seen them live in a village with fufilled lives just like everyone else. If they were just "instincts" I wouldn't have seen one try their damndest to get me out of a goddamn closet. And I wouldn't have seen one try to protect me from another imp today and actually get me to sleep.

(They finish their rant. They now look pissed, flushed, and grumpy. Their fur is fluffed up in an angry way now and the flower on their head is crooked.)

[Dr. W sighed.] Prank, let's... slow down a bit, yes? they just found out, let them process. while they are still more or less the same bean, it's still a pretty big thing to find out for them. give them a bit of time, yes? it's not exactly like they're a normal imposter anyhow...

WHAT I'VE BEEN TRANING SINCE I WAS 19 FOR

AND WHAT I'VE DONE FOR OVER 30

AND IF I KNOW A SINGLE DAMN THING- IF THAT THEY'RE KILLERS- MMONSTERS-

THEY ARE THE RESON MY PARTNER IS DEAD-

*At this point they started to tear up, but their voice was loud, with a deep-seated growl and with how close they were leaning towards prank it could definitely hurt their ears-*

MY NIECES, MY DEAREST FRIENDS, MY PARENT AND NEARLY MANY MORE-

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MANY CREWMATES I'VE SEEN DIE BY THE HANDS OF THOSE GODDAMN CREATURES, 2568, ALL MAULED, BLOODY, AND LEFT WITHOUT A BODY TO BURY

AND HARDLY A DAMN THING TO EVEN CREMATE-

*and their voice has become shaky, their hands- they just..... Oh. Uh oh- they're shaking really bad now actually, it's hard to tell if it's from frustration pain or the worst outcome*

IF I CONTINUE TO LIVE YOU'LL DIE TOO-

*They're waved their hand around wildly, the paying the other grabbing onto Birdy's collar-*

YOU'LL DIE

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

THAT'S ALWAYS HOW IT ENDS, DEATH.

A BEAN GOD FORBID THAT-......

BIRDY-. . .

I care about you kid-

AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO ALLOW ANOTHER INTERESTING BEING THE DIE BY MY HANDS.

*they said with another wave of their hand, making a sound swishing sound*

AND I- HAVE LIVED WELL ENOUGH A LONGER LIFE-

I-I- I FULFILLED MY JOB FOR YEARS, SAVED AS MANY AS I COULD- I- I I-- ...... *Have regrets?* ... .....

*They go silent for a moment, dozing down and staring into space-*

I HAVE BEANS TO TAKE MY JOB, BEANS I TRUST-

*they suddenly snap up again, voice sounding desperate now, almost anxious*

LISTEN. KID- I......

*they go quiet, stare up into space, and zone out completely, stumbling back as they let go of Birdy*

*they squint at the ceiling, before suddenly lurching and crouching down in pain- clutching their torso tightly......*

*They immediately ball up- the mouth can be seen ripping juuuuust a little further.. forming further?*

*they tear up, and just shove their face into their knees*

Bistre... I don't think you understand. I Can't Die. Most of my species live for eternities and never make themself a body like this. Because they choose not to. If this one dies, I can literally remake it. And also, I went into medbay fully knowing you're an imposter. I fell asleep. In the same room as you. Knowing. Do you know how rare it is that I trust someone enough to know they’re gonna wake me up? And I did that. Knowing what happened. Because not all imps are like that.

(Deep breaths.)

I've known imposters who've never killed, because not all of them want to kill. We had accommodations set up for them for when their urges flared up. I did that for my old household, and I consider you part of my new household. The first household I've had in like, about a thousand years? Just... take some deep breaths, okay? It's going to be okay. I've dealt with situations like this before. Although azalea was always better at the emotional aspect...

@prank-anon

You should invest in a mirror.

<Manila notices the serious look and sits up straight (as straight as their shrimp posture gets).>

Before I say anything related to the contract, you have to read this. These are not my rules, they are my kinds rules.

(Their tone is serious. Their whole demeanor is serious. They scoot the stack over. These are the papers)

You decided to actively hinder yourself by creating a body, just to... try and look mean?

Ahem.

And before we you read that, I am informing you that Dr w almost died today due to my kinds interference. Remember that.

The doctor almost died? Hmmmm.

I have some issues with your list but we can work that out in a minute.

<Manila doesn't visibly seem that scared as they flip their paper over and slide it to Prank. It says:

"You will not preform any pranks, tricks, or attacks towards me and my child."

"I will not stop tormenting Grey but I will not increase the amount of suffering I already inflict upon them, for example I will still give them loads of unnecessary work to do but I will not suddenly make them do all of their work without being able to sit down."

You do realize that I was never going to target your child, right? My quarrel is with you, not your child. Children are always off limits.

(they look back at the paper with a very unsettled expression)

What kind of being would stoop that low?

You just said that your kind almost the doctor. I have no reason to trust you. Along with that you've threatened my life on multiple occasions.

Firstly, everyone in those situations were adults.

Secondly, I physically can not lie to you about my intentions at the moment. Even if I want to, I can't, I literally wouldn't have been able to make a sound until I started telling the truth or changed the subject. If I intended to go after your child in any way then I wouldn't have been able to say anything to the contrary.

(They point back to this)

<Manila points to the part of Prank's paper that says 'For you to stop tormenting Grey'.>

As you know with what I wrote I have problems with this, but we should save that for last because I have a feeling that will take longer. But right now I have a problem with getting Grey a bed frame and bed.

I'm willing to let those two go under the condition that my first request is met,

(they point to the one about grey having immunity from being fired)

<Manila thinks for a moment.>

(They wince. Why does it get more painful with each agreement? Please let manila have NOT noticed that wince please.)

Okay, now I also have a few questions about the last thing on your list, the whole... favor thing, then we can move on to the big one